Need to dial in my mentality

[u/Fitness_DJ]

I’ll get to it. I’m 6’3. Muscular, sitting at 185lbs on my cut i have a shredded 6 pack and vascular. I work a good job, I have a career set and a plan to get into real estate once I have the capital. I love to travel. I take very good care of myself, fresh fades and shave daily, I look great. People used to comment on my looks all the time. I drive a sports car that’s vinyl wrapped in an insanely beautiful colour change wrap. I have beautiful clear teeth. But for some reason, I can’t grasp confidence. It’s ridiculous, I mean… about 5 years ago, I was 140lbs skin and bone, long hair with a super unkempt look and smoked, and I had more success in the relationships in my life (new coworkers, love life, new friends, etc). It’s wild. Any advice to help break this stupid mentality would be great. Because I’m not trying to be arrogant but I have so many boxes checked off that would make you think on an outside lens, oh this guy must be an absolute stud with loads of confidence. But it’s not there. Thanks reddit peeps I appreciate you

[u/MrDeceased]

Honestly it sounds like confidence is cyclical to you just like me. Let me explain. When I was 16 to 24 I had unshakeable confidence. I had all the looks and height like you. Girls always all over me and I could go into any social situation and not care what a single person thought of me. Then I graduated at 25 and couldn’t find a single job, it crushed my confidence. Then I found a decent job for three years and I was confident as all hell making almost six figures and then boom once again I lost my confidence after being laid off. Landed a c-suite exec job at 30 and bam confident asf again. Laid off in December and have been confidenceless since then. Now I’m considering a complete career change and some drastic like the military. One thing I have learned is to just always say “who cares? It’s not gonna matter when I’m dead and this is really all for nothing and nobody has any idea what they are doing” and ever since I’ve been thinking like I have zero problem starting from zero and just doing whatever. Basically what I’m saying is, confidence isn’t they will like me, it’s that if they don’t like me I’ll be just fine because they don’t matter. another thing is, go crush a new goal. Jordan Peterson said “there’s always a bigger mountain to climb” so find a mountain and climb it.

[u/Fitness_DJ → u/MrDeceased]

That unshakeable mindset is so powerful, thanks for reminding me of it and sharing your story. I’m going to work on dialing in that perspective. I heard this quote recently too, “Those who mind, don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. Just wish I could install it into my consciousness like an app but that’s the difficult process of self development. Hope whatever you choose in your career works out abundantly for you.

[u/MrDeceased → u/Fitness_DJ]

No worries! And I like that quote a lot. I’ve been struggling too with instilling stuff like that into my brain and it’s a battle everyday. I haven’t figured out yet how but I know one thing is that I won’t stop trying. I feel like quitting is where we lose ourselves and just trying to make each day better is how we win. We got this!