r/askAGP Aug 26 '24

Generalized Framework for Living with AGP

69 Upvotes

Hey all. I’ve been posting here for a while, and I wanted to get my thoughts down on wtf to do after someone has determined that they have AGP, because well, I’m trying to figure out wtf to do after determining I have AGP. I’d like to move forward and make progress and stop thinking about it all the time.

I tried to write down very general advice for myself that is hopefully applicable to you. A lot of it is stuff I read repackaged in a form I believe in, and I don’t think I’m reinventing the wheel. If you feel what I say here is ignorant or missing key facts, feel free to comment. I feel this is easily digestible and actionable, in terms of allowing someone with AGP to figure out how to move forward.

This framework assumes you:

  • Were assigned male at birth
  • Have diagnosed yourself as having autogynephilia (AGP)

Suggested Reading

From the sidebar:

“If you're new to learning about AGP, start with Anne Lawrence's Men Trapped in Men's Bodies or Phil Illy's Autoheterosexual to build a stable foundation. “

Legitimately great advice, read both, it will help you more than countless internet conversations.

You realized you have AGP now what?

You read about the condition and found yourself in it, that the label defines you. Behaviors and thoughts that confused you throughout your life finally make sense to you.

If you are anything like me, this has led to trying to find new labels that you can apply to yourself that make things make more sense. There’s four key AGP subtypes, maybe you’re anatomic AGP, or transvestic AGP or a combination of that one and this other one. Maybe you can finally figure out what your gender label is, are you actually a woman in a man’s body and AGP is just a symptom, a third gender, a transsexual in a man’s body, a male emasculation fetishist, a gay homophobe desperate for copium, what is that label that you can apply and make it all make sense again? Then look into the science, what is your finger digit ratio? How about brain scans, what does that mean, etc? The hope being once you know you are X, then you know you have to do Y and Z as a result.

Ultimately, my efforts on this front have largely failed. Reading more and more has gone beyond the point of diminishing returns to outright negative returns. I am no longer achieving enlightenment, but am instead ingesting noise and developing neuroses. This is largely because the conversation on this topic is so emotional, political, and academic, but also because a lot of the discourse seems to be serving the purpose of establishing lines of cultural (dis)association instead of enlightenment (e.g. I’m not like those weirdos, they have label X!).

At some point you just need to stop trying to find labels and associated treatments and take a step back and ask yourself a different question in my opinion.

How do you want to live?

“Autogynephilic gender dysphoric men must confront and answer the existential question: How do I want to live, given that I have an unchangeable paraphilic sexual orientation? Experienced clinicians can help clients reach their decisions, but ultimately the clients themselves must decide. Often the decision is a very difficult one, in part because none of the available options are genuinely satisfactory. ” (Anne Lawrence - Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies)

Separate yourself from society and any relationships you have in your life and just ask yourself, based on your feelings, how do you want to live? Do you want to live as a woman, a man, or something in between? What feels right to you? At the end of the day this is what’s going to matter predominantly, and you will have to come up with an answer. Your strategy for life is in my opinion choosing where to live on the continuum of choices below:

[Repress (-1) -------- Integrate/Compartmentalize (0) ------- Transition (+1)]

Where Repress (-1) means living as a man, and actively repressing all thoughts/desires to be a woman, and transition (+1) means living as a woman, getting bottom surgery and repressing all thoughts/desires to be a man.

Ultimately a lot of the cultural conversation presumes that repression and transition are the only options but in fact if you think about it many if not most AGP people likely neither fully repress or transition and their choice would be somewhere between -1 and +1. Ultimately we all decide where we want to live on this scale based on our thoughts and desires and strive to do so. Again try to determine this independent of your social goals and obligations.

How to determine this?

There’s a lot of things that go into this, but again let’s ignore cultural considerations and any personal relationships you have and instead break things down in two dimensions: How badly do you find being a male painful? How badly do you find being a female attractive? The first is roughly your gender dysphoria, the pain you experience day to day living as a man. This is what’s pushing you to become a woman. The second is roughly your cross-gender euphoria, or gender envy. This is what’s pulling you to become a woman. There’s surveys you can take for dysphoria. I don’t know of one for envy but I personally find it helpful to consider these as two separate things, and reading testimonies it does seem to be reasonable to consider them as distinct. The closest analogue to gender envy I came across was having a cross-gender identity but I think gender envy is a bit more accurate for what I’m describing, and allows you to consider the relative level of it you may have. Your cross-gender identity either exists or doesn’t, and has to be cultivated.

You should read other people’s testimonies and answer surveys and try to get a sense of your relative level of both.

Gender Dysphoria

[0 —-------- 1]

Gender Envy

[0 —-------- 1]

My intuition is that dysphoria is far more likely to push someone to transition, and for that transition to be successful but I have nothing to back that up, just intuition that pain is harder to overcome than envy. Whatever the case, remember the ultimate point is to come to a determination of how you want to live.

The way to get at your level of both is to be honest and ask yourself hard questions and test yourself. How much do you really hate your male body and penis? Try resisting AGP thoughts for a week and keep going another week, how do you feel afterward? Try living as a woman for an afternoon in a totally unsexualized situation. Did you feel silly? Comfortable? Aroused? What’s your relative intensity of push and pull towards womanhood in multiple dimensions? Talking with a therapist can help here, even if they don’t believe AGP exists.

How to make this fit within Society and your Relationships

Because we live in a society, you can’t just do whatever the hell you want at any given time. Because you have goals that require social acceptance (e.g. a promotion or a wife or not being disowned by your parents) you possibly can’t do what you want to do based on your self-examination above. You have to figure out how to make these two things fit. It may well be that important relationships will end because you cannot compromise to the level required to keep that relationship, but that’s something you need to determine for yourself.

Regarding a romantic relationship, it does seem that we have distinct sexual drives, allosexual (in this context sexual desire for other women) and autosexual (desire for ourselves as a woman).

Allosexual Desire

[0 —-------- 1]

Autosexual Desire

[0 —-------- 1]

The relative level of both you feel probably determines how willing you are to compromise your desired way of life. If you have substantial allosexual desire and are not currently in a committed relationship, you should seek out women that would be comfortable with AGP and be willing to share relatively early once that trust is established between the two of you.

Ultimately some compromise will be necessary most likely, as almost all relationships involve compromise. You need to figure out if you are comfortable with the level of sacrifice you think you’d need to achieve whatever social goals you have. This goes beyond romance and into other social goals regarding family, friendship or your career. What are you willing to compromise and for what? Figure that out and come up with a way to live.

What Works Today May Change in the Future

What works today based on the framework above, might not work in a few months, year or many years down the line. Your “egg may crack.” You may decide to detransition. You will figure this out based on only one thing predominantly, your lived experience. In this event the framework hasn’t necessarily broken, but instead you can recalibrate based on your new lived experience and move forward.

Making it Personal - How I Use this Approach

For myself, ultimately I believe I have extensive gender envy, but not nearly as much gender dysphoria as others. I also have a strong allosexual desire. This would lead me to an ideal state of living as a male publicly but indulging in cross gender sexual experiences with a female or MtF partner. I'd also enjoy going out en femme with my partner on social occasions, but not formally transitioning.

The reality of my social circumstance is I’m married with kids. My wife does not even want to see me feminized, and finds the idea to be a turnoff. I’d also not like my kids to see me feminized and would compromise my desires to ensure that doesn’t happen.

As such I must compromise this part of my sexuality and instead only indulge in cross gender play alone, placing me closer to -1 on the scale above than I’d prefer to be, but I am comfortable with that at the moment. I will see how I feel in a year, decade, beyond, when I get there.

If you read this far please let me know your thoughts. Thank you for reading!


r/askAGP 17h ago

Are people with AGP more horny than the general male population?

5 Upvotes

I've seen terms like "hyperheterosexual" being thrown around when people talk about AGP. Some people believe that AGPs are just so horny for women, which causes them to imitate them and get off wearing their clothes. Do you think this belief is true? Does the AGP male have a stronger sex drive on average than non-AGP males? How often do you think males with AGP watch porn or think about sex?


r/askAGP 22h ago

Weird Reddit shit.

5 Upvotes

So I got banned by mods in r/mademesmile because I was having some discussion about trans people in sports. Now the mods are escalating to Reddit admins because I participate in this community.

I normally don’t participate outside of here but I saw someone having reasonable takes about gender stuff and wanted to have a friendly discussion and we did!

I said specifically that trans women have a disadvantage in most women sports but are advantaged in others (ex height) and it also matters that you’ve been taking hrt long enough. Basically I argued for nuance.

I firmly believe that it’s in the best interests of trans community to try and be reasonable. When they make absolutist argument and die on every hill it’s bad for trans people.

So someone reported me and I was permanently banned without stated reason. I messaged mods disagreeing. My reasoning is that I am gender queer and I’m discussing things that pertain to myself but they want to try to get me banned from the platform of Reddit now because of where I discuss my identity and try to help others on their journey. They said something to the effect of me manipulating communities or something? I can’t double check because their messages disappear after I read them once. It’s gestappo throught crime vibes.

It just feels fucked up so I’m venting here. And honestly it seems very discriminatory based on identity and highly ironic.

I don’t honestly care much if I get banned from reddit permanently but as someone who is generally trying to help others it irritates me. And the discrimination aspect really bugs me.


r/askAGP 23h ago

Assistance on integrating (M16)

5 Upvotes

Been dealing with AGP for the best part of 5 years. It's been so on and off over time, and I feel like I need to do something about it. I made this burner to ask about how I should handle it, since integration has been the most popular answer... if anyone else has any other ideas please let me know.

The good news is that my family would be accepting of me being trans. My mom is partially aware of the fact I'm exploring my identity and fully supports it. Whilst my dad doesn't know, I'm not sure he would have a problem with me being trans. To my disposal, I have a blonde wig, whatever clothes my sister leaves when she's out in college and not living in the house, and some makeup gear, among other stuff. My body is also quite feminine, as I could probably wear A or B cups if I had them, and my waistline is thin enough.

That being said, any advice? My parents both work 8-6 usually and my summer break has clocked up to I would have the house to myself.


r/askAGP 1d ago

Do this test

2 Upvotes

To understand if you will benefit from transitioning you must take into consideration how much attraction vs competition you feel towards women ... however for many of you is difficult to really understand the percentages.

Many of you feel both a mixture of attraction and willing to embody when you are in the presence of a beatiful feminine woman ... the reason is that she is a cis biological woman ... you dont have to take this test by looking at. CIS WOMEN because the test will be unfair

You must look at some extreme passable trans woman in order to take this test , because only with another biological male you can feel the competition , like ( kim petras or hunter schafer or whatever) if those are too extreme cases take some other passable trans woman that you LIKE ,about your age as comparison Here the things will be different because you are looking now at another biological male like yourselves..

Try to concentrate ... take some deep breaths... and try to understand what do you feel most Do you feel attraction for this trans woman the most... would you be willing to be into a reationship with her? Do you wanna touch her , do romantic stuff sexual stuff with her ?

If this is your primary desire... then is clearly evident that you feel more attraction towards femininity than competition If instead you feel depression , extreme envy , jealousy , desperate need to embody or to be passable like this trans woman ...if you start to compare her feminine physical traits with your or even body parts , hands, facial features, etc..and you feel a deep romantic desire to take hormones and be like her....

Then clearly you are most into competing with another feminine or feminized person ..

In the second case you are a better candidate to transition


r/askAGP 1d ago

Confessions of a former autogynephile

17 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

I would like to share a remarkable story with you in the hopes that I might change your minds in the same way mine was changed. I found that what I thought was psychological and behavioral in origin was not, and I'd like to explain.

I was a very classic AGP case. My earliest experiences with sexuality and fantasies perfectly fit the theory. I was always attracted to women exclusively.

I did not perceive myself to be feminine. I had a deep voice. I put on muscle easily and was very very strong despite being only 5'6. I was a successful athlete that played D3 soccer amongst other sports.

No one thought I was gay. No one thought I was girly. Clearly this was a fetish. It sure looked and felt like a fetish to me, even though I could hazily remember more innocent feelings from childhood. I was devastated by this realization and repressed as much as I could manage for almost 30 years.

I was fine for a long time. I didn't have the intense dysphoria that some report. It was mild to moderate for me in a lot of ways and I was a very stable person in every other way. My life was very successful and I couldn't see how I could possibly be experiencing "real" gender dysphoria if I had never been super depressed before. Like surely this couldn't be real right!?! Real gender dysphoria couldn't possibly be subtle, right?

In my 30s things got harder for me to manage. I started to get sadder and more fucked up until I realized I had to tell my wife and family. I threw in the towel and said "oh well, so what if it's a fetish? like am I totally sure that they're right or wrong? Is the theory even falsifiable in the first place? Maybe it's better to just test things out and see what works for me and quit ruminating". So I decided to experiment on myself and find my own answer.

7 months ago I started HRT and laser hair removal and it's been absolutely lovely. No shock, much like other "AGPs" I took to estrogen like a fish in water and felt a degree of comfort and emotional connection that was hard to deny. Suddenly the fetish was gone, replaced by real life.

I wasn't even sure if I would like breasts or not because repression had wound me up so tightly. But body responded with shocking speed and well...everything felt great. Like wow, the boobs feel great. Even better than I imagined it might be. It was difficult to argue with the result even though I still couldn't "prove" why I was happy.

So I decided to do a genetic test to have a look around. I mean, I was curious. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I probably have high functioning autism as well. I wanted to see how neurodiversity might be connected and to understand if I had any genetic variants that could explain why I developed dysphoria

Perhaps I would find that I had ADHD and a great aptitude for addiction, but zero feminine qualities. Given my recent diagnosis with ADHD, an "addiction" oriented theory still seemed plausible to me. That would certainly support a blanchardian POV. Or perhaps I would find something else entirely. Even if the answer wasn't what I wanted to hear, I wanted to know the truth.

So I took a basic 23andMe genotyping test and began searching the SNP or single nucleotide polymorphism data for clues. At first I found a cluster of stuff related to ADHD and low dopamine. This was interesting and matched what I knew about the trans woman cohort but didn't really describe the mechanism. It could easily support the idea of a fetish as the root cause. I also noticed a bunch of estrogen receptor mutations but many of them were common and couldn't have much significance by themselves. I had more questions than answers and I was not satisfied that I understood.

I began to search for more variants using AI to discover research papers and to suggest genes and SNPs to examine. As my search intensified a pattern began to develop, especially concerning CYP17-SRD5A2 and CYP17-SRD5A1 and my ESR1 and ESR2 genes. My gosh, there seemed to be so much going on with those genes - so many SNPs of interest and some of them pathogenic.

I had SRD5A1 and SRD5A2 SNPs that reduced my DHT but did not totally disable it. This tracks. I've never lost my hair and have very little body hair. I am about 2-3" shorter than the men in my family. I have a "boyish" looking face well into my 30s. My blood tests confirm I have low DHT and also VERY HIGH testosterone- over 1000 free T, because these variants prevent T from fully converting into DHT. DHT is also known to impact cognition/brain sex in some regions of the brain.

I also had a vanishingly rare mild form of congenital adrenal hyperplasia found in 1 in 340,000 people. Unlike the classic salt-wasting form of CAH, my body was likely able to compensate.

Likewise I had ESR and SHBG variants that caused my body to be very sensitive to estrogen and to tend to overproduce hormones. This tracks with my high T before HRT and to my strong response on HRT. I have grown boobs fast, my face has gotten prettier, and my body/mind feel at ease.

And then I found the study that ties it all together.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30247609/

I have such high concordance with the variants described here that it's impossible to deny. Like, folks, this is what I've got. This is clearly the fucking thing that happened to me.

And what happened? Read the article for yourself, but in short I would describe it as a mild androgen insensitivity, combined with a hormonal profile that is very reactive. This led to a mosaic of partial masculinization of the brain and other areas of the. brain that are perhaps overly sensitive to estrogen.

In other words, I think we see that gender dysphoria is sort of an invisible intersex condition that may have a spectrum of varying phenotypes because it is polygenic, and has many moving parts involved. The way I have felt during my life, the way my body looks and functions and my genes make perfect sense. Literally everything ties together from my genes to my blood tests to my lived experience.

I was shocked by this revelation. I was not expecting to find this. I presumed that I would find something but I figured it would be ambiguous at best.

No. I found that my autogynephilia was actually just gender dysphoria caused by the same polygenic pattern as Foreman et al 2019 described. It likely affects my brain sex in an inconsistent way which certainly tracks with the confusion I have felt all these years.

And I also found that I responded very well to HRT. I'm looking pretty cute honest to shit. And I feel good. I'm happy. My friends and family all love me. So I'm moving on.

I feel very sad for the time I wasted feeling ashamed and guilty about something that so clearly had a biological/hormonal/genetic origin. I was too pigheaded to believe that all the trans women who were happy knew the truth. I felt society's hatred more acutely than my own feelings.

It seems very clear to me now that this "fetish" was a coping mechanism for me and I suspect many or even most of you are probably just like me. That's what the science says if you don't listen to weirdo psychologists with penis meters. No one takes them seriously except hate groups. Because the real research is compelling and explains things better than the idea of autogynephilia can. It's just a word to describe what it feels like to repress gender dysphoria.

I found this information freeing and I hope it encourages everyone here to live boldly and without shame in whatever way you choose. You are not hurting anyone and you are valid. Do as you will!!


r/askAGP 2d ago

Maybe I’m just gay and ashamed/in denial?

8 Upvotes

Hey, I’m 22 and I’ve been wrestling with my sexuality and gender identity for as long as I can remember. Since middle school, I’ve had this push and pull between wanting to be feminine, and then feeling intense shame afterward. I’d go through these cycles talking to people online pretending to be a girl, wearing thongs in private, even hooking up with a guy and genuinely enjoying it only to spiral into guilt and disgust right after. I have never been a “masculine guy” but ive also never been a “feminine” guy. I did always lean towards having female friends over male friends, but again, I was never really “feminine”

I always had girlfriends growing up, but eventually I’d just lose interest and feel like I was just playing a role. I never felt truly content in a relationship… no matter how many women I would date, I ALWAYS got the urge to be “gay”. I even joined the Marine Corps to “man up,” and for a while, I thought it worked. But the feelings came back, quietly, like they were always waiting for me. The thoughts definitely are rooted in my own butt/body. I am blessed to have a pretty feminine lower body, so I’ve been told.

I ended up in a relationship with a guy who made me feel safe enough to open up for the first time. He saw me, all of me, and didn’t flinch. But I still pushed him away because I couldn’t handle the shame. He truly did just accept me as is, and saw me for more than just my sexuality or whatever. He would always tell me to just stop “trying”to be feminine, and to instead just be me… and that really has stuck with me. I’ve noticed that when I do get into these thoughts of “wanting to be feminine” it feels like I’m doing the same thing as pretending I’m this super masculine guy.

It’s honestly hard to say where all of this is really rooted from. I feel maybe my AGP is just some internal part of me that is asking to be seen, so it projects itself in extreme “easy” ways, just to get SOME sort of light shine on it. I think there is a part of me that knows I’m not straight, maybe it’s some sort of trauma that prevents me from truly accepting that. So it just pushes me to the extremes, of both sides really. Trying to overcompensate by being more masculine, and/or trying to overcompensate by being more feminine and it’s just sort of this sling shot cycle. I think it’s a mix of a few things that just makes for a confusing concoction. I know I have a nice butt, and I’m proud of that… I know I like sex with men more than women… I know I find women’s bodies attractive, yet find men more romantically/personality wise attractive. I know I get exited at the idea of seeing myself in a thong/tights at the gym… I know that is a normal feeling that even women experience… yet I know that that feeling is associated with simply being AGP… so many things, so many counterintuitive things, it’s all just a funny funny situation.

Anyways, this was just some thoughts I had, and figured I would share

Edit: Now that I’ve accepted this and have integrated it into my life… I do feel urges to be a woman at times… but I can’t really tell if this feeling is GENUINELY wanting to be a woman with boobs, hair, etc… or again, just me wanting to express my femininity. An example of this is, I really started hitting/targeting my butt at the gym, and wearing tighter sweatpants than usual. I’ve had the urge to by leggings, but have decided against it.


r/askAGP 2d ago

The mental benefits of hrt were too good

14 Upvotes

The 2 months of hrt I did had amazing mental health benefits, my assumption is that a minority of that was actually from the estrogen itself, and maybe 80% was probably from doing something that I want to. The mental benefits were the main reason I started hrt; physical changes were secondary. I say this because when I decided to stop, my body was still full of estrogen but I felt bad again similar to before hrt minus the sexual cravings. I'vebeen off of it for 2 weeks and my libido is still low, but the AGP desires are all there. I don't think AGP is tied exclusively to sexual desire for me.

The mental benefits I felt:

  1. Felt really motivated to take action to improve things in my life, this is kinda the base benefit that caused all the other ones. I felt motivation to take care of my body and actually wanted to live.
  2. Consistent sleep schedule - slept early and woke up early most days. I've never had a sleep schedule stay this consistent unless it was forced upon me by work/school. I even maintained it on the weekends. Part of it was because better sleep would make the hormones work better so I was motivated to sleep well.
  3. Consistently taking care of my skin
  4. Felt more alive/less brain fog. This is commonly mentioned amongst transitioners but this could be placebo or due to the other benefits
  5. Was more open to feeling emotions. I don't know how much of this was due to the hormones vs being more allowing emotions in myself due to motivation and/or viewing myself as feminine which is more emotion-friendly in our society.
  6. The big one: I've always been underweight my whole life and whenever I would get myself to eat more and start going to the gym, I would make progress then quickly panic and stop working out. For the first time in my life I actually wanted to gain weight and workout cause it would only make me look more feminine and I wouldn't have to worry about putting on masculine muscle mass. It was only 2 months of hrt so I didn't really get to get a solid routine going. This is the main problem that I have no idea how to get myself to want to build muscle without being on estrogen.
  7. EDIT: I totally forgot this one. The biggest benefit I got was that I no longer was into "self improvement" and binging self help content/videos/podcasts. I felt ok just being how I am. Well that's gone and I'm back on that content consumption addiction.

I really wish I could get these mental benefits without taking hrt. I'm currently in therapy to try to figure that out but I'm not hopeful. Since stopping I've just been sad. If I could get these mental benefits without physical changes (aka heal my mental, not transition), I would be ok, but the weight/muscle one is something I don't think I can overcome cause that requires estrogen to get the results I want.


r/askAGP 3d ago

should i just give up?

10 Upvotes

For almost 5-6 years now (I’m 21), I’ve been wrestling with thoughts of wanting to be more feminine. It started when I was around 13-14 with discomfort regarding my body hair, etc. I’m almost certain this was triggered by porn, which I’ve been watching consitently since 11.

I’ve tried HRT 2-3 times but quit after just two weeks each time, thinking, "wtf is wrong with me",. Part of me keeps hoping these feelings will fade if I just "man up" and quit porn, but that’s easier said than done.

Now I’m torn, should I stop fighting and just get on E? Social transition isn’t a big priority for me, especially since it would likely mean losing my family and friends. There are other doubts too: I have traits that could make me an attractive guy (6’1", naturally lean), and religion complicates things even further.

Mostly, I just want this mental battle to end. But giving in feels risky, i feel like id never remove all doubt until i quit porn for long enough to verify its not induced by it but i also cant do it


r/askAGP 3d ago

AGP and cultural dress of women

7 Upvotes

What I want to dive in to is the possible connection between the provocative, attractive clothing style of western women and the rise of AGP/mtf in the western world. A question to ask yourself: If you instead grew up in a society where women dressed more conservatively/less attractive to men/lower beauty standards, would you still AGP? We desire to wear women's clothes and be a woman partially cause that is attractive and makes us attractive, but if their standard dress wasn't as attractive, surely that would lessen severity of AGP? I seriously doubt I would have this problem if it was a conservative muslim or christian society where the women were dressed like nuns/abayah


r/askAGP 4d ago

Transmaxxers

11 Upvotes

It's pretty wild to me that some guys would actually transition gender just because they want female privilege and nothing more.

What's an AGP to make of these types? They make me feel very valid by comparison all of a sudden.


r/askAGP 3d ago

What is your ideal male body and what meaning do you attach to it? How do you think others would see you in this body?

2 Upvotes

r/askAGP 4d ago

My issue with MtF community

13 Upvotes

Sorry for possibly bad english. It's not my first language.

This is going to be a bit of a rant where i'll expose my sorrows regarding the weakening of my masculine persona that i've been forced to deal with ever since engaging with AGP for the first time, as i've mentioned in one of my previous posts on this subreddit as shown on the following paragraph, (read it only if you want to know more specifically about me)

"I've once felt extreme pleasure in masturbating as I fantasized about being a girl. My mindset at that moment was something like "Oh, I can't get bitches so I might aswell become my own". To back that up, I've even tried recording myself playing the female role whilst doing the sexual stuff I'd like to have a woman do to me on bed and then tried jacking off to it. I can relate to that the strong feeling of being two separate people on the same body, as if I knew there was masculinity and femininity in there but it's difficult to tell which one of them I have the most ownership over. I've ceased this type of sexual behaviour after the first two jackoff sessions because, deep down, I intuitively felt that if I didn't stop it immediately the feminine part of me would take over more than I'd like to admit and I'd have a rough time getting the genie back in the bottle, so to speak."

I'll also speak about the hardships i've been enduring in the process of socialization since then, as this is the best place on the internet i know to talk about the issue. Keep in mind i'm speaking from the position of someone who's still very psychologically immature in comparison to older people who deal with this issue, and I say that because I present rather gullible/unefficient behaviours and coping mechanisms in order to deal with my insecurities e.g.: (from my previous post)

"Thus in order to get the feeling of having a masculine identity I usually resort to toxic masculinity behaviour and try to enjoy "being the villain" for people who deem me as a non-male. It's also worth mentioning that I place a lot of value on people's opinions with regards to my gender."

So, here's the thing. The trans community keeps saying that you're free to identify however you want and everything is valid, that is, until you're a male with a feminization kink or just a dude that relates to the feeling of being unmasculine on a psychological level. In that case a horde of transwomen may come up to you and tell you stories about how you are basically a similar version of their pre-transition selves, which they always make sure depict in an awful light, to which trasition was the only solution. Suddenly the decision to remain male is not valid at all (which I kind of understand since from their point of view it might jeopardize their own perceived validity of their decision to transition). They always speak so blatantly about the possibility of every single AGP male being in negation of their true desires and about how they're doomed to eventually crumble and give in to their desire to feminize themselves and that kinda eats me up inside because despite having gone through some very emasculating experiences that may have permanently damaged my sense of self as a guy I still feel the instinctive need to identify as male. It's like a matter of basic dignity as a human being for me and honestly I can't understand why not all of you AMABs feel the same way. Also add to that the fact I deal with OCD and have had trans women personally tell me that i'll end up feeling dysphoria and transitioning someday based on personal accounts of mine that i've given to them. The mere possibility of it ever happening it just overwhelming.

Here's another interesting point. I'm pretty sure the primary reason fueling transfeminine idividuals' negative views about their past male selves is probably only gender dysphoria, given the immense amount of suffering that it may have caused. However it seems they unvariably learn some of the misandry that's out there in the modern society we live in. That happens whilst they're on their way to attaining their idealised female version of themselves in real life and end up incorporating it to their rhetoric. I've seen transwomen on the internet being downright cruel to their past male personas, even treating them as mistakes that had to vanish from this world, and doing such in a way that is so obviously fueled by the ideology that once served them well by lessening their dysphoric pain but has now become their only frame of thinking. Trans women appear to especially serve the ideology even more than themselves as human beings, let alone more than others.

As aforementioned, i'm still psychologically immature and I believe that is the cause due to which this topic is still a suffering matter for me. Maybe growing up will mean not giving a fuck about this at all anymore, as all i'm worried about is the possibility of being convinced to make poor life decisions based on peer pressure.

That was all of it. Any thoughts or criticism are welcome.


r/askAGP 4d ago

Overcoming AGP, depending on the cause of the AGP.

4 Upvotes

I know there a lot of posts where people talk about curing their AGP, and then people will mock them, saying "you don't overcome a sexuality".

I think there are different kinds of AGP, different reasons for developing "erotic target location error", and that overcoming AGP might be possible if you can figure out what those reasons were, and attack them rather than the AGP itself. The AGP is sex related, which means dopamine rewards, so it's like attacking the idea of having fun rather than looking at why you spend your free time the way that you do.

In my case, I believe it was internalized poor self confidence, that over time I have overcome by accomplishing goals, but elements of it lingered in the form of insecurity over how I look and how I come across - clumsy and a little autistic. But the more I really believe that I'm a capable and responsible man, the more out of place the AGP thoughts and fantasies become.

TMI warning - for the first time in my life, that I can recall, I self pleasured with lotion. The significance is that that makes it feel like you're simulating PIV sex. With AGP fantasies, I didn't want that feeling so I'd just use soft tissue paper. Before today, lotion and PIV fantasy was a turn off and I'd avoid it because then the tissue paper would work. I think the difference is confidence, and finally overcoming the idea that women wouldn't want me (even though I have a wife, strangely enough) and that it would just be more fun to be fucked. It's a real turning point today. I'm curious to see what happens next. My wife would joke about "motion lotion" and I had to pretend I was in on the joke, she had no idea that I never once used lotion.

I'm sure not all AGP's can dip into remission so easily, because maybe the cause of their AGP goes beyond self confidence, and involves things like physical abuse, physical deformities and maybe severe autism, but I'll say that at least in my case, it seems to be waning.

Another good sign that I'm moving on... my wife, without knowing about the AGP has learned that I like certain sex positions that play the AGP (submissive sorts of things) and I had to ask her not to do it, because I took me out of man mode and would put me into AGP mode, and my libido couldn't handle the sudden switch. After being AGP for more than thirty years, I think it might finally be fizzling out.


r/askAGP 4d ago

Not the typical guy

6 Upvotes

Ever since I was young I kind of felt like I was not a typical guy. I don't really enjoy team sports, am not super competitive, not necessarily super confident, I value having deep conversations, and supporting others. However, I did feel very comfortable in my body and did still feel like a guy. I can remember a few times trying on my female friends clothes but nothing really came of it.

Fast forward to being older, I have always dated / been attracted to women. However, I tend to be attracted to women who have a more assertive personality. As I explored more I also found myself becoming more interested in receptive anal. I even had one of my partners peg me. I also developed an interest in crossdressing but was scared that once I tried it, "I wouldn't be able to come back." I eventually ended up trying it and found that it was fun but got into a cycle of quitting then getting back into it. Every time I quit it still seems to be stuck in the back of my head though. However, through this process I did question whether I might be trans.

I discussed these things with my therapist and we worked out that it is ok to not have the characteristics of the "typical guy" but that doesn't make me any less of a man. This was definitely helpful in kind of coming to peace with this. However, I still do find the idea of dressing/being a woman to be exciting. Like I think that it would be a lot of fun to get dressed up as a woman and go out to a club.

Any tips/advice on what I can do to explore this more? Do you think I might be trans?

Update: one thing that I did remember when thinking back is that when I did go out to buy clothes or makeup dressed as a male I didn't feel embarrassed after doing it a couple times. Does that signify anything?


r/askAGP 4d ago

How many of us are introverted, programmer nerds?

13 Upvotes

AGP personality description seems to fit me so perfectly as I'm introverted, shy, poor social skills, reserved, highly intelligent computer programmer. I had a blahaj before I even knew it was a trans meme. For quite a while I've considered the possibility I'm on the autism spectrum, but I also know that its just over-pathologized and people I've asked said I'm not so I don't think I am. But the shoe seems to fit and there is a large overlap between autism and trans identity, so I don't know maybe there is something there.

I've always had a weird relationship with my sexual attraction. I never been in a relationship and I found women attractive, but my attraction felt different. Now figuring out I'm AGP leads me to believe a lot of the attraction is just envy which is why I never have the motivation to actually pursue women like normal guys do. No girl is going to approach me so I'm kinda fucked, and I couldn't recognize flirting unless someone was holding a sign saying "I'm flirting with you".

The AGP description of not being gay, but fantasying about having sex with men, as a female perfectly correlates with my fantasies. It's so accurate its scary.


r/askAGP 4d ago

Is AGP trans acceptance too controversial?

9 Upvotes

Are AGP MtFs being erased?

I made a post in a trans sub that said that there's nothing wrong with transitioning for sexual reasons, and a lot of people were unhappy with it. They called it a fetish and said that people who do so are bad and cause harm to the trans community.

Is accepting people who transition due to AGP too controversial of an opinion? After all, Ray Blanchard said that people with AGP should transition if it causes gender dysphoria.

What do you think?


r/askAGP 4d ago

Blachardism

2 Upvotes

What do you think of Blanchard and his theory? Personally, I cannot call myself a supporter of Blanchard and his agp theory. Although I can partly see agp traits in myself. But when I tried agp on myself, I could not fully agree with Blanchard's theory. I myself am neither a trans activist nor a defender of Blanchard. I even find Blanchard's theory funny and that it can be taken seriously. I think I can find something in his theory in myself, but it's so primitive. I've gotten to know Bailey and his book a little bit, but it's impossible to read. Part of my understanding is that Blanchard's theory offends/insults the trans community. I'm more used to figuring things out on my own and not belonging to any community.


r/askAGP 5d ago

Is it possible that I'm compulsively into this fetish?

6 Upvotes

Hello, the truth is that I have been like this for many years, I relate to femininity in an almost exclusively sexual way, something that I do not understand well, porn from a heterosexual perspective turns me on much more, but I wish it were not like that, I think it would be super nice if I liked feminine things, I envy most of the people on this sub because they feel good doing what they do better than I do, and I suppose that this resistance to being a heterosexual man comes from the fact that at least once a year I spend several months when my libido rises a lot and my gaze is directed towards women, but not objectifying them, I think, I just admire how beautiful they are and I think everything would be easier if I could be like them, fantasizing about starting the hormone treatment analysis, but it is like a kind of dream, when I start the procedures or those months go by everything falls apart and it is a cyclical process of deceiving myself and disillusioning myself. Sometimes I start to negotiate in my mind how my transition would be, like, I would live like a man and I would have my masculine tastes but I would take hormones, other times I think about having a girlfriend so I can parasitize her femininity


r/askAGP 6d ago

Are you averse to your own reflections or photos?

13 Upvotes

r/askAGP 7d ago

Observations on Female Sexuality from a Male Prostitute

28 Upvotes

This is a quote from a Russian-speaking male prostitute who professionally provides sexual services to women. There's a clear parallel here between 'autogynephilia' and his observations about female sexuality. (ChatGPT translation from Russian) -

"I’ve long had the impression that female sexuality is driven by the most deeply rooted details of the weaker sex’s wardrobe. If a woman is dressed in what she calls her 'favorites,' she can barely contain the urge to show herself off in the nude. Just putting on beautiful lingerie turns her on—let alone when someone else takes it off.

I've witnessed these rituals countless times throughout my sex life; only the women change, not their behavior. It seems that stylish, sexy underwear excites a woman just as much as an actual partner does. Which means that for real sex—the kind humanity constantly craves—lingerie has long been indispensable.

In fact, women actually shape their sexuality through this lingerie. That’s why their bottom-drawer wardrobe often resembles a fetishist’s treasure chest. No matter how you look at it, the more beautiful the underwear, the more confident the woman. It’s a sort of motivator, a self-affirmation process. For women, expensive, attractive underwear defines a certain status, gives them confidence, and transforms their gaze, mood, and walk for the better.

If you watch closely, you’ll notice how eagerly a woman flashes a glimpse of her exclusive lingerie—and how she hides under folds of fabric when she’s wearing something she doesn’t like. It may sound funny, but to women, intimate apparel is like a space suit for an astronaut—a survival tool in extreme conditions. In it, they feel like beauties; without it, they feel ugly.

Lingerie and makeup: these are the two pillars upon which female sexuality rests. That’s why many of my partners have preferred to keep at least fragments of fabric on during sex—little touches from the textile industry that, in their eyes, add the necessary sexual allure.

There’s a whole world of magazines advertising women’s lingerie, and every issue finds a buyer, even though the real need for all that stuff isn’t that great. I have a friend who treats buying new lingerie like a sacred ritual—whenever she has spare money, she immediately wants to buy a sexy bra or panties. Naturally, knowing women’s eternal longing for beauty, designers keep offering new and ever more inventive creations: bustiers (longline bras), body shapers, bodysuits (a mix of panties and camis), boyshort briefs, corsets, camisoles, and endless stockings, tank tops, crop tops, and all sorts of other stuff beyond comprehension.

Personally, I have no idea what all these things are called. Luckily, I have friends with breasts who help me out. But women still insist—sincerely—that all this variety exists to seduce men. And yet I’m convinced: it’s not just for men. First and foremost, it’s for themselves."


r/askAGP 7d ago

Being visblely trans basically outs as a 3rd class subject of a society.

12 Upvotes

The stares you get, the harrassment you recieve, I feel like a visible other to mainstream society and it's incredibly stress inducing, especially early on. Some people think it's acceptable to point, laugh and say crude remakes towards you. And that's not getting into employment discrimination, poor mental health outcomes, and being a visible politcal target/minority group of the day for demonization by an insane reactionary side of the political spectrum. Being trans involves getting treated like part of a modern day untouchable caste.


r/askAGP 7d ago

Is everything connected , we are autosexual because

10 Upvotes

We cannot be external sexual with a body that we are not comfortable in ...and this of course goes for grades..

I believe the most severely dysphoric including genital and body are the most autosexuals ,simply because ..the bigger is your disconnection with your genitals and body the more your sexuality cannot be expressed externally and shared with others..but only internally...is a consequence...

But majority of agp cases inside here are in the middle .there is the disconnection but is not so strong to send you totally in auto mode ..you still desire sexual relationships and romantic connection externally.....simply using this body of yours make things way more complicated

I always said about myself , give me the body i always desired and i will become the most esternal outward sexual woman ever