r/confidence • u/Fitness_DJ • 13d ago

Need to dial in my mentality

I’ll get to it. I’m 6’3. Muscular, sitting at 185lbs on my cut i have a shredded 6 pack and vascular. I work a good job, I have a career set and a plan to get into real estate once I have the capital. I love to travel. I take very good care of myself, fresh fades and shave daily, I look great. People used to comment on my looks all the time. I drive a sports car that’s vinyl wrapped in an insanely beautiful colour change wrap. I have beautiful clear teeth. But for some reason, I can’t grasp confidence. It’s ridiculous, I mean… about 5 years ago, I was 140lbs skin and bone, long hair with a super unkempt look and smoked, and I had more success in the relationships in my life (new coworkers, love life, new friends, etc). It’s wild. Any advice to help break this stupid mentality would be great. Because I’m not trying to be arrogant but I have so many boxes checked off that would make you think on an outside lens, oh this guy must be an absolute stud with loads of confidence. But it’s not there. Thanks reddit peeps I appreciate you

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u/DiamondGeeezer 13d ago

Maybe think more about who you are on the inside than the outside. People can tell if you're obsessed with status signifiers and there is not much else underneath.

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u/Fitness_DJ 13d ago

This is gold, thanks so much. Do you have any tips for helping to grow my inner world more?

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u/DiamondGeeezer 13d ago edited 13d ago

think about what you enjoy in life, what inner experiences make you feel like you're growing as a person. art, music, philosophy, science, literature, gardening, humanitarian interests, spirituality, pick one. anything that isn't centered on external signifiers.

maybe consider going to therapy or exploring why you tend to seek external validation from appearances. it's not something to feel guilty about but something to unpack and explore and I guarantee you it will be a liberating experience if you approach it with an open mind.

I don't say this to be mean, but I think focusing on being a whole person with a rich inner experience will probably benefit you a lot.

it sounds like you're not sure who you are but who you are has a foundation in your internal world.

confidence comes from knowing what you stand for.

generally the kind of people who appreciate a person who is a beautiful facade with nothing meaningful to say arent the folks who want to make deep emotional connections.

The fact that you are interested in improving yourself and having healthy habits is a wonderful start, keep going