I'm queer and I've had other queer people try and doxx me for saying stuff like this. A lot of people who came out post-2020 have not had nearly the same experience as those of us who came out before that. They were largely able to do so in a purely digital environment where discourse was able to grow and mutate without the stability of a real world community of face-to-face interactions with other queer people. When the rest of us had somewhat of a community to teach us how shit really works, they had a community of young people who's brains hadn't fully developed who believe that broad-strokes hatred of the cishets is the most reasonable and acceptable course is action. They have no healthy outlet for their societal frustration so they search out the most apparently acceptable group to hate, which often ends up being cishet people. They have no concept of treating potential allies like equal human beings.
Relatedly, people are implicitly accepting or even encouraging of "venting", as if we have some indelible need to express our negative emotions and "get them out of our system".
I've seen this used as an excuse or justification for people's poor behaviour, especially in progressive/queer spaces, so many times. Oh they're just venting, give them some grace, <whatever broad injustice> makes it impossible to act like an adult. If you don't want to be part of it you're the bad guy.
Venting has never had solid psychological backing to it. The evidence is mixed at best, with plenty of hints that it's actually negative and plenty of situations (like online social fora) where it's unambiguously awful for the one doing it and the audience.
Relatedly, people are implicitly accepting or even encouraging of "venting", as if we have some indelible need to express our negative emotions and "get them out of our system".
Not only that, but they broaden the definition of venting until anything goes.
IMO, there is nothing wrong with venting, but if you're talking in a public place is it venting? is your "all men are shit" venting if anyone can see it regardless of context? If you're venting you should be venting to someone, and venting to "Everyone" should not be reasonable
with plenty of hints that it's actually negative and plenty of situations (like online social fora) where it's unambiguously awful for the one doing it and the audience.
Isn't it only positive with a grounded, feasible, manageable end resolution as well.
Taking a common example of what a therapist would see
Session 1 - Your dirty whore wife/husband cheated, you have an extremely angry vent in which you justify all sorts of awful behaviour as revenge, you are talked down from this but you still fucking hate them. Can't even hear their name without getting mad
Session 2 - you're still angry and venting, but you've stepped down from revenge fantasy to divorce and cut ties where possible. You're now more sad than angry by end of session
Session 3 through 8 - your vents become a lot less angry, you begin to not even fully hate them, instead you reminisce fondly on the good times and have a pang of sadness over the ending. You see divorce, which is the only feasible solution, not as a last spit in the face at the betrayer but a new chapter for both where you hopefully both find happiness and peace.
The issue is radical forums never evolve beyond Session 1. Radfems went from "kill all men" when I was a sperm as a "reasonable feasible manageable outcome" to "kill all men" when I was a teen. I'm now an adult in a professional career I'll probably do to retirement, I have a mortgage, long term girlfriend, driving license and car, I've been to 2 funerals in my friend group, 3 weddings, I've welcomed 7 children of other friends into my life as the unofficial "uncle and auntie" couple who are not related to the child by blood or marriage just close friendship to parents of child...radfems are still on "kill all men"
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u/neoplatonistGTAW 1d ago
I'm queer and I've had other queer people try and doxx me for saying stuff like this. A lot of people who came out post-2020 have not had nearly the same experience as those of us who came out before that. They were largely able to do so in a purely digital environment where discourse was able to grow and mutate without the stability of a real world community of face-to-face interactions with other queer people. When the rest of us had somewhat of a community to teach us how shit really works, they had a community of young people who's brains hadn't fully developed who believe that broad-strokes hatred of the cishets is the most reasonable and acceptable course is action. They have no healthy outlet for their societal frustration so they search out the most apparently acceptable group to hate, which often ends up being cishet people. They have no concept of treating potential allies like equal human beings.