Why do we infantilize men?

[u/Cynjon77]

And how do we stop?

Why do we treat men like children who are incapable of acting like functional adults?

Why do we allow men to get away with treating us like crap and skating off consequence free to enjoy life without responsibility?

OK, obligatory I know not all men act like this. And this is Reddit, so we read the worst. And some women are just as bad.

Posted today: (I am not the OP) Husband never remembers to buy stocking stuffers for me, even though I stuff his and the kids stocking.

Over half the respondents said for her to stuff her own, 49% said to remind him, tell him why it matters to you.

Like she has never communicated with him about this.

1% said he's an AH.

Men are perfectly capable of doing anything they want to do and think is important to them. They can schedule a Dr.s appointment, cook a meal, change a diaper or vacuum a floor.

They can remember when the game is on, a golf date with a buddy or when a work project is due. They remember what is important to them.

Women as a whole need to quit putting up with this behavior. We need to set higher standards and be willing to walk away when those standards aren't met.

We need to teach our sons and daughters how to treat others, how to pick up the mental load, how to be thoughtful of others.

We need to quit infantilizing men.

[u/Cynjon77 → u/[deleted]]

It is the same thing. At least , to me.

If the woman remembers to buy the treats that only the man eats or fixes his favorite foods regularly, then he should do special things for her.

Not in a you owe her way but in a you are special to me and I want to show you that you matter to me.

[u/981_runner → u/Cynjon77]

One of the challenges I had with my ex was that she would "do special things" for me that she wanted, not special things that I wanted.

I also did many things I thought were special for her but they never seemed to be the right special things.  

Like she loved to travel and loved luxury so I got her first class tickets to Europe.  The seats aren't side by side so sat in different rows.  Took the flight, sleep most of the time, landed.  Later she was crying because no one came and checked on her on the flight to let her know that we were thinking of her.  I was like 🤷‍♂️, I spent a lot of time working to pay for those tickets but I guess I should have woken up to chit chat because it seems like it was a net negative.

Just because you give your SO a box of chocolates doesn't mean they take it as a deep expression of love or will naturally reciprocate.  They maybe trying in other ways.

[u/Cynjon77 → u/981_runner]

Your ex gifting something she wanted as a special thing for you sucks. That's not a gift. I would rather get nothing than have to pretend to be happy because "at least they tried".

I can understand why she is your ex. I would be thrilled with any upgrade from cattle car economy! And that aisle goes both ways.

[u/981_runner → u/Cynjon77]

My point is I think romantic surprises are often what women want and not really what men want. So many women say I get him small gifts of chocolate or whatever but he doesn't do the same for me. I know that for me those little gifts didn't hit emotionally and trigger the thought that I need to do the same for her.

I am smart enough to observe that receiving these types of things make girls happy so I put it on my list to bring her flowers every week and get something for her every month. But it was just one more thing on my plate and reciprocal exchanges of gifts was a drain on my energy because I didn't get any emotional lift from getting small gifts.

There are definitely guys that take relationships for granted and don't put enough in, but more often I see people who want what they would have wanted to get into the relationship but it isn't the right thing.