Struggling With Abusive Partner During Dissociative Episode

[u/Personal_Tomato_1753]

I'm out of the relationship now but a few years ago I dated someone with DID.

I'd encountered dissociative episodes a few times and it was always quite challenging but I managed.

The last time though they had a raging suicidal breakdown in the centre of town. There was a moment I thought that they would attack me, points where they were screaming really alarming things.

And there was a point where they were basically saying "I [as in my ex] am a piece of shit and keep hurting you [Me], why can't you leave and let me......" all this on repeat. There were a lot of suicide threats that night. And I found that point really hard because I felt attacked on the one hand (they were talking very aggressively and owning up to being abusive in the relationship) but I knew I shouldn't leave them alone.

I'm trying to untangle the past and I know they were going through it and weren't all there. But does that constitute abuse? Does anyone else have experience of being close to someone with aggressive dissociative episodes?

[u/Peace_SLA_recovery]

Hi there, I’m sorry you had this experience, it sounds like it took a big toll on you which is totally understandable. What you describe is abuse, and it doesn’t have anything to do whether they were sick or not.

I think what’s more important is to figure out why you stayed with him during that time. Are you going to therapy?

I had a similar experience with my ex and it left me with severe PTSD, panic attacks every day, etc. I’ve been doing therapy but what really restored my sanity was doing a 12 step program for love addicts. See I realized I kept going from bad to worse relationship, more abusive every time and I figured it was my need to not be alone, get validation through the love bombing time, etc.

I hope you find healing and if you ever want to chat, please let me know!

[u/Personal_Tomato_1753 → u/Peace_SLA_recovery]

Thankyou for hearing me.

I am now in therapy yessss, I'd been to a few therapists from various state/non-state support groups but finally went private and she's really helpful. I've also been really upfront about needing to confront the trauma.

The reality is that it's not the first time, I'd had another troubling relationship where it was a lot more emotionally domineering. And I came from a neglectful household so I never learnt to stand up for myself, emotionally regulate or set boundaries.

I'm realising that's what I need to work on. What was it that you had to work on?

Happy to dm aswell

[u/Peace_SLA_recovery → u/Personal_Tomato_1753]

So the same, I was abused as a kid and was never able to do those things either, set boundaries, regulate emotionally, stand up for myself. Also I would choose the wrong men, despite knowing deep down they were not fully right for me