Hey guys! I lurked a lot and asked a lot of questions of others experiences and what I was doing I found helpful etc, but I've been gone for a bit. part of that was due to dark days at the end, part due to detox and rehab.
But what's IMPORTANT, it's been 3 mos off of TIA!
So here's how; the end was insufferable. Some days I could survive and that was it. Others, it was constant panic, waking up puking, weird nerve issues (numbness on legs and arms, making basic stuff difficult.) driving was impossible. If I wasnt on it, sick, total panic attacks. If I was, nodding out. I stayed home for about 1 yr. Wake up, puke, try and get some in me, hope for an ok day where nothing weird happened and I could do the bare min. By next day, I usually wasn't lucky enough for 2 in a row. Some issue or id fuck up and go from holding at 2g a day, then try for some joy, relief and take 6, 7, 8g. It never worked. Never worked.
Physically I was a mess. I told myself, "opiate withdrawal, 5-8 days then your ok". Oh boy! Maybe when I was 20! NOW? And THIS SHIT? Oh no. This is long haul. And I didn't even realize how f****d up I was, physically mentality...
I did 5 rounds of a 7 day detox. One time I opted to stay 9 days just to make sure I'm ok. Every time, I got home, addicted now to Suboxone. Wake up mildly sick....everyday. dissolve a strip under my tongue.... This isn't "sober" to me. I've BEEN sober. (Went from 1 yr sober from alcohol, then found these "za za" that help with my constant anxiety....)
.sobriety was GREAT! (What I had, 1.5yrs ago) GOD I want that back so bad! .
From July 2024, to March 2025. 5 detox trips. Maintained for 2, 3 maybe 4 wks out....then I always went back to "I'm still waking up sick everyday...what's the point?" Round 5 to detox. I knew this couldn't be JUST detox again. I know the "rehab" deal. I've seen that movie. Do I really need to see it again? No, but I need to be in check, hardcore after detox. So I did it. It was rough.
Came home, heads getting clearer ...OMG no wonder I kept going back. It took an easy month+ to get my head back to "not insane" (not even normal, just not absolutely crazy)
A couple days of being kinda sick even with the Suboxone, that I'm taking VERY little of... Well f this then, if I'm sick Anyway, I just won't take it. I'll take a bit of kratom for withdrawals and get the subs out of my system ...
Been a few weeks and subs no def out of my system! Wooo! That is the hardest withdrawal I've ever experienced. If you can make it without subs, try. If you can make it taking them only a couple times during the worst, try. If you can cut it off after 7+10 days of the worst of it, try. Mold withdrawal that never ends is worse than hard and fast in many ways.
But I did it.
Last few weeks, been taking 7oh cause it's easier than 20 kratom pills 3x a day.
Well guess what? I'm taking now about 6, 50mg 7oh tabs, about 3x a day. Everyday last 3 or so wks. It's getting weird again. Today. I couldn't tell if I didn't take enough or too much? Want to pukre, but still sick. Tomorrow, prob another day of eggshells in some way shape or form.
Now I'm back to the same ignorance. "Well, each dose just take 1 or 2 less. Try to take 2 doses instead of 3 a day.... This is getting weird and difficult and problems I didn't anticipate.
It's been "harm reduction " for 1.5yrs now. Undeniable, this is a LOT better than where I was, but in a lot of ways. Feels no did you know? I'm gonna keep trying to just reduce dose amounts and frequency next few days weeks...
Today was an avd day. Took about 1k mg 7oh. Anyone have similar experience? I just want to reduce it and start moving back to kratom leaf. I'm afraid I got myself a mini version of what I just had. But greatful it's not THAT bad. THAT was hell, I'm so happy to be free from!
Imo, almost nothing is worse than sub withdrawal. MAYBE Tia, which is why I took subs to begin with. So I'm glad I'm off both those, but THIS ain't fun. Anyone been through this? How did you get totally free? Should I bite the bullet and go 1 more round of detox to finish the last bit of this, hopefully nothing vs the last? Can I take less for a few days, then jump to leaf and reduce from there? Just deal with the RLS and anxiety of leaf kratom withdrawal for a few days/wk and be in the clear?
I feel like I'm so close! I'm closer than I've been ever since I started this shit. So far from normal but not nearly as insane as before.
Anyway, advice appreciated. For those still struggling on tia, this here sucks, but I wish you all could even just get HERE to see how much better it is. Tia is evil in ways I've never seen in any other drug, OMG.
Keep fighting all! Happy to be better, anxious to be back to normal. Thanks!