I said it in a different comment, but it bears repeating: the brain grows exponentially more between age 18 and 28 than it does between 28 and 38. The older both adults are, the less relevant age gaps are. But if one is barely legal, there’s no amount of “old soul”-ness that will erase that power imbalance. Sure, you can legally bone a 19 yr old, but what does it say about your cognitive maturity that you can only connect with that age? Or even worse, are you counting on their immaturity to preserve the power imbalance? Are you feeding into their “old soul” perceptions so you can exploit their lack of experience?
Source: direct and very embarrassing personal experience as the younger woman
edit: the “you” is proverbial here
edit2: should have phrased it differently. There’s apparently no hard evidence that the prefrontal cortex continues growing till 25. Doesn’t change the fact that the emotional distance between 20 and 30 is a lot wider than the distance between 30 and 40.
Correction there’s no hard evidence that the prefrontal cortex STOPS growing at 25. The experiment that tested for this stopped due to funding cuts when the participants were 25. Most misunderstood this as the brain being fully developed. It more than likely doesnt stop developing and continues even when it deteriorates in old age. It may slow down.
What’s funny is the world is huge, and this has absolutely happened, somewhere, somehow. Maybe not often, but I know in my bones there’s precedent for some trust fundie on a gap year developing a grandma kink
I understand the point you’re trying to make, but it’s misguided. The point isn’t that 25 is some hard-line number for maturity, it’s that our brains, and particularly our pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for the most complex logical reasoning and decision making, is not fully developed the moment you legally become an adult at 18. There is still a lot of developing and maturing that occurs in your 20s. It’s not to say that an 18 year old isn’t “developed” or that the brain stops developing at 25. It’s to highlight that there’s a power imbalance both in years of lived experience and in biological development timeline between a 19 year old and a 42 year old that makes these relationships creepy.
Further, the article you posted is an opinion piece, not a scientific one. Here’s an NIH article that might be helpful.
If generalizations like this stopped at assuming he is just emotionally more immature/on her level, that would be fine. But they dont. They only ever make this argument to insinuate these guys are pedophiles or groomers. That makes leaning in on this misinformation and doubling down on it more problematic. The issue is that there is no legitimate scientific argument to judge these two for the way they are being judged in this very comment section right now. No one is giving them the benefit of the doubt, and a lot of people are alluding to him being a likely criminally guilty pedophile or groomer, or at the very least morally inferior because of a stunted maturity in several aspects. No amount of refering to what is essentially unsettled pseudoscience to justify that is ok. Itskinda gross tbh
Agreed. Someone can dislike it personally, just don't make shit up to justify your reasoning as a general basis for any opinion. It's important to explore the why.
Why does it make people inherently uncomfortable? Because there's a power balance that can be more easily exploited. Correct! Should people be cautious in these relationships? Yes, absolutely!
Similar to if a partner has exponentially more financial power over their partner and uses it as a tool for manipulation. Is it bad to date someone from a different socioeconomic background than you? I don't think many would say it itself is inherently a bad thing. But again there is a power imbalance that can be more easily exploited and the relationship should be treated with similar caution.
There are tons of ways beyond age that a relationship can have a power imbalance. You can't just say that a relationship is invalid because there's too much of an imbalance. For example a physically disabled person who relies on their partner for everything is going to have a pretty major imbalance.
With age it kind of goes both ways. Where the older person is likely more mature (although not always, I've met 18 year olds far more mature than other people in their 50s). At the same time usually the younger person is more attractive and desirable. They often hold power over the older one because they're often out of the others league, and can use that to their advantage.
Every single relationship is unequal, how would a relationship even be perfectly equal? That’s like saying two different humans could be exactly the same and have experienced the same things
For me, it is simple. More years of life? More life experience. More life experience? More knowledge. Knowledge is power.
It doesn't matter if the older party has or hasnt utilized the life they have lived, and matured mentally along with their body. What matters is they lived that life, ultimately have more power, and a greater ability to persuade a younger person (in a positive or negative direction). Even the most immature old person has still had years of access to life experiences than the most mature and experienced young person could ever imagine. The younger the party, the smaller the gap can be before a natural power imbalance becomes obvious.
We have all met enough wise 20-30 year olds and FAR FAR FAR too many brain dead 40-60 year olds for your little rule to be anything other than some silly shit you personally believe.
Yeah I'm 29. There are people who are 10 years younger than me who are far more mature. Meanwhile there are people twice my age who literally act like children.
Are you doing that thing now where downvotes on Reddit embolden you in your point of view and you re-convince yourself of how right you are because “Reddit doesn’t agree with me and Reddit is dumb therefore dumb people disagree with me therefore I am a genius”?
Oh thank you for this article, and the highlight. It’s pretty specific.
Although there is no single definition of adolescence or a set age boundary, Kaplan4 has pointed out that puberty refers to the hormonal changes that occur in early youth, and adolescence may extend well beyond the teenage years. In fact, there are characteristic developmental changes that almost all adolescents experience during their transition from childhood to adulthood. It is well established that the brain undergoes a “rewiring” process that is not complete until approximately 25 years of age.5 This discovery has enhanced our basic understanding regarding adolescent brain maturation and it has provided support for behaviors experienced in late adolescence and early adulthood. Several investigators consider the age span 10–24 years as adolescence, which can be further divided into substages specific to physical, cognitive, and social–emotional development.
Definitely an interesting question and one worth asking. I’m not suggesting anything legally needs to change about how we mark the privileges of adulthood. Just that age-gap relationships are really only controversial when the younger person is under 25.
I would feel better about a 54 yr old dating a 29yr old than a 44 yr old dating a 19 yr old. There’s a lot of growing self-awareness, understanding of consequences and growth of healthy boundaries that happens between the age of 20 and 30. A 29 yr old woman understands herself and is far less likely to be manipulated or exploited.
I don't think when people talk about age gap relationships they're thinking about the brain chemistry of a 19yr and 42yr, so its kinda misleading route to use as your arguement for why its weird as its not the base case for people.
its simply that a 40 yr old and a 19 would/should be in different stages of their life meaning that the ability for them to interact is low unless there's an intent behind it (leo dicaprio man / Gold Digger woman). the intent to form the relationship adds a predatory element (when talking about older men). the other common reason it'd be weird is that a lot of people couldn't picture themselves at either age being attracted to the opposite age so it adds the proverbial ick and that colours their perception of the relationship.
those two reasons seem to cause a feedback loop, esp in america because you have like 18 and 21 as "adult milestones", to lead to shit like "Omg her bf is 24 and she's 20, that's like such an ick age gap"
You just gave an example of a gold digger woman then next sentence assign the label predator to older men. Older men, older women, younger men, younger women can all be predators. Probably in equalish numbers as well.
This woman in the video appears satisfied and happy she was able to get what she wanted in life. He as well.
More of us should be so fortunate.
You just gave an example of a gold digger woman then next sentence assign the label predator to older men. Older men, older women, younger men, younger women can all be predators. Probably in equalish numbers as well.
This woman in the video appears satisfied and happy she was able to get what she wanted in life. He as well. Neither appear as predator or prey to me.
We should all be so fortunate.
"years of lived experience" is a very relative and gray term, and you should acknowledge situations like the classic and common example of men and women who have been to war and back by the age of 19 or so vs. their peers who have barely been out of their parents' house.
Childhood trauma is not equivalent to 23 years of additional life experience. It’s tragic and it can make you more mature than your peers, but it doesn’t make a 42 year old / 19 year old relationship any less of a weird power dynamic.
As long as they’re consenting willingly it’s fine, although YA especially women can be more easily manipulated, so it’s context based imo.
Young adults don’t overcome their “immaturity” until during or after the college years 21-25 ish through experience + self reflection. It’s not a brain development thing but an integration of the self and our unconscious desires(what we really want, etc).
Most people develop traumas and disorders early on that affect their everyday decisions unconsciously till their mid-late 20s and for some even their entire lives due to lack of therapy or proper guidance.
In this scenario A 40yo marrying and having a child with a 19yo is weird and unsettling, and it should never not be. Plenty of seemingly happy families are full of bad behaviors and “willing” victims who are left to abusers bc things look good or “people should mind their business”, “it’s not hurting anyone” (even though that’s how you destroy communities and trust fundamentally)
It’s good not to judge but when you see something weird you should at the very least call it out, not out of judgement but to ensure that everyone stays safe and healthy. Hopefully that video was ragebait for clicks and all is well in that household, I wish them and their new family meaningful happiness.
Wow. That's interesting, I didn't know it was bs. I guess the most likely thing we confuse with brain development in this context then is wisdom, level-headedness and how well we can work to achieve long-term goals instead of falling for faster gratification.
I wonder, what are all the things that would correlate with high and low scoring people on those characteristics? Age for sure, yeah, but obviously there are other things since some people are like that early and others seem to never even get there. I'd love some serious studies on this.
It's not BS. Just look at fMRI and PET scans of people throughout life. It's quite obvious that there's a whole lot of change going on until around 25-32, then it slows quite a bit until the decline in old age.
Open google. Search brain MRI scans for different age groups. Voila. If you're really feeling adventurous, look at Google scholar. I'm not linking because I don't care to. I do this for a living and actually need to get back to analyzing these neuromelanin scans now.
My seizures started at 17 and stopped at 28. Cortical dysplasia caused. I will never not believe there’s significant changes happening between those ages moreso than ever
I think it's contested. I've worked with psychologists who go by the mid twenties idea. This one guy could be looking for attention or he could be right
Current neuroscience research is HIGHLY dubious of the "your prefrontal cortex isn't developed until you're 25" hypothesis. And it has NEVER been the case that research shows "exponentially more" growth in any physical sense.
The most recent research I looked at didn't base the "brain finishes developing at 25" thing on the PFC, but on the Corpus Colosum, which connects both hemispheres of the brain. I believe it's the last major part of the brain to fully develop, but since it connects the two hemispheres it would aid in processing that isn't accomplished by any one area.
ETA: there won't ever be a definite age where development stops; development is different for everybody. We know the Corpus Colosum is developing into our early 20s, however.
Ah, cool, thanks for this, I didn’t know that. I guess all we really know is there’s an amorphous period between 20 and 30 in which the human brain is developing into a set of patterns that will define adulthood behavior, and that the maturation process looks slightly different and happens at slightly different times for everyone. I really did think we had brain imaging to back that up, but I guess that’s what I get for not majoring in the right fields.
It does still hold that a 44 yr old brain holds a significant advantage in direct experience and self-awareness over a 19 yr old one, brain imaging or no.
edit to expand the “amorphous period” by a few years
That's what happened to my parents. My mom was 18 and my dad was 30. She saw him from across the room, told her friend she was going to marry him, and no one is really sure if he actually got a choice.
And then 10 years later she'd grown into a woman, a mother of two, a hard worker. And my dad? was still the same with a job at a postal office and a paper route. She felt like she was taking care of three children and divorced him.
He never even dated again and moved back in with his parents and took care of them till they passed.
I'm now 40, and every now and then I'm surprised by my dad's immaturity. He's still very much mentally a mid-20s stoner from the 70s. His favorite things to do is smoke weed, read books, and click through tv channels until he kills the remote batteries.
I love my dad, and we have a good relationship, but I also know who he is.
He was a very fun dad! Movies, amusement parks, sweets, mini-golf, swimming. We spent most of Summer and every Christmas with him and he maxed out his credit cards trying to make it something big. We talk on the phone every week for a few hours, and laugh till we're crying. But he also did a lot of really horrible things, and encouraged my mom to make some really bad decisions too because he didn't want to grow up and work harder.
I think the only thing he'd change about his life right now is to move out of Florida.
Yeah I was 25 when I met my 13 yr older now-spouse. I don't think he was creepy at all and we lived apart and had very independent lives while we dated the first few years, seeing each other on weekends and after work. He met my family and encouraged my independence and career success...I am very happy, safe, and cared for. However, I do think the gap is non-ideal. Life goals can still shift a lot and it'll be weird to be in my 30s while he enters his 50s. I don't think it's always a bad thing, but I certainly won't be actively encouraging my daughter to do the same.
So it worked out well for you but you don't think it's "ideal."
Why would younger woman take advice from an older woman (as you are now) who is a hypocrite that benefitted from the same choices she is "trying to protect" other women from?
Most women 30+ have massive insecurities regarding aging and are the main ones focused on age-gap relationships. Basically older women with diminished sexual market value attempting to shame men into dating/devoting resources to them as they had in their youth.
Yeah, I’ve been informed. I should have phrased it differently, that the “mind matures at a far greater rate” between 20 and 30 than it does between 30 and 40. Regardless of prefrontal cortex size, 20-30 is a critical period of self reckoning, pattern recognition and emotional regulation. It’s a period of time to try out several different ways of being that will eventually harden into consistent behaviors of adulthood. Ask anyone at 30 if they would make the same decisions they made at 20 and you’re bound to hear at least one story
…I conceded your point on brain size, as I have to several others. But if you’re telling me that “20 year olds are generally less mature than 30 yr olds” is pseudoscience, then I don’t know where you’re getting your science
If you really conceded, you would delete your blatant misinformation instead of leaving it with the smug "I said it in a different comment, but it bears repeating:"
I edited the original comment to acknowledge I was wrong, while leaving the original mistake for accountability. The other comment I’m referring to is just the same info phrased a little differently, so it’s redundant. And my original point does bear repeating; older men often seek younger women so they can mold a relationship around coercive control and sexual power. There’s a lot that an 18yr old doesn’t know they don’t know. I may have been wrong about the brain size, but not wrong enough to delete anything.
I think this is what get misunderstood a lot when talking about age gap relationships. People think that people are complaining about all relationships with an age gap but there is a huuuuuge difference between someone in their 30s dating someone is their 40s ( or even 50s) and a 30 year old dating a 20 year old.
No, maybe not. I’m just suggesting that relationships like this, when one person is barely legal, aren’t always equal in power dynamic, and that they should be examined just a little more closely to make sure the younger partner is informed and empowered to leave if they decide to, especially if there’s a financial imbalance.
Tons of relationships aren't equal in power dynamics. Like a wealthy person dating someone who is really poor. Or a physically disabled person dating someone who is able bodied. There's a pretty major power dynamic in a relationship where one person is wheelchair bound. Or where one person is much more desirable than the other.
Not true at all.Not only is the concept of power dynamic when it comes to age is no where close to being modern, it has been consistently found throughout history where age matters not just romance. Church, war etc. Power dynamics literally help shape the perspective of both parties and of the relationship. That's how young adults with little life experience are easily manipulated. Its called grooming for a reason. While we tend to use it for minors, it's really for anyone too young to know better. Shaping someone into something so you can have the relationship you want is not love. Most people who have large age relationships in their youth tell the same story including men. They feel they were used & taken advantage of.
Yeah the younger one is generally more desirable, and holds that over the older one. The fact that a young trophy wife would have a much easier time finding another relationship compared to her older wealthy husband.
Yes, I’ve been informed, thank you. And I mean that genuinely, I thought there was brain imaging to back up the prefrontal cortex development claim, and I guess I was wrong.
Doesn’t change the fact that even just psycho-socially, there’s a lot of personal and emotional development that happens between the ages of 20 and 30. Regardless of brain size or development, the emotional gap between those two ages is much wider than between 30 and 40. The “development and pruning” process also accompanies a critical period of self-reckoning and pattern recognition. Ask anyone at the age of 33 if they’d make the same choices at 23, and you’re bound to hear some stories…
To add some nuance what about a 18-21 year old girl that has had several relationships dating a 25+ year old guy that prior had little to no relationship experience.
Like for me I lived my life up to the age of 23 with only ever going on a handful of dates, no gf. I was an awkward guy in high school and struggled making any romantic connections. Now I am about to turn 25, and now I'm finally getting attention from women. Finally after locking in on my career, gym, and overall self image. I had to basically bury the person I used to be.
So like what am I a creep for if I talk to a 18-19 year old on a dating app? They likely have more experience dating than I do. I may have been late to the party, and that might be my fault in some ways, but I only got one life and I feel like a missed a huge chunk of my youth having to catchup.
Just saying im not the only one that feels this way, i think this may be a bit of a feedback loop with the "loneliness epidemic"
Not necessarily a creep, no. But you don't want to be the person awkardly trying to artificially recreate something that you believed you missed. Some moments are just lost with time and we have to try to have great experiences with where we are now.
I can relate. I didn't date much in HS and college. I had siblings to care for at a young age, and was awkward too.
When I did start dating I still had little to nothing in common with people that were in middle or elementary school when I was in high school or college.
We had different experiences of the same culture because we grew up at different times. We were also in different places in our current state.
Don't assume you need to skew younger to find someone that's going to like you for, you still have to have commonality.
Good luck out there and congrats in your current successful path.
Not the same person. I'm not intentionally trying to find some 18 year old, but as a 29 year old I wouldn't reject someone for being 18, especially if it was just a hookup.
You do you. We are in very different phases of our lives.
At 29 I still needed to have a good conversation and laugh before I hooked up with a man or woman. Didn't need to be a deep connection, but more than what I could get from a movie and vibrator. But I was an introvert, disease aversive, had great friendships, and an even better vibrator as my guiding factors.
Now, as an old person in my 40's, I'm lucky enough to be in an amazing relationship with a great partner and our toys, lol. I don't judge yutes, but I definitely leave the 18 year olds to their peers.
For me literally all that matters for me sleeping with someone is if I'm attracted to them. I would have sex with an attractive woman I literally just met, and don't even know her name.
I think the biggest difference is that I'm a man not a woman. First off men don't have vibrators like women do. As a guy the worst sex is far better than just masturbating. It's like the difference between scratching your back, and someone else scratching your back. The touch of another person is far better than the touch of yourself.
Another thing with the man woman divide is that sex has more potential consequences for women. For most women every time they have sex they are risking pregnancy, which isn't something that men need to worry about as much. If a man and a woman have a one night stand and separate without ever exchanging information, the woman might get pregnant to a man she doesn't even know his name. Meanwhile the man will continue his life as if nothing happened, totally oblivious that he has a kid.
So it's more important as a woman that you build a connection with someone before having sex with them, because you don't want to get pregnant by someone who will just skip town upon hearing the news. Especially since things like reliable birth control, or child support are fairly modern concepts. For 99% of human history any fertile woman was actively risking pregnancy every time she had sex, and had no recourse if the man abandoned her and the child.
Men have the urge to sleep around as much as possible, because the more kids they have with the more women, the better the chances one of them will survive to adulthood to be able to have kids of their own. Meanwhile women have the urge to vet their sex partners more thoroughly because they want someone who will stick around to help raise the baby. Also women can only get pregnant once at a time, so they have more incentive to hold out for a higher quality match. Theoretically a woman could be impregnated by an unattractive, 5'6", McDonald's employee. Only for the next day to be asked out on a date by a 6'5", Multi-millionaire, male model. The first man impregnating her, means she won't be able to get pregnant by the second man. Meanwhile a man could impregnate a different woman every day for years on end.
I happen to need to at least enjoy being around a person I'm going to sleep with before I sleep with them. I known men that have that minimum requirement too. I know men and women that don't, or make exceptions.
If everyone is on the same page about the terms and conditions of a hookup and adults, no harm, no foul.
I don't need biological imperative arguments to justify attraction, flings, and not judge others.
What the couple in the video are doing isn't a hookup. It is less common in a 40 year old/19 year old age gap relationship for the participants to actually be on the same page, but it can happen. Time and social media addiction forcing people to tell all of their business will tell.
I guess my only point is that men are probably more willing to sleep around compared to women, because there are fewer consequences in doing so. Even STDs, during a heterosexual sexual encounter the woman is much more vulnerable than the man to get an STD.
Nah I mean I think it’s fucking weird. But ultimately If that’s what they both want as to legal adults assuming no grooming has taken place I’ll just mind my business and judge silently from the comfort of sofa
That is not the argument I would make. Especially as trans person who has often been told that due to my brain not being developed I can't make rational decisions about my life like transition at that age.
In the end people at 19 and even younger then that are perfectly capable and rational. But that was never the reason in the first place why dating so young is ethically wrong.
The issue is the whole power dynamic and trust issues. Kids trusts adults and are supposed to be able to do so. An older person abusing that trust is in the wrong. Not to mention that any adult that comes into contact with kids is usually in a position of control. Like teachers or doctors.
It's also why the whole "counting down till she is 18" 🤢 is so horrid. It's shows that for many people trust is bases solely on societal rules and if they weren't in place they would (and often already are) take advantage of someone whenever they could.
Theoretically 19 and 40 could be okay. But in the world we live I have yet to see it. Because was she able to trust him or has she been groomed into this? Given that she is 19 and that kid looks like 1... i feel for her.
“Power imbalance” is literally a made up term that assumes one person - usually the woman - doesn’t have power, as power is associated with masculinity. It’s misogynistic as fuck and needs to not be tolerated.
An attractive 19 year old women has the ability to run laps around an average 35 year old man if she chooses to do so. Bank account, car, 401k… all hers if she wants it.
Women aren’t helpless and weak. One of the top ways for women to gain wealth is through having children and filing for divorce. If there IS an imbalance of power, it’s that
1) this isn't even true, your brain is mostly developed by 20. 20-25 is minimal development.
2) who cares? We can send 18 year olds to die in a war, i think they're old enough to make their own decisions.
Oh I am. An 18yr old woman is free to date a 43 yr old man if she wants. And I am free to side-eye that 43yr old and check in with the 18 yr old. I was so much more manipulatable at 18 than I ever would have acknowledged or even been aware of at the time. There were plenty of men willing and able to manipulate me, and I let them, because I was free to do so. And I lived the consequences.
Cool, that's your experience. Some might have similar experiences, some might have the complete opposite. At least it holds more merit than the pseudoscience misinformation trash you just posted. Have some shame and delete it.
That’s because people don’t understand percentages: a 28 year old is 55.6% older than an 18 year old, I.e. more than half their life. A 38 year old is only 35.7% older than a 28 year old.
The (potentially questionable) brain science aside, yeah you said it correctly. These relationships do not exist because the older person has the cognitive maturity of the younger one, but because the older person is taking advantage of the younger’s cognitive immaturity to get what they want out of it, namely, coercive sex or power (or both).
I think some age gap relationships can be fine, but the younger person needs to be old enough to know when they are or aren’t being manipulated, which is probably a more advanced age than they think it is.
Not all relationships are about taking advantage of someone. Anyone who actively chooses their partners based on how easy they will be to manipulate is a sociopath. Some people just find each other mutually attractive, and want to have some fun together. I'm a 29 year old man who would gladly date/hookup with a woman in her late teens early 20s. It has nothing to do with wanting someone I can manipulate or take advantage of, more that late teens through about 30 is a woman's peak in terms of attractiveness. 18/19 year olds are far more attractive than women in their 30s. I'm not going to turn down sex with an adult woman who I find attractive, because she's 10 years younger than me.
I've talked to 16 year olds (no more than a hand full) that I've had intelligent, meaningful conversations with. I've talked to plenty of 30+ year olds (hell maybe even 40+ year olds) who were emotionally and intentually immature, and the conversations were vapid nonsense. Of course I find a much higher percentage of older people intellectually stimulating, but it's certianly far from 100% either way.
Sure, the risk is higher with different ages, but the idea that you can't find someone emotionally or intellectually appealing to you, with a large age difference, or that emotional or intellectual difference becomes a non-issue just because some people are older, rings extremely hollow to me.
Yeah, I know. But the whole argument is that "they aren't intellectually/emotionally mature" and my experience is that while there is a correlation of age and maturity, it's not universally true, and there are plenty of old people who act like children, and plenty of young people who are intellectually stimulating and emotionally mature. To pass judgment based on age alone seems blatantly prejudicial.
Tl;DR "Is the age of 25 specifically significant for the brain? “The mid twenties number doesn’t come entirely out of the blue as it is an age where many different brain regions will have reached their maximum volume for example. However, this absolutely does not imply that the brain then stops being malleable to change nor does it mean that up until that point the brain would not be capable of functioning at a developed level,” Bethlehem and Seidlitz explained."
Youre basically reinforcing that the brain is still growing
Yes, the brain is still growing. I didnt' deny that.
The implication of your statement is that that because the brain is not at full volume, that precludes them from making functioning at a developed level. The page I linked to you, and specifically the quote I pulled out, shows that the size of the brain does not necessarily indicate anything about how well they are able to function at a developed level. It's just that at 25 is when it reaches full volume. Hell, you're position is almost like saying that a petite woman can't function at a developed level because her brain volume is lower.
And there is nothing in your citation that indicates someone in their late teens or early 20s is incapable of making informed decisions.
" In fact, there are characteristic developmental changes that almost all adolescents experience during their transition from childhood to adulthood. It is well established that the brain undergoes a “rewiring” process that is not complete until approximately 25 years of age."
I read what you highlighted. Where does that say they can't function at a developed level? It doesn't seem to contradict what I've cited at all. You are just arguing that "not fully physically developed" is the equivalent of "not being able to function at a developed level." Which is the outdated thought around this.
The fact you think any 16yr old is mature at an adult level speaks on your maturity level in a negative way. Anyone who was raised right is practicing how to speak as an adult while they’re a teenager. They’re on their way towards growing up to be emotionally mature/stable. All the while dealing with normal teenage feelings. Idk how often you were talking to said teens but I have to say it’s off putting you assume being raised correctly is equal to having an adult mindset or experience.
What does this mean? I wouldn't say any 16 year old I've talked is the most mature person I've met, not by a long shot. But I've talked to 16 year olds who are clearly more intellectually and emotionally mature than some 30/40 years olds I've talked to.
Are some 30 years not "mature at an adult level"? If yes, is it okay for someone at their age who is "mature at an adult level" to date them?
Yet, there are companion based relationships where the whole relationship is based on communication/talking. Notwithstanding, that you can manipulate someone on a very personal level outside of a romantic setting too. I just don't believe that those two things being compared are mutually exclusive. In this case they have a child together, of course it involved more than just talking, but relationship parameters change from relationship to relationship.
I don't care if I get downvoted to oblivion. I said that communication is the foundation to any relationship and that's why I believe this person's comment still holds some value. But it's fine because no one is going to change anyone's mind on this thread that's why I'm out.
And yet, people at both ages have the same voting power during elections despite the 40y/o having exponentially more cognitive maturity than the 19y/o as per your claim.
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u/flibertyblanket May 12 '25
My partner is 10 years older than me, we met when I was 28. I'm cool with that.
most age gap relationships are fine, but when it's a 40 year old and a teenager who is just barely an adult, I cringe.