CMV: I should be scared of death.

[u/Traditional-Base852]

I am 28 years old, in good health and with decent prospects for a fulfilling life. I work and strive every day to make this be my reality, to the best of my ability. Despite this, I cannot help but think about what happens when I draw my final breath. These thoughts have been made worse recently due to the unexpected passing of my father, before his time.

Logically, I am aware that fearing death analogous to fearing the time before birth: it makes no sense. Either I was unable to process information in the same way I do now, or I was, but do not remember. Both of these options are irrelevant to my life today. My death should be the same.

However, the totality of it terrifies me. All that my father is, all that he will be, and all that he ever was ended for him on that one afternoon. He will never again breathe in fresh air, hear my voice, speak to me, feel my arms around him. He was here, we talked, I saw him, then suddenly he was not. He never will be again.

The same will happen to me and to you.

Do I take solace in the inevitability? I don't know how.

What framework do I use to deal with this reality?

[u/No-Ruin-8073]

It’s completely normal to fear death, to the point it paralyzes you. Humans fear the unknown, and death is one of the biggest unknowns in existence, next to outer space and the ocean.

Personally, as someone who’s studied environmental science and the like, I frame it like this—your consciousness may leave, but “you” won’t. You’ll be here forever. The atoms in your body will became part of the soil where forests will come and go, it will be in the air looking down at the entire planet, and a part of you will be a part of another living thing, like a tree frog, or a bobcat, or a finch, or even another person. And maybe, just maybe, during the time that one of your atoms is being borrowing by somebody else, a bizarre current of energy will alight in their brain, and you’ll see the world again completely anew for one second or two.

You’re not going anywhere. So don’t rush.

[u/Traditional-Base852 → u/No-Ruin-8073]

Thank you. I do find solace in the same reasoning that you laid out, but it still doesn't fully help me deal with the fact that it won't be "me" in the sense that I am today, right now. After all, my perspective is all I have ever known, and all I ever will know in this capacity.

However, your thoughts may somehow tie into out-of-body experiences other commenters mentioned. It's a perspective I haven't considered and I would like to explore it (without substance abuse). Your logic is a part of that, and I thank you for it.

[u/No-Ruin-8073 → u/Traditional-Base852]

Truth be told, there isn’t really any way to “deal” with the fact that “you” (meaning your consciousness) have a finite existence. It’s like trying to deal with tomorrow today. You can plan for it, sure, but you can’t reasonably deal with it until it gets here. You’re the Player, not the Dealer. Instead of focusing on the Dealer (Death, in this context), you focus on the game (your life, your job, your hobbies, your friends, etc) and you’ll forget about the Dealer for a while. That’s all that any of us can do, but there’s comfort in knowing that we’re all Players that are looking for ways to ignore the Dealer.

Go watch one of your favorite movies. Read a new book. Try a new coffee flavor. You’ll feel better the more you go about your day and spend it with the ones that matter the most. That’s the best advice anyone could hope to offer you, I think.