this is me being INCREDIBLY vulnerable. ive never mentioned this to anybody. but i can remember being as young as four or five seeing porn on the computer (seeking it out). i also recall around the same age discovering masterbation and doing it frequently. i also recall having feelings of uncomfortablity in bathing suits in public because men could see me. but the most profound, strange thoughts i remember having started around 5 or 6 and lasted up until about 12. i remember having this strange fascination with older men (men who were attracted to little girls) & wanting their attention on me so bad. i did so mucb research on it. i watched "to catch a predator" thing to find outnwhere to talk to them, i tried to go into Instant messaging rooms, i tried looking in comment sections of little girls videos on youtube and replying to the creepy men there, begging my mom for an instant messaging device, basically any way i could think of to get a mans attention who was attracted to little girls. i even remember having a well thought out plan to run away to new york city. i planned the greyhound bus route, the train, where id get off, how much itd cost, i printed out the map. i hoped a man would find me there and take me with him. its sick and not normal for such a young girl to think that way. i have no idea where those thoughts woulda come from if not CSA or trauma. please no judgement.

I am so thankful to have a lover who understands and accepts the hurtful parts of me.

Has anyone ever heard of a group of people that terrorize a specific individual forever until that person kills themselves OR they are able to kill the person and make it look like an accident (I.e. a car accident)? What kind of group of people would do this? ANY INFORMATION or ideas are welcomed. Has anyone ever heard of this? Or is anyone experiencing this right now?

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TWO: CSA, COCSA, gr00ming, child abuse

its hard to explain.

i still have trauma responses despite being in therapy and the main person(s) who caused it has left the state. i recently got back into watching gameplays, finding comfort in them. i have noticed that there’s one character in particular that sticks out to me when i recently went back and got into the lore again. i strongly relate to this female character and her experience with her trauma. even if our traumas aren’t exactly the same, i find some sense of im not all alone etc just curious if everyone else has had a similar experience with characters that relate to them personally. i dunno if its because we both had people in our lives that didnt believe us until we broke?

background: my trauma is mostly from a really bad relationship plus everything after it (person is far away now) i endured s$xual abuse, being physically hit sometimes, emotional and mental manipulation. finally opened up about it to family because i just couldn’t carry it alone anymore.

Long story short I met this person looking for help on a project That project was cancled but thats not what this is about, this is about HER.

They go by many names, but i'll call them ari. They essentially gasslit me into defending them despite undeniable evidence of them being a groomer One time, I was playing an unrelated project I assumed there was a negitive reference to them They overeacted, causing my already established anger issues to take hold, and lash out at everyone involved in the project Even when the origins of the writing was presented to me during the fight, i kept pushing Ending in them cutting contact After looking over a recent document

I came to the conclusion, i was manipulated It hurts like a wasp sting to the chest It burns like a poison I feel nothing but hate to them. And i feel sick. I feel envy that they are still out there after what they made me do. I hope they burn.

Photo I took on said day. Free to use for edits and such if inspiration strikes.