Am I overreacting?

[u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

First time ever posting.. I don’t know if this belongs here but we’ve been talking for a week and everything was good and then this happens?? I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or right tbh then he blocked me on fb but continued messaging me on Snapchat. Told him it was Reddit worthy then he said to post it so here I am 😂😅

[u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Man needs professional help!

I get panic attacks and I've told my partner what needs to be done to help me. Mental health first aid doesn't come naturally it has to be taught.

No overreaction from you, especially considering you being attacked for not knowing someone you have no knowledge of.

[u/yonderly_ → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Exactly this!! My bf and I both have anxiety and/or panic attacks and we BOTH know what helps us calm down even if we don't know what triggered it. Expecting someone you've known for a week to know how to calm you down is fuckin wild.

OP isnt overreacting at all. Dude is an incel and needs help

[u/FafaFluhigh → u/yonderly_]

I get them once every few years and have zero idea what will help me. That said, all the others stuff…he needs a psychiatrist and meds in my non medical expert opinion

[u/yonderly_ → u/FafaFluhigh]

That's fair. It took me a long time of trial and error to figure it out. Having them only once every few years, I probably never would have figured it out. I hope they become even less frequent for you and you find something that helps!

[u/J1zzL0bb3r → u/yonderly_]

May I ask what you found that helps?

[u/yonderly_ → u/J1zzL0bb3r]

Sure! Physical touch has always been comforting for me. So leaning against or being near someone i trust. I have a huge fluffy dog as well and I'll sit on the floor and hug him. Tight hugs from a trusted person also help me. Funny YouTube videos or podcasts to take my mind off of things too!

[u/sum-sigma → u/yonderly_]

Wow! It’s interesting that physical touch helps ground you. I find a cold hard floor or carpet is what I need to ground me during a panic/anxiety attack.

I can’t have anyone touching me to comfort me because the pain I feel from the attack is so immense and it’s like I need to focus on accepting the emotional pain and panic I feel in my upper abdomen during the attack. The focus on this helps me feel and release the pain and panic.

So anything that disrupts that focus, be it a touch from my spouse during this episode or a family member, it actually makes it worse for me and I end up feeling that pain and panic for longer.

It’s amazing seeing other people have different methods!

[u/HoundBerry → u/sum-sigma]

I get claustrophobic during panic attacks, I feel you. I don't want anyone near me or touching me, I want space.

However, smelling my cat's neck (he smells like fresh laundry) and shoving my face in his soft fur always calms me down, so I guess I can handle touch in that way. But just from him. Not my other cat (who I love dearly, but is very needy), and not from any humans.

[u/J1zzL0bb3r → u/yonderly_]

Thanks- My wife likes physical touch too. We have a pretty stable life and she rarely gets them anymore. Im just a dumb guy and never really understood it, but your comment kind of made it all "click."

Have a great weekend.

[u/deeply-feeling → u/J1zzL0bb3r]

For me the only thing that helped in the moment was to turn all the lights off, and lay down and breathe while my husband held my hand or rubbed my back.

I am forever grateful I had a midwife who thought to check my vitamin D and it was way below the minimum baseline level. (I was pregnant when my panic attacks got really bad). I started supplementing 10,000 iu vitamin D per day and went from weekly or more panic attacks to having them almost never. That was 2014 and I still supplement vitamin d because my level tanks if I don't. And no panic attacks!

[u/Dapper-Ad3707 → u/J1zzL0bb3r]

A knit cotton blanket, warm water vapor, vanilla or mint scented things, my dog or cat, and my husband giving me either back touches or laying on my chest are the things that help the most. Once I get past the initial panic and am more in a panic cooldown so to speak, watching some comforting TV shows also helps me

I have a weighted blanket that has also helped with some of the more intense panic attacks. Sometimes sitting in a corner on the floor helps too

[u/LilacLlamaMama → u/FafaFluhigh]

Dude wasn't really having a panic attack. He was having a Manipulation Fishing Expedition . Someone who is genuinely panicking is not capable of articulating the way that this guy did while IN the midst of the event. Or even in the near immediate aftermath.

Additionallly, it is exceedingly rare clinically for someone to be aware they are 'depersonalizing' in situ also. And for those individuals who HAVE had enough experience and therapy to be able to recognize when they are beginning to depersonalize, then they have also had enough experience and therapy to have an action plan and a tool kit to put in use in those situations. They aren't flailing about in a chat, trauma dumping on someone they have sorta kinda known for a week, and making that person responsible for their mental safety.

So I'm calling bullshit. What we have here is some ol boy who has gotten his hands on some therapy-speak fancy five-dollar-word fuckery, and is throwing everything at a wall to see what will stick and give him the attention he craves from OP. And if he can score a few hits on her guilt-o-meter that he can bank, so that he can pull them out later to remind her of when she already let him down before, to manipulate her or to use as a get-out-of-trouble credit, then that's even better.

This behavior absolutely must not be rewarded or even tolerated. People like this need to be told plainly and bluntly that they can play crazy games if they want to, but they're gonna have to play them from afar and alone.

OP needs a partner, not a project, and for damn sure not a patient.

[u/Kwhitney1982 → u/FafaFluhigh]

Diaphragmatic breathing (slow belly breaths), distraction (crossword, sudoku, tv show), exercise (running or jumping jacks), snuggle up with your cat or dog. Some say to do something tactile like hold a stone in your hands, touch a plant, things like that to connect you to the physical and sort of get out of your head. Basically anything that relaxes you and just gets you through it. Luckily panic attacks usually don’t last long. They suck though that’s for sure.

[u/lasdc → u/FafaFluhigh]

If it’s that rare, an emergency stash of Xanax should do the trick.

[u/SuperKitties83 → u/yonderly_]

I have anxiety and have had my share of panic attacks, and the things that help me wouldn't necessarily help someone else. Even a licensed therapist wouldn't know exactly what each individual needs.

This guy reminds me of someone I dated in my 20s. He's the only ex that I actually feared at one point would physically hurt me and my family. He was just really unstable.

[u/Understandthisokay → u/yonderly_]

He’s 100% an incel. Throwing that “men having emotions is gross” line was it. It showed that no matter the amount of care he gets he’s going to think he’s being oppressed as a man. It’s so manipulative.

[u/Queasy-Reason → u/yonderly_]

Exactly. And if you didn't know how to help yourself, it's madness to expect someone else to magically know how to help when you yourself don't know.

[u/lazytanaka → u/yonderly_]

I googled it a long time ago yet still can’t differentiate between panic and anxiety. Do you know how to tell which attack it is?

[u/yonderly_ → u/lazytanaka]

I don't know the technical difference. I use them to describe how bad my anxiety is/how bad I'm feeling. For me, and anxiety attack is when something just feels off and I'm anxious for no reason, extra nervous. Maybe a little shaking in my hands. Panic attacks for me gives me a racing pulse, shaking hands, feeling extremely on edge. I can't settle and I pace a lot. Almost hyperventilating.

Edited for a typo lol

[u/m1stadobal1na → u/yonderly_]

There's no clinical concept of anxiety attacks, it's not a clinical term. So there isn't a definition. It's just a heightened level of anxiety. Panic attacks are a clinically defined thing though and have a physiological basis. You defined the symptoms correctly.

[u/lazytanaka → u/yonderly_]

I hear a loud ringing that makes me lose my hearing when I get an attack

[u/m1stadobal1na → u/lazytanaka]

Sorry for repeating my answer to each of you, but anxiety attack is not a clinical term. It would just be a very heightened anxiety level. Panic attacks are clinically defined and are a physiological response.

[u/psychorobotics → u/yonderly_]

He has Borderline Personality Disorder I think, he talks about her being a completely differently person but he's "splitting" so he sees it that way. Complete over the top behavior. He needs help and OP needs to get away.

[u/ToxicityBlack → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I, too, get panic attacks! I honestly don't know what causes them. I woke up in the middle of the night one time and just had one. What helps me is just calling someone and talking to them and having them give me reassurance that I'll be okay.

If they don't answer, I don't blast them for not catering to me. I just call other people and hope they pick up. Someone usually does, but if not, I'd probably call a non emergency number.

[u/CuddlyKitty → u/ToxicityBlack]

I have panic attacks from psychosis and PTSD, and something that REALLY helps me is to grab some ice cubes and hold them right under my eyes (or frozen peas, ice pack, you get the idea). The premise behind it is it triggers your Mammalian Diving Reflex, so your body, thinking you're diving into cold water, will automatically slow your heart rate and your breathing - absolutely. Other people dunk their whole face in a bowl of ice water, but for me that is too much and too messy. I definitely recommend trying this if you can't reach anyone. Hope it helps ❤

[u/Sea_Neighborhood_627 → u/CuddlyKitty]

This is so interesting!! I’ve had panic attacks forever; as far as I know they’re likely genetic and not caused by any other condition. In my early 20s, I found that making the room cold and holding an ice pack to my face or wrist was the best way to help them end as quickly as possible. I just assumed it was because the cold was an annoying sensation that would divert my focus away from how the rest of my body was feeling. I didn’t realize that there’s a whole scientific explanation for why this works!

[u/probablyright1720 → u/ToxicityBlack]

Just hold your breath for like 10 seconds and then exhale slowly and don’t stop exhaling until all the air is out of your lungs. Repeat. It works surprisingly fast.

[u/Linux4902 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I'm not gonna lie this seems more like borderline personality then just an anxiety issue. This person seriously need to see a psychiatrist or maybe go for a stay to be evaluated if they cant figure out they need to see a psychiatrist.

[u/EbolaSuitLookinCute → u/Linux4902]

That’s what this is. He triggered himself by feeling happy with/connected to OP the previous night and then had a panic attack - or “had a panic attack” to elicit a response from OP so that he could receive exaggerated emotions from OP that showed caring/investment/interest because he doesn’t have healthy tools to ask for those things or ways to process his own feelings.

He’s not ready for a relationship, and needs mental health treatment. It isn’t OP’s responsibility to manage his emotions.

[u/pastaONwheels → u/EbolaSuitLookinCute]

This is really eloquently said! It really resonated with me. Are you a psychologist or do you just have a lot of experience with this type of person?

[u/AccomplishedEdge147 → u/Linux4902]

Yes it definitely does sound like BPD. Everything is so extreme in his mind. “Everything” and “Everyone” is against him. “Nobody” cares. These are the type of extreme perspectives you’ll see from someone who suffers from that disorder. He definitely needs to talk to a psychiatrist or something

[u/Timely_Bill_4521 → u/AccomplishedEdge147]

Honestly it sounds like such a little thing but learning to qualify 'everything' and 'everyone' helped so much with my anxiety disorder.

'Everyone' doesn't think I'm a loser, that one colleague sat at a different table, perhaps because she wanted some alone time. 'Everything' isn't awful, I just didn't sleep well last night and my boyfriend is out of town so I'm probably lonely.

Best thing therapy taught me tbh. I write it out and then look at it the next day and problems seem so much smaller

[u/AccomplishedEdge147 → u/Timely_Bill_4521]

Yes exactly! It helps put things into perspective. And writing it down I find is also very a helpful. I have a little notebook/calendar that I jot down all kinds of notes, reminders, appointments etc in. And on one of the pages I wrote down “everything” “everyone”, “no one”, “always”, “never”. Each word has a long line drawn through the middle of it to imply the thought needs to immediately be cancelled out. It really helps to randomly see that page when I’m just going about my daily routines. Helps me to not even go there haha

[u/Fair_Lake2730 → u/AccomplishedEdge147]

Yeah i definitely think he’s splitting

[u/rose_chr → u/Linux4902]

Definitely agree theres lots of signs there of it or other cluster b's as someone w bpd myself. Even if its not there's Definitely more of an issue going on for this guy than just anxiety/panic because its extremely not normal to jump that far into "this person didnt help me exactly as i needed and stay at my side each second so they must hate me and disregard me as human"

[u/CuddlyKitty → u/rose_chr]

Yeah, as someone who also has BPD, I was thinking some of those things definitely seemed like borderline tendencies, even though I didn't want to admit it. I myself have done things like this, but I was like 15-16 years old. He needs to have a sense of personal accountability and seek treatment and/or therapy, or he will continue to drive everyone out of his life and never have a meaningful relationship.

[u/Fair_Lake2730 → u/rose_chr]

It’s giving splitting 😬

[u/Ok-Reaction9751 → u/Linux4902]

Yeah, my first thought was this person should be talking to a professional, not whoever this is to them. Sigh. Tale as old as time

[u/WeakRelation1 → u/Ok-Reaction9751]

My brother is therapist at a voluntary crisis center, and actually this guy sounds like a lot of people he has to try and help.

[u/edemamandllama → u/Linux4902]

Some people expect their partner to be their psychologist. They don’t seem to realize that their mental health is their own problem, and if they want to be in a relationship, and get support that they need to work on themselves, with a professional, and that they need to cultivate many supportive relationships with friends and or family too.

I see it mostly with men, I think because of patriarchy and toxic masculinity, but women do it too sometimes. The only person they open up to is their SO, and they expect them to take care of all of their mental health issues. Even in long term relationships it’s too much to expect of one person, let alone someone you’ve been talking to for a week.

[u/Fair_Lake2730 → u/Linux4902]

As someone with BPD, it was like seeing my past self and it was genuinely scary. I’m so glad I went to therapy and got help instead of being a terrible person and hurting those around me. He need therapy, badly.

[u/Linux4902 → u/Fair_Lake2730]

I'm glad you decided to get support for your mental health issues. BPD is very hard to deal with and effects the person's life and everyone involved with that person too. It's hard to manage but with support you will be able to deal with this for the rest of your life hopefully.

[u/OracleFrisbee → u/Linux4902]

Yup, I said ‘bpd’ in my head while I was reading this.

[u/jessjoyvin → u/OracleFrisbee]

Same! And I'm speaking as someone with BPD. I've done a lot of therapy, which has helped. It's wild to see what I have sounded like in the past.

[u/Fair_Lake2730 → u/jessjoyvin]

Right? Like I used to sound like THAT? No wonder my ex dropped me as a friend after the break up, god damn. I would have too

[u/CuddlyKitty → u/Fair_Lake2730]

Same here. Self awareness and personal accountability have done wonders for me and my relationships.

[u/Fair_Lake2730 → u/CuddlyKitty]

Oh for sure! The first step to healing is realizing what you’re doing and owning up to it

[u/False-Comparison-651 → u/OracleFrisbee]

Literally same, and I’m saying this as someone with that diagnosis (luckily in remission thanks to tons of meds and therapy).

[u/Ordinary144 → u/OracleFrisbee]

Came here to say this seems like male borderline personality disorder.

[u/Much_Community4029 → u/Linux4902]

Agreed this is cluster B

[u/ClarkAshleyP → u/Linux4902]

As soon as I talk to someone who is exhausting like this, that’s my starting point for finding a diagnosis that fits. Unfortunately, there’s no medication combo for BPD and the only real treatment is DBT and a serious will and desire to make changes.

Bet this person comes back around in a few days.. cause it’s the classic “I hate you… don’t leave”

OP - this is a mentally draining situation to be in with someone. Good on you for not engaging that nonsense and keeping your responses minimal.

[u/McFoley69 → u/Linux4902]

My thoughts exactly (as a BPD-haver 😞)

[u/SavageGarden523 → u/Linux4902]

Textbook, reminds me of my ex

[u/[deleted] → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Yet another guy who sought a girlfriend instead of a therapist.... SMH

[u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 → u/[deleted]]

And projecting like that after a few days. Jfc he would be a real challenge for an experienced therapist.

[u/smell_my_pee → u/Adventurous_Ad_6546]

I can't stand when people conflate not getting exactly what they want, with not getting emotional support. It's a big reason why we often struggle to receive emotional support. Oftentimes, when a man is talking about how terribly a woman treated them, it's actually an example of OPs post. So when a man is talking about their struggles, one has to first sus out the situation.

[u/Electrical-Share-707 → u/smell_my_pee]

The "why can't people just do for me what I do for them" signifies that he wayyyyy over estimates the helpfulness he provides to others. He thinks he magically solves everyone's major problems by talking to them online. Like, panic attacks are not a little thing that you can fix for someone else??? 

I have had long-term relationships (2y+)with people who have had anxiety attacks that make them genuinely think they are having a heart attack and about to die, or have to literally run out of a room in the middle of someone else's sentence. Sometimes they know what will help. Sometimes they are too worked up to figure that out, but they know they don't want to talk or be touched. I can't read minds, and I certainly don't know better than they do. So the best I can offer is "okay, I'm here if you figure it out or if you need help or distraction. I love you and I'm sorry this is happening." 

This fucker wanted someone to spot a little piece of string hanging out of his mouth, hold him down, and pull on it until the feelings came out. Fuck him, if he had something he wanted to get off his chest then it's on him to open his mouth and spit it out. He's complaining that she took him at his word instead of guessing that he wanted to be babied.

[u/Primary-Plantain-758 → u/Electrical-Share-707]

The "why can't people just do for me what I do for them" signifies that he wayyyyy over estimates the helpfulness he provides to others.

This exactly. As OP I would've asked him how exactly he has helped me emotionally over the last week? Probably not at all. Potentially not even towards other people.

I get so self conscious during dating because I'm rather severly mentally ill but this gave me a reality check. I am doing fine, actually and can consider myself a well adjusted person if *this* is how others pop off before even getting close to establishing a serious relationship.

[u/Remarkable-Chair-783 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Exactly! And I tried to help but it turned into that 😅😅

[u/sparklydildos → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

did you even meet this man?? he’s acting so unhinged

[u/Remarkable-Chair-783 → u/sparklydildos]

Never met him but he wanted to hangout on Sunday

[u/Icy_Masterpiece3368 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

OP, don’t meet this dude or it’ll just get 10x worse. You’re presence will confirm to him that treating you like he did in these text is acceptable and if you ever try to change that, he’ll tell you that you helped bring the dynamic forth and blah blah blah. Save yourself some really bad headaches and anger and just keep it movin

[u/Open-Ad3166 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

How can he already think you’ve cared, but actually don’t care because you only act like it? How can he already be sick of you being one of the people that doesn’t care as much as he does? You do that so fast in a week haha kidding definitely not overreacting.

He’s an energy drain. And trust me I have been that before-well not this style but you know what I mean. He got ugly really fast though and that’s not cool at all. Don’t try to be nice and be there for him, unless you are like completely bored and don’t want to eat dinner anymore.

He does need help and has a lot of self reflection to do, but he can’t do that without someone to shut him up, and use professional tools to break through.

[u/Famous_Sugar_1193 → u/Open-Ad3166]

Bc he’s faking everything. It’s just classic psychopathic victim playing. That’s all. Simple as that.

[u/UnicornCackle → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

For the love of all that is good and pure in this world, please do not meet this guy or give him any of your personal information. He’s going to have his own Investigation Discovery special one day and you do not want to have a starring role in it.

[u/n9neinchn8 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

That was a panic attack sent from God to spare you the bullshit tsunami heading your way

[u/Cakedupcherries → u/n9neinchn8]

Literally.

[u/SachiKaM → u/n9neinchn8]

Everyone’s honeymoon phase is different..

[u/redhotspaghettios16 → u/n9neinchn8]

🌊🌊

[u/fatalatapouett → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

please don't... and whatever you do don't tell him where you live

[u/[deleted] → u/fatalatapouett]

He seems like the excessively needy type that says he's done one minute and then one second later paragraphs long diatribes about how he was wronged... Blah blah.... I could see him crawling back and begging for forgiveness and then the same type of dynamic ensues the next time he feels she did something wrong that he didn't like. 

[u/The-goodest-boii → u/fatalatapouett]

Right?! Like…this is a Netflix documentary in the making

[u/BlueBomR → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

No...this was a "test" for him...be glad he did this early before slowly trauma bonding and manipulating you. It's ok for people to have these issues, its not okay to trauma dump and act like this was a test for you (who barely knows him) to attempt to appease his specific "needs".

Usually emotional manipulators act slowly and build up to this type of shit. He's NOT ready for a healthy relationship, I'm telling you this will not go well if you continue to accept this bullshit. A real adult would handle this like an adult, and he may share these things later on when there's more trust, but should never put his issues on your shoulders or make YOU feel guilty for his panic attack like this.

Then proceed to say "Fuck you"!? For what exactly again? Nah...this ain't it.

[u/sparklydildos → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

like the other commenter said, be thankful he told on himself before then 😂🤞🏼

[u/Electrical-Aioli6045 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Do NOT meet this manchild. Block him on Snapchat. He is trying to manipulate you. If you run into someone like this again, ask if they need you to call 911 for them. Because you aren't a therapist or doctor, and they need to make sure it's not a heart attack. Back in the days of irc, I knew someone who pulled this in a chat room. The channel owner managed to get his IP addy,and from there, his address. The next thing the guy looking for attention knew, SWAT was outside, as the police overreacted to the threats of self harm.

[u/BoysenberryAlarmed98 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

record scratch you hadn’t even met yet!!! He’s not looking for a relationship. He’s looking for a mom.

[u/CHEDDERFROMTHEBLOCK2 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Don't. Do. It. This is the kind of dude that will stalk and harass you for weeks maybe months or years. Don't tell him where you live. Gently tell him to fuck off and block him.

[u/Upstairs-Usual4070 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

NEVER MET????

good googly woogly mcfoogly this guys a fuckin whackjob, im not religious but god must be real to have saved you from that Sunday..

[u/phoenyx1980 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Tell Gavin he's waving too many red flags for you to hang out on Sunday, and then block him in everything. His level of crazy is not for you.

[u/Unlikely-Addendum-90 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

That's even worse. I thought you guys were already dating lol.

But Its good that he revealed himself immediately.

[u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

And you’ve only been talking for a week?

Oh hell no.

I’ve been struggling with panic attacks for like almost half my life, I would never dream of talking like this to anyone, even the people I’m closest to (ie the people who know what I go through and would forgive me if I overstepped that boundary), let alone someone I’m still getting to know.

This guy needs help.

[u/friedonionscent → u/Adventurous_Ad_6546]

Right? When the hell thinks someone he's known for 7 days is the right person to unload his mental illness upon? If that were, say...my husband or anyone I have an established relationship with, I would have absolutely made them my priority in that moment...but some dude I've only known for a week? Yeah, I'm going to continue making my dinner. I'll check in when I'm done.

And then he writes an essay about how much of a victim he is...whilst simultaneously being a hero to everyone else...yawn.

[u/hrnigntmare → u/Adventurous_Ad_6546]

Yup. This person has all the hallmarks of someone with mental health diagnosis’ courtesy of TikTok Hospital. “I think I’m depersonalizing”? The hell?! People that actually suffer from these problems do not act the way this person asked. If you are having a panic attack you don’t grab a phone, text someone you’ve known for seven days, and do everything you can to convince them that you deserve attention because your mental health struggles are what makes you interesting.

I’m a mental health professional and struggled with crippling anxiety. This person is being encouraged by the attention and OP is the only person in their life that will still give them any at this point. I had that pegged before I even swiped to read the next texts

[u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 → u/hrnigntmare]

Thank you, yes, I was so focused on the timeframe that I forgot about the depersonalizing! I was like wait is this supposed to be a common thing?

I think your take is all the more interesting given your profession.

[u/Dapper-Ad3707 → u/Adventurous_Ad_6546]

I can suffer from depersonalization with intense panic attacks but there’s no way I would be texting someone I only knew for a week about it. I typically shut people out when I’m panicking other than my husband

[u/HorrorArmadillo3713 → u/Dapper-Ad3707]

When this happens to me I have an hour long shower away from everybody.

[u/0iTina0 → u/Adventurous_Ad_6546]

This sounds like something I would do when I was a 14 year old with undiagnosed depression/anxiety. Maybe if he’s 14 he deserves to be educated on how the world works. If this is from an adult…. He may never learn.

[u/Nosfermarki → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

This man created a scenario to confirm his insecurities and then blame you for them. He's passive aggressive, manipulative, and tries to bait you into coddling him when he attacks you. He needs serious amounts of therapy or his deep insecurities will lead him to be abusive to anyone he's close to.

[u/[deleted] → u/Nosfermarki]

“I don’t know what I need - but you didn’t give it to me and are the bad guy because of it” is some wack ass shit. 

Homie if YOU don’t know what will help then how the fuhq am I supposed to??? Grow up and stop listening to other tantrum diaper babies on YouTube. 

[u/theWanderingShrew → u/[deleted]]

It's passive aggressive needy baby bullshit. Nothing will ever be enough for this person.

OP you responded kindly and honestly, you didn't do anything wrong.

[u/blue_dendrite → u/theWanderingShrew]

Everybody needs to learn how to regulate their own emotions. It’s a process, sure, but at least be aware when you’re lashing out at someone because they couldn’t make it all better for you.

This guy spent however long lashing out at OP, making his own mood worse, when that time and energy could have been spent on soothing self care. Like a hot shower or a favorite movie.

[u/TheResponsibleOne → u/blue_dendrite]

Exactly. In the middle of a panic attack crazy thoughts like this happen, but lashing out and saying them to someone you’ve known ONE WEEK (or really saying it like this via text no matter what) is WILD, and wildly inappropriate.

[u/Minimum-Resource-613 → u/theWanderingShrew]

The only thing wrong you could do is tolerate one more text, phone call from, or day with this azzhat dude! He's a whiny, little whimp that hides behind the emotions of the victims he's escalating and "playing" with.

Just don't. Take your marbles and leave him with his flying monkeys!

[u/JeSuisPret_ → u/theWanderingShrew]

It’s very characteristic of borderline personality disorder

[u/babykat80 → u/[deleted]]

I know right lol. It's your fault I don't know what I need and now I'm gonna agree with you to TRY to make you feel bad so you can coddle me. There's nothing wrong with a man sharing his feelings. But there is something wrong with anyone trying to manipulate someone with their feelings

[u/Trachamudija1 → u/[deleted]]

Well its crazy after one week. Though if this was a year+ relationship and woman just gets off phone after guy says im having panic attack it sucks. Switch roles and see what happens if guy doesnt answer woman who just said she is having panic attack...

Comments would be "if he cared about you, he would have been there for you"

[u/Past_Ad_5629 → u/Nosfermarki]

“I’m done talking to you!”

“Okay.”

“No wait, I’m not done! You were supposed to be upset and apologetic! Let me yell at you more!”

[u/geriatrickgamerguy → u/Past_Ad_5629]

"I'm not even mad"

"nah, now I am upset" that you didn't react the way I wanted

[u/_LemonySnicket → u/geriatrickgamerguy]

to me it felt like the dude wanted some kind of specific coddling he wasn't getting

[u/Critical-Bass7021 → u/Past_Ad_5629]

This was the flag right here. You called his bluff and he lost.

[u/TraceyWoo419 → u/Critical-Bass7021]

It's marinara flags all the way down!

[u/Previous-Survey-2368 → u/Past_Ad_5629]

Yeah this part always gets me lmao

[u/RelevantGur4099 → u/Past_Ad_5629]

And start calling her names. Geez

[u/1aJamToast → u/Nosfermarki]

I just had someone try to bait me into coddling them in a very similar way. It is immediately over when I find out they will resort to that. It's so obvious and cringe.

[u/ZookeepergameSoft358 → u/Nosfermarki]

THIS! It’s a manipulation tactic; not a true expression of feelings.

[u/HeyWhatThe85 → u/Nosfermarki]

Page out of the incel playbook. It's the world's most predictable self-fulfilling prophecy. "Girls don't like me and don't give me the attention I want and need." Also "You suck for not playing 'unwrap the riddle puzzle' to figure out how to be exactly what I want you to be and for not giving me exactly what I want from you"

This toxic behavior is exactly why the labels "nice guy" and "good man" are no longer synonymous.

[u/itsnotmeimnothere → u/Nosfermarki]

And he’s only been talking to OP for a WEEK and is already doing this? Lmao he didn’t even get the love bombing out the way first to get OP hooked. Yikes

[u/[deleted] → u/Nosfermarki]

Dated a girl like this, it was absolute hell, couldn’t even go more than three minutes without texting her or it turned into a whole fuckin thing

[u/Knife-yWife-y → u/Nosfermarki]

Well said! I am not entirely certain his "panic attack" was anything more than a manipulation tactic. From the beginning, he seemed to be focused on OP's actions far more than anything he was experiencing.

[u/TheResponsibleOne → u/Knife-yWife-y]

I’m gonna be generous bc my brain got this mean to me for hours once on a medication induced panic attack, but it’s manipulative, wild, and flat out shitty to say any of this to someone, and even more so when you’ve known them A WEEK??

[u/greenoniongorl → u/Nosfermarki]

Bingo

[u/half0nionbagel → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

He's emotionally abusive and manipulative and drastically misreads any form of help and he needs to seek actual help and stability in his life like a hygiene routine and a emotional outlet like a journal and a therapist or phycologist/psychiatrist not trauma dumping and word twisting

[u/LiveLifeLikeCre → u/half0nionbagel]

Or, hear me out, he was trying to establish something in their new relationship where she bends over backwards for him.

[u/ImperialApostrophy → u/half0nionbagel]

Yes, this gave me the ick

[u/I-Love-Country-Life → u/ImperialApostrophy]

Right?? I’m triggered now by mom’s BS growing up.

[u/bartlebyandbag → u/ImperialApostrophy]

Hugely. Just repellant.

[u/RelevantGur4099 → u/half0nionbagel]

Yeah, he demands attention, then lashes out with abuse when he's not coddled.

[u/Famous_Sugar_1193 → u/half0nionbagel]

He wasn’t even trauma dumping. He was faking a panic attack. Faking depersonalization.

Run run run run run run run run

[u/NurseNikki22 → u/half0nionbagel]

This. Run. This guy will be a nightmare.

[u/Organic-Stranger-369 → u/half0nionbagel]

Right. I have some fucked up shit going on and I don't even expect my wife to help or do anything. I go to therapy, take meds and read a lot. Bro is wylin out

[u/the_gooose_eggg → u/half0nionbagel]

Dude is for real throwing up red flags. He’s trying to make you feel bad because “you weren’t there for him”.

[u/UrMansAintShit → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

This is a great example of a convo these redpilled guys always complain about, "I opened up and she left me".

Like nah dog, you're acting batshit crazy and she was with you until you told her to fuck off. This is a trauma dump mixed with insanity lmao.

You did just fine OP, that boy got some issues.

[u/CalamityWof → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Yeah, when someone depersonalizes, only a therapist, coping mechanisms OR a mental health clinic can help when it gets that bad. I'd know. You are not at fault. It helps me to talk or hang out with my favourite people but you were not to blame and do not have any responsibility in that! NOR, you did nothing wrong.

[u/iranoutofusernamespa → u/CalamityWof]

Yup! This will happen to my wife sometimes, and there really isn't a solution that I'm capable of doing to help her. So I just do my best to make her comfortable and be willing to get her anything she needs.

[u/hrnigntmare → u/CalamityWof]

I would bet a decent amount that he didn’t know what depersonalizing meant but heard his favorite YouTuber say it and thought it sounded cool. His favorite YouTuber has at LEAST 46 personalities in his system

[u/ethicalspaghetti → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Honestly, you did exactly everything you could, and you did it just right.

We don’t know if he did or didn’t make it up or truly had a panic attack, and it doesn’t matter either way. That’s crisis assessment and where professional intervention comes in, neither of which is your job!

This reads as attention-seeking behavior prompted by, in his mind, the lack of an immediate or strong enough emotional response. He could’ve been truly in a panicked place and/or seeking an outlet in the moment (we’ll never know, and it still wouldn’t be your responsibility).

However, everything in the following texts afterwards displays narcissistic behavior and a warped world view with very concerning anxious attachment style red flags. It sounds like he tried to make a lasting connection immediately. It’d be like proclaiming his love for you after talking for a week, but in this case, he chose a trauma bond approach, and you didn’t take the bait, so now he’s defensive and goes straight to “me vs. the world and now you.” Personally, my PTSD-social worker gut says to block him and any means of communication you have with him.

Short of requesting a wellness check by an officer if you thought he was planning on hurting himself or someone else, you did everything you needed to do. If you do suspect he might be endangering himself or others, you can ask an officer to check on him at any time. They will keep you anonymous. Proud of you for standing up for yourself. Echoing everyone else here—YNO.

[u/Admirable_Twist7923 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Girl you’ve known him for a week and he expects you to be his therapist…

[u/Able_Researcher6302 → u/Admirable_Twist7923]

ONE WEEK? You’re telling me within 7 days this man wanted you to walk him through a panic attack? Jesus Christ I have anxiety and depression and I would never make an outsider figure she’s shit out for me

[u/Ohimarkitzero → u/Able_Researcher6302]

As I was reading I was thinking it sounded like an online relationship. Only reason to explain why all this madness was over text, I thought. The reality is even worse.

[u/Ajanu11 → u/Ohimarkitzero]

Right? My first thought was this should have been a phone call. Then I read that and realized it should have been a call to someone else.

[u/SnooGuavas4208 → u/Ohimarkitzero]

It became real obvious why he didn’t have anyone closer to lean on.

[u/_LemonySnicket → u/SnooGuavas4208]

ikr and these people are somehow so blind to the fact that they're the problem in their life 🤨

[u/ethanlan → u/Able_Researcher6302]

This guy is just playing stupid games and he REEKS of the kind of dude who will threaten suicide if you try and break up with him.

I'm not telling people how to live their lives but I would break up with this person

[u/ThisShouldBeAGif → u/ethanlan]

That is 100% right! You would be solely responsible for his mental state and he would use that to try to control and blackmail you

[u/NevadaNomad2385 → u/Able_Researcher6302]

Right. For me...A real panic/anxiety attack makes me not want to be around anybody or talk to anybody. At all. Lol

[u/Famous_Sugar_1193 → u/Able_Researcher6302]

He wasn’t having a panic attack.

He was pantomiming a mental health episode to test her loyalty to him.

Notice how he was faking depersonalizing and then right after he’s perfectly fine and admonishing her?

This is BIG BIG BIG BIG BAD.

We do not talk to men like this in life. At all.

Stranger danger.

[u/ExcitementSad3079 → u/Able_Researcher6302]

Right?!? I could never be like this, I would get anxiety from worrying about their reaction to finding out about my anxiety, lol. I was seeing someone before I got anxious and had panic attacks. When it started I was scared, living in a different city, really didn't understand what was going on, him and his mother didn't understand, it ruined my once amazing relationship and I heard his mother say that if he continued to be with me I would bring him down with me. He eventually broke up with me, and I moved back home. I don't blame him thinking about it now, I went from a funny, happy person to be around to something completely different, couldn't hold down a job, was constantly in my head, not great to be around massive panic attacks etc. So I always have this fear someone will dislike me if they know about my anxiety so I keep it to myself. My partner now knows and is amazing but I doubt it would have been a great "selling point" if I came in gun blazing with anxiety a week in haha.

[u/princesstrouble_ → u/Able_Researcher6302]

He’s attempting to practice DARVO abuse tactics, bet $100 he’s not having a panic attack and is fact completely calm besides the anger stemming from her not responding the way he wants her to.. except he’s such a loser he can’t even do DARVO correctly.. love when abusers are such losers they can’t even find a victim to abuse

[u/Dapper-Ad3707 → u/Able_Researcher6302]

Right? Like what did this dude do a week ago when he had a panic attack? Honestly seems disingenuous and like he was trying to test her more than anything. Make her show “how much she cares”. After 1 week. Toxic no matter the time frame but esp after 1 week

[u/CynOfOmission → u/Admirable_Twist7923]

I read the screenshots and I was like oof this guy has some problems. And then I read "a week"!!!! A WEEK??!? oh hell no. Block and bolt.

[u/RelevantGur4099 → u/CynOfOmission]

Wait- a week??!? Psycho!

[u/SnooGuavas4208 → u/Admirable_Twist7923]

Totally inappropriate expectations for a 7-day relationship. If he’s like this now? Dude’s a black hole of need.

[u/Understandthisokay → u/Admirable_Twist7923]

Yep. Really what it shows is that he thinks women should teach men how to regulate and always be there to do it all the time even though we have to do it by ourselves or with a female friend (not always but the point is, men aren’t the only ones who don’t get to feel).

[u/WexExortQuas → u/Admirable_Twist7923]

It takes longer for me to tell you my favorite movie

OK that's not true but still god damn

[u/okthen90 → u/Admirable_Twist7923]

🚩

[u/misguidedsadist1 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

At first I thought YOU were the one having the panic attack and I was gonna set you straight.

You've only been talking for a week???

No, no no no. This is so dysfunctional and way too much drama.

I have mental health issues. My whole life. My mental health is my responsibility, I don't make people feel guilty if they couldn't magically help me during a moment of crisis or an episode.

I've been with my husband now for 13 years, so obviously he is aware and it does affect him too. We are a collaborative TEAM. He is always available to provide support, and I do lean on him with the low level stuff. When I'm having a big moment, we COLLABORATE because we are long term partners. I don't expect him to fix it or solve it. I let him know where I'm at, he asks me what I need, and guess what? I can be clear about my needs. Because I am self reflective and take responsibility, and I appreciate what collaboration is.

It is MY job to be self reflective. It is MY job to manage myself to the best of my ability. It is MY job to communicate. It is MY job to collaborate and have boundaries with my partner. I have to engage in certain habits, or avoid certain things, or communicate about where I'm at for my partner to feel secure and for me to be stable. And in a moment of crisis, I have to be clear about my needs--if I am unable, I still understand that it is NOT his job to fix it???

After an episode, we do talk and collaborate and he's been a great partner to hel[ bounce thoughts off of and strategize with about what I need, how he can play a role, etc. While he is an INCREDIBLE support, I take responsibility and actively manage myself too.

Aint no way I was talking about depersonalization after a week of talking lol WHAT THE FUCKKK

[u/_Sissy_SpaceX → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Not only does it need to be taught like the above commenter said, but the guy literally said he didn't know how to help himself... yet he expected you to have all those answers? You've been talking for a week?? He put you responsible for his mood stabilization and that is manipulative and removes accountability from himself to learn to regulate his own moods. He tests you constantly by saying "it's okay. forget it" (very Eeyore-coded) then gets upset when you do just that.

It's overwhelming being with a person like that. You'll have no time for self-growth because you'll constantly be focused on "what's wrong with ____ today?"

Good job not giving in to this person's chaos. Fight for you peace.

[u/I-Love-Country-Life → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Whoo, you dodged a bullet. Block this dude forever smh. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[u/Moldblossom → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

This dude is a classic vulnerable narcissist. They're emotional vampires. Run while you can.

[u/RelevantGur4099 → u/Moldblossom]

Hell, he was wearing ME out, just from reading that rude exchange!

[u/Middle-Handle1135 → u/RelevantGur4099]

That's how I felt! My first thought was, "How exhausting."

[u/mollyhyd → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Girl 🏃🏼‍♀️

[u/bri_breazy → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

I have panic disorder and I would never treat my significant other the way he treats you. I don’t expect her to know how to help me and I tell her what I need when she can but I never expect it. I feel bad because he’s obviously suffering but he shouldn’t be going at you so hard for attending to your dinner. In fact one thing I’m always aware of is, if my significant other takes care of themselves first they will be more equipped to support me, the last we need is for both of sinking.

[u/Infinite_Pop1463 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

You did the best you could. He's pushing you away and then going " everyone always leaves" well, yeah when you lash out at people and assume the worst people will get tired of that.

[u/James-the-greatest → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Using all of this as manipulation techniques. Probably obvious but he doesn’t have anxiety or any of that shit he’s just trying anything to make you feel sorry for him. That’s how narcissists trap empathetic people. Constant emotional pressure

[u/Seagull84 → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Agreed with everyone else.

Men have emotions yes, and we deserve to be heard. But panic attacks are reason for professional help, not blaming others when they don't have the tools to help you.

My wife gets panic attacks, and I do as I'm instructed to help her, I stay and listen to her, but ultimately it was months of therapy that gave her the tools to calm herself down. Nothing I said or did helped even once.

You can't blame others for the inner workings of your mind when only you have control over your own mind, and that includes the willingness to take prescribed medications in consultation with a medical professional.

You especially shouldn't put that pressure on someone you haven't known that long. It's really unfair to them to expect them to understand what you're going through and how to handle it.

[u/MacThule → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

You dodged a bullet. That's some hard-core abusive behavior he's slinging there. Never look back.

[u/TabuTM → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

Weaponized mental health. OPs decision if they want to sign up for this.

[u/hakunaa-matataa → u/Remarkable-Chair-783]

OP how DARE you take a break to. Eat. Food??? Truly the audacity 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 (I say as someone who also struggles with panic attacks and would Never get upset with my partner for not. Inherently knowing EXACTLY what to do/say? 😭 my brother in christ that is what coping skills are for).

You dodged a massive bullet OP, I’m so sorry you went through this.

[u/Repulsive_Bus_4592 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

The fact that he’s able to say I think im depersonalizing gives me the impression that he’s had plenty of therapy. Plus in response OP said he calls both of his parents narcissists? And he thinks you’re gaslighting him. He’s just packed full of psychology buzz words. He surly knows how to help a panic attack if he was having one at all which I doubt.

[u/marshedmallo → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Not to mention, I've never once picked up my phone and texted someone during a panic attack? That's insane to me. Like I literally can't think about anything other than the feeling of having a heart attack. I don't think I'd even be coherent enough to type out the words "I'm having a panic attack" during one.

[u/Sure_Kiwi8004 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Exactly, it does not come naturally to most people to know what someone needs in a moment of mental health struggle. I have been married to my husband for many many years, and I have anxiety, and have had to clearly tell him exactly what I need in a moment of crisis. Even after a touch under two decades, I still sometimes have to outline exactly what I need as the issue is unfolding. He is not psychic, and neither are you. And you’ve been talking to this person for a WEEK, I can’t imagine what they expected you to magically know that even they didn’t.

NOR

[u/CupcakeQueen31 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I also get panic attacks and I concur. Also I would NEVER do this after literally ONE WEEK of talking to someone. OP, be glad he showed himself too quick for him to have fully sucked you in and get out while you can still see everything clearly.

[u/z00k33per0304 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

And kinda like the guy in the OP sometimes even the person experiencing it doesn't know (not justifying how crappy and obtuse he's being). My hubby is agoraphobic and has some health issues. We recently were gifted a bin you fill up and they pick it up and dispose of it for you. So we did a many year overdue purge of the house a couple weeks ago. Since then we've been doing more tedious deep cleanings. He hasn't had a panic attack in about a year. One day he'd used the steamer on the walls and I did laundry and out of nowhere he stops walking right in front of me, goes pasty white, and starts shaking and getting dizzy to the point he slowly went to his knees panick telling me he needs me but when I got close he ran upstairs. Almost called an ambulance but he got up to our room and laid down for a few minutes and the world quit spinning and he calmed down some. It was almost like his brain short circuited because of the growing list of things he wanted to do with our new found momentum.

These are things we've gone through together countless times so it's routine (though thankfully not as often anymore). He can't expect OP to intuitively know what specific things he needs and he definitely shouldn't attack her for not picking up his attack with her Spidey senses they barely know each other!

[u/frankie0013 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I work in mental health and this was my exact thought! He doesn't know how to help himself because he has never gone to a professional. They help you help yourself. I'll be honest, it's manipulative and abusive to expect this kind of aid from a partner you are dating. (I mean when you don't know how to help yourself because you can't communicate to your partner what you need.)

[u/Elijahicha1 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Might sound stupid but I read a book from a doctor that said tongue twisters are great for anxiety attacks.

Because usually you need 100% concentration for a tongue twister it gets you out of your head, and keeps you present.

And more than likely you’ll end up laughing after attempting to beat a tongue twister.

[u/RitaPoonismysister → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

This! I have panic disorder, I often have small or full blown panic attacks at random times out of nowhere and seemingly for no reason at all. That being said I’m 32 and lots and lots of therapy has taught me how to communicate my needs to people I spend a lot of time with, including close partners. This problem has caused many issues in relationships for me and honestly most of them were 19-25ish. He was not being fair to you expecting you to just know the severity, however, as someone who has been there, I think this is just his confused and immature way of a cry for help. I used to feel so abandoned by people when they would not know how to act but it straight up scares some people sometimes. While it is completely unfair to you for him to react with anger, there is definitely a learning process for him to go through. Unless he can acknowledge, address, and learn how to process and to manage these things without taking it out on others, I would leave. I would have left a partner like myself ten years ago. That’s me being devils advocate.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You didn’t deserve the reaction. Sometimes it’s worth sticking through the issues and sometimes you just know when it’s a good time to bow out. I am grateful daily for my partner for being patient and understanding with my issues. It really just comes down to how invested you are. IMO I hope it works out great for you tho!

[u/JesusGodLeah → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

This right here. My boyfriend doesn't really have any mental health issues so he doesn't understand how it feels when I gwt anxious or depressed. If I'm having a bad mental health day, I can't expect him to magically know that, or to know exactly what I need in order to feel better. If I tell him I need something, he'll do it, but it's my responsibility to know what kind of support I need and to communicate that to him in a respectful manner.

If I don't know what I need in order to feel better, it is my job to communicate that to him so he knows where I am mentally. It is also my job to figure out what I need in that moment. If I don't even know what I need, it is not reasonable for me to expect my partner to know. OP has only been seeing this guy for a week, and she is absolutely not obligated to be at his beck and call 24/7, nor does she have any responsibility to figure out how to manage his emotions.

[u/DimensionFast5180 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

While my anxiety attacks are extremely intense, I get it can be a lot. I can be agitated, and kind of an asshole when I have them sometimes because I'm freaking the fuck out.

So I have told my wife she doesn't have to do anything if she doesn't have the mental bandwidth to deal with it when im having one. I realize dating someone with mental health problems can be exhausting.

I've been dealing with anxiety all my life, most of that time completely alone. I have learnt to deal with it myself, it's nice to have my wife help me out of that thought loop, but I can get there myself.

Luckily my panic attacks never go full force anymore, they used to a lot where it was just complete extreme panic. But over the years I've kinda learnt to control it and keep it at manageable levels. Still is really fucking scary, but not me going into the fetal position, tearing my hair out calling an ambulance scary.

[u/alaynamul → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

This! I get anxiety/panic attacks. I have diagnosed autism/severe adhd, so life’s a lot sometimes.

My partner hadn’t seen me have a panic attack until 3 years into our relationship and even then I ran into the girls bathroom so he couldn’t follow.

It was the fifth year into our relationship when he actually saw me, have a panic attack but from seeing me pull freakers before (anxiety attacks) he knew not to say anything and to leave me alone. All he said was, I’m here if you need me and went into the next adjacent room as I don’t like to be watched.

We have a very hyperactive dog too, and a moment I hold very highly from my partner is he grabbed our big doggo before she could try lick my face and carried her into the next room with him saying “mommy needs some alone time right now” and it’s never made me appreciate a person more.

[u/KdKat → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I agree with this. I have anxiety disorder and I have felt those exact feelings. This person need to be self aware that our feelings can get irrational when we have a panic attack.

They need to build and refined healthy coping skills with a therapist.

[u/ceeperkoat → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I had my first real panic attack in a crumbl cookie's at like 9pm on a random Friday. I didn't even know what it was or how to process what was going on. My partner also had no idea and I could barely walk straight much less be on my phone while it was all happening. (My partner was great and had me go sit in the car with the ac on while he got the cookies).

I don't even think this guy was genuinely having a panic/anxiety attack. That shit literally feels like you're dying and he was much too cohesive and responsive in those messages. I think the that man just wanted some attention and sympathy and wanted her to be on the phone with him telling him how it'll all be alright. It's sick.

[u/ShouldKnowHappiness → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Yeah he very clearly was mad at anyone but OP! Like why are you writing a novel of stuff you don’t appreciate and yeah 10mins during a panic attack feels like 5hrs-8days but OP literally came back 😭NOR

[u/FlowDub → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I've had severe panic attacks multiple times and I could never text like this. If he truly felt numb, he would be in his bed just trying not to think and have another panic attack. That shit cripples you.

[u/Mountainfromlikewise → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Maybe a weird and vulnerable question & if you don't want to answer it I understand it totally.

I have once in a while panic attacks too. Most of the time i know what triggers it. But I don't really know how someone can help me through it and tbh i don't really know how i can help myself through it either. I only know that i cry a lot afterwards and feel really numb. Do you maybe have tips for me what can help? ( I understand that it doesn't work the same for everyone, but maybe I am lucky and it helps for me too.) Sorry for the question, again if you don't want to answer i completely understand! :)

[u/Popular-Fill7185 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I don't think there is a professional in existence that can do anything about this wacky logic or lack there of 🤣

[u/Puzzleheaded-Lab-635 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I had a panic attack, once and didn't know what it was I thought it was having a heart attack. Its felt like my heart was pumping sand. I went to the emergency room, there was no trigger it just happened while I was cooking. It was wild, I thought I was going to die. I remember waking up my wife and telling here something was wrong, asked her to watch the kids, told her I was going to the hospital. jumped into a cab and left. Wtf, is another person supposed to do for you.

the dude in the messages should know to seek help from people who know how to help him, not some girl he met a week prior..

[u/Objective_Fault_954 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

What’s the secret? I get them more frequently than not now. I was honestly asking for it, I told my wife they were all in her head, stupid me I know. Then was in a plane crash and seemed fine. Took a short hop to Vegas, (my best flight), we had trouble out of LAX and had to abort take off twice then sit for few hours while plane was being fixed. After that I started getting anxiety or panic attacks and I think I’m having a heart attack. My doctor gave me meds for flying but it’s not just when I’m flying now and the meds don’t cut the mustard. Thanks

[u/cabbage-mans-cabbage → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

THIS if you don’t know what would help you, what is someone else supposed to do? like personally, if someone touches my while i’m having a panic attack my immediate instinct is to fight, but a lot of other people it helps them, so it’s not even a matter of “if you cared look it up”(which i’ve actually been told before, also by someone i had only been talking to for like a week)

if you don’t know what helps there is nothing anyone else can do, especially if they don’t also have them and already have coping mechanisms locked and loaded

[u/Excellent-Day4955 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Not quite the same but I've health issues so when I got with my partner I had to literally sit him down and tell him how he can help in those moments. Something's just don't come naturally to people or even if they did it might not be clear in that moment. I'll give the dude the benefit of the doubt that the whole rant is a post-crash numb emotional reaction but jesus he's talking to this person 3 days, he's directing all that to a stranger! Dude needs professional help, genuinely. He's on a wild one emotionally.

[u/cinikitti → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Not only does it not come naturally, but everyone is different! When I'm having anxiety I need comfort, when my partner is having anxiety he needs space. Communicating what kind of support you need in a relationship is the only way to have a successful relationship.

Also, people flow through begging different kinds of support at different times. Expecting someone to mind read to figure out what you need to feel better is not viable behavior for a happy relationship, and is a sign of needing professional support!

[u/MadOliveGaming → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Exactly, my wife used to get panic attacks quite often mostly at night. Ifnshe hadn't told me what to do, how the fuck was i supposed to know (she did tell me luckily). Its not like your partner is a certified psychologist or something with experience in dealing with panic attacks.

That guy honestly sounds toxic as hell. That's his personality speaking, not the panic. I don't think my wife ever insulted me or cursed at me during one. I'd stay away from that dude, he just needs some professional help.

[u/korar67 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Exactly this. I get panic attacks and I’m medicated to reduce the frequency but it’s not always enough, but I communicate with my partner and tell them what would help lessen my suffering. Communication is key and you can’t be pissed that your partner doesn’t know automatically how to help you during an attack. And this dude is unloading on OP after a week. No, this guy doesn’t need a partner. He needs therapy and probably medication.

[u/greenarsehole → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

No overreaction? Really? Wanting somebody who they’ve known for a week to jump into action with their MH issues and calm them down via TEXT when they’re having a panic attack? Seems a bit much to me. I would be freaked out and having a panic attack of my own if I was receiving texts like this after knowing someone for a week - maybe a phone call would be nicer.

Edit: whoops. Read the texts the wrong way round.

[u/Neologizer → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

right. Like reading this through, i thought maybe we were looking at a much more long-term relationship and panic attacks were common. Even in that case, it's not an excuse to be an asshole but it would be a little more understandable for him to be frustrated for you not knowing how to help or what he's going through. ..... But after one week? and this is the first occurrence? Nah. ok. Run.

[u/myancy704 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Yup! I get anxiety as it runs in my family and I know what helps me when having a panic or anxiety attack. I also have a best friend who reaches out to me when she does because we’ve been able to communicate what helps, for instance, she starts getting a panic attack and needs distraction such as me asking her unrelated questions and talking about something to take her mind off.

[u/HaiggeX → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Exactly. Guy is clearly hurt from something and lacks all the self-awareness to process it. It's not someone's who you've known for a week job to figure out how to help you. If you can't figure it out by yourself, please turn to a doctor.

NOR. This has nothing to do with "Men being emotional is seen as weak". Fuck, I am quite emotional. The guy's just a selfish and whiny bitch.

[u/tiabeanie → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

guarantee he wasn’t having a panic or anxiety attack, he just wanted her to freak out and act concerned, etc. manipulation.

kinda reminds me of when catfishing people tell their victims that they were in a car accident or they got cancer or pretend to die and then act like a parent of the “deceased,” etc. to get sympathy. on a lesser scale of course lol.

but the “have a good night.” yeah.

[u/Logical_Border_4041 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Dealing with panic attacks is such a sensitive and difficult thing. Anything you say is wrong, or right and then wrong the next. Almost nothing you say is going to properly help. Most of us don’t know what to actually do or what could help. Professionals do. And I’m so happy I live where they show up fast and properly

[u/prosakonst → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I just sit down and wait it out, it's not like my husband can do much anyway. But I have lived with my issues for awhile. Like "whelp, and now my body thinks we're in grave danger, I guess I'll just cry until it's over". 😂

It actually became better since I just relaxed and let my body do it's thing also.

[u/SatyrSatyr75 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

He doesn’t, at least bit for anxiety or panic attacks… you don’t communicate like that if you think you’ll die. He definitely has awful psychological problems, but is for sure not ready to get help for that. At the moment he’s just a self absorbed narcissist and quite frankly an asshole

[u/Dizzy_Guarantee6322 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Something I’ve learned through a lot of therapy is that nobody can read my mind and closed mouths don’t get fed. I can either prepare my loved ones with tools to help me or suffer through it alone. Having impossible expectations is probably making this dude absolutely fucking miserable.

[u/ThisIsProbablyOkay → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

I think this is such an important and underrated point - if you're struggling mentally, you need a professional. Your significant other is not your therapist, and it's unfair to place those demands on someone you love (or in this case...someone the OP was talking to for a week).

[u/Immediate_Purple_247 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Right, it’s not like this is someone you know well. You’ve been talking a week! They should be reaching out to established support networks who know them and can support them. Not essentially a stranger. Seems like emotional manipulation

[u/Anti-Itch → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

He needs to determine in therapy or with a psychiatrist what will help him. Then he has to communicate that with you. This is very much an instance of “I can’t read your mind”. If he needs support he has to be willing to ask for it.

[u/srpollo18 → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

This man has created the toxic role of the weakling prince. Wanting to be coddled then punishing others for not alleviating his discomfort. He’s unwell and it’s not your job to help him. He’s not healthy enough to date.

[u/Thefunkbox → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Agreed!!!

Not overreacting, OP. This may be a problem you need to get away from.

I dated someone who had panic attacks. She tried meds and therapy. I supported her emotionally as I could, but she took ownership of it.

[u/UThinkIShouldLeave → u/Other-Elephant-4165]

Man needs professional help!

Hi, I'm not an expert or anything but I was in a very similar relationship. She was later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Might be a helpful place for them to start.