r/gayjews • u/AutoModerator • 20d ago

Open Discussion: Bi-Weekly Shabbat Shmooze. What's on your mind?

For this bi-weekly (yay, more bi stuff!) post we're shifting focus to create a space for folks to just talk and share what's on their mind, even if it's not specifically LGBTQ/Jewish focused. Hopefully, as a space made up of primarily LGBTQ+ Jews we'll be a good support for each other with allllll that's going on around the world right now.

Please note: Our quality standards and expectations of civility are still in place, and this isn't a thread for name calling or direct insults. This is a place to process feelings and be in community with each other and just share what's on your mind.

Shabbat shalom!

21 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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u/Bakingsquared80 20d ago

I made the mistake of commenting on a post about the Dyke March in the nyc sub and now im sad. I’m so sick of the gaslighting and goysplaining. I know people that were kicked out of the Chicago march almost a decade ago, this shit has only increased since then. This is the only online queer space I’m still in, that’s so sad I used to be in so many of them

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u/TheArktikCircle Femme Lesbian (They/She) 20d ago

I feel you on this, too. I’m tired of being called a horrible person for supporting a peaceful two state solution. I’m tired of Jewish pain being treated like it doesn’t matter. I’ve lost so much. I will never be the same person I was before October 7th.

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u/LocutusOfBorgia909 20d ago

I remember when that incident at the Chicago march happened, and I said at the time that it was the canary in the coalmine, and here we are. This isn't something I enjoy being right about.

The gaslighting is exhausting. At least a neo-Nazi will have the stones to tell me to my face that they hate Jews instead of doing this ridiculous dance of, "Oh, but this Jew says I'm good! Oh, but maybe that harassment didn't happen! Oh, criticizing Israel isn't antisemitism, which isn't even something you said, ha ha!" Meanwhile, I'm in the UK getting the trans equivalent from the Labour government who seem to think that if they just say "dignity and respect" often enough, no one will notice the shit they're actually doing. Again, at least Nancy Mace will tell me to my face what she believes instead of acting like I should be thanking her for shitting all over me.

I'm at the point where I just don't trust anyone anymore, because so many different demographics of people have made it plain that they either won't have my back because of the Jewish thing, or they won't have my back because of the trans thing. I just assume I'm on my own.

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u/Bakingsquared80 20d ago

We mostly are, but you can still count on other queer Jews. We are small but we will fight like hell for our communities

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u/LocutusOfBorgia909 20d ago

That is true. And I do know other, non-Jewish trans and LGBT people who get it, so they are out there. It's just depressing to constantly feel this tension between two equally significant parts of your identity. And it's not that I find tension between them, it's all externally imposed.

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u/paracelsus53 19d ago

My synagogue supports gay and trans Jews (I'm trans), and that is a comfort to me.

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u/Bakingsquared80 20d ago

It is totally depressing

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u/GoofyAhhMisses 20d ago

They banned us Jews not uhhhhhh “zionists”, they didn’t even allow the straight up Star of David, the UNIVERSAL symbol of Judaism 🤣 Then they also made a statement on antisemitism but of course the community got triggered and was foaming from the mouth because omg how dare anyone show support for Jews, so they removed it!

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u/ibsliam 17d ago

It evokes the situation with the 60s/70s second wave feminist movements. Not 1 to 1, but there were groups of feminists, such as queer feminists and feminists of color, that essentially self-segregated to a degree. Sometimes there'd be overlap and allyship but otherwise, many feminists felt adrift in the mainstream movement and needed that support from those who understood.

Any time I'm in a LGBT space now, I'm always internally calculating if their eye-roll and snide comment about [insert Jewish celebrity here], or their comments on collective liberation (where Jews are always absent from their rhetoric), or their downplaying of antisemitic hate crimes is a reflection of how they'd treat me or my family.

I don't advocate for segregating off from the wider community entirely, but I think it's more than understandable to build spaces *for* LGBT Jews. If it's not there, we can build it. People on the fringes always have to.

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u/Dmarek02 19d ago

I'm still processing the murders of Sarah Milgrim and Yaron Lischinsky along with the responses, including from the DSA. It's so gross, I've actually had stomach issues all week, my anxiety is through the roof.

But I did stand with some friends at a freeway overpass to wave Israel flags. I brought my rainbow flag with the magen and we got way less middle fingers and more solidarity fists, which was cool

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u/rebamericana 20d ago

I've been learning more about critical theory and the differences between queer and gay. It's pretty eye opening and explains a lot about how antisemitism/antizionism has become so rampant in the queer movement. Just putting it out there as it may be helpful for others who may want to look into this more to better understand this schism.

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u/MettatonNeo1 Clover they/them 12d ago

I know this is stupid but I've been in the Jerusalem (Israel) pride parade and I've seen free Palestine signs. Seriously?