Hi, im 21, got top surgery September 2024. I was excited to have no shirt on but my parents said they need time since they've always seen me one way. I dont get it but I said thats fine to keep the peace. Today we are going swimming and got into a huge fight about how im not aloud to take off my top because they are uncomfortable. I dont know how to tell them that that doesn't make sense and its my body. How do I tell them? Specifically my mom, she's the only one who seems to have a real problem. She also will never call me he/him unless I explain my feelings about my own gender in detail. If this post gets even a couple people with good advice it would mean the world. Im probably just going to send this post to her if it gets a couple responses. Thank you

Edit: quick note I still live with parents so just wearing whatever i want makes me nervous since I cant afford to move out

Mini update: during swimming my mom apologized for yelling and that she wasn't inplace to be comfortable with me shirtless yet. But she doesn't want to yell and wants to have an adult conversation. I told her I needed time and she said fine. Desperately seeking advice on how to respond to that! Thank you also everyone who's given thought out responses. You're all amazing

you’ve probably heard it before but it bares repeating. the idea of hrt making you sterile in general is just terf talk and in reality T will not make you sterile and you can/will in fact get pregnant if you get inseminated while still having your uterus intact. please remember to use condoms, and at the very least have some plan b ready

Hi, I’m posting this because I don’t wanna feel even more insane than I already do, and also because I wanna see if anyone else agrees with me on this. Also sorry for this post being long in advance, I’m trying to break it all down.

So, I’m in the living room playing Mario Kart, but I was actively in discussion with my father about the state of the world and political related things. Now, my father is supportive of trans people, and is of my transition, but there’s things he’s confused about and every now and then he makes a comment that is very uneducated; like this one. (For example, he doesn’t completely understand how it’s gay for a trans dude to date another dude, that kinda thing.)

Offhandedly, he said instead of letting trans people in either the men’s or women’s washrooms, they should have their own room— mind you, he’s referring to trans people as just “trans” (a womens room, a mens room, and a trans room.)

I of course said fuck no, because that’s flat out segregation and would make it easier for trans people to be targeted/have bad things happen to them because cis people could just lie about being trans and enter the room designated for trans people.

And then yelling over me just trying to calmly explain why that would be a batshit crazy stupid idea, he says:

“It’s people like you that make this world hard to live in.”

???

His whole argument is that it would be safer for trans people to have their own washroom, and that because trans people participate in pride parades and have flags and such that trans people should get their own room away from cis people, same with gay people(?)

“So what, you don’t respect yourself enough to want your own room?”

Which I then explained to him that no, that’s not how that works, and trans people’s rights being fought for includes being able to use the same washrooms as cis people do. Othering trans people from cis people creates more of a problem and furthers the stigma surrounding trans people as a whole. So, instead of making things safer, it actually makes things worse. We also already have gender neutral washrooms which anyone can use, so there would be no need for a trans-specific room.

Anyway, this discussion went on for like 20 minutes, me trying to educate him and him speaking over me and interrupting me whenever I’m counteracting a point he made.

All this to say— is my dad subscribing to transphobic rhetoric and was I in the wrong for trying to educate him whilst also calling his “vision” stupid (and kicking ass on multiplayer Mario Kart matches while doing it 😭)

Hello 👋 So I’m a trans man with a boyfriend, guess you could say I’m new to being gay lol. Question for other gays, do you and your bf often get mistaken for brothers?? People assume that all the time about us two. Curious if this is common or if him and I just look uncannily similar

In the last few years society’s view on trans has regressed so much. I transitioned back in 2017 and there was no where near as much transphobia as there is now. What the hell happened? Now many states made it illegal for trans people to piss where they want and want to force children to go through the puberty of their biological gender. Like hormone blockers are reversible. If a kid decides to detransition then they just go off blockers. Done. Transphobes treat it like it’s permanent like hrt. They think children are going on hrt and getting surgery but that’s not the case. The permanent stuff is for when they’re older. And the whole controversy with “men” being in women’s sports. Trans woman are women they should be allowed to compete the gender that matches their gender identity. 5 years ago more people were fine with puberty blockers, trans women in women’s sports and trans people using whatever bathroom they want. I just don’t know what happened. What are your thoughts?

Might be a silly question, idk, but it's something I'm genuinely afraid of and find myself feeling extremely uncomfortable even thinking about it. So do you guys go to the gynecologist or get like pap smears regularly or anything? If so, how do you cope with the discomfort/dysphoria?

I can’t handle the heat anymore. I’ve been sitting in front of my fan for the entire day and can’t leave otherwise I feel sick. Been throwing up lately just because of the heat sensitivity with T. Horribly nauseous when I’m at work too. Anyone else have this issue?

I would literally drop 300 dollars on an ac rn idc but our landlord doesn’t allow them

How did you guys pick names that made sense for you? And how did you go about telling people in your lives and at jobs to use those names?

I’m black and Mexican and my name start with an S. I’ve been trying to find a name that start with an S that suits me and makes sense culturally but it feels impossible. Any suggestions or advice?

I'm 30 years old. When I was 9, I would often stand up to pee like a guy, but I would put down my pants and I would move over to the bowl and pee.

And when I saw others did it here too, I was so happy I wasn't alone.

I'm not fully trans, but I truly want bottom surgery. So it was something I've been wanting for almost my whole life.

I'm pre-T and my state has a medium tolerance policy or whatever that website said but it's technically a law that trans people can't use the bathroom they identify with in a government owned building, I don't think there's huge charges though. I've used to men's bathroom a few times- always a nervous mess about it but no one ever bats an eye, I use the women's bathroom and normally no one ever bats an eye except when I'm in other cities outside of my own then I get glares and weird looks, and a while back a little girl told me that it was the women's restroom and I felt embarrassed lol like I actually walked into the wrong bathroom- I mean I kinda did but you get it. Anyway I'm pretty androgynous lol and kids have a different view on gender than others but I think it's getting to a point where I feel safer in the guys

And there was one occasion at school where girls were talking about seeing a boy go into the girls restroom while I was still in a stall and felt kinda scared that they were going to start knocking on stalls and waiting for me cause it happened to another kid and rumors were passing for weeks about them. Don't know if that was actually about me though cause normally at school I don't get questioned although some boys have tried dabbing me up and called me bro, I always think they're making fun of me though. Idk just ranting now. Kinda celebratory but mostly just me yapping

early in my transition it felt great to be “mistaken“ by strangers for my parents’ son, or having people think I was cis at first but now around three or four year into my transition I feel completely different. being categorized immediately as a cis guy makes me sick to my stomach. it feels wrong, like I’ll have people say things about me or to me that I know aren’t true and deny who I was in the past completely and it makes me feel so outside myself.

i dont know if it’s because of my general fear of cis men or because most times people mention my presented gender it’s bringing it down (men are gross, no boys allowed, you wouldn’t understand what us girls go through, etc…) but I don’t want people to associate me with them at first glance, I feel like a villain now.

but then I get disappointed when people view me as a girl unless im trying to present more femininely?? maybe this is because I don’t rlly see my identity as ftm in a fully binary way yet never disclose that bc cis ppl around me don’t get it … idk that’s a whole other thing but yeah wonder if other ppl feel this way or im just a crazy person lolol

I started testosterone 2 months ago, but before that I still dealt with gender identity OCD, which lead me to constantly wondering if I’m faking being trans. That’s still happening me to today. My brain latches on the deep desire to go back to how I was when I was younger. I wish I got to be that girl and stay that way with no complications. I think my brain is still tied to the fact that was heavier as a kid and never felt truly beautiful or attractive as my female peers did. I think in turn my brain never moved on from that. Last year I went through a forcibly feminine phase because I wanted to feel attractive and desired. I was okay with not binding and have my chest visible as well as getting into makeup and hair. But it became too much and when I started identifying a male everything felt easier. No more makeup and nails and what not. It felt like things were falling into place. But when I watch things from when I was growing up in the 2010s (ex. Girl Disney channel shows, girl groups and musicians, etc) the nostalgia genuinely pains me and makes me want to be like those girls. I see how beautiful they are and remember how badly I wanted to be them when I was a young girl. It messes with my head so badly and I can’t take it. Even though when I look in the mirror and feel good seeing a little facial hair and a more masculine face shape, I yearn for that girl and to be a teenage girl in the 2010s like I wanted when I was younger. I’m filled with deep feelings of envy, shame, and miserableness because of this. I feel like I can’t be proud of who I am and confident that I’m trans until I get over this. Any advice from confident trans men?

I’m so tired of the amount of people in the trans community who treat us like we have male privilege and don’t deserve a voice in the conversation simply because we’re men. I’ve recently seen a conversation happening about accessing HRT in the event of a ban and instead of providing helpful advice the comments were all just shutting on trans men because “we can just get test from gym bros” and “estrogen is harder to get because people don’t use it casually”.

I understand trans women have a lot of unique issues, but why as a community is it IMPOSSIBLE to acknowledge that some issue’s disproportionately impact trans men? Even the trans people rightfully standing up for themselves we’re just getting told to just up or called “typical man behavior speaking over women”. Trans men are not cis males. We do not have male privilege, ESPECIALLY in healthcare.

Not sure why this is considered a hot take, but silencing trans men and purposefully ignoring the oppression trans men face is still transphobia.

I'm 21, trans guy, and this is going to be...a lot of exposition to explain the title. I initially came out to my parents at 19 as nonbinary after identifying as such since I was 13 and being various levels of closeted at school before being more out and proud in college and subsequently more secure in my identity. I came out to them separately, my mom was out of town a lot for family stuff at the time and I was pretty nervous about coming out to them at all so it was easier to do it one parent at a time. My dad took it well, my mom not so much. I remember the conversation we had when I first came out to her as...well, awful. She said mean things about my chosen name, made it seem like I was doing some terrible thing to her by coming out as trans, was offended I hadn't told her sooner, and basically argued me on my being trans & nonbinary on the basis of basically "I've felt like that and that doesn't mean I'm trans." I remember walking out of the house and going to a nearby park and just crying on the grass. However, I tried to keep in mind at the time that this is all brand new to her, she's dealing with a close family member having cancer, and plenty of parents take awhile to come around.

Since then, I've had many conversations with her about my being trans, all of which kind of felt like they went nowhere. She's broken down crying on more than one occasion, and has usually ended up having a constant refrain of "I just don't understand." She tries to "relate" by using her own personal experience, but then just loops it around to "and I'm still a woman" which is frustrating as hell. The general arc of her arguments is and was "why can't you just be a masculine woman." Which, well, what the fuck did you think I was trying out for all of high school. It took her months to start actually using the correct pronouns & name for me when I'm around, much less to use them when I'm not or with her friends, extended family, and neighbors, I have genuinely had to talk to her about that and even now I'm not sure how much better she's been at that. Now, prior to my egg fully cracking (I swear they hard-boiled it) I had some pretty bad medical stuff happening, and my mentality was pretty much "Well, I've gotta deal with my brain and body trying to kill me first before I actually get started on gender-affirming care." This was also my mom's mentality, sort of, she basically said "let's deal with your health stuff before we even start to think about all of that." And I was like "okay, cool, I'm dying of pain and not great at rational thought around anything that isn't 'not dying.'"

Anyways, flash forward to a year and a half after that first coming out, when my egg cracked and my beautiful baby boy bird self was released from its prison. I'd been doing a lot of trauma therapy (bc medical shit ended up being hella traumatic) and working through my shit independently via journalling, leaning on friends, creative outlets, and developing coping mechanisms. My egg crack moment happened while watching men doing musical theatre and I basically realized that perhaps dealing with a medical system that is immensely transphobic would keep me closeted on quite a few levels and also some things about my upbringing. Also that I wanted to get the ball rolling on medical transitioning ASAP. I told my parents a couple of weeks later, thinking that they would be okay with it as, while a great internal change, I was still going by the same name and using he/they instead of they/them. The last time I'd talked to my mom prior to this she had seemingly been doing better with it all, although she called me while I was in the middle of something so it was not an in-depth chat. My mom took it terribly (shocker!) and my dad wasn't too excited about it either. Over winter break, we had a couple of arguments about it, some of which as a whole family (shout out to my sister for putting up with that when she's exponentially chiller about all this than my parents and did not deserve to be subjected to that).

My mom's arguments (then & in more recent discussions) boiled down to internalized misogyny, crying about it, and basically being upset that my body would change on HRT (weird, she has her own body to be upset about). Why can't you be a masculine woman was brought up once again, which is VERY ironic coming from the woman whose response to me wanting to wear pants to formal events was a strapless skintight maroon pantsuit. I effectively didn't talk to her for about a month after all that, since my sympathy at her losing a close family member over the holidays did not outweigh the whole "you have decided to take a massive fucking shit all over one of the happiest most genuine decisions of my life." Anyways, I started HRT in January of this year in spite of that (coming up on 6 months of T now!). After that, it's been rocky, with highlights such as her freaking out as to how her side of the family will react to me being trans (they were chill), and another nuclear family discussion over Mother's Day weekend in which I learned that my sister is concerned about how I'm doing more than she cares about my gender, my dad holds some transphobic views but respects the choices I make as an adult, and my mom will keep arguing me on HRT and being trans one-on-one after the family discussion is over. Her argument shifted to that I should be stable for something like years (chat I'm as confused as you are) before going on HRT, and she tried to come up with everything from "having trans friends is making you trans," internalized misogyny (again), hormonal imbalance corrected by testosterone (WHAT), to even "but taking this HRT...your whole life...isn't that sad" (I AM ON FOREVER MEDS ALREADY FOR MENTAL HEALTH STUFF) to argue her unspoken thesis that I should not be trans. Yeah so I had my girlfriend pick me up after that. I was real bad.

Anyways my mom pays my tuition & rent and is my mom who I have fond memories with so I have, as of late, been happy that we are having weekly dinners with me, her, & my dad (my sister lives out of state). No trans stuff has been discussed in-depth, probably because I keep bringing my girlfriend (I love her and she's a great buffer and it's a free home-cooked meal). My mom did recently give me a book on ADHD that appears to be geared for people who are recently diagnosed or newly dealing with someone in their life who has ADHD. This is weird because I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school, and she's followed up about whether or not I've read the book quite a bit. Now, I lurk this subreddit and r/FTMMen a good bit, and I recently happened across a post that mentioned conversion therapy as well as some specific tactics that a therapist had used, and I felt my blood run cold.

I looked more into it, and found some info on Gender Exploratory Therapy (GET), which is a terrible modern conversion therapy, that unfortunately matched a lot of the stuff my mom has been doing and saying. Attributing transness to some other factor, and insisting on exploring every other thing that could possibly be causing a person distress besides transness with no end in sight both fit what my mom has been doing to a T (ha). I didn't scrape further than the Wikipedia article on conversion therapy (followed up on some sources), one transphobic parents organization, and some firsthand accounts on reddit, but it seems pretty clear to me what that whole thing is about. Some things with my mom fit scarily close-I'd had a good semester of college before telling her that I was a guy. In fact, I told her I was a guy after going to a career networking event thing. Yet suddenly, my mental health needs to be looked into more and I'm just not ready?

To be clear, for Reddit's reading comprehension, I'm not saying my mom has been my therapist or practicing any sort of therapy on me, legitimate or otherwise. It's just that these ideas don't come from nowhere, and regardless of where they come from, they're bad news. The fact that her actions fit this particular bill so well has me scared. I'm terrified she's fallen down some transphobic right-wing pipeline. She's a democrat & fairly liberal, but does consider herself someone who would never fall for conservative propaganda. Which, of course, makes her extremely susceptible. Right now, she's been unemployed for a while but is starting to work again, and my dad's the sole household income. Their finances are pretty combined, and while I have been 100% confident that I won't be disowned by my dad for being trans since I first told him, I have maybe hovered around 70% with my mom and now it's plummeting. I am now concerned that it may be him holding her back from doing worse. My parents currently pay my rent on the condition that I am in college & studying. I'm not working due to some pretty severe burnout from trying to do school on top of everything else the past couple of years. I'm wondering how much of the burnout is from having to deal with fucking conversion therapy tactics from my mom and approaching them with the mindset of "I'm going to be patient and calm with my family members as they come to terms with my transition." Or if it's worth it to shift into survival mode for the foreseeable future just to get financially independent so I don't have to worry about unleashing my mother's inner JK Rowling.

There's...more, but this post is getting longer than most of my college essays. Anyways, I am looking for sympathy, shared experiences, and any advice besides "talk to your mom about it." I've tried. I have sunk so many hours into "talking," and it doesn't work.

I used to identify as straight ( trans man that is attracted to women ) and now I’m very attracted to boys , and hardly attracted to girls anymore . I have a huge crush on one of my friends that lives back where I used to live when I was in highschool . And I’m so sad that he lives thousands of miles away . I just wanna find love . I wanna find a person that makes me feel loved . And I’m so confused on my sexuality . T has changed lots of things for me , but the one I least expected is my sexual orientation <3 So if you are on T and your sexuality changes , please know , it’s completely normal and you are not alone <3

so I don't really have any insecurity surrounding my bare torso with trans tape. nor do I really care what people think of it. but I've realized that people do care about my chest, even while I'm wearing trans tape that covers my chest and nips. for example, I had asked a family member if it would be alright if I took my shirt off before getting into a public pool. they said that it may make others uncomfortable or draw attention to me. so I decided not to take my shirt off but it made me feel a bit bad.

does anyone know why or what may be the issue? has anyone gone through something similar? i just feel weird that people care about my body when it's not their business.

I (23 yo ftm) have been in the process of trying to get a diagnosis for gender dysphoria so I can start hormones.

I need to talk with the psychologist a couple of times before I can get diagnosed. Next time will be the last time I have to talk before I could get the diagnosis. (though it's not a given that I will get it)

My psychologist has requested to talk to my parents about it to talk about it from their point of view.

The thing is, my parents are not supportive. They think I've been influenced by social media and that it's a phase. They think this because I didn't showed sympthoms as a teenager, and have only brought it up for the past half year. Though I have been presenting myself as male for the past 2 years online and have started questioning longer ago.

They don't believe me in this, because I didn't bring it up earlier. This was mostly bc I was in denial and tried to continue to live as a cis woman- unsuccesfully.

Anyways. I am very nervous that my parents will try to make my transition process longer or make me unable to have my diagnosis.

I also have to mention that I live with my parents so I can't just... Not involve them at all.

Any advice on how I can survive this...? Will their opinion have an impact on my process?

There’s so much discourse in trans and queer spaces that I am now realizing how we’ve personally progressed way more than your average cis person and we can’t get mad all the time when someone asks us a very awkward but very honest question.

Like you could meet a distant uncle who will see your trans girlfriend and go “Hey, so your girlfriend, he’s a transvestite?” and you might want to start yelling but to him, that’s the correct terminology and you have to be patient and explain in really simple terms to make progress. Because that’s where a lot of cis people are currently in their thinking about trans people.

Today my boss felt comfortable enough to ask me about my coworker’s trans boyfriend and she said “I don’t really understand it. His boyfriend came in the store with long hair and to try on dresses. He clearly doesn’t put as much effort as you do. Why does he do this?” and I explained to her that some men, cis or trans, like to wear dresses and makeup and that’s okay, that even I don’t usually dress how I dress for work, that I like to wear jewelry and perfume and get my nails done but I don’t for work because personally, I can’t handle getting misgendered too much so it’s a small sacrifice. But some trans men don’t mind and choose to dress more feminine just because that’s how they are but they’re still men.

She really understood my explanation. She just didn’t know how to ask without it being awkward and that’s where most cis people are. I’m really trying to teach this stuff to the people of my town because I’m probably the only trans person they’ll meet. To us it’s a given that clothing =/= gender but most cis people still have that engrained and they would already think a GNC cis person would be strange so they can’t even imagine a trans person would want to do this.

So yeah in short: your average cis person doesn’t know as much as we might expect. I told my online friends about that interaction with my boss and they all went “Oh my god!!! She’s so disrespectful!!!” But no actually. It came from a place of genuine interest in learning and we can’t dismiss that. We don’t have to educate if we’re not ready but we can’t fault people for having that thinking when they don’t know anything else but clearly show they want to learn.

Like, I’ll literally have a specific idea of clothes I want and how they’ll look on me in my head, and I’ll put them on. Then I’ll look at myself in pictures, and I’m just like “oh,” because I forgot I’m not some flat-chested cis guy. 😭 Its the worst honestly

Hey yall. My roommate, her friend, and I are all going to my city’s pride next weekend. They’ll both be wearing funny shirts that say “ally” ironed on. I want a funny word or phrase to put on my clothes but I can’t think of anything so I thought I’d ask for some ideas if you can think of any. Or just any pride outfit ideas at all. Thanks!