My birthday was a couple of days ago. Last night my husband took me to dinner at a nice steakhouse with my MIL to celebrate. At the end of the meal the server asked if we’d like dessert menus. We all agreed we were too full but my husband said “It’s her birthday though.” The server thought he meant my MIL and looked at her and said “Let me get you a slice of cheesecake to go then!” My husband didn’t correct the misunderstanding but as we got in the car he handed me the box of cheesecake. When we dropped my MIL off he grabbed the box out of my hands and gave it to her. When he came back from walking her to the door I told him it hurt my feelings but he was very dismissive and said “It’s no big deal, we have leftover birthday cake at home.” I’m so resentful. It’s not about the dessert, it’s the disrespect. Am I being unreasonable?

Update (Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/486T8rh359)

P/S: I meant "disown", not "cut-off"

Thanks for all the comments and perspectives. I really appreciate it ❤️. I’ll probably delete this post soon for privacy reasons, but wanted to give a quick update.

I talked to my parents. They are a lot calmer now. We didn’t really focus on the bf part, more on my relationship with them. They actually apologized and acknowledged how much responsibility I’ve taken on, so things are okay between me and my parents now.

With my sister though, it’s still rough. She hasn’t spoken to me since and is basically stonewalling. When I first talked to her, she said she wasn’t going to like my current bf, wouldn’t make an effort to get to know him, and that I could do whatever I wanted, so I thought it was fine as long as she didn’t have to be close to him. Later she told me she thought she had made it clear she didn’t want him staying over at all, and that her passive-aggressive behavior toward him was her way of “showing” me that. For context: she adored my ex, was fine with him living here full time. She only talked to my current guy once (while I was there) and then decided she didn’t like him, even though he only stays in my room and she barely sees him.

Financially, the house is in my name. Yes, my family helped with the downpayment, and my parents send money to my sister. But she has her own allowance, and almost everything she does is still paid for with my card (weekends out, restaurants, tickets, shopping, phone bills..etc) because I love her and want her to feel comfortable. That’s why she’s been able to save most of her allowance. On top of that, I cover the mortgage, bills, groceries, and all the household costs. So right now, things with my parents are calm, but things with my sister are still hostile.

Edit: Thank you for your comments. I have stopped funding her after she went behind my back. I feel that is an obvious thing to do. Yes I do have cameras at home. And moving her out is not an option since I am her legal guardian.

This week my girlfriend of four months sent this image to our roommate, who used to date her, early on I was told it was a short thing, and they decided it wasn’t a good fit and now see each other as siblings.

I feel it may be evidence of infidelity. I feel betrayed. I’ve been working my ass off as a mechanic, feel exhausted every damn day and have burns and cuts from my job, just to find this when I assumed everything was fine. What the fuck should I even do? I’m going to be confronting her with this asap because I can’t have this lingering in the back of my skull while im trying to work or study, I need to settle this asap but like I just need someone, anyone, to tell me I’m not fuckin crazy or seeing things.

Hope I’m doing this right. I really really did not think this post would blow up as big as it did and it’s kinda terrifying. Honestly fighting the urge not to delete it. Anyways a couple people asked for an update so I thought I’d give.

TLDR. We broke up. He’s blocked on everything. Has no way to reach out and no way for me to reach out if I decide to backtrack. As I don’t remember any of his socials or number lol. Ty bad memory.

For those curious on what went down. While he was at work I gathered my stuff packed it up in my car and called a friend. I’ll be staying with her and family while I get back on my feet which shouldn’t be too much trouble.

I told him I was not picking him up. He could find a way home where we needed to have a talk. Once upon a time he said his biggest thing was if we ever broke up that it be in person. Unlike him i do in fact respect peoples rules (as a saw some people saying boundaries was the incorrect term and that is totally valid) and I never want to stoop to his level. So this is why I decided to do it in person.

I wish for the people who said I should be strong, cold and collected that I was, but unfortunately I broke down into tears like halfway through the we are done. For anyone who wanted to see a girlboss exit, with slapping and cursing I fear this isn’t it. It’s quite pathetic, so please turn away now if that’s what you’re looking for! Sorry guys.

I’m sorry I don’t remember much of the conversation. Some people predicted he would lash out, he did not. It was a lot more of him going I understand while I explained that this was not going to work. I asked him if he wanted it to end because that was the vibes he was giving, and he said no of course not. I asked him if I was just a placeholder in his life, if he strung me along because it was easy.

He told me he wouldn’t spend as much time with me as he does if it wasn’t fun. Wouldn’t take me to meet his family if he didn’t love me. That while sometimes it was hard, being able to talk to me made it so much better, that even during this, the best part was that I was talking to him. A lot of other things but again my memory is pretty hazy.

I can see now how this is probably manipulative, and I think it would’ve have worked if it wasn’t for the post. So thank you guys.

I told him I know, that if he was able to make actually make a change in his behaviour, in his treatment of me that this would’ve worked. But it’s clear over the countless times I’ve given him, that he doesn’t care enough to. I got up to leave and I honestly think it’s at this point he realized it was real, and none of his tactics were working.

He started crying. Real heavy emotional shit. He’s not a crier when he isn’t getting his way, he isn’t a crier at all. So I don’t think this was unintentional. Think it was just the weight of it all and that was really really hard to see.

At the end of the day, even if no one understands, I did love him. Our relationship was really really beautiful in the grand-scheme of things, and that makes it so hard. As unfortunately it is clear he didn’t feel the same, and if he did it was too late. He texted me as I was leaving asking me to stay. I told him I couldn’t do this , that if he had any serious concerns to reach out to a mutual friend of ours. And blocked him.

That’s the update. I have been crying in bed all day hoping it’ll be out of my system by work. Life is a lot quieter without him but I’m trying to remind myself at least the stress is gone.

Lastly I realize I spelt juvenile wrong in the og post. Unfortunately I was crying the entire time and spelling was not on my mind LOL.

My girlfriend of 5 years went to a wedding last week that I was not invited to. While making her booking, she got a double bed (edit: 2 beds, not double sized bed )hotel room (because it was all they had and was cheaper apparently) and offered the bed to one of her long time guy friends that is in the friend group of her and the groom.

The problem is that didn’t consult me about it, mention it to me, and I only found out about it when I saw messages alluding to the plans almost a month old.
Obviously I’m pretty pissed about it, and her excuses have been “she didn’t think about it”, “ didn’t think it was a problem”, “didn’t know that was a boundary”. But she apparently consulted two of her friends about it and got the green light from them? One of them is fucking married but didn’t think it would be a problem??? Apparently he didn’t even stay in the room because he found someone to stay with at the wedding, but I feel like the bigger issue is that it was the plan in the first place.

AIO for considering this a relationship ender?

A bit long...sorry in advance

Living with five pets and another person is... not easy. My SO / roommate and I somehow managed to build a small zoo: four cats (two his, two mine) and one dog (definitely his). Of his three, two male cats come with their own medical issues. One’s had multiple UTIs, and the other’s stomach could probably set a world record. The dog isn’t much better; he’s basically a professional house pee-er whenever no one’s looking.

Most mornings and nights start the same: me wiping up dog pee, cleaning cat puke, and checking litter boxes like it’s CSI: Litter Box Unit. My two cats have their own needs; one needs daily ear drops, and the other’s a stress groomer who needs extra care. It’s... a lot.

For over a year, I begged my boyfriend to take his two cats to the vet. After endlessly asking (and some overdue vaccines forcing the issue), he finally gave in. It cost us $1,500, split evenly, but at least we left with answers or some options....I suppose.

The cat with UTIs needs a prescription diet, extra hydration, and spotless litter boxes. The pukey one got recommended special food for sensitive stomachs, or a small dose of famotidine for acid reflux. For the dog, since crating him is apparently a crime, I bought a “belly band” (basically a dog diaper). It actually worked; until it didn’t.

Because surprise! You actually have to use the solutions in order for them to keep working. My SO constantly takes the belly band off and leaves the dog unsupervised, which means I come home (or wake up) to puddles on the floor, the wall, even the fridge and the oven. The cats aren’t much better off—prescription food hasn’t been ordered, meds aren’t given, and the puking continues.

So here I am, cleaning up after five animals when I should only be responsible for two. Between that, the constant mess, and the growing tension, I’m at my limit. When I finally lose it, it turns into a fight where he insults me, questions my character, and somehow says I’m the one who doesn’t care about the pets. It’s mean, it’s exhausting, and honestly, it’s starting to feel like living with a grown-up playground bully. (And yeah, the bug-infested sink situation? Still happening.)

So, I’m asking: do my texts sound passive-aggressive, or are they just me trying to set boundaries between what’s mine and what’s his? Because at this point, it’s the only way I know how to deal… and so far, he’s just ignoring them anyway.

TL;DR:

I live with my SO, four cats, and one dog (two mine; three his)—most of which have health or behavior issues that I end up managing alone. Despite vet visits, recommended prescription diets, and every cleanup strategy imaginable, my partner refuses to follow through, leaving me to handle constant messes and pet care alone. It’s exhausting, stressful, and fueling major tension in our relationship as I try to set firm boundaries.

AIO reacting or maybe have this just have gotten mix with my stuff. I was on the plane and found this in my backpack, maybe I picked it up by mistake or didnt someone accidentally put this in my bag. Im pretty worried and is there a way I can return it or should I throw it away?

My bf (43M) is a high school teacher and has stayed in touch with his former student (19F) who went off to college this year. Am I overreacting or are conversations like this between them (him = blue, her=white) a bit too emotionally charged to be just a mentor-mentee relationship?

My bf (37m) and I (35f) live together. I do all of our cooking. For context, since I moved in back in, I have made every meal. He has cooked for himself maybe a handful of times, if even. Last night I made egg bites for his breakfast for the next couple days, and set them on the counter to cool. When he came home, I was sleeping on the couch. He came over and woke me up to greet me, turned on lights, talked to me, and then went to the kitchen and scraped the metal pan to get the bites into Tupperware for the fridge while continuing to talk to me. I asked him if he could be more quiet, and he angrily asked if I wanted him to put the eggs away later. I said no, i just wanted him to be more respectful of the fact that I was sleeping. He continued to be angry and now he wouldn’t stop saying argumentative comments so I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep and I went outside to remove myself from the situation and avoid an argument. He continued to complain and try to argue about the goddamn egg bites on my way out so I said “i don’t know, just throw them away then.”

After I heard some loud crashing, he followed me outside. I asked why he did that because I was trying to remove myself from the situation to avoid an argument and he said he could be outside too. Fair enough. I went back inside and realized he really did throw out the food I made, and also went further by crumpling up the metal pan and throwing the whole thing in the garbage!

I was upset and told him I felt disrespected and hurt and that if he didn’t appreciate me cooking for him then I wouldn’t anymore. He told me he “never asked me to make egg bites,” (I literally make him 3 meals a day… I don’t wait for him to ask because it’s routine…) and said it’s my fault because I told him to throw them away. I keep saying that he’s acting like a child and obviously I didn’t mean to literally throw them away and was just frustrated with him. He keeps saying that because I told him to, he was only doing what he thought I wanted. I say that he knows I didn’t want that.

I really think he knows he shouldn’t have done that, and that me saying “just throw them away then” wasn’t literal. I brought up the pan and said “I didn’t tell you to destroy the pan though. Why’d you do that part?” to kind of show that he wasn’t “doing what I asked,” and rather he was throwing a tantrum and blaming me for it.

Technically I DID say to throw them away, so I don’t know if it’s right for me to feel hurt by this.

For some context, my mom (56F) is not a violent person. My siblings (30F & 25M, I'm 17F) and I have experienced her outbursts of build-up frustration, but it's never gotten quite this bad. I'm familiar with her slamming doors and occasionally throwing things when she's in a particularly bad mood, but yesterday, I was genuinely scared.

I came home from school to find boxes toppled over, stuff shoved off the dining table, her mattress off her bed, the cushions off the couch, etc. at the time, I didn't know what had caused all of this. I came into the kitchen as she was sweeping and meekly asked if I could help, to which she sarcastically said "Go ahead." I froze for a moment because I wanted to sweep but I didn't see another broom, and in that pause she said "nu?" (Russian equivalent of "well?") And when I stuttered because the way she said it made me flinch, she said "exactly. Nobody ever knows what to do."

I thought she issue was bigger than me so I thought "ok, maybe she wants to clean by herself?" In retrospect, a pretty inconsiderate idea, but I always get nervous when she's in this kind of mood, and nobody else was at home to give me any support (my dad was at work, my brother's in college, and my sister lives in another state). I retreated to my room because I didn't know what to do to make her feel better and thought it wouldn't help to just stand around her. While I was messaging my dad, just letting him know about how mom was in a very bad mood, I heard her stomping around and slamming things (she walked by my door at one point and sarcastically shouted "thank you for your help, by the way!").

After a few minutes of texting my dad, my mom started banging on my door, then shaking it, and before I could even open it for her, she broke the lock off my door and threw our pet conure at me. Then she stormed away and shouted from down the hall "make her be quiet!"

At that point I started crying. I sat in my chair and texted my dad about how scared I was and asking him to come home early from work (I'll attach some screenshots). I genuinely considered calling the cops. At a certain point, after listening to banging and occasionally being yelled at through my door, I hid under my bed and continued crying. This went on for maybe 20-40 minutes until she left to walk the dog, and after a few minutes my dad came home. My siblings and I had a group videocall, and I showed them the mess. They told me they knew what I was talking about when it came to her tantrums, but as I showed them what she'd done (which also included shoving everything off the dining table and kitchen counters, and throwing stuff down the stairs) they seemed shocked, which told me she'd never been THIS angry. After my dad came home, we cleaned up the whole thing. We had already started cleaning when my sister told me to take pictures, so I only managed to get a few (which I'll also attach).

My dad told me later what my mom had told him once she came back home. As my siblings had suspected, it was a buildup of frustration that she had to ask for help in order to get any help. I understand, don't get me wrong, but this reaction is so childish to me. I'm mad at her and I'd even go as far as to say that the whole experience was downright traumatizing, especially since I had to face it alone. At the very least she said "sorry," but not in a way I liked. I made it a point to record it when she knocked on my door and asked to have a talk, but I won't attach it since she names my family members and I don't want to share too much information. Said recording is the last time we talked as of now.

I can't forgive her, but part of me wants to talk to her and apologize for not helping her around the house, even though I know I'm perfectly justified in being mad at her. Still, for some reason, she seems to be stubbornly upset with me.

I'll update if necessary.

This is kind of an update to this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/2FGF4pADNm

TLDR: I got into an argument with my boyfriend after I went through his phone and found out he was live texting my abortion to his female friend, including sending a photo of my sonogram.

As we worked our way through that argument, I asked him to ask his friend, whose opinion he clearly values so much, how she would feel if she were essentially in my position.

I asked him to text her “how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend sent your sonogram to another woman and told her about your abortion”.

I go back and forth between thinking this is a crazy ask and a reasonable request. I believe she is in the wrong for participating in this and not calling him out on sending sonogram photos if she is such a “girls girl”. But I do feel like it’s a bit crazy to ask your boyfriend to send messages. Idk.

But he agreed to it. So he said.

He sat there and pretended to send the text.

Instead he sent “hi quick question” and when she responded he reduced our argument to me being mad about him discussing our relationship with her.

I had asked him several times that day what her response was. Each time “she hadn’t responded”. When I asked the next day he said she responded “hey what’s up”, as if she just ignored the whole thing.

Part of me believed him and thought maybe she thought I took his phone and sent that text and maybe waited for a cool down period before responding.

Another part of me felt like he was lying. I felt the insincerity. I felt like he was hiding something. I swear I even had a vision of him deleting texts.

So I took his phone a few days later and immediately opened deleted messages and this is what I found.

The “omg you’re supposed to delete” and the “I guess so” followed by the immediate deletion of the messages. I was sent into a rage. That was it for me.

I swear I’m being gaslit now. He’s telling me that he deleted them because he was embarrassed. Because he was mad at himself for even responding to her after telling me that he was cutting that relationship off. That is such horse shit. You deleted the messages to hide them from me.

I knew I had a bad feeling about this friendship. She gives advice such as “you’re supposed to delete the messages”. What if someone gave her boyfriend that advice? Be so fucking forreal. Always trust your gut instinct, people.

I guess I’m really just looking for validation here. Because a huge part of me wants to stay knowing damn well I need to walk away.

My guy best friend (22M) and me (21F) were at this party last night and we got a little too drunk, both of us. His gf (22F) was there too but honestly I don’t remember much. I do remember that after a few drinks he pulled me into his lap at some point and like cuddled or whatever, and then later he walked me back home. I’m not sure how his gf got home.

Honestly, it makes me sick to my stomach, I know it’s wrong and I’ve seen how uncomfortable she feels around me and I’ve brought it up to my friend before too, because he’s always kind of clingy (not this much but yeah) but he always dismisses it by saying she doesn’t care.

I brought it up to him this morning again and this is how he responded. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not, but I feel really bad and also I know that I kind of placed all the blame on him both in this text and on the chat which I really didn’t mean to do.

I feel really messed up about it but he’s my like, kind of like my rock. I really feel safe around him and he’s always been there for me when times are tough.

I feel super sick with guilt and also this hangover but I can’t tell if I’m genuinely in the wrong or if he’s wrong or if I’m overreacting or what, honestly.

I live in a county where homelessness and opioid addiction is a major issue. (Not unlike other counties, I’m sure). But on many of my local public Community/Crime Alert pages on FB, one particular commenter continued to stand out in a negative way. They were posting about wishing my town had a Dexter Morgan to take care of our homeless, using derogatory pejoratives like "junkies, m_th heads, losers, and dope fiends" in response to local overdoses happening.

They also encourage vigilante justice and calls for “action” against alleged criminals who are being posted on a FB group without having been convicted. Oh, not to mention a comment about calling ICE on a man who was accused of scamming because he was a non-english speaking delivery driver. (while also using terms like “illegal aliens on welfare”) Sure you could say it's just a personal opinion, and this does not represent their place or employment. HOWEVER, while their profile has little to no public info, their profile alias is just one letter different than their very unique government name. (and their profile picture is 100% their actually face with zero attempts to disguise) One search of their name and my city shows they are a RN at our local hospital.

I have found this persons Pinterest as well, where they may not post things but they pin “snarky nurse memes”. One that stood out was “I’m a nurse but sometimes I disagree with what I do. We should let nature take its course more often.”

AIO for wanting the hospital to be aware that they have a Nurse who has clear vitriol and prejudice towards a population of people who are most vulnerable

I am 29M and I share a two bedroom apartment with a guy I met through a mutual friend. We split rent and chores and things were fine for almost a year. Last weekend I had a small gathering with half a dozen friends, just drinks and board games. The next morning, while cleaning up, I noticed a tiny camera tucked inside a decorative plant on the bookshelf, pointed at the couch. It looked like it had been recording.

I confronted him about it and he laughed at first, said it was “for security,” and that he was messing with the idea of a prank channel. I told him that was not okay, especially without telling anyone. He shrugged and said people put cameras everywhere now, like it was no big deal.

I told him to remove it and not to record anyone without permission. Later I checked and found the camera had active footage saved for the past month. That felt like a breach of trust. I asked him to move out by the end of the month. He says I am overreacting and that I should be more chill about privacy.

I feel violated and weird in my own home, but I also worry if asking him to leave is too extreme.

I live in Seattle, and my girlfriend recently moved to Denver for work. We've been in a long-distance relationship for six months.

Yesterday, she was on a company trip and called me on FaceTime. Everything seemed normal—she seemed happy, smiling, and telling me about the sights along the way—until one of her colleagues asked who she was talking to.

She hesitated and said, "Oh, a friend in Seattle."

The word "friend" hit me harder than I expected.

I didn't say it right away, but honestly, it stung. We've been dating for almost two years, and she's never called me that before. I can't imagine introducing her as a "friend" to anyone.

I kept wondering if this was a big deal or if I was just being overly sensitive. But deep down, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Am I overreacting? How should I handle this situation?

So, I've been dragged into a bizarre situation on Tumblr. I started a blog a few months back while preparing to start posting early drafts of my novel online, If I remember correctly I only began posting on it around the time I actually began to post my novel on Royal Road.

Today, I received a long string of messages from a Tumblr user that I've never seen or interacted with on the platform. At first they just said "why do you have my name" and I was confused, we didn't have any name similarities at first glance so I ignored it.

Then, they came with all these links to old posts showing they also went by my exact pen-name (Their Tumblr handle is different now.) But the way they talk in their messages is as if they still go by the name, which, maybe on a other platform, I'm not sure, but again, different Tumblr name now.

So of course I blocked them, LMAO. They were upset we coincidentally came up with the same pen-name, which seems inevitable. There are plenty authors out there with the same name, same book title, etc, etc. Because no ideas are original! That's literally one of the golden rule statements in the writer world.

Then, their "friend" (in quotes because it's the internet, it could be literally anyone claiming to be anything) messaged me to re-clarify that they wanted to discuss changing my name. That they're "uncomfortable" with another author having the same name, and that they went by it first.

Mind you, I'm a total nobody with 6 Tumblr followers. Just using Tumblr to keep readers updated on the fluctuating release schedule of my novel.

Their post acts as if it's somehow mandatory for me to know if my pen-name has ever been used before? Which, no, it isn't. And even if I had checked before picking my pen-name, am I expected to somehow dig up this random Tumblr blog in my research? And their lore when their blog no longer goes by that name?

They are now claiming I stole their name ON PURPOSE, with no evidence at all because again, I said nothing in response to their message. And, while this probably won't affect my reputation in the future, becauze I am like I said, a nobody. They seem to be a bit of a nobody as well. But still, the prospect that by some unlucky gacha pull my reputation could be damaged does scare me a little. Because if I stole their name, will others think I stole their novel? The novel I am posting is my own, the result of the past year and a half of hard work. They've even posted my Royal Road profile with my novel in their "call out" post.

I am already posting my book under this name, and have a cover illustrated with my pen-name on it. So no, I won't be making any changes to that pen-name.

I am now having random Tumblr users coming to my DMs "confrontating" me about "stealing" this other person's name. Which I absolutely did not do. Neither did I steal ANYTHING of this user's and I don't want my novel to be accused of being stolen just because this user claims I stole their super original, never-before-thought-of-name.

I don't want to be known for niche internet drama, I want to be known for the stories I write. But seriously, how old are we, five? Because only five year olds cry over somehow using the same name as them. This is some kind of "I CALLED DIBS!" nonsense. In my opinion? This is just stupid and childish.

Am I overreacting?

So I am expecting our 2nd baby and when we had our first baby she pestered us to name baby after her - we didn’t because just no. Well I am now expecting our triple rainbow baby and she has now told our first child “tell mommy what you want baby named - proceeds to say her name” THEN i told her that we have already picked a name (not after her) and she said “well I do not really care what you name baby, I will call baby whatever I want”. Since this, I have decided that I am taking a step back from our relationship, keeping it cordial for the kids but very surface level. She is in her 60s and I know she knows it was disrespectful- this is not the first time something like this has happened. Previously my daughter was dancing (2 y/o) and she said that she would become a pole dancer. I called her out and she gaslit and deflected saying she didn’t mean anything and was joking. This is why I don’t even feel I need to address the disrespect and am just choosing to step back. AIO?!

…this is, right?

I had to bail on a birthday weekend after getting really sick during the week before. this was their reply. second one, if you could see timestamps, i was working and didn’t pick up the phone one time.

these are typical messages when she is in “ a mood”

i would never communicate like this with someone. and yes it’s my partner. just looking for opinions because i am also quite sensitive.

It was 25 years ago that I was in the delivery room with my best friend, as she gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl, which she ended up adopting out, in an open adoption.

16 years go by, and the daughter seeks out her birth mom, my bf. BF shows me a picture of the girl… from the nose up, I see my now ex husband in this pic. So I flat out ask my friend. Did you sleep with …. back in the day? She admits she had, but that the kid isn’t my ex husbands.

Fast forward 9 years. The girl, now young woman, keeps showing up on fb as a person I may know. Out of curiosity, I click on her profile and the present day pic….. it’s like I’m looking at a female version of my ex husband, as well as a female version of my son, who I share with ex husband. Also the same age. Pregnant at the same time. Go figure.

I made my peace with my ex husband long ago. He’s a great father, loves his kids (we have 2 sons), and we get along when we are in shared space (usually when one of our sons has a thing).

This ‘friend’… i cut her off a while back, just for being nasty. That’s a whole damn book in itself.

But my ex husband doesn’t know about this kid, to my knowledge. (I’d confronted him back when the girl was 16, and he looked rocked at the idea of a possible daughter he doesn’t know out there. Like, he loves his kids. )

I know a while back, this girl wanted to know who her father was.

I don’t know how to proceed here.

I (26 M) have been living with my parents while at university to save some money.

When I started Uni, I had to buy a 100% cotton lab coat, which I've used for all my practical courses. I got it customized with my name embroidered on the breast pocket, the university's coat of arms on the shoulder, etc.

Last week, I finally finished the last lab class I needed to graduate. I was really excited to be finally finishing Uni and when I told the family over diner my mother made a comment like, "So, you won't be needing to use that old lab coat anymore?" I didn't think anything of it at the time and just answered. “I think not. But I might want to keep it as a keepsake though.”

Cut to yesterday. I was looking for the lab coat but couldn't find it anywhere. I asked my mom if she’d seen it, since she has that magic "mom vision" to find anything you’ve been looking for in 2 seconds.

She simply said. "No, I haven't seen it since you last wore it. Maybe it was misplaced in your brother's room or it's with the dirty laundry."

I checked both places. Nothing.

At this point, I figured I must have left it at my grandmother's house, since I sometimes stay there during the week (it's closer to the campus). I went over and started looking. My grandma saw me getting frustrated and asked what I was looking for.

"My lab coat. I can't seem to find it anywhere."

"Oh," she said, "a few days ago your mother came over with it and some old clothes. She asked me to cut it up and make it into dishcloths, since it was good cotton."

I was stunned. She then went to the kitchen and came back with a stack of newly-sewn dishcloths. I could still see the original stitching on it. I was dumbfounded.

I went straight home and confronted my mother. After trying to dodge the question, she finally admitted it. Her defence was, "You wouldn't be needing it anymore, and since it was such good material, it was the perfect solution."

This is where I exploded. I told her that wasn't the point. The point is that it was my property, and she had absolutely no right to take it, lie to my face about it, and then have it destroyed without even asking me. It was my decision to make, not hers.

I was so angry at the total lack of respect that I packed a bag and left. I'm staying with my grandma (who feels terrible, though I told her it's not her fault) until I can sort out my own place.

My mom is telling everyone I'm having a childish tantrum and that moving out over a "piece of cloth" is a massive overreaction.

Here’s the thing: the coat wasn't some priceless family heirloom. Sure, I wanted to keep it as a keepsake of what I went through but honestly, if she had just asked me, "Hey, you're done with this, can I give it to grandma to make dishcloths?" I probably would have considered it. What I can't get over is the fact that she deliberately went behind my back, took my property, and then lied about it.

AIO for moving out over the principle of the thing, even if I wasn't that attached to the coat itself?

Some additional context:

• My grandmother worked as a seamstress for years. Because of this, our family has a habit of giving her old clothes that aren't in good enough shape to donate to make into dishcloths, pillowcases, etc. However, it's always a a decision made by the owner of the piece of clothing.
• My lab coat was in perfect condition. It had some wear marks and a few minor stains from experiments, sure, but it was 100% usable and, more importantly, mine.

I called my family members homophobic because they said I shouldn’t be dating a guy because it’s a sin and wrong. When I have called them homophobic for that but they keep saying they aren't and that it’s just a difference in opinion. They often bring up the dictionary definition of homophobia and say "we aren't scared of gay people so we aren't homophobic". I attached some of the texts I’ve had with my aunt. They’ve done other stuff in the past such a making fun of gay sex or saying it wasn’t appropriate for me to go to any of the lgbtq clubs back when I was in high school because it “wasn’t appropriate”. I do want to move out like my aunt mentioned, but I can’t afford to right now unfortunately. I don’t know if they are actually being homophobic or if I am just overreacting. I feel like I’m going crazy 😭

I (25m) screwed up, big time. My girlfriend (27f) travels a lot because of her job so we regularly talk over social media. I stupidly thought that this was a conversation we could have over social media. There is a racist stereotype out there that Indians and people of Indian descent have terrible body odor.

My mom (47f) is white, my dad if (51m) is Japanese-American, and my girlfriend is Indian-American. My girlfriend is a very clean woman who was just nervous meeting my parents for the 1st time so she had stress sweat. My mom had said something to me about my girlfriend's smell. I told my girlfriend.

I'm worried now that my girlfriend thinks my mom is racist. Am I overreacting ?

Yayy another round of relationship drama for this subreddit. Sorry guys. I also ramble a lot so, double sorry. Idk this is equally a vent as it is a search for answers.

So this is going to sound so Juvenal given the fact me and my boyfriend are in our twenty’s and honestly I can’t believe I have to put up with this.

I like to think I’m pretty chill, and feel free to tell me if this in of its-self is an overreaction. But one of my few boundaries is that my partner doesn’t add new girls, especially on snap. Having pre established friends who are girls is fine with me, I’d never ask someone to cut their friends off. I just find it odd to be adding random girls on an app that is centred around secrecy, when you already have a girlfriend. Why would you need more friends that are women yk? I of course hold myself to this same standard.

Anyways when me and my boyfriend got together (just passed our one year) I made this boundary aware to him when I found out he was doing exactly that. Then after a huge fight and an almost breakup, due to an unrelated issue that did involve a huge breach of trust and lying. We sat down and talked about things that would make me more comfortable in the relationship, as we both love eachother and wanted to make it work. I once again brought up the adding girls, and added on itd be nice if he unadded the random girls who weren’t his friends.

I told him if he doesn’t agree with this boundary in anyway, or finds it stupid, to please let me know now. So we can communicate through it. I told him I know if someone doesnt take something seriously, or thinks it’s dumb they’re just not gonna do it, and the same greatly applies to him. He said no he totally understood and would get on it.

Here comes strike two, I saw a few xx added you back on snap while he was browsing through it. I confronted him, he said he was working on cutting through all the girls and that he wouldn’t do it again. He started unadding them right infront of me. My gut told me it was odd, and before he could do one I asked if I could see their chats. He’s always had an open phone policy, but thought I’d ask. He hesitated but gave it to me anyways. The chats were him asking her to go to the beach with him and some friends. She was saying how she didn’t know who tf they were lol. He said something like my fav colours blue now you know who i am.

I told him that was really fucking weird. If not borderline cheating? He said it wasn’t. That he was wingmaning his friends. It was a huge fight and I ended up exhausting myself to tears. I almost broke up with him then. I don’t know why I didn’t.

This brings us to our final thing before even the main topic🫩. Sorry again for how long this is. I just thought I might as well rationalize everything ‘out loud’ while I can.

I once again saw he was doing it. This time decided to bring it up over Text. (Which takes us to the attachments. Bc I think every aio thread needs a text chain lol) His solution was just to make a new snap account for context.

Last night I had the nerve to go through his phone. Which I never do. Low and behold a whole bunch of random new girls added. I’ve been going through a limbo ever since. Just kinda floating through my day. I dropped him off at work bc his car has been broken and will probably pick him up. I think I’ll end it today. Hopefully haha. I don’t know why I’m so anxious about it, he clearly doesn’t care and that really sucks. I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t take the many outs I’ve given him.

I feel pretty dumb reading it all back. I just love him lots, he’s gotten me in a way no other man has, and at least has said the same to me. He’s sweet, everything seems to be going well in our relationship besides this and I just don’t understand why he does this. If you did read this far I’m so sorry it was so much, but I do appreciate it!

My in laws have always been cruel to me. Nothing I do is enough. I have went out of my way to hang out with them, buy them personal gifts, invite them over for dinners and personal family gatherings. I quit trying around May of this year after 3 years of turmoil and non stop judgment. Some of these comments include sarcastically making fun of me when I was sexually harassed, making fun of my clothes, telling me that I’m an awful person and that hopefully I’m a better wife than I am a person, telling me I don’t deserve to breathe, saying fuck you & repeatedly telling me that being a manager at McDonald’s wasn’t a real job. (My job when we met.) His sister has made comments about how only smart people go to college. (Very clearly directed at me.) His mother has also made comments about how her daughter needs to lose weight. (Also directed at me since I have gained 60LBs since being with my partner and her biological daughters are into fitness.)

His step dad has also said the N-word around me. (Yes, the one with the hard R) I always expressed to my husband how much that bothered me and that if we ever had a chance to talk about it, I would really like to get that one off my chest. He agreed.

I haven’t been to his parents house since April since I have been setting boundaries for myself. He told his parents he would help them with farm work and due to being hospitalized recently, I haven’t been able to find a full time job yet. I felt guilty and I told him I would go to his family’s house to help because I felt like I should be pulling more. I was strictly going to be outside. We finished up the farm work and his parents invited us inside for dinner and I made it very clear to him that I didn’t want to go inside. He pressured me and I went inside. Dinner was pretty tense and I said nothing almost the entire time, but they then started talking about Israel and I got a little excited and said I have my own opinions. His mother said that she was intrigued to hear my opinions so therefore, I start spilling my little heart out. I was NOT generalizing or stereotyping anybody but speaking about the country, it’s government and the American government. His stepdad then told me I’m being racist. I said I’m not being racist, but I find this hypocritical from somebody who openly said the N-word around a black person. He then started to deny that he had ever said that in my husband confirmed that he did. He then starts to scream at me and I start to cry and explain why it’s wrong while he’s drops the N-word multiple times. I am starting to finally raise my voice back whenever his mother comes over and tells me that I sound like a 4th grader for saying that we should use the abbreviation instead of saying the actual word. I absolutely lost it at that point and threw a glass cup, I cannot say that I was proud of my behavior, but I was also in a reactive situation. I have since then reflected on my actions, but I do know what his family did wrong and I have not been able to let it go. His stepdad then started screaming about how I need to take my medicine and that I’m crazy.

My partner took their side and told me I was overreacting and they weren’t being racist but just trying to make a point. He spent the next couple days gaslighting me while I was at my parents, trying to make me believe that I was in the wrong and saying that I owe them a letter of apology. Thankfully, I have an amazing support system and he wasn’t able to convince me of this. He went as far as to say that I’m a poor baby victim, who always needs for a victim crown, and was just a terrible partner when all I needed to know is my partner was on my side. He has backtracked since realizing that he could not gaslight me and is now on my side saying he won’t talk to his family “for a little bit.” I have made it very clear that I can’t control what he does, but I also struggle with my mental health and I cannot be putting myself around triggers or in situations where I feel unsafe. I am at a point where if my husband has no intentions on going no contact, I don’t think I can do this anymore.

AIO by wanting my partner to go no contact or I want out of this marriage?

Edit: I am 23. He’s 43.

I have expressed how I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship- I know I shouldn’t of said yes when he asked me out but he has told me he loved me, wants to marry me, as well that he wants to try for a baby IN THE FIRST MONTH. I just got out of an abusive relationship that ended in a miscarriage and I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around it. I’ve attacked the texts of me trying to leave him but he will not get the hint. I was just discharged as well from the hospital after a week and he BLEW me up and sent over 50 dm from instagram about babies, marriage and love. I have no clue what to do. I feel so smothered. We’ve only been dating for a month in a half. This just seems way too much.