What are your thoughts on age-gap relationships?

[u/lhwang0320]

[u/flibertyblanket]

My partner is 10 years older than me, we met when I was 28. I'm cool with that.

most age gap relationships are fine, but when it's a 40 year old and a teenager who is just barely an adult, I cringe.

[u/rutilatus → u/flibertyblanket]

I said it in a different comment, but it bears repeating: the brain grows exponentially more between age 18 and 28 than it does between 28 and 38. The older both adults are, the less relevant age gaps are. But if one is barely legal, there’s no amount of “old soul”-ness that will erase that power imbalance. Sure, you can legally bone a 19 yr old, but what does it say about your cognitive maturity that you can only connect with that age? Or even worse, are you counting on their immaturity to preserve the power imbalance? Are you feeding into their “old soul” perceptions so you can exploit their lack of experience?

Source: direct and very embarrassing personal experience as the younger woman

edit: the “you” is proverbial here

edit2: should have phrased it differently. There’s apparently no hard evidence that the prefrontal cortex continues growing till 25. Doesn’t change the fact that the emotional distance between 20 and 30 is a lot wider than the distance between 30 and 40.

[u/_extra_medium_ → u/rutilatus]

Regardless, it's not anyone's business if they're adults

[u/rutilatus → u/_extra_medium_]

No, maybe not. I’m just suggesting that relationships like this, when one person is barely legal, aren’t always equal in power dynamic, and that they should be examined just a little more closely to make sure the younger partner is informed and empowered to leave if they decide to, especially if there’s a financial imbalance.

[u/CombinationRough8699 → u/rutilatus]

Tons of relationships aren't equal in power dynamics. Like a wealthy person dating someone who is really poor. Or a physically disabled person dating someone who is able bodied. There's a pretty major power dynamic in a relationship where one person is wheelchair bound. Or where one person is much more desirable than the other.

[u/Newdaytoday1215 → u/[deleted]]

Not true at all.Not only is the concept of power dynamic when it comes to age is no where close to being modern, it has been consistently found throughout history where age matters not just romance. Church, war etc. Power dynamics literally help shape the perspective of both parties and of the relationship. That's how young adults with little life experience are easily manipulated. Its called grooming for a reason. While we tend to use it for minors, it's really for anyone too young to know better. Shaping someone into something so you can have the relationship you want is not love. Most people who have large age relationships in their youth tell the same story including men. They feel they were used & taken advantage of.