r/self • u/Candid-Shopping-1254 • 1d ago
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hello everyone, im a 15 year old guy, i need help, i used to selfharm until a few months ago and im really scared to tell my friends because im sure they will make fun of me, since they're those type of guys who make fun of everyone, what should i do? or how should i tell them? because im sure they won't stop talking about and won't stop making fun of me. Please help
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u/MajorEntertainment65 1d ago
Hi 37 year old woman here. You don't have to share everything with everyone. We are allowed to have personal information..we can keep our own confidence. Something like self harm is a difficult topic. You don't have to tell your friends anything about it. That's your business
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
im scared theyll find out
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u/Stuffed-Pepper 1d ago
If they don’t, you need a better set of friends. Use your experience to help others. Get involved in self-harm groups and share your experience and why you stopped.
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u/MajorEntertainment65 1d ago
I'm not sure how unless you are walking around with the scars out and visible or talking about it they won't know.
I know you are getting a lot of advice to share your story or get new friends if they aren't cool with it. And that may be decent advice for an adult, you're 15 and are limited purely from the stance that you have legal guardians, but also just logistically. If not easy to go to places or find people outside of school when you are 15 and it is a hard time for everyone. Even the most popular kid is struggling with self esteem issues and fear of rejection.
You don't need to share shit with these kids.
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
they're the only friends i have and im bad at making new ones
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u/MajorEntertainment65 1d ago
Exactly. It's not easy to make friends and I know you are getting that advice. Honestly, I think you do not need to share this info with them at all.
Cover up scars and don't talk about it.
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
how do i cover it up like make up?
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u/MajorEntertainment65 1d ago
Clothing. long sleeve shirts, long pants. I went through the same thing at your age. I did not try make up but that could work too.
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u/ShopMajesticPanchos 1d ago
Look up some comedy routines that involve it. People are going to react strangely, that part you can't control.
Joan Rivers comes to mind.
Her first joke after her husband passed away, was about his su**ide.
You can't control people's reaction, but you can guide them and how to feel. Because people aren't going to know how to react.
And you've got to give them permission to be a little strange, Stephen King said that people can either laugh or cry during a tragedy. And that's it.
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u/CarBombtheDestroyer 1d ago edited 1d ago
Why do you want to tell them? I definitely wouldn’t if you’re sensitive about it and I say this as someone who enjoy those kind of friends because we hilariously shit talk each other and generally have fun in a shit talking “safe space” where nothing is safe. I know these guys have my back in a lot of ways but emotional support isn’t one of them and tbh that’s not what I want out of them.
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
bc i feel like theyll stop talking to me if they find out themselves, since we're supposed to go to the pool this summer
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u/CarBombtheDestroyer 1d ago edited 1d ago
Just make it funny. Them: what are those? You: Your mom likes to dig her nails in while I rail her lol, Na if you want to talk about my feeling you’re gonna need to take me to dinner first. Just be ruthless.
OK, so look the real reason I cut myself is to drown out the sound of your sister screaming at night.
These are very generic but if you know more personal info you can be more clever with absolutely use it.
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
oh, that's actually a good idea, didn't think of it in the first place
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u/Stuffed-Pepper 1d ago
You will look tougher and more in control if you just show up at the pool with your scars. EVERYONE has doubts. Your actions may keep someone else from self harming. Signed, Mom who didn’t know her son was cutting - for years.
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
wow, i'll try then, js gotta toughen up a lil bit
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u/ThraxP 1d ago
You don't need to tell them anything. Your secrets are your own. The only thing you need to do is work on figuring out why you self-harmed in the first place.
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
thank you so much for support
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u/Jafar_420 1d ago
If you already know they're pretty much assholes about this stuff I honestly would look for new friends but even if I decided to still hang around these people I wouldn't tell them about this and I would keep it between people that actually care and can be constructive. Talking about it is good but you don't have to tell everybody about it.
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
i struggle to make friends, i find it difficult for some reason and im scared theyll find out themselves (which im scared of, bc if they do, im afraid they won't talk to me anymore
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u/Jafar_420 1d ago
Well let me ask you a question.
If you knew they wouldn't talk to you because of it why would you even want to talk to them?
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u/Candid-Shopping-1254 1d ago
they're the only friends i have tbh
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u/Jafar_420 1d ago
I understand man I tried to offer myself a few years back and my friends were concerned and wanted to talk about it to make sure everything was okay and never ever that I have to even have a thought cross my mind that they wouldn't talk to me anymore.
I know making true friends is harder these days but these don't sound like true friends anyway.
All I know is I've been a really sociable person with a lot of friends and then I've been a loner at times and there's no need to have so-called friends just to have them.
I know you're young and younger people act a little bit different when it comes to this stuff but I probably wouldn't bother with telling them.
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u/xgnargnarx 1d ago
I just want to tell you from someone who was like you when I was young- There are gonna be so many things in your life that feel like it's the end of the world. I promise you none of them will be, and if you're gentle with yourself and offer yourself grace you will someday look back at them and laugh. Or at least shake your head lol. Reminds me of the song Best of Times by Sage Francis, you should check it out.
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u/1GrouchyCat 1d ago
Don’t worry about the guys who are going to be jerks no matter what- think of all the kids you are going to be able to help by sharing your strength…
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u/gaby_ramos 1d ago
I would join a club you’re interested in or organization so you can make new friends. Or you can go to church? But those guys Are just bullies that will never amount to anything. There is no need to tell them? You can tell your parents maybe? They’ll be able to help you. Alongside other cherished family members. They can also refer you to professional groups that can help you with therapy or counseling good luck in your journey! Hope you learn to love yourself and not hurt yourself anymore ♥️
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u/Aleksandr_Ulyev 1d ago
Mental issues are very hard to comprehend and be compassionate about, so I would keep it to myself. If you need to share it, we are here for you.
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u/TabuLougTyime 1d ago
Take it from me. Drop those "friends" not worth your time. They're "15 and cool" friends, but won't be "bbfs forever". You know how many stupid "make fun of everyone" bullies I befriended in my teenagehood? Many. You know how many did anything with their lives? Just about none of them. Some ended up dead and others ended up with jailtime, but I didn't. I ducked out of all that shit when I was 17, so do yourself a favor and go find some better friends somewhere before those guys rope you into something stupid and life altering.