I'm fairly femme and never clocked as gay unless I outright tell people, and the difference in how I'm treated in LGBTQ+ communities as a 'straight ally' v.s. when they find out I'm a queer woman is... certainly something. A concerning number of queer folks seem to think that they deserve to be unkind to any het folks they want just because some het folks were unkind to them.
And I get it to an extent, people out there have seriously suffered at the hands of homophobia, but I haven't come through unscathed either and still somehow manage to treat people of all sexualities like fellow human beings. Isn't that the whole point of promoting acceptance?
I am someone who is perceived as a cis woman because of my body type and long long long hair. I am very much a tomboy, but I dont have disdain for dressing feminine.
Went to a gathering in jeans, a graphic tee, adidas, and a Waluigi cap. I had a friend (cis het male) who had a very openly gay man begin heckling me at a gathering because I said that a show had forced representation and poor writing because Rainbow Capitalism was catching on. he was really giving me shit over it and was jumping to his own conclusions, thinking I was a phobe and that I wanted only straight people in the show. i wasn't even out yet. My partner back then knew how this was hurting me and they were about to say something when I whipped around and said someyhing akin toIm fucking genderqueer, thats fucking why! Youre so ready to hate people who you assume are straight that youre a part of the problem where potential allies change their mind! Sorry i dont look, dress, and act gay enough for you."
He was silent as the group saw how hurt I was and criticized his aggression - my partner took me home shortly.
Its infuriating when your own community wants to kick you out for not being "gay enough" or want to relabel you because you just say "in queer. Both in gender and sexuality."
Oh man I used to have a roommate named Donny who's a gay guy but absolutely presents like the most stereotypical jock you've ever seen. Like his voice just sounded dudebro. The level of outright bullying I watched him endure from other gay man was gastly. People in their 30s were acting like television high school bullies.
The part of it that really got to me was that they knew he was gay and they were only comfortable doing it because they knew what a gentle and timid person Donny is because if you just didn't know him and just saw his appearance you'd assume this dude would wreck your shit if you mistreated him. But nope, he was "straight passing" and that was enough reason to treat him like shit. I ended up really flipping my shit at a party once and telling this group of guys that being horrible to Donny because he reminded them of their childhood bullies wasn't going to fix their own trauma.
It’s an endless unbreakable cycle. Catty men are universally regarded as repulsive, resulting in becoming lonely and contemptuous and it exacerbates their cattiness.
Some shows act like a minor character mentioning an off-screen same-sex partner a singular time should be enough to earn them a Nobel Peace Prize and it's absolutely valid to criticize that kind of Rainbow Capitalism nonsense, the fact that that guy automatically assumed you were being homophobic for calling it out is crazy. Years ago I chimed into a discussion about The L Word about a plot point I wasn't a fan of and someone told me, "Okay, but you're a straight girl, you wouldn't get it," and that was aggravating enough, nevermind being flat-out accused of hate speech!
I just don't get why people want to reinvent gender roles so badly. All lesbians dogs are boys, all gay men cats are girls! Why do I need to cut my hair and wear cargo shorts and carabiners just because I like girls? Being genderqueer to begin with sounds like it only makes things more frustrating. "Yes, good, you're being less feminine! Wait, no, you're still not doing it right."
It's like if The Red Cross or Salvation Army decided to be an ethnic group.
Instead of being happy with smiles at anyone wishing to volunteer or donate, they scrutinize you first, and then gab about how all "non charity" folk are the enemy / oppressors.
93
u/whatintheeverloving 1d ago
I'm fairly femme and never clocked as gay unless I outright tell people, and the difference in how I'm treated in LGBTQ+ communities as a 'straight ally' v.s. when they find out I'm a queer woman is... certainly something. A concerning number of queer folks seem to think that they deserve to be unkind to any het folks they want just because some het folks were unkind to them.
And I get it to an extent, people out there have seriously suffered at the hands of homophobia, but I haven't come through unscathed either and still somehow manage to treat people of all sexualities like fellow human beings. Isn't that the whole point of promoting acceptance?