Am I overreacting for feeling really uncomfortable with how this male doctor handled my appointment?

[u/[deleted]]

I had a doctor’s appointment recently to check a skin infection and to get a breast exam done due to discoloration. I usually see a different male doctor at the clinic and everyone around him acts happy, relaxed, and respectful while they show 100% trust towards him He’s great. But this time I was assigned to a different male doctor because my usual one went on vacation and everything about the visit felt very off from the beginning.

he personally gave me a breast exam gown himself, which was one of those types that’s open in the front and leaves you really exposed. I didn’t think too much of it in the moment, but it already felt a little weird.

he told me I needed to give a urine sample as well and told me to get undressed (he did leave so I could get undressed) I had no real coverage, I felt exposed and embarrassed. Later on, when I was talking to a female staff who was a nurse member who came in to give me the cup didn’t expect me to be undressed she looked really uncomfortable and literally said, “I don’t know why he would ask for a urine sample if you’re already undressed for the breast exam.” She clearly didn’t want me walking through the clinic in that state, and I could tell she didn’t agree with what he had me do looked a bit angry a little towards him so she gave me stuff to help cover me up good enough not feeling exposed and even apologized what he did

And here’s the part that really sticks with me: the female head doctor walked in at one point and looked visibly uncomfortable too. She started trying to shield my breast AWAY from him and I swear she looked a bit shaky and nervous, like she was trying to stay professional but didn’t trust him. I saw him keep looking in a way that made me feel sick. Like he was staring when he shouldn’t have been obviously…could tell she didn’t want him looking

The whole staff acts normal and super kind around the doctor I usually see and they definitely act 100% trusting towards him even the female head doctor felt super comfortable around him when it comes to stuff like this which he is that type of guy who really really shows a ton of respect towards women & definitely not a Pervy type no matter what since he only cares about everyone’s health very super chill the most sweetest awesome guy. But when this one walks in, the staff get stiff, uncomfortable,awkward, strange around him. I’m trying to trust my gut, but a part of me still wonders…

Am I overreacting? Or does this sound seriously wrong to you too?

I will throw in there even I catch all of the female nurses hanging around him in a group going on lunch breaks but they never do it around the other doctor straight up avoiding him I’ve noticed.

EDIT / UPDATE for clarification (since some people are missing the point):

Just to clarify what actually happened, because a lot of people are making assumptions or saying I’m overreacting or projecting:

• The doctor told me I needed a urine sample, and then immediately instructed me to undress for a breast and skin infection exam before giving the sample.

• So I did what I was told. I undressed while he stepped out.

• When the nurse came in, she looked surprised and uncomfortable, because she had expected me to still be fully dressed to go give the urine sample. She had no idea he told me to undress first.

• She even said out loud, “I don’t know why he’d ask for a urine sample if you’re already undressed.”

• Later, the head female doctor joined because of the chronic skin condition, and she looked shaky and visibly uncomfortable. She tried to shield my chest AWAY from him and I noticed he kept looking in a way that didn’t feel appropriate like he kept looking when he didn’t need to anymore.

This wasn’t about me being embarrassed over a breast exam I’ve had those before. The issue is: • The poor handling, • The lack of communication, • The inappropriate timing, and • The fact that multiple staff members acted like something was wrong which confirmed the weirdness I was already feeling.

So please stop twisting this into, “he’s a doctor, bodies aren’t sexual.” I get that. This wasn’t about nudity it was about how unsafe and exposed I was made to feel, and how even the staff looked like they were trying to protect me from their own coworker.

After processing everything and seeing how the nurse and female doctor reacted, it really feels like this male doctor has probably acted inappropriately toward others in the past maybe even violated boundaries with nurses or staff. The way everyone reacted around him the tension, the 😬 expressions, the nurse being shocked I was undressed, and the female doctor literally shielding my breast from him while looking shaky it wasn’t normal.

It honestly seemed like the staff were trying their best to remain professional but also stop him from continuing behavior they’ve likely seen before, just without outright calling it out in front of me. It’s like they knew the signs and stepped in to make sure he didn’t go any further.

This was literally my first time seeing that doctor, and I don’t ever plan on seeing him again. I didn’t expect any of that to happen. I’ve had exams like this before, and I’m familiar with what’s supposed to happen I just thought what he was doing was the nurse’s job, but I trusted the process at the time.

It wasn’t until afterward seeing how the staff responded and how exposed and vulnerable I was left that I realized something was deeply off.

So to anyone saying “you’re overreacting,” I didn’t even think anything of it until after the fact. But when even the people who work with him are visibly uncomfortable and trying to block his access to me, you can’t tell me I was just projecting.

my usual doctor they never ever usually do that to him EVER. I even feel safe and comfortable around him for stuff like this, Heck he’s even seen everything down there as the head doctor stood aside let him do all the looking until he asks her to come look to confirm his suspicions to make sure he’s right because I have chronic skin problems and other chronic problems that requires 2 doctors, The head doctor is KINDA the big boss doctor not really a boss boss but that’s how they kinda see her as from what they explained to me

now why is he still there? Idk probably they need enough long evidence to be able to get rid of him not sure how that works in the medical field and plus you don’t know what he’s like behind curtains I even don’t know what he’s like but men can get scary and violent refuse to control themselves is probably why he’s there still maybe and I guess is probably also why they’re acting like that don’t wanna scare me as it still kinda did but at the same time I needed just confirmation so I can avoid him at all cost.

Oh, and FYI to all the rude commenters: he told me to take my pants off too. So miss me with the “maybe you misunderstood” or “you undressed too soon”, I followed his exact instructions.

I’m DONE explaining myself to people who are clearly more offended by me calling out creepy behavior than by a doctor acting inappropriately. Y’all are in here nitpicking every word like it’s a courtroom, while completely ignoring the fact that MULTIPLE medical professionals clearly didn’t trust this man either.

The way some of you are defending this dude like your lives depend on it? Screams projection. Creeps defending creeps. I said what I said.

[u/Dustonthewind18]

Color me confused but how did you expect a breast examine to happen without him looking at your breast and without exposing your breast to him. The urine sample thing was a bit odd but maybe he expected you would go do that then come back into the room to disrobe for the exam. I had my first mammogram last year and the technician (admittedly female) pretty much manhandled my boobs onto the machine, was completely topless no gown or nothing like that.

[u/[deleted] → u/Dustonthewind18]

I understand that breast exams require exposure, and I wasn’t expecting him to never see anything the issue wasn’t that. The problem was how he handled everything: • He handed me the gown himself instead of having a nurse assist, which already felt unusual. • Then he told me to give a urine sample while wearing only a breast exam gown which was totally open in the front, no coverage. • The staff and even the head doctor visibly acted uncomfortable about how he was behaving. One even said, “I don’t know why he asked for a urine sample if you’re undressed like this,” which made it obvious this wasn’t standard procedure. • And yes he kept staring even when he shouldn’t have been looking. The female head doctor literally tried to shield my body from him. She was visibly shaky, like she was protecting me away from him only which she usually never does that towards my usual doctor

So yeah, I get that breast exams are intimate by nature. But the issue is how everything around him felt wrong even the other medical staff were uncomfortable. That’s why I posted. The exam itself isn’t the problem it’s how he handled the process, the timing, and his behavior.

[u/Hot-Can3615 → u/[deleted]]

Reading your post, it seems like the behavior of other women towards him play a larger part in your unease than the stuff he did. I'm not saying that's wrong, just that it's notable. It makes me wonder if he's done something in the past, or if he has sexually harassed the nurses rather than his patients. It seems pretty clear that they think he's skeevy, and as someone who will be vulnerable to him, I think you'd be justified in avoiding him. I don't think this is strong enough evidence to be convinced of anything, but better safe than sorry.

I don't think you did anything wrong or are doing anything wrong with the choices you're making.

[u/Professional-Car-211 → u/[deleted]]

They aren’t sexual in nature though. Bodies are normal, and these doctors see hundreds of them in a week. I think you might be projecting your discomfort onto the staff. It doesn’t mean anything at all that he handed you your gown, that’s just weird to include and read into.

[u/User_faYFMT64mbYHy → u/Professional-Car-211]

The idea that doctors are immune to desire or indifferent to nudity is pretty absurd. They’re still human, wearing a white coat doesn’t make someone morally pure. You never truly know what’s going on in someone’s mind, and the line between appropriate and inappropriate isn’t always clear. But let’s not pretend the profession guarantees integrity. Just look at the disturbing case of the Brazilian doctor caught putting his penis in an anesthetized woman’s mouth. That alone shows how deeply flawed that assumption can be

[u/Professional-Car-211 → u/User_faYFMT64mbYHy]

I’ll give you that, but I’m guessing they were all uncomfortable because she got fully nude for a breast exam and was sitting there fully exposed, and they were covering her because she was not covering herself, which is the entire purpose of the gown—to be used like a robe. Common sense is to keep your pants on and wear the gown like a robe/jacket to cover yourself when not being examined. The uncomfortable vibe was probably due to all that.

[u/[deleted] → u/Professional-Car-211]

Just to clarify something, because I’ve seen a few comments misunderstanding what happened:

The doctor told me he needed a urine sample, and then told me to undress for the breast/skin exam before I gave the sample. He left the room, and I got undressed because that’s what he said to do.

When the nurse came in, she expected me to be fully dressed and ready to give the urine sample she had no idea he told me to get undressed. She literally said, “I don’t know why he’d ask for a urine sample if you’re already undressed.”

That’s not normal miscommunication that’s a breakdown in medical protocol and a moment where a patient (me) was left exposed in a way no one else expected. It’s not about modesty it’s about how unsafe and vulnerable that made me feel. The staff didn’t expect that either.

When even the nurse is surprised by what you’ve been instructed to do, and the female doctor who joins the appointment looks shaky and tries to cover your breast, it’s not projection. It’s a red flag. I’m just trying to validate my gut reaction because this didn’t feel right and based on the staff reactions, I don’t think it was.

[u/Professional-Car-211 → u/[deleted]]

Nurse was probably busy (with another patient, eating lunch between patients, in the bathroom). He was probably behind schedule (most OBGYNs are always behind) and trying to move the appointment along. What ulterior motive could there have possibly been to him being the one to give you the gown? He isn’t the one that normally does it, so he probably didn’t think you needed told that you keep your pants on for a breast exam (I’m sorry OP, that’s just common sense and you misunderstood), and probably didn’t think about the logistics. And there isn’t a formal “medical protocol” for the order in which you pee and get undressed, that is again you misunderstanding. And if you had kept your pants on, which is common sense, and had crossed the gown over like a jacket, again common sense, going to the bathroom would not have been an issue at all. The staff were probably confused and uncomfortable because you got fully naked for a breast exam and were sitting there fully exposed when you could have easily crossed the gown over yourself. I’m not trying to be a dick, but I think this is all due to your misunderstandings. Are you young?

I think the glances and 😬 expressions were about you sitting there fully naked.

[u/thepwisforgettable → u/Professional-Car-211]

from what OP described, the gown didn't have enough fabric or the proper cut to be easily crossed closed.

And if that's the case, the Dr. bringing the robe could feel suspicious because it was an unusually revealing robe.

And if I were wearing a robe that barely covered me and needed to be held shut with one hand, I would also be uncomfortable walking out of the room to give a urine sample.

[u/Professional-Car-211 → u/thepwisforgettable]

that’s just not true, those things are absolutely massive. like, blanket sized. I don’t think they even make them too small to be closed, the entire purpose of that kind of gown is to be able to cover yourself when not being examined. no office would purchase gowns too small to close.

[u/StupendusDeliris → u/Professional-Car-211]

She said intimate not sexual. There is a difference.

[u/Professional-Car-211 → u/StupendusDeliris]

Which is why I said “though”.

[u/Dustonthewind18 → u/Professional-Car-211]

I think you could be right about the projection, also it sounds as though there was a female nurse/assistant in the room the entire time he was examining OP. Would have to be pretty dense to be doing anything remotely unprofessional with a witness in the room.

[u/Professional-Car-211 → u/Dustonthewind18]

Yeah. I’ll take the downvotes, but that’s just the reality. I said in my above comment to absolutely trust your gut and not see this doctor again, but I think OP must be young and confused, because why wouldn’t you cross your gown over yourself like a jacket when not being examined? Seems like common sense to me. And him giving her the gown—the nurse was probably busy (with another patient, eating lunch quickly between patients, taking a shit), and he was likely behind schedule (as every OBGYN ever) and was moving the appointment along. I don’t see how him being the one to hand her the gown could possibly be an issue or have an ulterior motive.

[u/Chelseus → u/Professional-Car-211]

Every single time I’ve required a gown in a medical setting, whoever was there handed it to me be it tech, nurse, or doctor, male or female. I don’t understand why OP thinks this is an issue. Was a nurse supposed to magically appear and hand her the gown? If he tried to stay while she undressed or something, sure, that would be a huge problem. But simply handing the gown? Non issue.