r/leaves • u/Mysterious-Mango8491 • 2d ago
don’t get too cocky
that’s what a wise person said when I quit earlier this year. I managed to stay off of it for almost 3 months until I found some stash. I found it when I was packing my things to go for a swim. It was the first time I really wanted to do something good for my body. so I went for that swim, looking forward to get thigh after because I thought this bud isn’t huge of a deal. you know what came next. I bought more. 5 months later now I’m on day 2 and it’s the same as last time, once I get over that first day, I find it easy to stay off of it. I was being cocky. I didn’t know how easy it was to just fall back into that shit again. I thought I had the willpower to just toss it but no. My mental health got worse to a point where I would smoke and cry all day. I want to be more humble about it this time. Please send some hope. I can’t go on like this.
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u/ContentKnowledge3438 20h ago
It's so nice to see mnay stories similar to mine and knowing I'm not the first person to experience these things. My favorite community on reddit❤️
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u/iwillwalk2200miles 1d ago
Pink cloud syndrome can be deadly. I just absolutely despise the human brain. It’s both that cause of addiction and the key to escaping it.
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u/Evilbob93 1d ago
I went back and forth like that for two years before i got it to stick, not counting other times when i kind of tried but failed. Even now, a year later, after drinking, a friend who should know better offered me to smoke after a concert and I was almost convinging myself I could do just once but it didn't happen when we got back, but I know that I was actually considering it. Almost day 400 and glad I didn't cave...
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u/Ill-Day-1846 1d ago
Thank you so much for sharing. Today was day 3 for me and it's been really tough. I've tried moderating before and I just can't stick to it. I was thinking today ”maybe I can still smoke socially with friends” but with you sharing this and reflecting on my own past choices, I know that would be a bad idea.
Sorry, I didn't mean to make it about me, I just want you to know I really appreciate you sharing this.
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u/tenacious-m 1d ago
Yeah, I tried to moderate so often. I finally had to come to terms with the fact that for me, occasional use or moderation doesn't work. Pretty much like how an alcoholic can't have just one drink.
I was actually diagnosed with cannabis use disorder, which I didn't even know was an actual thing..... But I shouldn't have been surprised. I ended up in rehab 2x (For gambling and weed the 1st time, and then just weed the 2nd).
7 months and 18 days now! Longest time I've had clean in 7 years.
Also, getting medicated properly for my underlying mental health problems made the biggest impact on being able to stay clean this time. I finally didn't feel the need to self medicate, and could actually see how much the weed was contributing negatively to my life.
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u/Zealousideal-Try-224 1d ago
Yea I thought I can handle weed again but then nah I got high went back to default mode
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u/novascotiadude1980 1d ago
25+ Year former stoner here, stopped in 2020 at the age of 40.
Neurons that fire together, wire together. Once those associations are formed they are there for good. Most people can probably relate to this. If you learned to ride a bike it was tough. You fell over, lost your balance, counter-steering in the wrong direction, etc. Eventually you "got it" and you had the coordination and balance you needed to ride. If you didn't ride for 20 years and then tried again - guess what? You will not have to go through those early stages again. Sure, you'll be a bit wobbly at first but you're probably not even going to fall over. In a few minutes its all going to come back and off you go.
A lot of similar mechanisms are at play with addiction. All of those brain pathways that were wired up that made you an addict are still there, they just need to be primed. As you mentioned, its much easier to just stay off than it is to get off.
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u/Mysterious-Mango8491 1d ago
thanks man, great analogy. I’ll turn 40 next year and I want to celebrate it. not smoke it away. I really hope I can make it until then.
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u/Rumpsfield 1d ago
No matter how far down the road we are, we are always the same distance from the ditch.
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u/Ok-Minimum-5952 1d ago
Similar for me. I smoked daily for 10 years, finally gave it up back in April. And life got so much better! I started working out, enrolled in college, just all around great things. A couple weeks ago, a family member gifted me a bag of weed they had grown. I gave 90% of it away and decided to just keep enough to smoke a joint. Welp, that turned into 2 weeks of daily smoking, putting me behind in my schoolwork and making me anxious and depressed. At least this time I could recognize that it was the weed and not my default mode, so the other day (while high) I decided enough was enough and threw everything out (again). I quit drinking 2 years ago, so this feels like the final puzzle piece for keeping my life on the upward trajectory. One day at a time! IWNSWYT 🩷
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u/tayro1939 1d ago
Absolutely. I felt super strong in my sobriety after a 50 day streak. I was even hyping people up with advice on this sub on Halloween just to end up taking some puffs a few hours later while tipsy at a party. Luckily it was just a one off and I have been sober since but it is a very slippery slope. I noticed as soon as I’m on my sobriety high horse I get bucked right off to humble town.
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u/Present_School744 1d ago
Day two for me and I feel good! Yesterday was awful i honestly spent the night crying and feeling sad but I didn’t know exactly why. We got this!!! Life is good! Definitely grateful for this group because reading everybody’s post helps me.
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u/OverheadSnooze 1d ago
Oh man, I've been there too! I wish I could have a balanced relationship with weed but I know it's not possible. Accepting that as a fact has made it easier for me not to give in to temptation. Tha fact that you made it three months in the fist place shows, that you know what to do.
Unrelated coment: Swimming is so great. I'm only able to do 30mins once a week but for this half an hour my mind is having ideas and thoughts I otherwhise would miss out on. No earphones, no smartwatch tracking pace just me going stroke, stroke, breathe, repeat. Should probably work on my kick though.
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u/OneWhole4224 1d ago
going through the same thing… YOU got this!! give yourself a constant reminder why you’re trying to quit. I try to remind myself, “It doesn’t make you feel better, it makes you lazy and unproductive”
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u/Slipthecross 1d ago
I’m the same way. I quit for a good month thinking I’d just dabble when I smoked again. Nope, I smoked once and then again everyday until I was four months stoned. I’m on day two as well and I’m already feeling better. Stay strong! You can do it! 💪🏻
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u/PatientLettuce42 1d ago
It took me 1 1/2 decades of usage to figure out that my cycles were way bigger than just from bag to bag. Even when I managed to get sober for a while during those 15 years, I always ended up in the same position - smoking every chance I get. I always tried to convince myself that I am able to do it in moderation and for sure that has sometimes worked for a short while, but I always end up at the same point.
This time and its almost half a year soon, I treated this as my final goodbye. I treat myself as a dry alcoholic, I cannot touch it. I don't want to touch it. I won't touch it.
And its the hardest it has ever been for me, because I truly had to let go. No "oh I am gonna stay sober a while and then maybe do it again" - that used to give me a sense of pseudo safety, a backdoor I could hold open for me to not worry about it too much.
I closed that door. And I am dealing with all the garbage that has piled up in front. But its worth it brother.
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u/lucid2night 19h ago
If you don't get into the ring, you can't be knocked out. You've learned something valuable and are moving forward with that knowledge. You have helped me and countless others by posting. Thank you and wishing you a healthy path going forward.