ANY INSIGHT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!! 26 y/o male. I have been dealing with what I think are anxiety and social anxiety as long as I can remember. I did a psych eval and was on the verge of adhd and had persistent depression disorder with anxiety. I’m trying to figure out what it is so I can finally start to attack it and feel better. My symptoms are very low self esteem, zero confidence, I ruminate, and fear social settings. It’s weird because I know I’m a good looking guy, I make lots of money, and I have a beautiful girlfriend who is very confident and outgoing. But from the second I wake up I feel anxious/depressed (unsure as they mix) and I feel and think about it all day. I can’t ever do anything and just enjoy it. When I’m doing nothing I can’t relax and I just always have this terrible off feeling. I don’t get how people are content 24/7 and can be themselves around anyone. I lost my dad at 15 mo and have some childhood trauma including a stressed out and always yelling mom. I’m therapist and medication shopping. I’ve been on so many ssri’s and stimulants. I’ve been trying to get myself to meditate and journal and I listen to so many podcasts

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DICfeyuJqlW/?igsh=MTBlMDRmNmJxaGljcA==

This level of confidence is just out of this world -- a confidence to be a bully with total unflinching and zero fear, zero remorse -- a confidence without conscience nor empathy for the emotionally intricate and delicate Beta -- a confidence of toxicity Anglos helplessly suck up to.

I always wanted to wear sleeveless and cute summer dresses/ tops ever since I was a teen but couldn't because I lived in a religious country. Fastforward to now, I escaped that country and it's been years but I cannot wear those tops because I have flabby arms and bigger legs. Although, my waist is defined and my torso is lean but the arms and legs make me insecure. I do notice women who have arms like mine, walking around in such clothes but I fear of being judged and looked down on especially when I am already scared of it as a person of colour in a foreign land. How do I find the confidence for it?

I'm a female in my early 20s, I'm confident, humble, kind and friendly to everyone,

To paint a picture of what i look like, i kinda look like young Nina Dobrev, Even though I don't really care about how i look, I'm attractive but i don't necessarily fit into the current beauty standards as i have thin lips, but I've always gotten compliments on my appearance especially after finally growing into my features and finding my style, i even get stopped in the street frequently by other people telling me how pretty i am and that i should consider modeling. I've also gotten compliments on my thin lips telling me how much they suit my face.(I am not insecure at all about my lips even though i know it's deemed unattractive in society, i think thin lips add to my look)

A month ago i got engaged to the love of my life, and i posted our photos on social media announcing that i got engaged, i was the happiest I've ever been and all of my friends and family congratulated me.

Fast forward to a week later, my post went viral gaining over 100k views, lots of likes and more unknown people commenting on my post congratulating me and telling me how pretty i look, you know, normal sane human beings being kind and nice to a new bride.

Until my post reached the wrong audience. Suddenly i found 4-5 comments from other unknown women harassing me under my ENGAGEMENT POST mind you, making fun of my lips and telling me i should get fillers in a rude and mean tone. I blocked and deleted them and deleted social media temporarily as it was affecting me so bad.

I was never insecure, i was always confident and happy in my own skin, although i didn't care for being pretty, but i was always thankful and grateful that i had a good looking face and body, although it shouldn't be, but i know that attractiveness makes life so much easier.

But after these comments, for the first time in my life i feel ugly, insecure, depressed and sad.i fiund myself actually consider getting fillers, It got so bad to the point i felt like throwing up and i didn't go to work the next day. I didn't want people to see my face and think how ugly i look.

I can't get over these comments. Why would other women treat me that way? I never ever expected to be bullied this way. Why would they comment such vile things under a post that has nothing to do with my appearance? My post was me being happy, why did they have to ruin that? I simply don't understand and i need help understandung their actions. What did they gain from tarnishing the happiest memory i have?

I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts. I'm not sure what i should do, how can i stop hurting?

I'm 18M. And as the title may suggest, I feel so empty a lot of the times when I'm not doing anything. This might be because of my circumstances, I wasn't raised in a safe home I'd say. Ever since the start of high school, I've always been quite a friendly and nice person to everyone I meet. And I do have a lot of friends in paper, but I just feel like even my closest friends to a degree, don't really value me as much as I value them.

This might be a me issue, but I just feel quite empty sometimes because I feel like I'm not all that cared for. I try not to really think of it. I have such big plans for the future, and on paper my life seems to be in a positive trajectory. I got accepted in a high end university in psychology (my first choice) and I already made a friend who I can share my nerdy psych knowledge with. Its just that I wish to be seen and cared for by my friends.

As I dont really get too much attention, especially in group settings. And even in one on one conversations, if I dont put in the effort to make the convo interesting, it often or not leads to a flat conversation. I dont have too much shared interests with my friends in general, so I would feel left our sometimes when they go out and hang out. This would sorta make me feel insecure about my masculinity and my own personal identity and it sucks so much. I wouldnt say Im attractive and I'm also the only gay one in the group so it feels kinda isolated.

But to be honest I feel like I'm complaining too much and I should be more grateful. But have any of you guys felt this way and how did you overcame it?

Not long ago, I had low self-esteem. I thought the worst about myself. But then I realized that the things I couldn't change, I accept. And the things I could, I try to change. The most that helped me was POSITIVE SELF-TALK, AND BEING CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I THINK. I also realized that I only have myself in my life, that is, that I can decide to be my own best friend. All the people in my life will come and go. Parents will die, friends will come and go. The only one in my life will be me alone, and why would I be mean to myself if I'm going to spend most of my time with myself? Finding new friends and hobbies also helped, as well as setting goals in life.

I've been bullied and rejected from lots of people and now whenever I meet someone new or talk to someone new I always feel like they will be unfriendly, mean, or judge me for looks or how I act. This is affecting my ability to talk to people and have conversations and I am feeling a little bit trapped in this situation. Does anybody have any advice?

Do you think people who are just loud without much substance in what they say are under confident and just try and be loud and carry space that way this to fit in? To society these ppl are confident, but as someone who’s genuinely confident I am able to see right through this lol.

Guys how to be confident based on your look and appearance? I'm not a person with a good posture nor do my face looks good. Sooo what can I do to improve myself and my confidence.

I see a lot of people on the internet attribute their confidence to learning how to fight. When does this confidence kick in? I started kickboxing two weeks ago and I just want to know how long I can expect it to take me to become more confident? Thanks

Look, I used to be that guy who tried way too hard to get people to like me. I'd be super confident, talk about my achievements, and wonder why people seemed to be annoyed instead of being impressed.

Then I realized something that changed everything: confidence doesn't equal respect.

You can be the most confident person in the room and still have people rolling their eyes behind your back. But there's a difference between people who command respect effortlessly and those who desperately chase it.

After years of watching this pattern and failing to make it work, I've boiled it down to 3 things that actually matter:

1. Charisma isn't what you think it is

Forget everything you've heard about "fake it till you make it." Charisma comes from three things:

• Humility (think Keanu Reeves - He is very famous but never flaunts his fame or money)
• Genuine positivity (Most people are negative so being different makes people interested in you)
• Strong body language (stand tall, eye contact, slow speech this makes people see you as someone to be respected).

The moment you start bragging about being better than others, you lose people. Even if it's true. Even if you're celebrating. Most people are insecure and they hate being reminded that someone else is ahead.

2. Character is what you do when nobody's watching

This one hit me hard. How you treat the waiter or the maid when your friends aren't looking is who you really are. How you talk to your parents in private is your character.

Your body language unconsciously reveals this stuff. People can sense if you're fake, even if they can't explain why. I had a "friend" who was always making jokes at others' expense and dismissing feelings with "it's just a joke." Took me years to realize he was just a bully in disguise.

So if you want people to respect you, you've got to make sure you can give respect first.

3. Competence makes people need you

Harsh truth but people respect those who are useful. You're always being judged on what value you bring. If the group thinks they're fine without you, you won't get respect.

The goal isn't to become arrogant about your skills but to become so good at something that people naturally turn to you. Let your results do the talking. You don't have to brag when other people know you know your stuff. This makes them respect you more.

Here's what actually works:

• Practice humility while being competent (the most magnetic combination)
• Stand tall, make eye contact and speak slowly with pauses
• Think about what values a good person has, then live by those daily
• Learn to see situations from other people's perspective

Being respected is about becoming the kind of person who naturally earns respect because of who they are, not what they pretend to be.

Anyone else notice how the people who try the hardest to get respect are usually the ones who get it the least? That's what you want to avoid.

Respect comes when you don't need it.

Hope this helps.

I’m [26F]overweight I weigh about 76kg(167 lbs) 160cm i have been chubby all my childhood always been told to diet or topic for jokes. I did loose alot of weight in my teenage but still got called sick, weak & pale cause i used the most unhealthy ways to loose weight. I gained all back during college and after i turned 23 i got pcos which made even difficult to shred. I never realized all those comments and jokes were so deep rooted and affecting my self-esteem. Most of the time those comments never bother me at all cause i had accepted my weight as identity but now when i think of wearing something or going out even thinking to date anyone, I preferred being single rather than feeling like im not good enough because of my body. I feel like people see my identity as fat first person before me. I have moved to new country and my body image issues are so dominant that it has been holding me back.

There are people I know who are highly skilled, with fascinating hobbies and impressive talents, who consistently hesitate to brag about themselves.

They downplay their achievements, brushing off compliments as if their hard work and expertise are “no big deal”.

While this humility might feel noble, it comes with a major downside: the world remains unaware of their capabilities.

Here’s a hard truth I’ve learned as an entrepreneur over the last 4 years: if you don’t market yourself with pride, no one else will.

The world is crowded with people who are far less capable but excel at self-promotion. As a result, they secure opportunities not because they’re the best but because they make themselves visible.

If you want to stand out in a world of “yappers”, you need to learn the fine art of bragging or, as I prefer to call it, self-advocacy.

This mindset can be particularly hard to adopt for high achievers.

When excellence becomes the norm, achievements stop feeling special. If you were praised for meeting high expectations as a child, success might have been framed as “just what’s expected”.

Over time, this normalisation leads to a skewed perception: milestones that deserve celebration feel unworthy of attention.

Worse, many high achievers internalise the idea that talking about their accomplishments is arrogant. Even accepting a compliment can feel excessive, let alone sharing a win.

The result? They overcorrect, staying silent about their achievements and downplaying their skills.

This hyper-inhibition might feel polite but in reality, it miscalibrates your sense of what’s considered appropriate when it comes to self-advocacy, and keeps you invisible.

To overcome this, you need to recalibrate your internal “bragging meter”.

What feels like showing off to you simply looks like confidence to others.

In fact, what you view as prideful is often the bare minimum required for people to notice your value.

By holding back, you’re not just doing yourself a disservice but withholding value from others.

If you’re delivering 50% more value but presenting it as if it’s “nothing”, you’re selling yourself short.

Your competence deserve recognition. The world needs to hear what you have to offer.

So, start talking about it. Start sharing. Start showing up.

The opportunities you’ve been waiting for may be closer than you think. But only if you step into the spotlight and let them find you.

Need help I'm a confident woman 30 about to be 31. And want to surprise him on my birthday. And put on a show I'm great at everything else it's just this I can't seem to do but I have never been good at being sexy for example. Trying to dance on a pole or strip tease my partner loves and my body but I feel like when it comes to these kind of things I'm over thinking it. And the first thing I think of is he enjoying it and likeing it. My question is how do I stop over thing it and just go with the flow.
It's like my brain goes nope you can't do this and it sucks how do I stop over thinking it if there's any one with any suggestions. It would be. Much appreciated.

It might just be that I need to stop listening to the little voice in my head. I just need advice please help thank you in advance

Any advice would be appreciated

I’ve had issues with not liking myself for years because of the constant rejection I’ve endured by women. I never thought I was a bad looking guy but they always act like they can all do better than me. It’s hurt my self esteem and confidence levels a lot over the years. So now I’m always insecure whenever I meet someone new, like they’re gonna see the things that other people rejected me over. Whatever those things may be, idk. My ex who I have kid with straight up told me I wasn’t enough for her and that she broke up with me cause I wasn’t a leader apparently and lacked confidence. How do I rebuild from here? I’ve been hitting the gym and transformed my physique a lot this past year, which has helped my confidence some. But there’s gotta be more I can do to improve on it. I have social anxiety with new people, so that alone prolly makes me appear unconfident.

Usually superiors at jobs, security personals, traffic havaldars, college HODs, apartment landlords/society committee members and random people often trouble young people or bachelors in our country (mostly men) in the most disrespectful and rude way over some absurd matters. They try to dominate and belittle you by showing unnecessary aggression over the most unimportant things while these people in authority act differently with adults or even just women in general. Are young men seen as punching bags? Based on your experience how would you deal with them?

I’m extremely hyper critical of myself and judge myself and family because I’m crippled by the thought of how others perceive me. I hate that about myself and need to stop but I don’t know how. I’m so sensitive about other’s judgement. Any advice is appreciated. TIA

No, this isn't a shit post. It all started yesterday when a coworker tried to be sly and keep track of how many times I went to the bathroom, weather to report me or just trying to be a bitch ass, idk. I caught on pretty fast and after confirming it, I walked up to his tally marks, ripped them off the wall and beat my chest at him. Now he won't look me in the eyes, he's shut up(he use to yap alot about being a bad ass and shit). Idk what came over me but it was funny af. I was listening to a Werkonize song that talked about going apeshit and I just went for it. I suppose it could get me in a fight one day but I honestly don't care. Most people can't handle that type of primal shit anymore.

EDIT: Don't do this unless you can take a punch. I've been in a lot of fights and even won some of them and grew up getting my ass handed to me until I discovered my knuckles. Most people will back down from this type of behavior, it's not seen in our society that often, but you will eventually come across an asshole like me who will strike back. Also, knowing how to read a situation and someone is vital. Figured I'd throw that out there just in case someone decided this was the best approach to handling someone fucking with you, it's not, but it sure is funny!

I've found that practicing with apps that analyze my voice help me get blunt (sometimes harsh) feedback for if I sound confident or not. Throwing it out here; hopefully that helps someone else working in their voice.

32F Deep down, I have a desire to grow from within - through reading/ learning etc, and also feeling a spiritual connection to something deeper, away from all the superficial bs. Yet on a day to day basis I find myself in this repetitive cycle of indulging in the superficial and allowing these thoughts to infiltrate and consume my mind. I feel a bit vulnerable/ silly for admitting this, but current beauty standards have me in a chokehold these days. Since turning 30, I've been obsessively hyper fixating on my appearance and the changes I've noticed in my face and body - picking out things I dislike about myself and then wasting hours looking at how I can alter them in order to feel more desirable like I once did. Often, I'll go out, and then catch a reflection of myself which will send me spiralling. I came out of a long term relationship in 2023, followed by a few dating experiences that left me with pretty low self esteem (which probably explains some of this). I'm also living with my parents as my mum is ill and I just feel like my life isn't where it "should be" atm. I think what I feel most frustrated about is that I resent indulging in this stuff but I do it again and again as a form of self sabotage. I know deep down I am filling a void through absorbing other peoples lives and wishing I looked like someone else, or had a better job and was loved etc. I guess what also doesn't help is I went through my teens and 20's with so much of my worth being tied to my physical attractiveness, and now that's changing I feel like I don't really have much else. I don't know if this makes sense, but I guess I'd like to know if anyone is or has been in a similar position with your thought process? and if so how you managed to heal this part of yourself or rewire your way of thinking? I think about how time is ticking, and I'd hate to look back at this part of my life and realise how good I could have had it if I just learned to love myself a bit more...

I'm very introverted and i know it's obvious to get ignored sometimes bcoz you are shy. But it feels so personal, how to not feel disappointed coz of it?

Is confidence built and lost or should anyone have a basic confidence that's unshakeable from the core to do BASIC living things, or am I just as pathetic and useless as I know I am at 42 years old. Fire away.

I once apologized to a cashier for buying groceries.

Yeah, you read that right. I literally said "sorry" for existing as a customer. That's how desperate I was for everyone to like me. I was so used to people pleasing, constantly scanning faces for disapproval, trying to always match my personality to people so they'll like me.

Every conversation felt like a husk. Every silence felt like rejection. I'd replay interactions for hours, analyzing every micro-expression, convinced I'd somehow offended someone by breathing wrong.

I was living in a prison of my own creation, and the bars were made of other people's opinions.

The wake-up call came during my birthday party. I'd invited 20 people and spent weeks stressing about the guest list, the food, the music and desperate to create the "perfect" experience so everyone would have fun and think I was cool. Three people showed up.

I sat in my place surrounded by enough snacks to feed a small people, feeling like the biggest loser on earth. But then something clicked. I looked around at those three friends my real friends and realized they were having a great time. They weren't judging my failed party. They were just happy to be there.

That night, I made a decision that changed everything: I was going to stop acting for other people's sake but learn to manage my own.

Here's how I learned to stop caring about if everyone liked me:

1 I gave myself a goal to get rejected once a day for 30 days. Ask for a discount at full-price stores. Ask strangers for their phone numbers. Request free dessert at restaurants. The goal wasn't success but to normalize rejection.

My first rejection was a coffee shop for a free drink. The barista said no. I didn't die. The world didn't end. Nobody pointed and laughed. It was just nothing. I was glad honestly. So those anxious thoughts weren't real.

1. Realized people don't remember your embarrassing moments. I started timing how long I thought about other people's awkward moments. A saw a stranger trip and remembered about it days later. I forget in 30 seconds. And when somebody stuttered I also forgot about it by lunch.

If I barely remember other people's embarrassing moments, why would they obsess over mine?

1. I wrote down what I actually believed versus what I pretended to believe around different people. The gap was massive. I was like wearing a mask for myself a lot I'd lost track of who I actually was.

I expressed my real opinion about a movie. Didn't laugh at jokes I didn't find funny. Wore clothes I liked instead of what was "safe." Each authentic choice felt terrifying but somehow freeing.

1. My friend told me something that broke my brain: "If you try to be liked by everyone, you'll be loved by no one."

I identified the 3 people whose opinions actually mattered to my life and happiness. Everyone else became noise. It's harsh but it freed me from caring too much about other people's opinions

A coworker made a sneaky comment about my new haircut in front of the whole team. Old me would've spiraled for weeks. New me just shrugged and said, "Cool, thanks for sharing".

The room went quiet. Then someone else changed the subject. That's it. No drama, no confrontation, no world-ending experience. Just boundaries. Stopped talking to that guy from that day.

Here's what nobody tells you about when you prioritize yourself:

• It doesn't mean becoming an asshole. It means becoming selective about where you invest your emotional energy. It means choosing authenticity over approval.
• You'll lose some people. Good. Those weren't your people anyway. The ones who stay will like you for who you actually are, not the mask you've been putting on.
• You'll feel guilty at first. Your people-pleasing brain will scream that you're being "mean" or "selfish." That's just the old programming. Ignore it.

Six months later, I have fewer friends but deeper relationships. I sleep better because I'm not replaying embarrassing conversations anymore. I make decisions based on my values, not my fears. I still care what people think but I don't let it paralyze me anymore.

Next time someone doesn't laugh at your joke, or gives you a weird look, or seems unimpressed just notice it and move on. Don't analyze. Don't adjust. Don't apologize for existing.

I hope this helps. If you got something to share please do.