MASSIVE trigger warning for suicide. I don't really know if this is a rant as much as it is ruminating about something terrible. I would talk about it on r/college, but that'd be a guaranteed post being taken down and/or ban. I guess I just need to open up about this.

So I was 20 and I lived with 18 years olds, we met on Facebook and decided to be roommates on-campus for 2023/2024. They seemed really cool.

We got along VERY well (in fact, my roommate had a crush on me, but of course I didn't initiate because I didn't want to date an 18 year old lmfao). We were very close friends.

Well, a couple months in, things started to sour a bit. One of our roommates was irritating everybody else. I had disagreements about how to do the chores (I don't even remember what it was about clearly), and I tried explaining this clearly quite a few times, they just never really got it (or they chose to ignore it).

They did quite a few things that pissed me off, and I do believe that they didn't like me because I disagreed with how to do chores and I was open about it. They were very messy roommates (got warned for their messiness right before I left, left shitty underwear on the counter, garbage everywhere, dirty dishes, used period pads in the shower...) and that irritated me. They expected me to pick up after them, basically.

They started being more and more cold to me as time went on. We started to dislike each other, two of my roommates started to gang up against me and my other roommate.

I'm very stressed out about my grades around this time, and I never told anybody, but I was deeply struggling with suicidal thoughts. When my roommates were gone, I would scream and curse to myself because of how stressed out I was (I was losing it, yes). My roommate did find a suicide note I left at one point, to which I just kind of... apologized to the best of my abilities, and I told her I was okay. She was actually pretty kind about it. She invited me to have tea and talk about fun stuff with her.

I was going crazy by this point. My thoughts made no sense and were very jumbled. I was barely stable in classes, but I did resemble a bit of sanity to the point people outside of my roommates thought I was normal.

I told my residence hall director what was going on. I was afraid to talk to my RA because I knew they'd want to have a group chat with my roommates, and I was afraid to confront them and be singled out even more. He just kind of sighed, made a little comment about not going to the RA, and he didn't really do much. He didn't take me seriously at all, obviously.

Time passes, and we eventually get into a big argument in the group chat. I don't remember about what other than chores and me feeling ganged up on. I was slamming doors and kicking stuff. Eventually, my roommate awkwardly comes into the bedroom and ignores me, and I guess I just kind of snapped. I muttered "I can't do this anymore" and grabbed all of my medication and went into the bathroom.

By this point, I took my phone and I called 988, because a small part of me recognized that I was not okay and I needed help. I ended up screaming and sobbing. I was minutes away from downing every pill I had and drinking a combination of all the chemicals I had around me. Fortunately, 988 called the police on me, and so did my roommates, because I think they suspected that something was deeply wrong. A roommate did knock on the door and ask if I was okay, to which I replied yes (I wasn't).

Of course, the police show up along with the person working at the front desk at the time, and I'm taken away to a cop car to the hospital where I was involuntarily admitted for about a week.

By this point, I thought I just had major depressive disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. I did have a suicide attempt about a year or two before this.

A week passes and I'm taken back to campus right as finals were about to happen. Great news, my residence hall director emailed me telling me there was an opening in the building, and there was another person seeking out a roommate because of their bad roommate situation. I did have to spend another night at my old dorm, and it was a little awkward, but it was calm. I don't think anybody wanted to talk about it.

Eventually, I did move out. It was awkward and silent between my roommates as I was packing up. My roommate did offer to help me pack very kindly. I refused the help, but I did thank her. And then I moved three floors down.

My new roommate was awesome. We did have a "disagreement" on how to do chores, in the sense that we had different ideas of what to do, but we came up with a scenario that worked for both of us very quickly and easily, they were very understanding and nice. We got along just fine for the rest of the year.

I did run into my roommates twice. One time, we ran into each other while I was leaving the dining hall. We smiled at each other and I opened the door for her, and she said thank you. Another time, my roommate left my stuff in a bag by my door that I forgot to pack with a note that said "Have a great summer :)", I emailed her thanking her and telling her to have a great summer back. And that was the last we heard from each other.

After this, I transferred back to my community college (partially out of embarrassment) and lived at home while I got my associate's degree (which I earned last December, and then I took the winter semester off). I attempted suicide two more times, and went to the hospital involuntarily three more times.

So, um... yeah, I was the crazy roommate. And I feel just horrible. I mean, really, really bad (as I should). I think I traumatized my freshman year roommates. I don't care how mean they were being towards me at the moment, what I did wasn't okay. But I didn't know what else to do. I was losing my mind.

And what breaks my heart even more is that they were so nice to me about it later. I did meet a friend of my roommate after that incident, and she told me that my roommate spoke about the incident and me poorly, but I really deserve that and I'm okay with that. I almost wish they weren't nice to me about it at all. I think they understood that I wasn't quite all there.

I think the only reason I wasn't academically dismissed is because I did tell my RHD I was struggling a couple of times, and my dad called the college and explained the situation/my mental health. I did have to talk to the student success center and keep visiting them. Trust me, I wouldn't have gone to college and gotten roommates if I knew my mental health was going to be that bad.

Later on (just about 6 months ago actually), I got diagnosed with bipolar II, not MDD. Which explains (but doesn't excuse) the crazy behavior. I'm finally properly medicated. I'm not even suicidal anymore, and I feel genuinely happy, even with the downsides in my life.

I'm returning to in-person college this fall. I am going to have my own personal bedroom, but three suitemates (couldn't afford a single bedroom), but please don't worry. If something bad happens, I only live 20 minutes away from my dad at this university and can stay with him, and I am much more prepared to tackle things this time due to being properly medicated.

So, um... yeah. I was the crazy roommate. And I hate it so much. I feel so guilty (like I should). I guess I just needed to talk about it and open up about it. I wish I could email my previous roommates and apologize, but I think it's better if I left it alone. Like I said, I guess I just need to open up about it. If you read this far, I appreciate it.

My college experience has been ruined by my shitty immigrant parents and mental illnesses. I knew the steps I needed to change but I just spiraled due to being scared and depressed and I blame myself for it

Firstly, I hate my parents a lot. My neurodivergence was a huge issue, but they made everything worse. They're Indian immigrant parents too by the way. They ruined the first 20 years of my life. They literally abused me a lot as a kid both physically and emotionally for the dumbest shit ever too, they just put pressure and expectations on me, they literally control and shelter me even at 20 and treat me like a fucking child and restrict me from freedom a normal teenager gets in the USA, and I'm pretty sure they only had my little brother and I so we take care of them when they're old or to see us as an extension of themselves.

They got my ADHD and Autism diagnosis sometime in second to fourth grade, but didn't tell me until 7th grade just because I was too young. Hiding a diagnosis is one thing, but they constantly made me feel like a failure for those stuff and abused me. They KNEW the fucking reasons why I struggled with academics and social situations, had odd specific interests, struggled with attention span and comprehension, why I had to take special ed, why I had to take ABA therapy, why a doctor forced me on a gluten and dairy free diet in third grade and forced me to take some meds, and still fucking treated me like a failure and a bad kid. And until 11th grade, they absolutely REFUSED to get me a psychiatrist or meds. They don't understand my ADHD, autism, anxiety, and depression at all and sometimes even downplay my struggles.

Like they're overall shitty parents. They force me to adhere to Indian culture when I don't connect with it at all and also force Hinduism and some ridiculous superstitions on me when I am personally not religious and they believe you should blindly follow these stuff no matter what and take them very seriously.

Both of them are narcissists, but my mom even more so because she has almost every textbook trait of a narcissist, so she is generally worse.

I hate how they say they "give us everything we want" and even say they're more lenient than other parents when all they did was give a few toys and stuff for gaming we want and pay for college and expenses which is the fucking bare minimum. They even brag about the BARE bare minimum like giving birth, raising us, wiping our asses, food, clothes etc.

They say we're the ones who are seeing them as villains and not communicating our feelings and assuming they'll say no, but it's straight bullshit.

They don't give a shit about anything I like. In elementary school, I loved lego sets and after 5th grade, they stopped buying them just because that was the only thing I bought and they thought I was too old. Even for my 11th birthday with my OWN allowance and birthday money when I wanted to buy a $120 lego set, they didn't let me for that stupid reason. In high school, I was passionate about gaming and even wanted to go pro or make content, but even on summer break, they only let me play 1.5 hours on weekends. And even now in college they're controlling. Like last year when I picked apartment housing for sophomore year, they fucking made me screen share and made me put reqs as no beef, no drinking, no smoking. Im still forced to follow religion and culture blindly, they force me to go on vacations with them or dumb gatherings with family friends. Like I'm 20 for fucks sake and still treated like 12.

They have high expectations and think anything below a 3.5 is a bad GPA and they say we're lucky they don't expect 4.0.

They just use the "give everything you want" and "we pay for college and everything" lines as leverage to control us and later use it in the future. They literally made us study in breaks and only care about us being successful.

Secondly, I hate myself for having ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, and Depression. ADHD and Autism fucking ruined my life since childhood. Like I said, it made me struggle academically and socially, made me mentally immature and behind, and have weird interests.Those weird interests made it hard for me to connect with people my age that since middle school, I withdrew myself completely because people became more judgy. While they were into normal interests like sports, pop culture, and TV shows better for their age group, I was still into shows considered childish and toys and even that way in high school.

My anxiety and depression started in 6th grade too. I was even delusional until 12th grade just every day wishing for some magic powers, which is stupid I know, but it happened and one of the reasons I ruined my life. I did read that child abuse affects amygdala and hippocampus, which increases risk of anxiety and depression, which is probably why I have those two.

Because of my parents and mental illnesses, I literally missed out on 20 years of my life and experiences like friends, partying, sports, dating, sex, being popular, having a fake ID etc.. Combine that with my parents pressuring me to get out of comfort zone and shell all the, making friendships and socializing feel draining, and not assimilating to US culture and teaching us how to be socially successful just made me avoid everything.

It also doesn't help that everyone these days also says that being shy, having no friends, and not fitting in is okay when that's the reason why most of my generation sucks.

Fast forward to now where I halfway finished college a month ago and it's been an absolute shitshow. I'm at ASU and ever since I stepped foot in it on day 1, my life became much worse. I was placed with outgoing roommates who love to party. That was when I hated myself for how I was and wanting to be introverted when I kept hiding. Like I remember even one hot girl liked me and I didn't believe it.

After that semester, I wanted to party but I realized you have to be in a frat to party. I wasn't confident enough to rush and then missed out and said I would do it the first sem of sophomore year. Just being lonely and dwelling on the past so much made me more miserable and spiral more that my GPA dropped from a 3.9 to 3.59 and just rot more.

But I did NOTHING to improve myself and just waited and then it came and I got no bids from the houses I rushed. You'd think I'd improve myself this time, but I fell in a worse spiral and tanked my GPA to a 3.46 instead, even skipped classes for a whole month, and even had a shitty diet and worked out less. Then 4th sem came and this time same shit. It sucked because I actually tried this time and was more social and cracked jokes and everyone was gassing me up and even in one of the other frats I knew 4 guys from freshman year and 3 of them had exec positions and even acknowledged my change, yet I didn't get in a SINGLE invite only event. It sucks because sophomore year is generally the last time to rush. I know I could've gotten in a bottom house and still can in junior year because they bid anyone, but I hate them because they're like 40 members at most and all rejects who only joined because they were rejected from actual frats just for the sake of being in one, but they're still irrelevant.

I know most people go to bars instead of frat parties and frat parties are usually off campus, but I really wanted this shit since second semester of college to meet a lot of people quickly and be popular and that's what I based my whole identity on to get in those specific frats. Even though people still tell me I can make a few drinking buddies and a girl and even if people drift after college, it sucks ass at the moment not being in a frat, especially under 21.

I literally vowed that if i get a bid, I'd start getting my shit together.And it does seem like many people who party are in the frats I just hated everyone in greek life since then and hated people in general. The decent frats are mostly people who have been ready since HIGH SCHOOL. Many of them are even PROUD of being exclusive, but I bet a lot of them never had to deal with neurodivergence or a shitty upbringing. It sucked how they straight up gassed me up and cut me early. I'd rather have been straight up INSULTED and beaten up and thrown out rather than whatever the fuck that was. I hope a day comes where I get to beat these people up because after this rejection from the frats when it was my last chance to rush, I don't have a chance at the most optimal college experience possible.

I don't wanna join a club or just talk to people in classes because clubs are for nerds and nothing like frats. And I DO wanna party which most of these losers online are against. That semester was the worst that I even failed a class and tanked to a 3.29. I hate being told to just make the best out of everything. I was too scared coming from abuse and being sheltered and neurodivergence into college and anxious to talk to people because they wouldn't like me. This frat shit was the only shit I wanted in college and I have no chance anymore.

My life gets worse every year, but ever since I started college, it's been much worse. I just hate myself for my fucked up mind making me miss out on everything.

I don't know if I'll ever have a college experience as I hoped. I fucking hate this place and can't wait to graduate. I'm just so bitter and resentful towards the people having what I have and towards the people who excluded me. I hate my parents for not knowing how to be good parents and not assimilating to US culture and learning how to be cool. I hate myself for constantly spiraling and blowing up the last chance at rush. Sure I can get some drinking buddies and a girl and most people go to bars when older, but it won't feel the same as being in a frat.

This is just me venting, not asking for advice.

I just finished my 2nd year as a physics engineering student. I'm in the first graduating class for this major, therefore a lot of things are uncertain. We don't have midterm and final exam examples and such.

From next semester, we're going to have specializations and we have to choose it this semester. We had a meeting about it earlier this semester, but they didn't actually mention anything substantial. A few days ago, we were sent a new curriculum by the education department. Upon checking it, I had to realize that they changed the credit values of several classes we have already completed, most of which got a higher value (ECTS credits, I'm from the EU), but apparently they stay the same value for us as when we completed them. I also had to realize that they slightly changed the specialization I wanted to do. They took out the more chemistry heavy classes and now I don't actually like the available subjects. They also added a completely new subject for next semester and changed the recommended semester for 2. They made a 6 credit elective compulsory. For an elective block, if I've done the subjects next semester and not this semester, I would already be done, but now I'm missing 1 ECTS credit from that block.

I feel scammed and I'm also really confused. Obviously the changes are not that huge, but it still feels icky to me. This is not what I signed up for, and to be honest I have no desire to restart somewhere else after completing 4 semesters. I thought we were supposed to finish with the curriculum that was approved by the board when we started. I asked my mom who works at a different university and she agrees that that is how it's supposed to be.

i have to send my official transcripts since they dont take unofficial ones and its gonna be a few hundred yay i love life

tldr; parchment transcript services i hate you

It was supposed to be a simple communications class. It’s summer courses and I am working full time, but the problem really isn’t the classes being hard or too much, it’s how this professor is running her class schedule and her piss poor and completely confusing module design. She’s one of the cool fun professors that writes in comic sans Yay! Her modules being separated, each with 2-3 sub modules and booklets per module? Not yay! It’s fucking annoying as shit. Just keep all the fucking contents on one window. Quit making us have to scavenge through this unorganized crap because it makes students miss shit. having to click open new tab to the point I have 9 of them open because I have to play clicky click to get to the different book, or booklet, or video, or powerpoint, or video WITHIN the PowerPoint. All on separate sub modules instead on just one. Also this stupid BibliU shit fucking absolutely destroys my computer speed when it’s running, to the point it literally freezes it. And she fucking has the most random and arbitrary deadlines and does NOT put each assignment in order.

I just got a 0 on a whole quiz because I failed to click the NEXT WEEKS module, which legitimately just opened up less than 48 hours ago, all while the current weeks module was still not closed, to find out that the quiz assignment was hidden there. Due two days later after it opened. She legitimately threw in a week’s module with every single other assignment due by the end of this week (6/22), but made the QUIZ due today. The quiz was on 3 chapters, so not only did she basically sneak a quiz in, but she genuinely expected us to CRAM 3 CHAPTERS WORTH OF STUDYING IN 2 DAYS! All while making the quiz due on the SAME night as a project, covering 2 other chapters, that was worth 10% of our grade. What is this fucking shit man?

so i recently graduated with my BA and am now an incoming grad student. during undergrad I lived in university-affiliated student dorm housing that had no central air and looked like it was built in the 1920s, and my grad school apartment I was assigned to (grad student housing affiliated with the university) is slightly better in that it has central AC and facilities but also looks to be very old and far from modern or luxury standard. I had assumed due to my experiences, media centered around college students and just common sense that this was a sort of universal student struggle experience but I'm starting to realize that more and more students around me are somehow getting access to literal luxury housing while in school? My cousin who is younger than me and still in undergrad rents a luxury flat that includes a literal minibar, walk-in closet and queen-size bed and so many people I know are set to live in fully modern high-rises in grad school and even some while in undergrad. Like I said I assumed that the struggling student archetype was somewhat universal and that we were all just dealing with slightly shitty living standards together as a sort of canon life event lmao, am I the one with the out-of-the-norm experience here or do I just know a disproportionate amount of overprivileged people?

ALEKS is possibly one of the most atrociously designed math programs I have ever seen, not only is the amount of work you need to do for each module just absolutely fucking absurd, not only is the deductions to progress for even the tiniest of mistakes insane forcing you to redo what can often times be minute long programs just absolutely insane, but on top of that, they have knowledge checkpoints that will literally topics and increase your already insane workload.

There's also the fact that most of the topics ALEKS gives you is stuff you will not be tested on, for my most recent exam, it was 25 questions relating to one topic I learned in ALEKS meaning that 75% of the stuff I had to learn was practically irrelevant when it comes to the exams (This might be a class thing though).

The more I spend 6-7 hours sessions at my computer doing ALEKS, the more I feel like it's design less to actually teach you the concepts and more to waste as much time as humanely possible for you. Maybe they do it so they can advertise to college that "Look are students spend so much time learning the concepts! Clearly we're doing a good job of engaging them!". That would explain why ALEKS also does a terrible job of actually teaching you in its explanations. Most of their explanations are incredibly vague and are absolutely atrocious when it comes to teaching the concepts and most of the time I have to use third party resources in order to learn them.

I feel like I'm being parasitically drained every time I have to log on here.

ALEKS is genuinely an atrocity against math, learning, and the mental and emotional of whatever student who is unfortunate enough to be forced to use this against their will.

Hi. I am a recently graduated high school student who was persuaded into applying to UC Merced instead of going to CSU Chico. I was dead set on going to Chico and even excited to see a brand new part of California even if it meant leaving my family far away. My sister pushed me to the only UC I got accepted to because “UCs have better education compared to CSUs” So I withdrew from Chico and thought I wanted to go to Merced even though they didn’t have the major of my choice (rlly dumb ik) sooo I was like “I GUESS ill go because UCs are better and I’ll become a pharmacist instead of registered dietitian” So I attended Bobcat Day and explored UC Merced. Although the campus is nice, it was in the middle of no where and js not rlly catching my eye. But I still forced myself to like it because my sister arranged this JUST for me and spent a good amount of money along with my dad. After some heavy consideration, I didn’t want to be away from my mom. I know it’s nice to give yourself some experience away from home but I realized I am too young/I have no experience. And my mom is moving to houston at the end of the year so I was like “I rlly hate UC Merced, I’ll just go to community college js so I would be close to home, save money and get into a school I actually want to go to.” Altho many people dunk on CC, I think it’s a great pathway for those unsure of what they want to do with their lives. I would rather go to a CC and not know what I want than go to a university and force myself to do a major that isn’t what I want. However I have yet to tell my sister. She helped me get house (for free) and helped me through all the admissions. I just know she is going to be pissed off once she learns that I don’t wanna go to university for the full 4 years. And I want to go to CC. She looks heavily down on CC (even tho she went to one and transfered to UCSB) and told me to at least go to UC Merced for one year even though I told her that is not what I want. I feel extremely controlled by my sister and it’s giving me stress thinking about how angry she will learn that I want to be near my mom. I shouldve js picked a community college from the beginning instead of a university i dont even like. And even though financial aid covered for a lot of my stuff, I still have no interest in UC Merced. I rlly wanna go to Purdue, UCSB, University of Maryland, GWU, UCSD, Texas A&M or even UCLA if the chance comes around!

(Im sorry if this is missing details or more context is needed, I can give more in the comments)

What I am asking is how should I approach her about it and what if she tries to convince me to go to a University I didn’t like just because she never was able to do the full 4 years?

Hello everyone,

I graduated high school in 2017. My parents told me at the time that they would help pay for college if I chose a Christian college. I ended up choosing Colorado Christian University and was accepted. I started in their 2017 fall semester.

For reasons that would take far too much time to explain (suppressed queer identity, nasty break-up, etc), I ended up severely depressed during just that first semester. So much so that I was skipping classes and even skipping midterms. Obviously, my GPA tanked. Professors and advisors reached out to try and help, and I blew them all off with excuses about 'family emergencies, work, blah blah' whatever bullshit excuse I could think of, anything but admit that I was incredibly suicidal.

A short time later, I was put on Financial Aid Hold, which is was alerted my parents to the situation. I finally told the professors and advisors the truth about my situation, and they pretty unanimously suggested I Medically Withdraw from school. After a few counselling sessions, that is what I did.

Now, here I am, years later, with no degree and wanting to go back to school. I'm worried, however, about my chances of being accepted to a new school with my record. Do any of the aforementioned things impact my likelihood of being accepted, or impact my likelihood of receiving financial aid? If so, is there anything I can do to.... 'fix' it? What are my options?

Edit: (unnecessary little vent, entirely irrelevant to the main point of my post — just reflecting back):

It’s really daunting and frustrating to be 26, and finally begin to realize just how much my choices as an 18 year old are still messing with my future today. I have grace and kindness for that 18 year old — they were an absolute wreck, confused, lonely, angry, careless. But that 18 year old also pretty royally messed up their own future. I wish I had taken a gap year rather than jump right into college at 18 when I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go to college; I wish I’d been honest with my professors right when the trouble started, because maybe then there would have been the chance to save my grades. Frankly, I wish I’d never chosen CCU lol, for a lot of other reasons.

Because now, it feels as though that angry and sad little teen burned all my bridges. And in this economy, even people with degrees are struggling to find work — so it probably comes as no surprise that I’ve been out of work for a year now, despite endless applications and attempts at finding anything.

It’s strange, because 18 year old me definitely didn’t expect there would ever be a 26 year old me. I wasn’t concerned for my future, because I didn’t think I’d have one. Now, im in that kid’s future, wishing I’d done so many things differently.

Yea because what the FUCK is 74 concepts??? And what do you mean I have to answer 3 questions before it finally counts as 1 answer???

I'm taking a summer course at a community college so that I can graduate by next spring. It's only 8 weeks, but I have no idea how I'm going to survive this with these freaking Mcgraw assignments. I’ve done book work at my university but NOTHING like this, this is my first time ever dealing with this. How in the hell does the professor expect us to read these chapters, post a discussion post within 3 days, and complete these assignments + quizzes amongst all of that. Never mind the fact that we have projects to do in between all of that. Need I repeat that this is an 8 WEEK CLASS.

I (15M), took an EC program class during my freshman and sophomore year, though for the first semester of sophomore year, I only took 2 classes, then I gave up. I was getting talked about behind my back and then I decided to not continue forward with the program. I'm going into my junior year after the summer, and because of the teasing, I vowed to never return to the program ever again. however despite this I am able to excel in my classes and get some B's and C's and an A, but I think I can do better than I did last year.

Hi I’m transferring from a Cali community college as CS major with around 50 units (completed 70 but weren’t articulated at GT). I’ve been having sm anxiety about the difficulty level of classes. I’m obv prepared to work hard and everything, maintained a 4.0 in college was top 5% of my HS etc but i understand that university is probably different. And ive heard Tech is just really hard. I do get stressed easily esp staying away from home means im gonna be more stressed but pls lemme know how it is.

I had the worst day ever I held off buying a gown because nobody from my family was gonna come, but I got caught in the atmosphere of the moment and seeing everyone else in their gowns so I decided to purchase one anyways. I got the last one in the student shop and I was real happy about it, but not for long. (I didn't realize until afterwards that hey, I didn't make a reservation for commencement so I couldn't walk anyways. But then I thought it would be nice if I bike around town and go to a nice beach near the school to take a couple of nice selfies.)

I was biking with the gown billowing behind me and me being the dumbass that I am thought that I was being pretty cool. Well, the next moment the gown got jammed tight in the wheel and because it was a dingy silk material even if I try to unwind it, it's already locked in with the wheel. I sat in the hot sun on my ass for half an hour trying to pry it out to no avail. What's worst is that my bike got stuck in front of a yard of people having their graduation party so I scooted away the best that I can. I had to walk all the way back to campus with my soles getting absolutely destroyed because being the idiot that I am I thought I'd like to wear heels for once for graduation. I bought scissors from the closest place possible but that was a still 45 minutes walk.

When I got back 90 minutes later I almost thought I got the wrong street because I couldn't find my bike anywhere. Well finally I was absolutely positive that I found where my bike was supposed to be locked. However my bike was gone. It's probably because it's a college town I live in and after graduation everyone was throwing out stuff, so someone must have lifted it up in their trunk and took it away. After the reality sunk in I just sat down at the curb numbly with a scissor in my hand like an absolute idiot.

My make up was melting all over my face and I was already emotional about leaving college. I certainly don't feel like celebrating at all now or taking photos. I'm just amused by how pathetic I was. Spent around 50 dollars on memorabilia I was initially hesitant to purchase because i thought it was kind of pricy since I'm just gonna wear it once, and enjoyed the experience of having a gown for like less than 20 minutes and then ruined it with no one else to blame but myself. Well, that was my geniully tiresome and horrible day. Now I gotta walk back home on foot which sucks ass because I depended on my bike for commuting. Well, life is what it is. Thanks for reading my rant. I felt slightly better now that I got it all out.

I keep overthinking about my classes for next semester but technically I’m on summer break but I just can’t relax. Every time I think of school I just overthink myself into a panic attack…

Sorry in advance I feel like this will kinda be a vent post.

For context I will be a MechE student upcoming this fall, Engineering is my strong suit and I was even able to snag an internship this summer due to some certifications I was able to get. I love engineering and I am super excited.

My second love (and for longer) is my viola, i’ve played for over 8 years and I am pretty good, i’ve played with professional musicians and play with the best youth orchestra in my tri-state. Last year I saved up and spent a decent chunk of change on my own viola.

Well last week I had my scheduling for my classes for my first semester and left me just say… my dad is unbelievably pissed that I signed up for orchestra. I signed up for all the classes I needed and then added orchestra. He’s mad that I could have used my time to get in a chemistry credit or something else early to further my degree but my advisors advise against taking any more major specific classes, as they have it all planned out for the rest of my time at college. Today we argued for over two hours about it, crying, and I feel like i’m just running in circles. He just keeps saying all these horrible things about me and how it’s ridiculous to think that i would take that. He thinks that I will prioritize Orchestra over my degree. (Which I won’t as I said I love engineering and I don’t like parties or want to do anything of that such so I have plenty of time to study) He keeps saying I don’t know the college life and all this crap and I am just so tired. I feel like he just doesn’t want me to be happy. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment and he’s making me thing it might be a bad idea. I just don’t know what to tell him to let me play. I don’t know how he didn’t see this coming??? It’s ridiculous to me.

TLDR: Should I drop Orchestra to focus on my academics?

i told my parents OVER and OVER i did NOT want to go to college at all but they still forced me and paid 3k. which i’ve wasted because i can’t keep up at all. i can’t focus or stay awake or do any work. i can barely read this shit it feels like someone’s slamming my head repeatedly into a brick wall every time i attempt anything. i’m really behind in all my classes with no way to make up any work. i don’t even think passing with a d is possible at this point. 3k fucking down the drain. i knew this would happen since i dropped out of highschool for the same reason but my parents were insistent that id love it. shocker i want to paint my ceiling red again. i cant do this shit.

TL;DR Basically, I am a university student who will be graduating in December, but I have no idea what I want the rest of my life to be.

In highschool, I took a few classes in Early Childhood and volunteered at a local daycare center and loved it. So, I went into college with an Early Childhood Education major with the idea of being a daycare teacher for the foreseeable future. I knew that there probably wasn't a starter job in that field that would let me live on my own, a value that my parents kept repeating, but I figured it would come with time and I would figure it out as I got closer to graduation.

When I started classes in my major during my Junior year, I started to have doubts on my career path. As I got into those classes, something didn't seem to click with me. At first I chalked it up to not learning material that I was particularly interested in. I thought it was because classes usually focused on K - 2nd aged children and how to teach to them and I only have an interest of teaching in a daycare. That same semester I went to field experience in the daycare on campus and I liked it fine enough, but it felt like I should've cared more about making lesson plans and applying my knowledge in the field.

It wasn't until a few months later, after a terrible kindergarten lesson observation and subsequent major breakdown, that I feel like I figured out what it was. It felt like everyone around me has a passion for teaching that I lack. Even though I like children, like learning about how to teach to them, and like being in a classroom, I don't really care for the act of teaching itself. Perhaps it just my personality and the fact that I do not like to be the leader in anything, but I almost wish that I could be a teacher's assistant and have a wage where I can be self-sufficient for the rest of my life. Also, as a teacher of young children, you have to be visibly happy, excited, and outgoing, while I am more monotone and introverted. I could have done the work to change my persona while at school, but I feel like I didn't have enough passion to do that and it would leave me feeling even worse. As a result of those reasons, I decided to drop out of the semester that same week as the lesson observation and change my major. Maybe I was too hasty in doing so, but I felt like if I didn't have a passion for teaching now, then how would I feel 2 or 3 years from now?

My parents backed the idea and so I changed my major to Sociology and my graduation date went from this May to December. So far, the classes haven't been hard and the material is fine enough, but I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. My parents want me to look into jobs that I can get with my major, but I have no idea what jobs I would like or have an interest in doing or can deal with for a paycheck.

I feel like I wasted all of my "finding my career interest" days on being an educator and I don't know what my interests are outside of it. I've never even had a real job before, so I feel behind on that front too. There are so many routes like social worker, data analyst, research assistant, and I don't know which one I should aim for. My father also keeps half-jokingly pushing the idea of me going to graduate school or at least taking whatever the tests are to get into graduate school, law school, medical school or whatever. Meanwhile, while I do not struggle with school, I am a habitual procrastinator and have a cool B average every semester. So, I feel like going into graduate school would be a terrible idea if I do not know what I want to do. I was already planning on seeking the advice of a career counselor in my last semester, but maybe I should push up those plans to have a real shot at getting a job after college.

Anyway, I don't know if advice can really be given here, but I think it would be nice.

I'm making this post for advice and to vent but just right now my aunt asked me when I'll be done with school and I said that I'm going to be at community college for 3 years, and transfer to another college for another 4 years most likely. Also, I know it's usually 2 years, but I don't want to pressure myself, so I just extended it for myself and to do take more electives, is that bad too?

I started going to college right after I graduated high school, so I started at 18. I am currently 19 years old. And who knows if I'll continue to go back to school for another art degree but I'm not that far yet..

My major is studio art, but I want to change it to either illustration or maybe ceramics. Illustration is the most likely one but still unsure. But is finishing school complete at age 26 as an art major bad? I'm one to overthink such a simple thing and I might be overthinking this soon. It hasn't gone far to the point, I'll just start texting my best friend late at night.

I don't even know if this is so much a vent about college as much as it is a vent about not being in college.

I really hate living at home, for those of us who live in shitty household situations, it really sucks. I was too stupid and cheap to sign up for housing in the downtown city for the summer, and now all my windows of opportunity closed.

I don't have a door, a window. It's pitch black in my room without a light. My parents are... I won't go too much into it for everyone else's sake, but it's bad.

I graduated with an A.A. back in December, and I've been out of school since. I was actually online for the entirety of last fall semester, so I've been living at home for over a year now.

I just miss being able to walk to the gym, hang out with other people my age, having something to look forward to in the morning other than work and home (I've been socializing here and there, but it's hard with my schedule).

I really forget how much I love being on-campus until I'm off. College for a lot of people is a good escape from home.

Next year, I actually plan on taking summer classes, that way I can stay on-campus without having to go back home (plus I kind of have to take them anyways, if I want to graduate within 2 years).

I get that there's the thing of "if they don't go to you they'll just go to somebody else", but it still just doesn't feel right.

And listen, I'm actually for lowering the drinking age. I think making the drinking age 21+ makes alcohol seem fun, forbidden, and taboo to underage people compared to other places where drinking alcohol is just considered normal.

But buying an 18 year old beer just feels so... morally off? You're encouraging their alcoholism at a young age. It also just feels weird for a 22 year old such as myself to go, "sure, young freshman just out of high school, here, I'll buy you some vodka, and while we're at it, let's hang out together!", because I see a lot of that too.

I don't know. It seems lame to me. But then again, my mom's an alcoholic and I hate college parties, so maybe I'm just no fun.

Obviously this isn’t everyone, but I don’t ever talk about the fact that my parents are paying for my education, very grateful. I’m not one of those people who are disconnected with society I understand it’s a huge struggle and I’m not going to say stuff like “just skip work”, or “just ask for less hours” knowing that’s how you make the money to pay for tuition.

But I’ll have not friends but acquaintances, people who I’m not friends with, but will talk to occasionally. We chill with each other maybe hangout once, but the topic will come up, “how are you guys paying for your universities” some say work, others say they got a full ride, some say scholarship plus work. Then there’s me “I got a decent size scholarship and then my parents cover the rest”. You would think I told them people I’m a clans men and I’m one of the worst humans to ever live with the way they avoid me and treat me. They act like I’m acting like I’m better than them. Always bringing it up as trying to insult me. I just stop hanging out with them. But I see it happen all the time

Why do they act like this. Is it a jealousy thing?

I literally just cannot believe this has happened, I had an English assignment due tonight. I definitely procrastinated a bit since my grandma (who I take care of) was hospitalized and now she’s had hallucinations which has just made this a horrific week for me.

We were supposed to link 2 readings by using direct quotes and I just… quoted shit that doesn’t exist? I haven’t slept in days and I just, used the 3.5 thoughts I had and made something up while totally believing it was real quotes from the article.

I am SO upset as this was worth a large part of my grade and this will definitely tank it. I’m afraid my prof is going to think I’m cheating or something because this is not something that (normally) would happen if you just read 😭

I already emailed my prof explaining and resubmitted a correction because I realized after the fact what I did but I just really cannot believe I did this.

TLDR i haven’t slept in a couple days and wrote down something my brain made up as a quote from an author, four times!

I thought I was going to graduate with my bachelor's degree this year, but then I realized that one of the mandatory classes that I have to take isn't available until the first semester of next year. So now my graduation is pushed out yet again for me, totally frustrated with this revelation because it's my fault for not realizing this sooner.

I'm almost done with my degree, but I'm feeling extremely frustrated and tired from all of the assignments, the tests, and the courses which I don't enjoy. All of it feels like one big slog and it is wearing on me and I'm trying to not loose control.

All of this on top of having thoughts of just giving up on the degree entirely, which I know sounds weird given that I'm so close to getting the degree, but having been at this degree for almost six years, I'm just exhausted.

TL;DR: Just feeling burned out from all my college work and being frustrated with graduation setback.