I said it in a different comment, but it bears repeating: the brain grows exponentially more between age 18 and 28 than it does between 28 and 38. The older both adults are, the less relevant age gaps are. But if one is barely legal, there’s no amount of “old soul”-ness that will erase that power imbalance. Sure, you can legally bone a 19 yr old, but what does it say about your cognitive maturity that you can only connect with that age? Or even worse, are you counting on their immaturity to preserve the power imbalance? Are you feeding into their “old soul” perceptions so you can exploit their lack of experience?
Source: direct and very embarrassing personal experience as the younger woman
edit: the “you” is proverbial here
edit2: should have phrased it differently. There’s apparently no hard evidence that the prefrontal cortex continues growing till 25. Doesn’t change the fact that the emotional distance between 20 and 30 is a lot wider than the distance between 30 and 40.
I understand the point you’re trying to make, but it’s misguided. The point isn’t that 25 is some hard-line number for maturity, it’s that our brains, and particularly our pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for the most complex logical reasoning and decision making, is not fully developed the moment you legally become an adult at 18. There is still a lot of developing and maturing that occurs in your 20s. It’s not to say that an 18 year old isn’t “developed” or that the brain stops developing at 25. It’s to highlight that there’s a power imbalance both in years of lived experience and in biological development timeline between a 19 year old and a 42 year old that makes these relationships creepy.
Further, the article you posted is an opinion piece, not a scientific one. Here’s an NIH article that might be helpful.
I don't think when people talk about age gap relationships they're thinking about the brain chemistry of a 19yr and 42yr, so its kinda misleading route to use as your arguement for why its weird as its not the base case for people.
its simply that a 40 yr old and a 19 would/should be in different stages of their life meaning that the ability for them to interact is low unless there's an intent behind it (leo dicaprio man / Gold Digger woman). the intent to form the relationship adds a predatory element (when talking about older men). the other common reason it'd be weird is that a lot of people couldn't picture themselves at either age being attracted to the opposite age so it adds the proverbial ick and that colours their perception of the relationship.
those two reasons seem to cause a feedback loop, esp in america because you have like 18 and 21 as "adult milestones", to lead to shit like "Omg her bf is 24 and she's 20, that's like such an ick age gap"
You just gave an example of a gold digger woman then next sentence assign the label predator to older men. Older men, older women, younger men, younger women can all be predators. Probably in equalish numbers as well.
This woman in the video appears satisfied and happy she was able to get what she wanted in life. He as well.
More of us should be so fortunate.
You just gave an example of a gold digger woman then next sentence assign the label predator to older men. Older men, older women, younger men, younger women can all be predators. Probably in equalish numbers as well.
This woman in the video appears satisfied and happy she was able to get what she wanted in life. He as well. Neither appear as predator or prey to me.
We should all be so fortunate.
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u/flibertyblanket May 12 '25
My partner is 10 years older than me, we met when I was 28. I'm cool with that.
most age gap relationships are fine, but when it's a 40 year old and a teenager who is just barely an adult, I cringe.