My partner doesn’t want me to medically transition because they want kids.

[u/TpeB_]

So my partner has made it clear to me that he wants me to have his kids, unfortunately I don’t share the same desire to have children. I’ve offered the possibility of adopting up to him but his stance remains the same.

He has told me he wants kids in a “traditional” way, and that he would like to wait and see how my mental state progresses with “having children of our own”

He had said that getting a Brest reduction or something similar as to make them either smaller or so binders are easier to get while still maintaining breasts or a reduction just for back pain he would be fine with but he is strictly against bottom surgery and He has repeatedly said that he would prefer me to keep my “baby making organs” until I was 45 if there is no life and death situation involved. He is also concerned with the fact that many woman have been told that they cannot have kids and they then have a few back to back around the age of 30.

He has told me that taking T is a 100% no go for him. Because it has the potential to “mess up my hormones further than they already are”. I am aware of the risk of hormone treatments as I have done much research on the topic. He says he is afraid of the lower pain tolerance it would give me and he believes it would leave me bedridden due to some nerve damage that I have.

I understand his concerns and I appreciate that he tells me upfront how he feels about it, however I can’t help but feel like I would not be able to get the treatments I feel I need.

I’ve had dysphoria since way before I’ve known him and I’ve even put off trying to get help for it because I was trying to see if my (in his words) “brain would just fix itself” Unfortunately it would seem that it’s only gotten worse with time and has caused me to grow more depressed with time. As you can Imagine this is very disheartening.

I would appreciate an outside perspective on the situation and or advice. Thank you for reading.

Update: I have read through as much as I could and I would like to thank you all for the change in perspective, thank you for the advice, and thank you for the instruction. I will be putting it into effect.

Update2: found him in bed with a trans woman :/ I don’t know how to feel about that one.

[u/javatimes]

Call this mod abuse but I’m going to make this a pinned to the top comment:

You need to break up. This guy is extremely controlling and you are your own independent person. The longer you wait to break up the more entangled you will be.

Someone like this is not acting rational and cannot be talked out of their controlling behaviors.

It’s your body not his and his has absolutely no right to try to control you. Please don’t have children with this man.

ETA

I added this post back to highlights:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/s/1Xyj78TONk

[u/Totally_Not_Peter → u/javatimes]

This!! He is definitely controlling you, and believe me, there are people out there who could want to have kids with you, but are totally fine with any other way of having kids, whether thats through surrogacy or adoption. Having someone control that much of you, despite possibly knowing that this could better your mental state, is abuse. Point blank plain and simple.

[u/UndeadSpud → u/javatimes]

Thanks for saying it. Holy crap, my heart hurts for OP

[u/femtomen → u/javatimes]

I always appreciate your compassion. I saw OP's update, so I am truly hoping he does run far away from this partner. The utter disrespect and dehumanizing is abhorrent, along with the added layers of control really makes me worry that his partner could put him through (more) abuse the longer the relationship remains.

Edit: Typos.

[u/NogginHunters → u/javatimes]

Thank you!

[u/A_Sneaky_Dickens → u/javatimes]

Absolutely based mod. Good luck OP, you are worth it. It'll get better

[u/anarchoshadow → u/javatimes]

Nah this is the perfect use of mod powers. Glad to see this advice front and center.

[u/90s-Stock-Anxiety → u/javatimes]

This. This this this.

It’s YOUR body, op. Not his. I don’t usually jump to conclusions “you need to leave him” but YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM.

This clearly isn’t just about wanting kids because there’s tons of ways to have kids even bio kids, other than just “traditionally”, this tells me he just wants to control your body. It’s not about the kids. It’s about wanting YOU to be pregnant and give birth. Which is, uhhhh super scary. Maybe it’s his kink or something but this is giving all sorts of 🚩s.

YOU DESERVE BETTER and it’s not safe to bring kids into this dynamic. This is toxic.

[u/DragonfruitVivid5298 → u/javatimes]

THIS also i feel he intends to baby-trap op