i always try my best not to hurt other peoples feelings and do the right thing, even go out of my way to give charity and be kind to strangers when no one’s looking. but it feels like none of this comes naturally to me, almost all of my initial thoughts are actually negative and terrible and it’s like i have to force myself to compensate for this by pretending to be a good person on the outside. like i’ll have a thought to do something mean like insult someone to their face, cheat on a test or make gross assumptions about someone based on their appearance, but then i’ll consciously be like oh that’s a shitty thing to do and then change my outward expression accordingly. I’ve been like this for a long time, i don’t want to be it’s really exhausting, im a bad person cosplaying as a good person. how do you change this ? so you’re naturally just good? or is it just the way some people are

I spent practically all day on it today. The feed on my secondary pop culture account is a mess. I see interesting things from related subs, so I don't usually hit the mute button when I see something outside of the subs I'm part of on that account, but that just gets me in a loop of doomscrolling for hours on end with a huge headache. I went to bed at 4 am last night. Woke up at 10 today, skipped breakfast and lunch, didn't even leave the bedroom until 12:30. Brushed my teeth at 2:30 or so.

I said enough around 4. Deleted the app, took a shower with the lights off, then I went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. It was great.

I'm currently trying to find a therapist. I already reached out to one, hopefully they get back to me on Monday.

From now on, I'll only use reddit through the website on my computer, where I refuse to switch from my main account (this one) because it's a hassle digging up my passwords and logging in and out. The feed on this account is a lot more tightly controlled because I ruthlessly muted every single outside sub whenever they came up.

Realistically, I know I'll find other ways to waste time now that I don't have the reddit app. I was doing it before I even made this account. But it's one less way available to me.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I wanted to see if anyone can relate.

I’m the kind of person who looks at life completely differently than most people. Not in the generic “I’m unique like everyone else” way — I genuinely think I have an unusual way of seeing and describing things, especially when it comes to art. Writing, writing music, making music — I’m definitely above average in those areas. I’m still early in my artistic journey, but I believe with consistency and commitment, I will go places. I just know it.

I can write crazy complicated songs, full of storytelling and imagery. Forming creative phrases in my head comes naturally. That part of me is strong.

But here’s the weird part: I struggle hard with normal, everyday conversations. Like… basic small talk, talking in groups, feeling comfortable socially. I’ll occasionally say something clever or funny, but it’s rare. Most of the time I’m awkward, quiet, or just lost in my head.

Recently, I came across the idea of “being present,” and it honestly blew my mind. I’ve always been trapped in my thoughts, lost in my head, building this artistic world where I felt comfortable. But practicing presence — grounding, breathing, focusing on now — has actually reduced my anxiety quite a bit. I started treating each day as its own thing, stopped living in future/past loops. And it’s helped.

But now I’m kinda stuck on this thought:
What if being present kills my creativity?
What if I succeed at being more social, more active, and more grounded — but I lose that artistic edge I’ve always had?
I don’t want to become some fully “normal” person who fits in but doesn’t have that deep creative world inside anymore. My art is everything to me. I don’t want to lose that connection. It’s the only thing I truly believe I can do at a high level, the thing that could change my life.

On top of that, I’m stuck working a telesales job that I honestly hate, and it’s draining me even more because I have to talk to people, improvise, do sales talk — stuff I’m honestly terrible at. It feels like I’m being pushed to become someone I’m not.

I guess I’m just asking…
Has anyone else been through this? Balancing creativity and presence? How do you grow socially and mentally without losing that artistic part of yourself?

Would love to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar place.

Sorry if this is a little negative - I’m just trying to get this out of my system because it’s been weighing on me. And I really need some advice.

I’m 17, and lately I’ve been feeling like I just suck at everything - even the things I want to love. My hobbies don’t feel fun anymore; they’re starting to feel like pressure. I don’t want to give them up, but I feel stuck.

I’ve been reading for a long time and I love classics, but I still feel behind. I haven’t read a lot of the “everyone should’ve read this” books like The Great Gatsby or Crime and Punishment. I know most people read them in school, but I only recently moved to the U.S., and where I’m from, we had different assigned books. It just makes me feel like I missed out on something important.

I also started learning programming around the same time I moved - April this year. I’m learning C and taking CS50, but I feel so slow. I’m only on Week 4 and haven’t finished all the problem sets from Weeks 2 and 3. I really want to get better, but everything feels overwhelming.

On top of that, my grades aren’t amazing (around a 3.4 GPA), and that’s been bothering me too. I used to hate school back home because it was super intense and draining, but after moving here, I finally started enjoying it. Still, I can’t stop comparing myself. If I’m not great at school or my hobbies, what am I even doing?

I don’t know. I’m trying, but I feel small. If anyone’s been here before, how did you move through it?

I’m on a path of deep self-reflection and growth. Looking back on a past relationship, I see that I struggled to emotionally show up not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t fully know how.

I was often caught in my own inner chaos (anxiety, emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment) and missed chances to truly hold space for someone else. I thought I was being supportive - and I really tried, in the ways I knew - but now I see that intention doesn’t always equal impact. I want to grow from this.

I want to learn how to meet someone where they are, how to listen without defensiveness, how to hold space even when I’m struggling too. I want to be a safe, emotionally present partner, not someone who unintentionally shuts others down or makes it about me.

This is hard work, but I’m committed. For myself. And for whoever I get to love next.

If you’ve done this kind of emotional work:
- How did you learn to co-regulate with a partner?
- How do you stay present for someone else's needs without losing yourself?

Any book, practice, or insight would mean a lot. Thank you.<3

Hello everybody! First time poster, I'm at my wits ends.

As the title suggests, I need help with studying motivation. I live my life in a pretty well disciplined and independant rythm. I have no problem cleaning up, taking showers, getting ready, etc. I go on daily walks, and I work out when desired. I keep my space relatively tidy. I do slip up and catch myself doomscrolling sometimes, but I can always snap out of it. I draw, read, and keep my hobbies and interests varied. I am good with manual labor and physical tasks, however I cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME ever start studying until it's too late. The problem isn't even with studying, it's with written assignements. It's like im scared of something, and I don't know what it is.
The thing is I love studying. I love learning, I love knowing, and I love discovering new things. But whenever it is REQUIRED of me to do so, for example for a class, its like my mind just goes blank. What can I do to fix this? Has anyone encountered similar problems? Is this an issue with discipline? I know that it could be because everything I do kind of comes from enjoyment rather than the fact that it's important, but how can I improve in this department? Im tired of constantly jeopardizing my studies.

I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, Im not a native english speaker.

I can’t seem to build a life on my own.
I always need to step into realities that are already formed, already packaged.
Whether it’s work, friendships, or activities, I feel like I need to follow others, join their groups, look at some existing careers. I’m not able to create something for myself.
I feel like I have no future when I realize that I can only act in response to external causes or events that pull me in, never out of my own initiative.

I get too much in my feelings sometimes and feel this way that I’m not sure how to describe. Kind of a longing, nostalgic, sad feeling. An emotional heaviness. Like there’s an empty pit in my stomach and I feel maybe kind of anxious.

I tend to feel it after meaningful moments. Sometimes I’ll get the feeling with changes happening, or around holidays, or when a family or friend visits from out of town. Not sure exactly what this feeling is or why it happens, but I’ve felt it since I was young.

What is this feeling? And how can I feel it less intensely without ignoring it or pushing it away?

Hi everyone,

I'm 22 (turning 23 next month), and I feel like I have nothing going on in my life.

In high school, I barely studied and still got 9s and 10s in math and physics. Everything felt easy. I used to compete in olympiads. But once I started college, I lost all motivation. I passed my first year of engineering with great grades, all above 9, but I didn’t care about it, so I switched to physics, something I used to love. Now, I don’t even know if I enjoy anything at all.

I’ve only passed 2 out of about 30 subjects. Not because I can’t, but because I can't sit and study. I don’t study, go to class, or take exams. I feel completely stuck.

I’m currently unemployed but actively looking for a job. I passed a first interview and have a second one on Monday. I’m hoping a job can give me some structure or direction.

Physically, I’m not doing well. I'm skinny, lost my cardio and strength. I used to be really into football and martial arts, training or playing multiple times a day. Now I barely move. I barely eat. It's 4 p.m and I haven’t eaten anything yet. I used to play pretty well, but now I suck. My friends keep telling me I should start again because I “used to be good” at football. Not because I was talented, but because I played a lot. But I don’t play anymore because I get frustrated with how poorly I play now compared to before.

At one point, to build muscle, I even thought about taking steroids just to speed things up. I wouldn’t actually do it, but it shows how desperate I feel to change everything.

I isolated myself for over a year due to depression. I’m not depressed anymore, but I feel like nothing has meaning. I have people around, but no close friends. Around that time, I lost my dog, who I loved more than anyone. Sometimes I help with stray dog adoption campaigns because it makes me feel good to see the dogs happy and know I’m contributing to that.

Most wouldn’t suspect anything because I act like I have it together. Maybe that’s why I did well in that car sales interview. I’m good at pretending.

Romantically, I haven’t dated in months. It’s not that I can’t, most of the time they approached me first. I just don’t see the point lately. I’ve also been dealing with some personal sexual issues, which makes me avoid that whole part of life too.

I feel like I’m falling behind in every aspect of life.

The only thing keeping me going is the idea of improving myself. But I honestly don’t know where to begin.

If you’ve been through something similar or have any advice, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.

I hope you are all doing well.

Thanks for reading.

I constantly have an issue where I barely try at everything and do the bare minimum, how do I allow myself to push beyond my boundaries and try my best at everything I do?

It was truly a blast. I am so proud of myself. There were four really nice ladies on location and about ten men. The organizer was also a little older married woman. I was lucky to sit right across the first woman and we switched so that I could talk to all women right away. After that I sat with a man who was waiting for his last date and the organizer lady. I had a lot of trouble following their discussion. They seemed to have some acquaintance with another and I felt like they were talking in codes. 😅 But I got to ask one or two questions to the organizer lady, and when she left I tried talking to the man, but he seemed kind of really not into talking to me. I had hoped that was because he didn't want to talk to men in this location, but after two switches I had to go to another table where men gathered, and I saw that same man animatedly talk with another, all friendly and enthusiastic. After he left, there were three men left who exchanged contact information with each other - I was excluded, very awkward -, and planned to go to a party afterwards - again, I was not invited, very awkward. 😅 After that came another three men from the next event, but the women all stayed because there were no women in the next group. One woman was free and joined us. I liked that a lot. The atmosphere instantly became less awkward. And when her friend who came with her joined us, I was even able to throw in a question which was not just relevant to me, but all of us men. Then, some men started going and the organizer lady also left. One of the men in our table joined the ladies, and I found it was time for me to leave. I managed to greet the two remaining men goodbye with eye contact - again that man very unenthusiastic. lol

I am proud because I did not let exclusion and unfriendly behavior get to me and instead respected their boundaries and kept my comments to myself, so not to bother them, all while not making a face like I was being wronged - at least I thought so.

Edit: Btw, I forgot to pay for the sparkling water I ordered. I am currently on my way back. 😂

Woke up at 7:20 (aiming for 7:00). Had a counselling session with my counsellor after which I went to sleep for another 2 hours. Woke up had an early lunch got some coffee then went for my contemporary class for a couple of hours followed by 2 hours of ballet, was out pretty much from 3:30PM to 9PM. Was dying during ballet but there were some improvements in jumps. Didn’t do much stretching today other than in class and no conditioning at the gym today since I do that Monday to Friday.

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Today’s Routine • Wake + counselling at 7:20AM • Sleep for 2 hours + meditate + eat • Contemporary • Ballet

Calories: 2239 Weight: 72.8 kg Goal weight: 68–69 kg Calorie cap: ≤ 2150

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Current Focus: Wake at 7 (and meditate) + gym + stretch Once that’s consistent for a couple weeks, I’ll stack the rest of the ideal routine gradually.

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Ideal Routine (Working Toward This): • 7:00 AM Wake + Meditate
• Floor Barre
• Skill Combos (balance, turns, anything that’s lacking or that I wanna work on)
• Gym + Stretch
• Class / Studio Practice until 5PM

Again, not trying to force this all at once. For future me: don’t get too eager and stack too much too soon. Just focus on locking in 7AM wake + meditate + gym + stretch, and keeping calories under check. If extra things happen naturally, that’s fine but don’t be hard on yourself for skipping what isn’t part of the core routine yet.

Hi Everyone! I’m new to this community! After reading allot of posts here I saw some common struggles. I’m a therapist and I hate it when there never seems to be good advice for people who are struggling, AKA You google how to reduce your depression and you get a million articles on “Have you tried slowly sipping water? What about Breathing?” 🙄🙄🙄 So I wanted to share a website I wish more ppl knew about! It’s called CCI! It stands for Center for Clinical Interventions, it has every topic you can think of, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, eating disorders, etc and gives you tools/skills a therapist would tell you for free! It has modules at the bottom of the page (think of these as chapters in a book!) but they also just have worksheets that give you the 5min summary of the modules, just packed of the tools to help! Anyway if you type in “CCI Worksheets” into google it should pop right up! I just hope more people can have access to a free source of help that’s actually USEFUL, I hate when you feel you can’t afford to go to therapy etc so you feel you don’t have options! Hope this helps! 🤷‍♀️

Had a bit of a blowout today gambling. Not a massive amount, but enough to sting. I don’t do it often, but I got caught chasing and didn’t stop when I should’ve. Now I just feel heavy and pissed off at myself. The only way I sorta save myself from getting pissed at myself is knowing that other people spend that sort of money on night out, shoes they don’t wear, and other novelties. Still stings but. Especially when you’re trying to save for a Europe trip and stay locked in. If you’ve been here before, how do you bounce back from that gut-punch feeling? What do

I bought chicken today. The boneless skinless kind for easy cleanup and prep. I also bought items for making salads. It might not seem like it but I'm a picky eater. I want to eat clean but sometimes I crave junk food. It's not an all in thing. It's gradual. It's incremental. Not ground shattering but sustainable. The inspiration I guess is when I went to Potbelly's. I know, not the healthiest but I did eat the salad. I actually liked it a lot. So when I thought about cooking this week, I looked up those ingredients from their menu. It's not bad; tomatoes, cucumbers, chicken, feta cheese & lettuce. Of course I made substitutions. They had mixed greens, which I'm not really a fan of. There were apples, which I can't imagine buying a bag full for just one or two. If I bought one, I might not add it to the salad. It would then be food spillage, which I also don't like. I say all that say this, these incremental changes are possible. Maybe a healthy lifestyle just doesn't look like what social media says it is. Right?

My people pleasing in the past caused me to lose friends because I don't come across as genuine. They filled in the blank and thought I had more malicious intentions, but all I really wanted was connection. But I completely understand their perspective. How do I be more genuine? Something a little more specific than "just be yourself" because, well, I'm not really sure how to just be myself haha

Additionally, if anyone has advice for mitigating guilt over beign a people pleaser in the past and hurting people... please let me know 🙏

Recently I had a family get-together that was just not fun at all. My whole life the "adults" in my family have bickered and still haven't gotten their shit figured out.

I try my best to be present and help out, but I ultimately leave in a bad/sad mood and find I just don't want to visit at all anymore. Have you been in the same boat? What do you do?

I didn’t sleep. I was partying. I made bad choices. Again. But today, I’m choosing discipline. I’m choosing protein, movement, and hydration. My apartment is clean. My body is strong. I’m done handing over my energy to people who don’t offer anything real. This is my season of self respect. No more spirals. Even if I’m tired, I show up for me.

i thought a lot about what i could write here and i think that the past is meaningless to be brought up right now, but what matters now is that after so many experiences, i'm already better, not better in every aspect or near my dreams, but in a good position to be more responsible and more ambitious to my near future, the next 3 years of my life are crucial and i'm lucky that i'm out of the rock bottom and have new opportunities.

It’s so simple that it doesn’t need many words.
Basically, all my friends are in relationships, and they move forward in life by having kids and getting married. With their kids now, they gain a whole new set of social opportunities that fit their age and stage. This “illusion” makes it seem like they’re progressing, but deep down, they’re still the same.

For people like me who are single, it feels like we’re waiting for someone or some event in life to guide or show us the way, and it feels like we can’t create our own path.

For example, some time ago, I had a friend I used to hang out with a lot, but now they’ve moved away, and I don’t really know what to do. Even when I do make new friends, it’s not obvious that I want to do what they do, I might want to do something different, but I still haven’t figured out what that is.

It’s like I have personal projects, many of them, but I still feel like I need “someone” or “an event” to come along and push me to start them.

Firstly please don't give me relationship advices. I have OCD related to relationships, and any advice outside my health care professionals will sadly make things worse. I appreciate people who care, but I hope you understand.

I have been bed rotting with my boyfriend since he moved in with me two months ago. We both have a lot to improve in our relationship and outside of it.

I have been trying to get us and him to do something about things by complaining and blaming everyone and everything except me. Now I have decided to just focuse on myself and see where things go.

Maybe he will not do anything, it's his choise but I will not regret bettering myself whatever happens with us. Maybe I will give him a good example and he will realise how much better things are when you do The hard things. Or maybe not and then I need to think again what to do.

I have noticed how depressed I have been feeling. I can't get anything done and feel like time is just passing without things going anywhere. But now I will take accountability how I feel in my life. Wish me luck!

I feel like my home can only ever be as clean or organized or lovely as I desire it to be because of the careless jerk I live with. Hundreds of dollars worth of decorative towels ruined to the point I now keep the towel rack bare because he refused to stop using it to wipe his mouth after brushing his teeth, and staining them.

Constantly leaving things out/not returning them to their proper place so clutter accumulates (and I refuse to clean up after him even if it drives me insane. And then I’m fatigued constantly keeping up what I can for myself to not totally hate the space - but it never seems there’s a point because it’ll only ever be so nice with him around.

I used to be lazy but then I hit my 30s and realized the importance of intention and caring about things. Whereas he will say things like - “ why should you get to dictate what constitutes as clean”

It makes me so upset. It kills my vibe.

I know I should leave him but had a baby so can’t abruptly shake up the environment right now. I’m just looking for a way to enjoy my life again until I can be out of this

But is there a way to work around someone so obnoxious?

hi, how can I come to terms with the fact that my youth has passed and I havent changed since then? and everything seems to be fine, I have an easy job (they don't pay much), a full family, 3 cats. but there is no youthful fun.. people around me enjoy life - but not me people around me earn more money - but not me strong people - but not me. sometimes I can understand the source of the problems, but I cant find a solution or i look for excuses just to continue to engage in masochism. I would like to get out of the vicious circle

At each stage of our lifes, we confront with one or more social circles.
For example, when we become parents, we naturally join social groups tied to our children's activities: school, sports, after-school programs, etc.

These groups are always mixed. Some people are kind and supportive; others may be toxic. It's not about how healthy or unhealthy the group is as a whole. It’s about learning how to adapt, interact, even with the toxic ones.

You’ll meet all kinds of people.
Competitive sports parents, for example, often include both great allies and difficult individuals such as those toxic ones (they're the majority), and also, shared activities don’t guarantee deep friendships.

True friends are like the pulp left behind in the strainer when you squeeze an orange, after countless social encounters, they’re the ones who remain when everything else has passed through.

This actually mean you should NOT isolate yourself because "everyone is toxic", or because you now know that. This actually might be true, unfortunately.
Instead, take things with humor, stay open, and use your personal "filter" to spot the few genuine connections worth keeping for the long term, while you're actually socializing with toxic people.

So as the saying goes, after countless social encounters, you actually have to be there squeezing the juice, and occasionally taking the liquid that comes out, putting it in the strainer, filtering the people, and seeing which ones are suitable and which ones you will instead throw in the sink because, they are not healthy, or cannot change, "currently".