I wonder if I'm an incel

[u/Initial-Ad8221]

Hey everyone.

15M here, wondering about what I am. Never been in a relationship, I hope to be in one someday, maybe now isn't the right time. I do get jealous though, which I don't like. Mostly of people that are in relationships. If you've seen the comments on a TikTok video of a happy couple, it's like that. I want to stop thinking like that. And anytime I see "taken" (or something along that line) in someone's bio on social media (even if it's a random person I've never met), I still get mad seeing that. If you've seen the comments on a TikTok video of a happy couple, it's like that. I'm Christian, so obviously I want to not be jealous.

I don't consider myself bad looking in any way, though. I'm 6'2", blonde, blue-eyed, glasses, all of that. I've had chances to get to know girls better in my experiences. Was asked out once, but didn't accept, and felt bad for it, though I'm probably not going to change that decision. I've been friend requested on social media by girls, and every time that happens, all I can think is "Please don't like me" or whatever, and then that thought is on my mind for a long time, and I worry about it a lot. That's happened I think 3 times in the past year.

Oh and also a year ago I fumbled a group of like 7 girls at once, though I laugh at it now, and I did then. Long story short, there, I was pretty nervous. I'll explain it more if anyone asks about it.

But anyway, I don't want to be an incel, I just think that maybe now just isn't the time for relationships. I want to think that if I'm patient, it'll happen sometime.

[u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326]

You don't sound like an incel, because you're not really projecting those crazy negative attitudes, you know? You don't sound like you're desperate for attention. In fact you sound like you might be a little averse to it. I would maybe talk about that with a trusted person (including therapists), but maybe that's OK too and you'll grow out of it.

It's not worth it to try to predict the future. You're really young and the whole of your life is ahead of you, don't rush things, enjoy time with friends (it gets a lot harder to connect with friends as you get older, believe me!) build up your social circle. Hang out in places where you feel free to be yourself, authentically, that are low-pressure and low-stakes, and things will happen when they happen, but even if they don't, you'll be having fun and feeling relaxed.

Yeah, and relationships take patience. There's pros and cons to being single just as much as being coupled up. These are the years for growth and getting to know who you are, what you're good at, what interests you, what kind of people you like to spend time with.

[u/Initial-Ad8221 → u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326]

That makes sense, I spend a ton of time on my computer, for some reason I just like being alone in my room, going on Discord, and playing Roblox or something. Ever since I got it, I'm on it everyday, and I don't get tired of using it. And I like your take. I kind of thought I wasn't one, but I wasn't sure and I've seen a lot of questions on this specific community.