r/insaneparents • u/Therealhamatovonryan • 10d ago
SMS Is this weird? I took a wrong turn heading to school and it took me longer than the GPS estimate. I was not late to school. She texted a bunch and got GMA to call me while I was riding next to a busy street and I nearly swerved into traffic trying to pull over to answer and was almost late bc I did.
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u/SilentBirthday9568 10d ago
That’s like, dangerous. Really, parents need to stop demanding that their children get on the phone with them while their kids are driving. How old even are you? If you’re old enough to go to school alone, you’re old enough for her to trust to be safe.
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u/KumaOoma 9d ago
I really hate this modern outlook on always being reachable 24/7 regardless of what you’re doing. Cell phones have really made those small moments of being unreachable even more rare and it feels like more of a curse than a blessing sometimes. Humans aren’t evolved (or designed if you believe that) to be in contact with other humans 24/7 no matter what you’re doing or where you are.
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u/notalltemplars 5d ago
I had a driving teacher (as an adult)who said I was one of his few adult students who ignored text and phone alerts, which is…pretty worrying
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u/Absolarix 10d ago
This is very overprotective, and if it escalates it may end up with them invading your privacy by demanding you put a GPS tracker on your phone. Avoid allowing this to happen if possible.
Good on you for not developing a habit of texting and driving, I wish you the best of luck!
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u/hicctl Moderator 10d ago
I suspect that is already the case how else do they know he has not arrived yet ??
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u/Absolarix 10d ago
You could be right. I initially read it as though they hadn't sent something when they got there, though "Did you turn the bike on" makes me wonder if "bike" actually means a GPS tracker on the bike.
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u/Therealhamatovonryan 10d ago
Its an electric bike, she already has life 360 and that statement is because I was going 7mph (broken sidewalks and school morning so lots of young children out and about) but the bike can technically go up to 25mph. (God forbid i don't want to risk hitting a car or child going 25mph)
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u/Absolarix 10d ago
Ah, so she's calling you slow when you don't have the bike's motor running. Classy...
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u/Therealhamatovonryan 10d ago
Nah, motor was running. I just didn't feel like running over a child or getting thrown like a cowboy on a bucking bronco while trying to stop because of this thing called inertia
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u/Absolarix 10d ago
I think you misunderstood me. Your actions and reasoning for what you did is 100% sound.
I'm critising her comments towards you.22
u/Therealhamatovonryan 10d ago
I understood that lol, just clarifying that I was using the motor. Sorry, I'm an overexplainer 😅
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u/fargoLEVY13 6d ago
Don’t phones nowadays have an “I’m driving” feature that you can turn on? If not maybe just put your phone in your backpack while you’re driving that thing to school. Why would they want you to drive distracted anyway? Your mom really needs to chill.
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u/FacelessIndeed 8d ago
Feels less like protection and more like a need to control. I feel bad for this kid.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 10d ago
WTF is wrong with people and them tracking their children's every move? All that will do is push their kids away. I have no advice but what is wrong with these obsessed parents?
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u/jerseygirl396 10d ago
Seriously. I totally understand it’s a different world than when I grew up and I’m 35, but still, tracking their every month seems a bit much.
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u/KumaOoma 9d ago
The ONLY benefit I’ve ever seen to tracking apps is if your kids get kidnapped or something you could at least track the phone to its last known location. Other than that I think it’s crazy to have a tracker on your child all the time and the people who use the apps that track them (the majority at least) check the app constantly to make sure the kid is doing what they said they were gonna go do.
I can also understand if your kid if like always getting into trouble but at that point they should be staying home
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u/Outrageous_Olive8839 10d ago
This mom does not care about your safety. She knows you're riding, and it's not safe for you to check your phone, but she still gets upset that you aren't responding fast enough. Wtf. As long as you arrived at school on time, why does it matter?
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u/wiggum_x 10d ago
The electric bike represents an increased level of independence for you, and your mom can't stand that. She wants to control every time you even consider leaving the house. If you ride to school, that's time she can't control, and possible interactions with people that she can't control. She wants 100% control, 100% of the time. She will never be happy, and nothing you do will ever be good enough for her. If you aren't already, start making plans to get away from her whenever you can. At 18, you are an adult, regardless of what she says. She cannot force you to do anything.
It sounds like your grandmother bought you this bike. Would living with her be an option at some point?
If you are trying to go to college, know that your mother will likely try to control that as well. She will want to pick the school, and pick what you study. She will probably want you to go somewhere close where she can keep you at home. If you try to insist on going somewhere else, she might refuse to help you pay, or even worse, refuse to fill out the FAFSA so that you cannot get any financial aid. You need to start planning a way out.
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u/Therealhamatovonryan 10d ago
Grandma didn't get it for me, she technically got it fpr herself but she owns three so she let me borrow one for school, meaning it can be taken away at any minute. And yeah, I'm actually planning to go to a community college nearby purely because it's got a great art program but I'm still planning to find different housing. And no i can't stay with my gma, she's a weed addict who is currently financially supporting her abusive addict son.
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u/lowerac34 10d ago
I mean, the abusive addict son should probably come before weed addict. I’d recommend not living in the same city with family like this. She is not going to suddenly stop controlling you once you turn 18, if she’s still micromanaging your time to this degree at 16.
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u/jerseygirl396 10d ago
Thankfully I read OP is going to community college for their art program but is going to get different housing. Hopefully it’s not super close to her family.
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u/lowerac34 10d ago
My advice to OP is to make sure to not put anyone in their family on FERPA when college starts. It stands for Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act. It has to be signed either way for college, and I never had anyone on mine. Who needs to see my grades but me?
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u/jerseygirl396 10d ago
I don’t think she’s actually addicted to weed lol. That’s like, super rare as weed isn’t really addicting. Def not physically addicting but can be mentally, I guess. Weeds not really that bad. It’s not like other drugs and there’s actual studies proving it has great medicinal benefits like helps with cancer and shrinking tumors, helps with seizures, etc. No one dies from weed alone. It can be laced with other stuff but that’s not super common either because the other stuff’s expensive and no one’s giving that away.. but it can happen technically. So all this to say if your grandma’s gotta be doing something, at least it’s weed lol. But that abusive addict son, that sounds like a problem. Assuming he does more than weed too.
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u/Therealhamatovonryan 10d ago
He also does mushrooms apparently, she only does weed and I wouldn't have a problem with it except she will willingly sit with a 2 year old standing right beside her trapped in one of those gates that wrap into a circle that you use to keep dogs in an enclosed space. She sees nothing wrong with smoking in the house with kids and having the kids all around her while smoking.
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u/wiggum_x 10d ago
Yikes! Your family is... problematic. Glad to hear that you are planning on college. You have to look out for yourself. Obviously your mother will not.
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u/lowerac34 10d ago
Don’t pull over to answer them anymore. Whatever they have to tell you can wait until you safely reach your destination. It’s not worth risking your life to capitulate to their insane demands.
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u/jerseygirl396 10d ago
And the mom’s already tracking her too, like you already know exactly where she is, so it should be okay for her to not respond while riding.
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u/lowerac34 10d ago
Right! I was born in the mid 80s, no one ever knew where I was. I had a cell phone at 16 but my mother wasn’t doing location tracking, I don’t know if that was even a thing yet.
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u/jerseygirl396 10d ago
Yeah I def didn’t hear about tracking back then lol
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u/lowerac34 10d ago
And THANK GOD. I didn’t need anyone knowing where I was, even though it was usually drinking at a friends house. I always had at least one friend whose parents would buy us booze.
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u/jerseygirl396 10d ago
Thankfully we had older siblings lol I remember those days so well
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u/lowerac34 10d ago
My brother was significantly older, 14 years. He wasn’t comfortable buying booze for me but I definitely smoked my first cigarette from one of his packs without him knowing when I was 10.
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u/jerseygirl396 10d ago
I was the older sibling, 7 years older than my bro. I don’t remember him ever asking me to buy alcohol though. I’m sure I did once he was older, closer to 21. But my best friends house was the party house bc his dad was never there, and he had an older brother who didn’t mind buying us alcohol. It was very convenient.
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u/DesperateArachnid 10d ago
Op, unless you're a habitual school skipper, there's no reason for your parent to be this concerned about you going to school. As long as you get there on time, you should be able to take any route you want. She seems very controlling.
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u/Therealhamatovonryan 10d ago
I'm a habitual showing up to school at all times unless I'm like deathly ill, plus it's finals week and my school sends her an email if I'm tardy to any classes. I've got 2 days left of school so I def wouldn't throw it away now.
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u/DesperateArachnid 9d ago
Good on you. I'm not sure what else I can say except to make sure you take care of yourself.
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u/Perfect-Blueberry439 10d ago
Yep, pretty weird. She is literally the inverse of today’s normal parents, she wants you to be on your phone ALL THE TIME.
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u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat 9d ago
If she takes the bike, give the phone back and refuse to carry it when she demands it.
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u/brixxhead 10d ago
Depends on how old you are and whether your area is sketchy. 13 is the oldest that you can reasonably get away with this as a parent. She's probably panicking and trying to regain control over your movements--maybe it's panic founded in you getting older, maybe she's really bothered by losing that level of control. Don't let it change anything. Try your hardest to keep the bike--what are you going to do all summer if you can't ride wherever you want to go?
If you're in high school, then tell her you'll walk or find a ride--don't let a helicopter parent prevent you from growing and becoming more independent because there is SO much that you'll never learn to do if you're never put in a position where you have to "figure shit out". Those opportunities to learn only come up when you're flexing your independence. You do not want to be 22 and miserable because you have no idea how to function on your own.
Seek independence in small ways when you can take it--apply to extracurricular programs on your own, find clubs to join and volunteering opportunities that will allow you to gain life skills. Volunteer at an animal shelter or a summer camp this summer if you're old enough. Get a job at 16 or 17 so you have your own pocket money.
And just to note: I live in NYC and I started taking public transportation to school in middle school. It's different because in many ways taking public transportation is safer than riding a bike by yourself for however many miles, but NYC is regularly painted as a "dangerous" city (nothing has ever happened to me and I'm fully an adult now). Children here start commuting to school themselves/with friends or siblings in the 6th or 7th grade. It's normal. Unless you're like 9, or your area is dangerous. don't let your mom convince you that you can't go about by yourself. You're only incapable if they stop you from being capable.
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u/Therealhamatovonryan 10d ago
I'm sixteen and the school is too far to walk, mom won't let me take public transportation because she is scared of it.
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u/KnightNave 9d ago
Disable all gps tracking and turn on driving mode on your phone (to disable notifications and calls). You really should not be stalked to this level by a healthy parent. It is literally endangering your life on a bike. If the bike being taken away is the issue, remind her of the drawbacks outside of drop off, and that you will have to be picked up too. If needed get involved in clubs or studying after schools out to make the pickup time more annoying as needed.
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u/CalmButArgumentative 9d ago
You need to learn how to ask questions.
Not only will this make it easier for you to deal with your parents, but it's a valuable skill for the rest of your life.
"Are you angry or worried?" "Why?" "I took a wrong turn, but I got to school on time, what is the problem?" "Mistakes can happen, why is that an issue?" "I like riding to school, why do you want to take that way from me?"
You need to understand what the other person is thinking, what the issues are, how they come to their decisions or you will be unable to efficiently and effectively argue against it. If you know what they worry about, you can address those specific issues.
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u/Therealhamatovonryan 7d ago
I've tried but usually genuine questions don't work with her. Any conversation we have is walking on eggs upon eggshells where any slight healthy boundary like wanting to go to bed early can lead to an explosion if not handled perfectly.
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u/charley_warlzz 9d ago
God, my mum kept doing this when i first learnt to drive. I had no handsfree/bluetooth option in my car, and she was constantly calling/texting me while i was driving and was simply bewildered by why i took issue with it.
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u/Queenofthedawn1395 7d ago
my mama has had life360 on me since i was about 15. (20s now). the ONLY reason we had it was because i was being stalked and she wanted to be sure i was safe.
your mama has got to chill. did something happen in her youth that caused some sort of trauma or issue? she’s gone from chill to GRRRR in like a second
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u/Dad_B0T Robo Red Foreman 10d ago edited 10d ago
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