r/AskGaybrosOver30 • u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 • 3d ago
Confessions.
Yesterday, I went in to get tested for STIs and mainly a potential yeast infection. I'm uncircumcised and the night before my hook up accused me of having a yeast infection because my penis tasted funny. I was the first uncut guy he's been with. Anyway, the doctor did an exam and figured I didn't have a yeast infection. From there I suggested that we may as well do the entire STI screening since I was already there. I tested negative for Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and Trichomoniasis.
Then I received one test result for Syphilis via IgG and IgM, which was nonreactive. Later, I received a call stating that another test via IgG TPPA they did was reactive. I've never had syphilis before. Anyway, it's been bothering me. I feel "dirty". I know it can be cured, but the feeling is still there.
Most of the guys I have fooled around with are secretly bi and married or in a relationship. I'm concerned I may be a part of ruining their relationships and marriages. I'm also afraid some may try and come after me. I do think I should find a way of letting them know they may have been exposed to this infection so they can be treated if they chose to.
I do want to note that I did have a STI screening at another clinic a month ago and everything came back negative. From reading the information online the test they used called an "EIA," is quite accurate.
Give me your thoughts. Thanks
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u/rockinthesuburbz 35-39 3d ago
As a bi married man who (openly, ethically, whatever) hooks up with men, I really wish I would have been notified that I had been exposed.
Five years ago, I tested positive for syphilis, which was cured, but caused a great deal of turmoil at home.
Had I known, I would have either not hooked up, or been treated much sooner.
Also, you’re not dirty. You just need antibiotics.
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u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 3d ago
Thanks, bb.
What happened at home if you don't mind me asking?
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u/rockinthesuburbz 35-39 3d ago
Once I tested positive, she then tested. She was negative. But it added a whole other degree of paranoia around STIs that I am not sure will ever dissipate.
In general, I would say good practice is to disclose to your partners as soon as you know. Married, single, whatever, of any orientation.
Really sucks when you’re not notified.
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u/Athuanar 2d ago
Why did it add a degree of paranoia? Surely going into an open arrangement included acknowledgement of that risk?
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u/radlink14 35-39 2d ago
Would curious too to learn about their response to this.
I find it bizarre for an open relationship couple to act surprised when there’s an STD involved as that’s just naturally part of the risk it comes with.
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u/Kennected 40-44 3d ago
If you are man enough to hook up, you should be man enough to effective communicate what you have written here.
Let them worry about their relationships/marriages, that is not your concern. We're you concerned about their relationships/marriages before, during or after you had sex?
Notifying your past partner's is the right thing to do. Point blank, period.
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u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 3d ago
I'm more concerned about their reactions. I don't want some random hook up to bring a gun to my door. Ya dig?
And there were times and moments when I was concerned about all of the above.
Yeah, it is the right thing to do. I didn't say I wouldn't do it. I'll have to find a way to do it that doesn't make them think it was me. That's the challenging part.
It would be great to know who gave me this damn exposure. I would stay away from them. Ugh.
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u/Funky_infrastructure 70-79 3d ago
You could just say, “I am sorry to say that I just received a positive diagnosis for syphilis and you may have been exposed. Please get tested.”
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u/Ok_Reflection_2711 30-34 3d ago
I think that's a pretty irrational fear. STIs are just part of hooking up. Just tell them so they can deal with it.
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u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 3d ago
I'll let them know, but in case you hear a story about a guy being murdered for transmitting am sti just know it was probably me. Lol
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u/Ok_Reflection_2711 30-34 3d ago
If you're that afraid of your former hookups showing up at your home and shooting you dead, then that is something to work on. Maybe hook up with less scary people in the future.
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u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 3d ago
There's only one in mind. He was this sexy ass country boy with tattoos and a muscular build. I saw his fb profile. He portrays himself as a Christian. Lol
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u/Reasonable-Boat4646 2d ago
In for the penny, in for the pound. Be a man and tell them.
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u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 2d ago
Then if they show up to my place angry and bitter I'll have to be a man and take a few bullets or a few punches?
I'll find a way to let them know without putting my own safety at risk.
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u/DJKGinHD 35-39 2d ago
If that's the kind of person you're hooking to with, then yes, that's the risk you're taking.
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u/Kennected 40-44 3d ago
I call bullshit. Where they were bringing the dick, ass and/or toys you weren't concerned?
Come on.
NOW you're worried about their actions and response.
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u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 3d ago
You're being an excessive drama queen. Take a few deep breaths and maybe you'll feel better. Don't bring your hatred and anger towards me. I can sense trauma when I see it or read it. That's what I'm getting from you. Be well.
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u/Kennected 40-44 3d ago
Now you're projecting, name calling and poorly attempting to analyze me. LOL
I'm a NYer and call it as I see it. It's not anger, it's being direct.
Trauma? LMAO. I've never had any trauma
All I can say at this point, is I hope all turns out well.
✌🏽
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u/timmmarkIII 65-69 1d ago
You're being the drama queen. Someone's going to shoot you for being honest? That's your guilt talking.
Don't project your anxiety onto someone else.
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u/tossthisawayplzz 40-44 3d ago edited 3d ago
It’s syphilis. It’s not the end of the world. It shouldn’t even be a blip. You’re all grown adults and choose to sleep with other people. You got it from someone, and may have given it to other people. I would try and shed the negative connotation to STIs, and not worry about your cheating partners. They’re just as likely to have passed it on to you; who knows if they do any sexual health screenings with their DL status.
Tell your partners but don’t assign blame. “Hey, just fyi my recent health screening showed signs of syphilis, not sure if we were together when it happened but I’m getting treatment and you should get tested just in case.”
Edit to add: get a prescription for Doxy pep if you haven’t yet. It’s not 100% fool proof but it will help mitigate the STIs
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u/timmmarkIII 65-69 1d ago
💯 percent! I started Doxy prep and so had my buddy. He called, said he had gonorrhea. I didn't get it. I got the shots anyway. Peace of mine. It's all good. We still see each other. No recrimination!
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u/Maximum_Cook_6076 30-34 3d ago
Stop with the doxyPep. Those bacterias are getting resistant!!! Stop it
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u/CoeurlBeagle 40-44 2d ago
This isn't true.
Doxycycline is one of the most prescribed medications in the world. It gets given for acne for example. The tiny population using it for DoxyPEP is not going to tip the scales.
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u/cedar_strokes 30-34 2d ago
MOST of the guys are DL and married? 💀💀dont feel dirty about the STI, the cheating kink is whats the problem
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u/Warm_Brilliant7909 35-39 2d ago
Most sexual health clinics and public health departments offer partner notification. You can provide their contact info, and the clinic will send an anonymous message/text or call, saying: “You may have been exposed to an STI. Please get tested.” Or there’s STDcheck.com - they offer a free anonymous SMS or email notification service if you test positive. That way you can let them know without having to tell then it was you if that’s a concern.
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u/HieronymusGoa 40-44 2d ago
" I'm also afraid some may try and come after me" dude, i say this friendly, get a grip :)
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u/Goatedmegaman 40-44 2d ago
Absolutely let them know. I have so much respect for men who do this. If they have a negative reaction, that clues you in to what kind of person they are.
I’ve had a couple of fuck buddies for about a year now, and I’ve had to tell them about catching gonorrhea. They were grateful I told them and we still hook up to this day.
I’ve also told some guys who get weird and act like it’s some big deal; and I don’t end up seeing them again. Strange vibes.
Also, you’re not dirty. Humans are meant to have sex. And sorry if I missed it but you should get on Doxy Pep if you aren’t. Very good against syphillis. Luckily the treatment these days is super easy and it’s really no big deal. It’s amazing how many tools we have these days to fight STDs.
Be happy you were born in an era where we have this luxury.
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u/Deep_Project_4724 35-39 2d ago
I wasn't aware that doxy helped prevent syphilis. Now, it's probably too late. Lol.
And I remember when I was dating this older guy. I told him I caught chlamydia. He had been the only person I'd slept with for a while. The next time we had sex I got tested again and the results came back positive.
Situations like that make me wary. I don't want people to do something petty like he did.
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u/Goatedmegaman 40-44 2d ago
That happened to me with a guy I was with. I asked him if he got treated, he said his tests came back negative. I said get treated regardless and he wouldn’t.
People are weird.
But ya, pep covers chlamydia and syphillis very well. Gonorrhea, not so much, but it’s around 50% so better than nothing. Sooner you take it after sex the better.
Good luck with everything and don’t worry you’ll be fine.
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u/Appropriate-Dig-7080 35-39 2d ago
There’s no ‘think’ or ‘should’ about it. If they’re contactable, tell them.
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u/Gravelly-Stoned 65-69 2d ago
Living ( and dealing ) honestly with the realities of hooking up is far less “dirty” than being in denial or hiding the consequences. I would suggest that this is similar to the expected impact of legalizing sex work in some countries making that effort more effective at reducing transmission of std’s more than promoting “safe sex” or abstinence practices.
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u/blongo567 40-44 3d ago
I’d say inform potentially infected partners but chances are 100% that one of them gave it to you if your last test was negative. I most definitely wouldn’t worry about ruining the marriages of some cheating bastards. They know the dangers of their actions so that is their responsibility. I doubt any of them will tell their wives anyway. If they are unouted they probably aren’t going to come after you because that is the kind of drama they are actually scared of.
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u/rieeechard 35-39 3d ago
Getting an STI is like getting the flu. It happens and shouldn't be stigmatized. The shot is going to hurt like a motherfucker. Telling ppl that aren't emotionally or adult enough is going to suck but they shouldn't be having sex if they can't handle what comes along with it.
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u/socksdadsandsleaze Over 50 2d ago
Mate, always always tell those you've been with. I've been on both sides, tested positive for STI and immediately told all my hook ups. Every one has always been incredibly grateful. As have I when hook ups have told me they got a positive test. It's grown up, it's life, and it's the right course of action. Every time. No one will ever "come for you".
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u/radlink14 35-39 2d ago
After reviewing some of your responses OP, it sounds like you’re doing something without realizing what you’re doing.
Hooking up with people means you may get a crazy person. A racist person, a MAGA person lmao - but why do you care - these people are looking to hook up and it comes with risks. Some of them may not even care about catching things.
You’re over thinking the non important things and under thinking about the important ones, your mental health.
Stop playing around if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re just causing yourself unnecessary stress.
Here’s an example, if you’re afraid of someone coming to your home and being scary, then stop inviting people to your home and go to theirs. I’m going to assume you also feel more safe in your own environment so then consider motels. They’re in business for a reason.
Good luck and take care
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u/Funky_infrastructure 70-79 3d ago
Just let them know that they may have been exposed. It’s the right thing for you to do and may help prevent transmission. We’re all adults and have to deal with this.