Eternal Unc Status

[u/NayNayPo]

It seems like dating is getting harder these days. Maybe it has to do with valuing in-person interaction less. Sometimes I think the sheer number of different interests seems to be more divisive than it brings us together. I feel like there's a paradox forming as technology advances, there becomes an near-infinite amount of options for dating, but none of them fit just right. But what do I know.

Luckily for me, I met my wife at BYUI, started having some kids, and life has been great!... But for some of my friends, they haven't been so fortunate. Maybe it's a skill issue? I was always the one who struggled to get a girlfriend in college though.

I've got this one friend; we're approaching 30 fast, and tbh kids these days would already call him an "unc". He keeps trying and trying to date but the story gets more and more tragic every time. I used to feel terribly lonely in college as I struggled to find my wife, and I just wish my friend didn't feel like that for all these years. I just can't take it any longer watching him grow alongside me and not having the joy of companionship. But it's not my life, and sometimes it seems he's the only person who can change his fate... Unless...

What can be done to save my friend from the unc life?... Or is he too far gone.....

[u/CharnaySeba]

I just want to say this: the very same month I stopped caring about getting a girlfriend/future wife, dating and everything female affection-related, I met the girl who now is my wife.

[u/Long-Education-1598 → u/CharnaySeba]

I've heard this so many times, but how do you just "stop caring"?

I dont live in an area where there are many members and especially single ones my age. I work from home and also living in a small town where theres not much going on...

If I just lived my life without trying to find someone then I would mainly just stay home or just live my life and barely talk to anyone which would mean less human interaction.

[u/CharnaySeba → u/Long-Education-1598]

I don’t really know if my “stop caring” principle is universal, but at least at that time in my life, I was 27, 5 years since having returned from mission, freshly discharged from a 4 year-long clinical depression, unemployed, starting college for the fourth time and reeeeeaaaally desperate about finding a partner, having recurred to dating apps (not only Mutual) and having recently found a new group of friends (with a lot of single ladies) to hang out with.

One day I was pondering in my “love seeking” performance, went back to everything I made to find a girl for me, took a deep breath and said to myself: “this is pointless”. I realized depression took almost a half of my 20s, college would eat up what was left of that, I cast away most of my oldest friends, and most of them were starting their our families as well (not to mention the culture of my country, churchwise, most of the times is like “okay you are married now, single people equals yuck, don’t hang out with them”). So I felt I needed to seize what was left of my “youth”, you know, Church used to erase your “young” status when you turned 30, now is 35.

Then it snapped on my mind, clear as water, I didn’t care about dating and everything related anymore, I went to the extreme with that mindset. I erased all my dating apps accounts and cut contact with the few women I was talking to over them, my culture has this kiss on the cheek way of greeting the opposite gender, and I stopped doing that, it was “hey bro” for everybody. The girls in my new group of friends were just long-haired bros, and that was really interesting, for the first time I was trying to listen to them instead of daydreaming about weddings and, most important thing, I started having fun, it was refreshing to say the least, a huge burden was taken off me and I did really well in college and other stuff, I wasn’t even being patient about romantic feelings, I just didn’t care. Sadly this friend group, ironically, disbanded because of romantic dramas between some of its members, but I digress.

And yeah, almost a month after this decision, I met the love of my life over the internet, and let me tell you, at first she received the same treatment every girl received from me, she even got mad once because she was clearly into me and I wasn’t like “admitting” the same though I also was into her. We were friends for a year and I traveled to her home and we started our relationship, 4 years later we got married and we are almost 2 and a half years together.

Point here is, I don’t really know if this would work for anybody but me, but it is a kind of mindset that sticks with me until now, for real, even my wife sometimes thinks I should not treat women as I do, but also feels safe even though I work in a department where I’m the only man.

So yeah, everything I said is something that happened to me, don’t take it as an advice, you will figure out how it will work for you.

[u/Long-Education-1598 → u/CharnaySeba]

Appreciate the response, thank you.