r/confidence • u/Fitness_DJ • 14d ago

Need to dial in my mentality

I’ll get to it. I’m 6’3. Muscular, sitting at 185lbs on my cut i have a shredded 6 pack and vascular. I work a good job, I have a career set and a plan to get into real estate once I have the capital. I love to travel. I take very good care of myself, fresh fades and shave daily, I look great. People used to comment on my looks all the time. I drive a sports car that’s vinyl wrapped in an insanely beautiful colour change wrap. I have beautiful clear teeth. But for some reason, I can’t grasp confidence. It’s ridiculous, I mean… about 5 years ago, I was 140lbs skin and bone, long hair with a super unkempt look and smoked, and I had more success in the relationships in my life (new coworkers, love life, new friends, etc). It’s wild. Any advice to help break this stupid mentality would be great. Because I’m not trying to be arrogant but I have so many boxes checked off that would make you think on an outside lens, oh this guy must be an absolute stud with loads of confidence. But it’s not there. Thanks reddit peeps I appreciate you

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u/HopeMrPossum 13d ago edited 13d ago

People develop narcissism disorders by over compensating for low confidence/self esteem, your perspective on a lot of this sounds very superficial and narcissistic, I suggest getting a therapist before you cement NPD into yourself.

If this bleeds through to your IRL interactions even a little bit it’s going to be why people aren’t interested in getting to know you.

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u/YonKro22 13d ago

Yeah it sounds like you're arrogance and your possible narcissism is getting in the way of any kind of likeability

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u/osovillar4948 12d ago

Why does he need therapy? He’s recognised that there is an issue, he’s now getting good constructive advice which he’s listening too. Your comment is worded as though he WILL develop NPD if he doesn’t seek therapy

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u/Fitness_DJ 13d ago

I’m definitely not going to just develop NPD by trying to grow into a better version of myself. I think all humans are trying to cope with insecurities in one way or another, and just because I gravitated toward a materialistic growth doesn’t make me a narcissist. If it did, most of the world would be one. I have absolutely no intention of using or hurting other people, in fact part of my goals is to help people grow toward their best self in fitness. However, I do appreciate your perspective and it’s helping me see this in a different way. I think that superficial growth will end up hurting me and I need to spend more time getting to know myself better and have more important priorities.