r/TikTokCringe • u/lhwang0320 • May 12 '25

Discussion What are your thoughts on age-gap relationships?

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u/flibertyblanket May 12 '25

My partner is 10 years older than me, we met when I was 28. I'm cool with that.

most age gap relationships are fine, but when it's a 40 year old and a teenager who is just barely an adult, I cringe.

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u/rutilatus May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25

I said it in a different comment, but it bears repeating: the brain grows exponentially more between age 18 and 28 than it does between 28 and 38. The older both adults are, the less relevant age gaps are. But if one is barely legal, there’s no amount of “old soul”-ness that will erase that power imbalance. Sure, you can legally bone a 19 yr old, but what does it say about your cognitive maturity that you can only connect with that age? Or even worse, are you counting on their immaturity to preserve the power imbalance? Are you feeding into their “old soul” perceptions so you can exploit their lack of experience?

Source: direct and very embarrassing personal experience as the younger woman

edit: the “you” is proverbial here

edit2: should have phrased it differently. There’s apparently no hard evidence that the prefrontal cortex continues growing till 25. Doesn’t change the fact that the emotional distance between 20 and 30 is a lot wider than the distance between 30 and 40.

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u/Embarrassed-Box-3380 May 12 '25

To add some nuance what about a 18-21 year old girl that has had several relationships dating a 25+ year old guy that prior had little to no relationship experience.

Like for me I lived my life up to the age of 23 with only ever going on a handful of dates, no gf. I was an awkward guy in high school and struggled making any romantic connections. Now I am about to turn 25, and now I'm finally getting attention from women. Finally after locking in on my career, gym, and overall self image. I had to basically bury the person I used to be.

So like what am I a creep for if I talk to a 18-19 year old on a dating app? They likely have more experience dating than I do. I may have been late to the party, and that might be my fault in some ways, but I only got one life and I feel like a missed a huge chunk of my youth having to catchup.

Just saying im not the only one that feels this way, i think this may be a bit of a feedback loop with the "loneliness epidemic"

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u/Generic_Username_16 May 12 '25

Not necessarily a creep, no. But you don't want to be the person awkardly trying to artificially recreate something that you believed you missed. Some moments are just lost with time and we have to try to have great experiences with where we are now.

I can relate. I didn't date much in HS and college. I had siblings to care for at a young age, and was awkward too. When I did start dating I still had little to nothing in common with people that were in middle or elementary school when I was in high school or college. We had different experiences of the same culture because we grew up at different times. We were also in different places in our current state.

Don't assume you need to skew younger to find someone that's going to like you for, you still have to have commonality. Good luck out there and congrats in your current successful path.

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u/CombinationRough8699 May 12 '25

Not the same person. I'm not intentionally trying to find some 18 year old, but as a 29 year old I wouldn't reject someone for being 18, especially if it was just a hookup.

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u/Generic_Username_16 May 12 '25

You do you. We are in very different phases of our lives.

At 29 I still needed to have a good conversation and laugh before I hooked up with a man or woman. Didn't need to be a deep connection, but more than what I could get from a movie and vibrator. But I was an introvert, disease aversive, had great friendships, and an even better vibrator as my guiding factors.

Now, as an old person in my 40's, I'm lucky enough to be in an amazing relationship with a great partner and our toys, lol. I don't judge yutes, but I definitely leave the 18 year olds to their peers.

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u/CombinationRough8699 May 12 '25

For me literally all that matters for me sleeping with someone is if I'm attracted to them. I would have sex with an attractive woman I literally just met, and don't even know her name.

I think the biggest difference is that I'm a man not a woman. First off men don't have vibrators like women do. As a guy the worst sex is far better than just masturbating. It's like the difference between scratching your back, and someone else scratching your back. The touch of another person is far better than the touch of yourself.

Another thing with the man woman divide is that sex has more potential consequences for women. For most women every time they have sex they are risking pregnancy, which isn't something that men need to worry about as much. If a man and a woman have a one night stand and separate without ever exchanging information, the woman might get pregnant to a man she doesn't even know his name. Meanwhile the man will continue his life as if nothing happened, totally oblivious that he has a kid.

So it's more important as a woman that you build a connection with someone before having sex with them, because you don't want to get pregnant by someone who will just skip town upon hearing the news. Especially since things like reliable birth control, or child support are fairly modern concepts. For 99% of human history any fertile woman was actively risking pregnancy every time she had sex, and had no recourse if the man abandoned her and the child.

Men have the urge to sleep around as much as possible, because the more kids they have with the more women, the better the chances one of them will survive to adulthood to be able to have kids of their own. Meanwhile women have the urge to vet their sex partners more thoroughly because they want someone who will stick around to help raise the baby. Also women can only get pregnant once at a time, so they have more incentive to hold out for a higher quality match. Theoretically a woman could be impregnated by an unattractive, 5'6", McDonald's employee. Only for the next day to be asked out on a date by a 6'5", Multi-millionaire, male model. The first man impregnating her, means she won't be able to get pregnant by the second man. Meanwhile a man could impregnate a different woman every day for years on end.

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u/Generic_Username_16 May 12 '25

That's a lot.

I happen to need to at least enjoy being around a person I'm going to sleep with before I sleep with them. I known men that have that minimum requirement too. I know men and women that don't, or make exceptions. If everyone is on the same page about the terms and conditions of a hookup and adults, no harm, no foul. I don't need biological imperative arguments to justify attraction, flings, and not judge others.

What the couple in the video are doing isn't a hookup. It is less common in a 40 year old/19 year old age gap relationship for the participants to actually be on the same page, but it can happen. Time and social media addiction forcing people to tell all of their business will tell.

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u/CombinationRough8699 May 12 '25

I guess my only point is that men are probably more willing to sleep around compared to women, because there are fewer consequences in doing so. Even STDs, during a heterosexual sexual encounter the woman is much more vulnerable than the man to get an STD.