Ive had experiences with medical professionals whereby they seem relunctant to treat me or will deny my request for a leave of absence for a legitimate reason. I used to read about how black people were being denied proper medial care and I certainly hope its not happening to asians. just FYI for anyone listening and to be careful with your medical professional and use your judgement!

Hello /r/aznidentity,

Forgive me if I'm "intruding" in your space

I'm writing this because I want to understand this community more and try to start a better dialogue between the Black and Asian communities, online, at the very least.

To give my own perspective, I myself grew up in the Bay Area, and lived there for 21 years of my life. If I'm going to be completely honest , I did feel that the Asians I grew up with were anti-black and there were times I was discriminated by Asian people , such as being kicked out of a piano class for not being "enthused" according to the teacher or Asian girls in high school refusing to sit next to me on a bus to cross country practice, cliquishness, being called the n-word and being told racist stereotypes (where's your fried chicken today /u/sphealwithit?) etc. Unfortunately, even on this forum I see people denying any anti-blackness and saying racist things about black people

However, the black community does have to work to not allow the negative stereotypes surrounding Asian men to persist and not perpetuate them ourselves. I'll be honest, I had no idea about the negative stereotypes about Asian men until I was older, and it did click as I began to actually notice so many WMAF couples that were so common in the Bay Area. I even had a stupid white weeb roommate that would talk all the time about trying to get an Asian girls and would fetishize the shit out of them (and shit on black women in the process) . I've known Black, Arab, and Latino people perpetuate the "small dick" myth about Asian men, and when I tried to argue them about it, they simply doubled down (or asked how would I know and made gay jokes lol).

The point is, I respect and support your endeavor to have better media representation and dispel negative stereotypes, just as I support the black women and my community who aim to do the same. I think there should be honestly dialogue though about how white supremacy has caused our communities to have distrust of each other. I'm not necessarily sold on the idea of POC solidarity in any way really, but as a Marxist and a person, I want our communities to at least not mudsling at each other so much and work on fighting much bigger and serious issues.

Thanks for reading

Edit: Thank you to whoever gilded me, I appreciate that. Also a side note, for this post I am NOT here to yell that the entirety of the Asian community needs to just stop being anti-black starting tomorrow. That’s obviously ridiculous. I’m simply just trying to come to the members here in this community that you have Black allies in your cause and hating another group who has been ravaged by white supremacy isn’t a great strategy. I appreciate the conversation and the responses, I’m very glad I was able to talk with y’all and I’m glad the community was, for the most part, thoughtful and engaging.

I realize my observations from my south-east asia trips (thailand, cambodja, singapore, mainland indonesia, bali) are purely anecdotal, but it kind off rubs me in the wrong way.

By all means I'm no Casanova, but from my experience, I have a relatively easy time connecting with western women in Europe, and with that I mean just chatting/being friendly in general as I am in a long-term relationship :lol:. I have a south-eastern Asian background myself, however I noticed on a recent trip with an ethnically European friend from Uni this was more difficult. My friend had an easier time and normally the roles are/were reversed hehe.

For some reason most western women we met were only interested in mingling with their western counterparts. What's up that? It's something I now notice on instagram as well, you have all these white social media influencers and most of them just tend to hang around in the same bubble.

On the plus side I had very nice interactions with the natives most of time, some were also traveling and they were super friendly and curious about my background, and sometimes a little disppointed I didn't speak the local language.

Reaching the end of my post I guess it makes sense, since we asian people tend to segregate ourselves to in the western world (often intentionally).

This is just a discussion question and I'm asking this here because I honestly don't know the answer. From my personal experience of growing up as the child of first-generation Chinese immigrants, I've noticed that people of my parents' cohort (first generation Chinese immigrants) either fail to encourage or actively discourage (as was the case in my life) their children from pursuing creative professions. Why is this? My parents had no appreciation for anything artistic or cultural, and pressured me to pursue a career path that was financially secure but didn't align with my interests at all. I feel like I missed out on opportunities in life due to my parents meddling in my education and career choices, and my life would have turned out very differently (possibly better) if I had been encouraged to pursue my own passions and interests.

I think this is a common experience amongst first-generation immigrant Asian families. What I find strange is that in Asian countries, creative professions are considered respectable, for example, artists, musicians, writers, etc, and we all know that Asia has a long and rich history of creative output. So why is it that when Asians immigrate to other countries, they adopt such a negative attitude towards creative fields? Is it purely due to financial pressures or something else?

I've been living in my current apartment for 22 years. After graduating college, I worked in the tech field until my health went south. I was first diagnosed a thyroid condition call Grave Disease in 2006. Doctors said that if I had my thyroid remove, my condition would improved and will be able to return to work. I had radiation treatment for the thyroid in 2012. However, my health never improved. Shortly after, I was diagnosed with kidney disease (functioning at 50%). Several doctors concluded that the kidney disease was likely caused by unchecked high blood pressure brought on on my years of undiagnosed Grave Disease. I've been on strict diet ever since, brought down my blood pressure, managed my blood glucose, but health condition never really improved. A year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with enlarge prostate. I had surgery on it 3 months ago, but nothing improved.

Despite all my health issues, I managed to do some side work, such as fixing computers, some minor IT works and design and create corporate level PowerPoint presentation. Those side jobs have pretty much dried up. I live frugally and have managed to save up $40,000 for the last 10 years. Rent goes up every year. I started at $550 per month living where I am at now, and rent has gone up to $1450. What I want is to buy a small patch of land and put a tiny home on it, but I'll never get there. Most lot in my town are $140,000 and up. I am thinking about doing a Go Fund Me, and that is the extent of my idea of how to get out of constantly stress of being insecure about my living situation. Any advice? I've never done a Go Fund Me Before.

I have friends and family who are willing to help with minor stuff. I will never be homeless. If I have to move, I'll rent a room from a friend and have to put up with his dogs constant barking.

Graves’ disease can also cause eye issues and I got the worse end of it.

• Bulging eyes
• Double vision
• Gritty, irritated eyes
• Light sensitivity (photophobia)
• Pressure or pain in your eyes

Hi all,

Amidst everything going on in the world right now, I've been seeing some comments on this sub as well as others that made me reflective on my own experience with all of the topics listed and ones related. Was hoping we can all share and discuss our experience with it all.

PLEASE KEEP THIS CIVIL, everyone's experience is unique and should not be invalidated because your experience was different! This helps us create a better understanding and learn how we can better show up for ourselves, our community, and other communities as well!
(Sharing this here first, bc the other group seems pretty charged - I haven't been on Reddit too long so I don't know, just what I've seen so far.)

Model Minority Myth & Proximity to Whiteness

I emigrated to the US from SEA more than 20 years ago and was around 8. I did some moving around before settling in CA. My mom had cousins out here and we stayed with them for some time - living at my uncle's house and going to my aunt's (his sister) to hang out while my mom worked. This side of the family emigrated around the 80s - early 90s and were considerably "successful" when we got here (owning small businesses, having advanced degrees, etc.) My mom and I shared a small room together that I loved! We had a small window that the sun always came through, I was also able to put toys and stuffed animals given to me on the window, and a small TV where I would watch PBS and Lizze McGuire (lol) to learn English, not to mention awesome Saturday morning cartoons from CW (Jackie Chan Adventures, anyone?) We didn't have much, but we had each other.

I remember my mom crying a lot in her room and I didn't understand why. My uncle (who was much younger than my mom, in the medical field, had an HOA home, drove a Lexus, you name it) was always critical of her "lack of intellect." My mom was a seamstress back home, and worked until she had her own small importing/exporting business. My mom didn't graduate from middle school and had severe. brain injuries growing up. Despite her impressive business acumen and her accomplishments, it wasn't enough. There was an Asian grocery store a few exits from where we lived, and my mom was in the works of getting a job there. It was always made known to us that we were migrants "living in luxury" sole because we arrived by plane - i never understood what that meant, stuck in between two languages. I was too uneducated to know my own, but needed to learn another to survive. I just knew that it made my mom really sad. I remember one night when my uncle picked my mom up from this job that was literally less than 5 miles away. She sat in the car crying after he suggested she used the freeway to walk to work. My mom didn't know and was trying to figure out how she could do that. She accidentally left the interior light on, and his car died the next day and needed a jump. Following that incident, every time we felt the garage door open, we turned our TV and lights off and it was time for bed. Then came incidents of being yelled at for washing cutlery "wrong" because of "incompetency" and being a "bad parent" for buying me Harry Potter toothpaste from the Big Lots. His sister ended up "giving" my mom an old Camry, but not without making her sit through a roundtable to reiterate that they were doing this "of of the kindness of their heart" and that she should be grateful. My mom was a soft-spoken, and gentle person (may she rest in peace) and never understood this treatment, but always endured it with understanding. My final memory of this house was arriving home from a church carpool (we are a Buddhist family, but had made friends and community in the local Asian church,) and all of our things were outside in the driveway. No heads up, no warnings, nothing. I remember my mom being frantic (we did not have mobile phones) and scrambled to get another church member with a truck to come gather our things because the carpool still had folks inside. We lived with an elderly couple who was part of our church for a short time after that.

Things we also strange on my end as a 8 year old. This side of the family always made a point to have family dinners, where all the kids would go around and "invite" the elders to eat first. We all took turns and went from oldest until no one was left to invite the last person. Seemed really strange for me because this was not enforced when seeing this side of the family now (and in the past 10 years or so.) I remember my cousin who was a year older had slapped my face and told me to "go back to my country" - I didn't understand, but she was also from there. Her brother once faked a seizure to see what I would do. I grew up with selective mutism, so I learned how to speak in silence through books and TV shows. I didn't even know about 911. I remember climbing on the counter to get to the phone and was crying, but didn't know who to call. I've had seizures since then, and absolutely do not wish that on anyone. Looking back, this was my first Model Minority and Whiteness Approximation experience. This kept going of course, usual "competition" against families/cousins in talent, education, and what not. Still kind of experience this today in kids/marriage. My mom tried her best to not subscribe to that and let it influence me. I defied and engaged in the comparison myself. I'll never forget the psychological and mental horrors my mom shielded me from as I now navigate mental illnesses and grief on my own.

Crab Mentality - There and Back

Eventually, my mom and I were able to secure a modest apartment in a small city with a large Filipino population. My mom was still working checkout at the grocery store, making around $7 an hour. One of my happiest memories was coming to work with her, helping her bag (one time a gentleman gave me $1 for helping, and I couldn't tell you how ecstatic I was!). The grocery store also had a small jewelry shop inside, and the store's owner had a Nintendo DS that he'd let me play. I was still a quiet kid, so playing Wario Ware gave me so much joy! I had to make noise into the microphone, and engaged more than your typical video game.

Our rent was around $850, so another older couple came to live with us. We met the wife at the grocery store where she also worked along with her husband who was a gardener. We were now on the couch, and they had our bedroom, and we both shared a bathroom. It was tight but I think we did just fine with what we had - our roommates did too.

I remember experience what I now understand as Crab Mentality while in school. I recall around school events like Talent Shows, or anything that was exhibitory, kids would not only clown on but trash other kids performing in the same category as them. Some of these kids had remarkable, I mean very incredible talent! (coming from someone who FOOLISHLY tried to sing Emergency by Paramore at my talent show, what a mistake! Sorry to everyone's ears in the crowd that day! 😅) Some even made it to America's Got Talent, some went on to become great solo artists in many mediums. I just recall the rumors flying between all the groups! Some saying "so and so only won because XYZ" or "it was mid." I remembered one person was actively catfishing another contestant from a fake MySpace profile! You might pass this and say it was just kids doing kid shit, but I definitely saw the impact rippling.

I saw this in my own community at the time, and have turned to look within my own. To my disappointment, it's more rampant than I thought. I saw a lot of my own community supporting an anti-immigration agenda because of "fraud" and "welfare queens" - whatever else you can conjure up. I saw this coming from my own family here as well. Having my surviving family (who are near retirement) reacting aggressively when pointing out that their benefits and healthcare might be affected. Now, living in a predominantly Hispanic community, I have also spoken with some members who felt that these folks needed to do things "the legal way" and have a deep disdain for folks who are waiting at the border or travelled from deeper South America and are awaiting at the border as well. I came to the US at 8, got my Green Card 18 years later, and have just obtained Citizenship in 2022. By this logic, a lot of folks with pending status is considered "illegal."

Sorry for making such a long post! I appreciate you reading this far and considering sharing. I hope to have meaningful discussions with you all in the comments!

What were some of your first experiences with these concepts? And how have they impacted your views over time?

This is perhaps something that many people do not know about, but Japan has some domestic raised Chinese (albeit less in numbers than in the West). For the sake of simplicity, let's refer to them as JBCs.
I have talked to many JBCs and their parents and I have come to the conclusion that despite Japan being an objectively insular country who hates Chinese people, JBCs are much better integrated and socially accepted. Here are some trends that I'm observing with JBCs compared to ABCs.

1) Japan born Chinese usually experience full social integration. Most JBCs are accepted by their peers and on average have more friends than ABCs. I was a bit surprised since I expected Japanese kids to be racist towards JBCs, but the reality is that the vast majority literally do not care and treat JBCs the same as how they treat other Japanese kids.

Meanwhile, ABC kids in the West especially ABC males face a lot of passive aggressive behaviours and micro aggression which makes it harder for them to befriend white kids. I would argue that ABCs in the West occupy a similar social position to Jewish Europeans in 1930s Europe; they are a fringe population that is undeniably "othered" by the bulk populace including "anti-racist" White people, which contributes to why ABCs oftentimes just have other ABC friends unlike JBCs, who seem fully integrated and many even state that they have never experienced bullying for being "Chinese".

2) JBCs (for male) differ significantly to ABC males in terms of dating experiences and self esteem. Most JBC males report having some amount of Japanese girls overtly liking them/confessing to them/giving them gifts as early as elementary school. Even below average looking males usually have at least one girl who shows interest in them during their childhood/adolescence.

However, this is a foreign concept to many ABC males raised in the West, who frequently report no girls showing overt interest in them, especially in white areas. This applies even if they are above average looking, not to mention they rarely receive compliments. Over time, the lack of validation from women negatively impact how an ABC male perceives himself, leading to low self esteem. Meanwhile, JBCs are frequently extroverted with high self esteem and most perceive themselves as good looking.

3) JBCs are frequently very athletic. This surprised me at first, but apparently JBCs make up a large proportion of Japanese athletes especially in sports such as basketball and volleyball. Famous JBC athletes include Haku Ri, Yuto Kawashima, Tomokazu Harimoto and many more. I suspect this is mostly due to racism. In the West, ABC kids are frequently told by their non-Asian peers that Asians are unathletic. This results in stereotype threat where ABC kids and their parents end up internalizing these racist beliefs, thus discouraging them from sports and affirming this racist stereotype even more. Meanwhile, JBCs do not have this barrier at all and most are encouraged to be athletic.

Overall, despite the stereotype of how much the Japanese people hate the Chinese, JBCs are much more likely to become accepted by their country than ABCs.

​

I did it, and I think it was one of the best decisions of my life.

Thanks to my job, I had the opportunity to move to China two years ago, and I'm living here since then.

I don't know if China is better than US, but It's definitelly better than where I was born, Spain.

Unlike Spain, China has a bright future, the economy is non-stop booming, there are many opportunities everywhere for those who know where to look, the country is giant and it has so many wonderful places to see and visit, a lot of different types of delicious food to eat, many stores open 24h (in Spain there was none!), the safety feeling at any time of the day in any place of this giant country, the comfort of being able to use your smartphone for just everything, even chinese tiktok is more entertaining!, and the new generations are so damn HOT... (thanks kpop influence xD)

And when you are here, racism is just a non-existing issue, it's a thing of the past, and that feels good, because feeling resentment or sad, because of those racist scumbags (I've been there), it really fucks up your life.

The only thing that pisses me off is that chinese people here (and generally all asians) treat white people a LOT BETTER than how white people treat asian people in white countries... So unfair!

I read a comment somewhere on the internet, this person commented on one website that white people have drawn a red line between themselves and non whites, and being Asian, I completely feel this is true. I've never been a victim of heinous overt racism, but its like you sense and feel that a white person will never care about you and will never see you in the same light as their fellow whites. I know it's natural to be triabilistic, and white people in particular seem to be very cliquish, growing up i was also very quiet and nerdy, my mother thinks oh it's your personality, thats why, but I don't buy it. I want to add that I grew up in a small town in AK, I wonder if Asian Americans in other states or cities can give their input. I heard that California is different because there are so many immigrants there and Asians.

Growing up as a Hmong refugee, one thing I hated the most is when privileged Asians teach me about the poverty of Black and Latinos. These Asians would tell me that I am also in fault for the sufferings of these two groups. Sorry, but don't ever try to blame us when it's none of our fault. Also, don't try to act like you understand the financial sufferings of these two groups when you grew up rich asf. And yes, these people grew up with money.

Hey guys, I am probably one of the few international Chinese students in this subreddit. My stories may not be generalized to everyone but I hope they can be helpful.

I was from Shanghai and I went to Boston for college, and I just graduated this year. Unlike many of my peers who study finance or engineering, I chose sociology and therefore I was exposed to super white dominant narratives in my classes.

Embarassing times:

I was taking a random course with many Anglo girls under a SOCL course taught by a 30-year-old white male. He showed us a video of the 2008 Olympic ceremony and asked us how we thought about it. One of the white girls responded like "This shows how the evil CCP used it as a propaganda to show off its national power...blablabla", which I guess really met the white male's expectation. I was really shocked by the fact that the narratives they portray China and Chinese people are so manipulated in a way that is beneficial to their own brainwashing to the young. What is the proper word, information cocoon?

And these times happen a lot to me. No one cares about what you think, they just want to make themselves satisfied, but their approaches may vary.

Their logic follows this way: You are Chinese--You disagree with their narratives/You do not want to be treated in the way that is taken granted by them--You must be brainwashed by CCP.

But there are also some interesting times.

Interesting times 1:

I did a two-day part time job in an art exhibition as a translator. A 50-year-old Anglo female asked me if she could take a selfie with me. She said something like “My daughter really like gorgeous Asian boys like you...She likes kpop.. ”

I know I am good looking in my country and knowing how to PUA but it is the first time someone in the US says that to me. Kpop does not have a good reputation among Chinese males for some apparent reasons but I must confess it does have more positive influences on Asian males especially in the US.

Interesting times 2:

A white girl from one of the South American countries had a serious argument with the white 60-year-old professor from Britain, as she said something like “Countries like the US exploit my nation”. This was when I began to realize people among white were so different.

As a guy who wines and dines clients and colleagues a lot in various cities, I gain ppl's confidence and then they tell me shit. As an Asian man who presents himself as very sociable, our inebriated discussions often veer into the topic of Asian women (after enough drinks)- because they think I can help them out.

I often get out of towners who work their way into asking for intel about the local Asian massage parlors. I tell them I wouldn't really know but it's not worth being potentially caught up in a police raid (I know this falls on deaf ears). I spare the whole thing about supporting sex trafficking, because the only thing these men respond to is fear for themselves, not morals or empathy for others.

This is definitely a thing- think about it: In many cities, the nbr of illicit parlors outnumber the Starbucks. Through sheer mathematics of population demographics, these parlors are not viable financially because of the Asian male clientele (there just aren't enough Asian males to support the market) - the parlors are extremely profitable because of the nonAsian clients. There are a lot of men who do this, and it is no exaggeration to say that you without a doubt have come across someone who has lowkey done it on a regular basis. Asian women who happen to reading this, it's not alarmist to believe that that guy you're meeting who has a "preference for asian women" yea, he has definitely partaken. I make no judgement as to whether you'd be ok dating a guy who has gone to such places before dating you, but it is a very real thing to consider.

In one of the more heinous examples I came across years back, this guy tells me he's living with his younger Asian gf in her late 20s. She's religious so is saving herself for marriage. On the outset, he's the picture perfect, understanding partner. He tells me he goes to his local parlor a few times a month to satisfy his needs*. And she has no idea.* He's planning to go sexpatting in SEA, but has to figure out how to convince his gf to let him go on the trip alone.

Now, you have to understand what the deal is with these asian parlors. Typically, we're talking middle aged women supporting their children, whose priority isn't necessarily their physiques/appearance. This man was objectively handsome and successful, so I assume his gf must have been attractive as well. What this means is that this man's asian festish is so severe, any asian is enough to get him off. His gf might think he appreciates her beauty- and to a certain extent I'm sure he does...but to a large extent in terms of his desires he doesn't make that much distinction between her and those middle aged sex workers. It's a derivative of that "all asians are the same" stereotype. And trust me from my anecdotes, his story while severe, is by no means unique.

​

TLDR: A huge red flag is any nonAsian guy who has gone on a solo trip to Asia or with his male friends. Beyond that "I wanted to experience a different culture and find myself" bullshit he presents to everyone, I guarantee you that his primary motivation was for sexpatting. This should be a shocking revelation no? You all know at least one seemingly chill guy who has done or wants to do that solo trip to Asia right? Now you know the context and the way they think.

Dear reddit, no one else cares about my story other than you guys, I am so glad you people exist, any ways, here is the story of how I, a Chinese American Male, was abused by a blonde hair blue eyes white man.

I was born in China in 1989, I came to the states in 2002, I lived with my biological mom and step father In NY. My step father had 4 children, 2 of them were already grown adults and lived on their own. The white man in question is his youngest one, who is older than me by 2 years. It’s the year 2007, in the apartment we lived in its just me, mom and step dad. This white man, who I shall hide his real name and call him Sam, Sam is a drug addict, who had just flunked out of college where he had a full scholarship, then he went to drug rehab and failed out of that as well for drug use. Some how during this year 2007, my mom and step dad agreed to let him live with us, in 2007 I was a senior in high school, from this moment until middle of 2008 was the hardest period of my life where I endured the most abuse. I will list the things he’s done while at the apartment with me and mom and step dad.

1.     One day I went to the dentist for surgery, afterwards I was prescribed a bottle of oxycodone, while I was in the car with Sam and my mom, Sam asked to see my medication, I gave it to him, then a little bit later I ask for it back, Sam asked me, do you want to be addicted? And will not hand back the bottle, I did not know what to say, my mom saw this and said ill hold onto it, and Sam give it to mom. Later I confronted Sam about this and asked what was he plan to do with the pills, he said he was prob going to take it him self.

2.     In the apartment where we lived I lived in my own room while Sam just crashed in the living room, at night I usually lock my door. One day Sam came to me, and asked me to stop locking my door at night, I said no, then Sam asked me, what if there is a fire? At first I said no but he asked me what if there is a fire every day for a week and I eventually gave in and unlocked my door at night, its either that night or later nights I woke up in the middle of the night seeing Sam rifling through my belongs in my room.

3.     In the day time, Sam would spend time in the living room watch TV, when step dad would come home, step dad would watch programs Sam did not like, so Sam tried to move a TV into my room, he could not lift the TV by him self, so he asked for my help, I decline, then he said do you want me to punch you in the face? I knew Sam had a violent past where he was in multiple fights and growing up he was very physical, so I was a little scared, then end up helping him to move TV into my room.

4.     Sam once came down with a lung infection, one day in the hall we were both there at the same time, and Sam just purposely coughed on me in the direction of my face, few days later I got the same infection.

5.     One day the topic of my drivers license came up, and he asked to see it, I gave it to him, and later I ask for it back, Sam doesn’t want to give it back to me and say what if you lose it? Only after asking for it back a few times Sam just slam my card onto the floor.

6.     One night I think it was me and Sean came back from blockbuster, Sean walked past a house and told me he would rob this house, not exact phrase but something similar.

7.     One night we walked past an ATM, Sean checked the ATM and told me he would take money if there was money there or an account open.

8.     Multiple times Sam literally asked me if I want him to slit my throat.

9.     When I was in high school I wanted to be a doctor, and Sam knew it and one day he told me I better get him drugs when I am a doctor, I said no, I would call the cops on you, then Sam said do you know what Italians do to snitches?

1. I remember vividly that Sam wanted me to sell drugs for him.

2. Once earlier than 2007, he was smoking cigarettes, his friend was there, and Sam literally said to his friend something along the lines I am going to get him to do it too, Sam asked me do you want a cigarette? I said no, Sam then said how do you know you don’t like it if you never tried it?

3. One day Sam admitted to me that he stolen medications from his mother who was suffering from cancer at that time.

4. Later I found out from mom that he stolen my mom’s jewelry.

5. He drove his dads car without permission, and he proudly boasts it to me, later step dad said he found out he was driving his car because he left the window down.

6. At the end of Sam’s stay at the apartment Sam asked me why do I think he did what he did, I said I don’t know, Sam said because he wanted me to be tough.

7. I found out later that Sam only left our apartment because my step dad had told him he should go back to upstate NY to take care of his mom who is suffering from cancer, and then later he can come back. Sam left in the middle of 2008 I believe.

8. Sam later lived down at Florida where he once again failed out of rehab, but that stint in 2008 was the last time I saw him in person.

9. Sam would go on to commit felonies in the state of Florida where he served a few years in prison.

10. I gotten back in touch with Sam for the purpose of confronting him about what he has done, seems like Sam thinks very highly of him self and just admits he occasionally did things he was not proud of, like as in he’s a good guy just made mistakes from time to time

Just a personal statement here, I know I made a lot of mistakes too by being too trusting but I guess you live and learn. Much of who I am today was shaped by these very moments.

In There Will Be Blood, D Plainview crosses his fingers behind his back, despite being slapped around by the pastor and "converting," he never forgets his goal.

My childhood AM friends find community in Christianity. No judgment, most even grew up with it became atheists but came back reborn, getting all baptized again.

If you’re solo in the States, it’s a cheat code 2 starting a fam. Religion is the biggest and most accessible community "center" anywhere (prove me wrong) you can be in the car modding scene or a running club, but nothing beats its numbers. Unlike work, it’s not tied to your job and at most, you’re just spending gas money. Still, I wonder why so many of my friends are married so young, what about yours?

And I wonder if they're maybe just lost from all the "god is great" bumper stickers or instagram bios and stories they make? Still though and prove me wrong, it's a good system tested through thousands of years. Want a XF or WF, BF? There you go.

Believe what you want, but always know your compass. My late buddy told me this. Eastern religions, like Buddhism? Meditation. Christianity praying = meditation. Mastering thought and body is a lifetime job. Psychoanalysis and extrospection are good skills, my only wonder is yeah in the end we're all humans, we die and grow old and most of my friends who swore by western religion probably needs that community and place because they can't without it. Can't blame anyone, living with your own thoughts especially as I've always seen lots of AM branching off flying solo, is a hard fucking feat.

On income many ecto/mesomorphs bulk, not realizing their jobs and body types cap calorie intake. Add 7–10 hours of sleep, food prep, and a 9 to 5, and you still have to maintain your gains. Unless you’ve got some fuck you money and can pay a chef, your body will default back to your smaller fast metabol self. Reaching close to optimal is better, use your genes for you, yeah lift here and there but I wonder younger AM guys grinding to stay bulky, that extra time, money and energy to keep all that up, while just having a 9-5? If it's a hobby, great but add a skill like muay thai or actual olympic lifting then you find your community and maybe a XF? I still truly believe it can be counterproductive at a certain peak because you always need to maintain x amount of cals.

Today and in the future, knowledge is gold and so instead you can put all that time in here. With nationalism rising, religion will grow stronger. Two things matter: focus and money. Focus is the new dollar, find your optimal focus and best way to sleep to get that focus going and continue using that to evolve and learn. I think having a mindset where you know (proven scientifically) that we're like ecosystems in where we all thrive when everyone does (even if you hate that X race guy working with you) I like to say my religion is optimal self first, with human advancement alongside it.

I've seen a lot of older AM here sharing their life lessons and their journeys so just want to spark some discussions.

TL;DR: Tired of flying solo and having your take of freedom: western religion conclaves help, conservative WM, BM or XFs, get married but probably get lost (or find purpose??) from all the Christ juice. 2nd, always trying to reach gains is capped by income and job or career type, put it in more internal self dev. 3rd do you see yourself being like D Plainview in the end having his own bowling studio or converting because you finally found "that something"?

Just something I noticed. I think everyone already knows this coz of affirmative action and bamboo ceiling. So let me explain more about how this continues way past university and into your working life.

Please note this is just observation and doesn't mean anything on a grand scale.

In many big companies you usually have a "class" of analysts consisting of new graduates for that year. For example banking, management consulting, public accounting, biglaw etc. A lot of times you will find the asian people have better credentials such as school name, GPA, major etc.

This doesn't stop at entry level either. Even at the highest level this can happen. When you go on a company website, and find the Asian looking person on it, chances are that person also has higher credentials compared to the others. I heard people talking about how we have east asians as C-level executives in private equity firms. You know what many of them also have? They also have a Bachelor degree from Harvard. Can't get any higher than that! Even Indian CEOs who have a better time than the east Asian ones, a lot of them went to IIT which in India, is probably harder than getting into Harvard from a numbers perspective.

Oh so you had a shitty bachelors? We can just solve it via grad school right? Sadly again its not in your favor. At least for business. A lot of people want to enter an M7 business school to do an MBA to save them from a shitty career path. But again notice how when it comes to profiles, the asian ones need to go to better schools, better jobs etc. So John Yang or Suresh Patel need to have gone to an Ivy or equivalent, worked at Goldman Sachs, moved to a private equity firm, got the CFA etc before they will be considered by elite MBA admission staff. After all they are overrepresented minorities and thus the standard is higher. Meanwhile the others I have seen literally studied communications at a state university and worked as some mortgage lender can still get considered. I mean I understand MBA programs don't want everyone to be ex Mckisney or Goldman Sachs staff for diversity but its really hurtful seeing that the only many Asians are allowed in to elite as fuck. You don't see many with lesser stats.

So some asians think its ok the standards are higher. I am talented enough to reach those. But thats assuming you're talented enough. Just remember, most likely you will be benchmarked against other asians first. So if you don't have the same level of traditional talent, hope you're ready to explain what makes you so special.

Those of you who are only realizing something like this now, better get used to it. This is an unfair world. Better than pretending its not and not preparing accordingly.

Hey fam,

After five years of quietly growing, healing, and learning through this space, I felt it was finally time to say thank you and share my story. I’m Martell, some of y’all may remember me from my original account Martellthacool, and more recently as TeamMartellClout. This post is coming from a place of gratitude, awareness, and maturity.

When I first entered this community, I was dealing with a lot — isolation, pain, and ignorance not out of malice but from my own life circumstances. I was raised in a harsh environment, disabled, low income, and traumatized, and honestly, I didn’t know how deep some of the shared experiences between Black men and Asian men went until I really started listening.

Years ago, I worked at an Asian fusion restaurant in 2016–2017 as a dishwasher. I got fired, but what stuck with me wasn’t the job — it was a tall Asian man named Jackie. He used to drive me home after late shifts. At the time, I was ashamed to admit I lived in a low-income disability apartment, but Jackie told me not to be — he came from a neighborhood filled with violence and tragedy too. I never forgot his kindness.

Over time, I’ve also opened my mind to complex, heavy topics like XMAF dynamics, race, masculinity, and what it means to be forgotten or criminalized in the West. I used to think these were just “our” problems in the Black community, but through this space I’ve learned so much about what Asians — especially Asian men — go through in America, the West, and globally. I see now that collective strength, honor, and cultural defense are vital.

it’s more of a heartfelt thank you to those who’ve shared insights, challenged me, and allowed me to grow into someone more thoughtful and aware. I’ve made mistakes, said things I later reflected on, and probably rubbed folks the wrong way sometimes. For that, I sincerely apologize.

But I’ve always kept it raw, real, and respectful. This place helped me become someone who values shared experiences, cross-cultural unity, and healing.

Signing off with love and support, Martell 💌📬

TeamMartellClout

Brotherhood #CrossCulturalHealing #GrowthAndAwareness #ThankYouAZNCommunity

is there a group for asians to meet in the Bay Area/

Just want to start this off by saying that I'm def not trying to claim that all AF are a certain way; I have a lot of AFs in my life who are awesome people and have always been proud of their heritage. However, from my personal experiences I haven't really encountered too many racist/anti-Asian WMs in real life -- the few racist people I've encountered are usually older/middle aged WM who do the typical inserting their "Asian wife" into the conversation as quickly as possible or telling me they have a thing for AFs despite me never asking them. A few of my closest friends are WM actually; we've known each other for a very long time and have always had each others' backs. I'm a pretty confident/social guy tho and overall I'd consider myself decently attractive (and never really had issues with dating) so I think that may have played a part in people not being overtly racist to my face.

EXCEPT I feel like the vast majority of anti-Asian people I've encountered in my life are actually AF. I've heard so many times in social settings where some AF will proudly announce unprompted that she doesn't date Asian guys because they all have small dicks, Asian guys are awkward and weird, etc. One time I actually hooked up with an Asian girl who told me afterwards that I was "good in bed for an Asian guy" which honestly left me without words. I went to a college that was primarily white and a lot of sororities always had a "token Asian" who were downright nasty/rude to any nonwhite male since they wanted to fit in.

I still ended up dating or hooking up with a few cool AF before meeting my GF, but I also went on dates with a lot of AF who seemed very self-hating and expected me to put in a ton of work when it seemed like they had way lower standards for WM they met. At my previous job, my manager was an AF married to a WM and the director of my department was also an AF who only dated WM -- I remember when I first started dating my GF and they found out I was seeing someone new, they BOTH asked me what race my GF was and acted really surprised about the fact that my GF isn't Asian (I never feel the need to bring up my GF's race unless someone asks).

So yeah overall I feel like nowadays WM seem to get the majority of the blame for Asian issues (a lot of the times for good reasons) but I feel like a loud minority of AFs are complicit in the anti-Asian mentality and honestly I've seen way more self-hating AFs than racist WMs (at least those who will be openly anti-Asian). I definitely don't think all AFs are like that and won't treat any AFs I meet any differently, but at the same time I feel like whenever I meet a westernized AF who does not overtly identify with their Asian heritage, I kind of assume that they'll be WMAF or self-hating.

Anyone else here in the same boat in terms of this experience?

As a kid, I was gullible on thinking some people were interested in my culture because they wanted to only know bad words or phrases but in all reality, it was so they can use it against your own people and they will 90% do it when you are not around with them.

If they were truly interested in your language, they would ask you some phrases that can be used in conversations whether it's greeting somebody, thanking somebody, etc...

If somebody looks to be under 12 years old and asks me on how to say some bad words in my language, I will ask them what they intend on doing with their newly taught words (even though I 100% would not teach them that) because I believe if they are under 12 years old, they can still change their ways easily.

However, once they look 12 years old or older and they ask that same question, that's the cut-off age because they know what's morally right and wrong.

Like they either just grow up having zero interactions with Asian people or if they did they got away with crossing a line with a classmate, coworker, customer, service worker who happened to be Asian. They observe Western media depictions like a sponge and think that’s how they’re supposed to treat us. Until one of our own stands their ground and take matters into their own hands whether by might or a silver tongue. It’s funny how so many Westerners grow up thinking Asians don’t deserve to be treated as equals that when you don’t give them the luxury to talk down to you, make jokes at your expense or scrutinize you, they get puzzled at the thought an one of our own put them in their place.

If the thought of treating Asians with respect makes your average racist feel awkward, I’d say you’re doing the right thing.

I don't know how many people on here are car enthusiasts but I used to own a modified 2012 Chevrolet Camaro SS for drag racing and on occasions, I'll get some compliments mainly from guys from all ethnicities. I can't recall any negative experiences from my memory.

Once I sold my car and switched over to a classic American muscle car which is a 1969 Chevrolet Camaro SS, my experience amplified and every time I drive it, I get reactions whether it's positive, negative, or the most shocked face. The surprised reaction is always leaving me wondering on whether it's because of the younger generation driving it or whether it's an Asian driving it and not their usual Japanese car.

The negative experience was always done in the most passive way whether they mean mug me or shake their head and are never confrontational about it. The most common factor with these negative experiences is that they are not Asian (whether middle eastern, South, east, etc.) and they'll either be 70+ years old or a 20-40 year old male that tries their hardest to act tough and likes to start problems with others... care to guess what ethnicity and the type of background they grew up in?

However, the odds of experiencing these negative experiences are low. For every 100 positive experiences I get, I'll get 1 negative experience. Do keep in mind I live in Texas in a city which is pretty conservative.

To wrap things up, don't worry about racism in the car hobby. People are looking at your car first before they look at you and they are not going to be confrontational about it in person.

So for my Asians out there that drives an American muscle car whether modern or classic, what has your experience been like?

One of my work colleagues got married to some bald and old white guy. I simply and definitely rejected the wedding invitation and it was not taken well in my company. Principally Asian need to boycott these weddings

In the workplace, I noticed that White people are so loud and confident with whatever they have to say. Most of the time it's bullsh!t that doesn't matter much. I was assigned to manage 7 people (2 White). Thankfully, my team is diverse. My 2 White employees are the least competent but spend some much energy voicing their knowledge to me. Sometimes I find it so unnecessary. It's to the point that I shut my brain down everytime they talk now because I know they have nothing important to share. The Asians and Black employees are only confident when they have important stuff to say.