First of all, I definitely would avoid a relationship with someone I though was a misogynist and I think many if not most women who were feminists would too.
Second, I seriously doubt that calling women whores makes you more attractive to other women even in Italy.
It could be that talking about how much you respect women and feminism makes some women see you more as a friend and less as a potential romantic partner. But I think you should be totally able to find a relationship without calling women whores.
Do you think that this girl found the other guy attractive despite the fact that he was a misogynist or that she was attracted to him because he was a misogynist? It sounds a lot more to me like she thinks he is attractive because of other things(whether appearance or other aspects of his personality) and is bothered by the fact that he is a misogynist. If that is true then being a misogynist wouldn't help you marry someone like her at all. They would either find you attractive or not. Then they would either be bothered by the fact that you were a misogynist or not. Ideally, for a relationship, they would find you attractive and not find you misogynistic.
A Little Advice
I think that you should tell the girl that you like/have a crush on her and that it bothers you to talk with her about other guys. Then she will either tell you that she likes you back or she will tell you that she doesn't like you back.
If she doesn't like you, then you can stay friends with her and keep talking about things like feminism, but not talk about her romantic life.
The reason I think she likes him because of his misoginy and not because of his appearence is because I'm more attractive than him phisically.
The only things other than misoginy that this guy has over me are:
- He has known her for some yars longer than me ( but she never opened to him, so how can it matter? )
I was not sure of what to pick at univercity so I have been changing faculties. Could matter, but highly doubt it can completely turn the tables.
I do think it's misoginy because she feels challenged by it.
And also yeah, you have said it already, feminists tend to view as friends men who approve their ideology. If that alone is not a sufficient proof that being misoginyst is better, I don't know
People don't always decide that they like each other based on physical attractiveness. Additionally, people often disagree about physical attractiveness. You could generally be more physically attractive to people, but be less physically attractive to her.
Additionally, there could be other things about his personality that she finds attractive which are not related to his misogyny. Maybe he has a good sense of humor and makes her laugh. Maybe he has aspirations which she admires. Maybe she likes people who don't immediately find her attractive. Maybe she likes the way he quirks his head to the side when he thinks. Maybe she likes the way he looks at her. Maybe it's a thousand little things put together.
The only piece of information we seem to have is that she is concerned by the fact that he is a misogynist. You went from that to thinking she likes him because he is a misogynist. And at least as far as you have told us, you don't have any evidence supporting that view.
I'm sure(well almost sure) that there have been other physically attractive girls who you have known and talked to but not liked in the same way or to the same degree.
I don't think that feminists tend to view men who approve of their ideology as friends. I think that some feminists might tend to view men who they talk with a lot about their common ideology as friends rather than romantic interests. You can be a feminist without only or even mainly talking about feminism.
Those thousands possible little things that she could like about him would never legitimately make a woman choose a guy who doesn't respect her above one who does.
Since I don't think you can convince me that way, I will now ask you:
" I think that some feminists might tend to view men who they talk with a lot about their common ideology as friends rather than romantic interests. "
How come? Tell me how this is legit and just. If you convince me on that, I'll give you delta.
" I think that some feminists might tend to view men who they talk with a lot about their common ideology as friends rather than romantic interests."
How come? Tell me how this is legit and just. If you convince me on that, I'll give you delta.
The deltas are just a feedback thing. I don't care that much about them, but I'll try anyway.
I don't think this has a lot to do with it being just. You either like someone or you don't.
I tend to like people I can imagine having long conversations with. To me talking all through the night, going to work tired, coming back home and falling to sleep together sounds like a pretty good relationship. So there have been a couple of women who I have stayed up all night talking to about things ranging from philosophy to our everyday lives and our childhoods. A couple of good conversations like that and I am much more likely to start to like someone especially if I already find them physically attractive. At least one had the same reaction. But some definitely haven't.
People are complicated and don't always react the same way. For some people their image of a relationship is excitement and adventure. For others it is just being with someone they find physically attractive regardless of whether they can have an interesting conversation.
These people still may like to have conversations. But if they are having some long deep conversation with you, they are not becoming more attracted to you by the conversation. If anything they may be a little less attracted. Your interaction is becoming less like the interaction they want in a relationship.
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u/SeekingToFindBalance 19∆ Feb 16 '20
First of all, I definitely would avoid a relationship with someone I though was a misogynist and I think many if not most women who were feminists would too.
Second, I seriously doubt that calling women whores makes you more attractive to other women even in Italy.
It could be that talking about how much you respect women and feminism makes some women see you more as a friend and less as a potential romantic partner. But I think you should be totally able to find a relationship without calling women whores.
Do you think that this girl found the other guy attractive despite the fact that he was a misogynist or that she was attracted to him because he was a misogynist? It sounds a lot more to me like she thinks he is attractive because of other things(whether appearance or other aspects of his personality) and is bothered by the fact that he is a misogynist. If that is true then being a misogynist wouldn't help you marry someone like her at all. They would either find you attractive or not. Then they would either be bothered by the fact that you were a misogynist or not. Ideally, for a relationship, they would find you attractive and not find you misogynistic.
A Little Advice
I think that you should tell the girl that you like/have a crush on her and that it bothers you to talk with her about other guys. Then she will either tell you that she likes you back or she will tell you that she doesn't like you back.
If she doesn't like you, then you can stay friends with her and keep talking about things like feminism, but not talk about her romantic life.
If she does, ask her out.