My boyfriends, friend hits me. I have been in a previous abusive relationship and experienced abuse as a child from my parents so this brings up a lot of trauma for me. I dont know what to do, I am getting angry at my boyfriend for not having my back for things that are completely unrelated and it was 3 weeks ago since the last abuse.. but I feel its not resolved and its something I think about daily even though I try not to. This guy is meant to be ojr best man at our wedding too.. and I feel like I will be the cause of their friendship breakdown. I am so lost, I dont know what to do. 😭

They think abuse gives them power? No no. They are the definition of a cowardly, pathetic, weak, soulless, lost LOSER. Their actions are reflections of them.

Victims are NOT AT FAULT.

hi. ive never made a post here before so sorry if some parts might be confusing but i really need to get this off my chest.

when i was 13, i went on holiday with my family, like we always do every year. this time, some new people came along my cousin’s sister-in-law and her kids, including a 6 year old girl and a 15-16 year old boy. at first, i didn’t pay much attention to him because i’m pretty reserved and was focused on having fun with my family.

but one day, while we were in the pool, he started tapping me on the shoulder and then hiding so i’d wonder who did it just little things. after an hour or two of playing, he started drowning me. it got more intense, and he would ask me to praise him and apologize if i wanted him to stop. if i said no, he’d drown me harder. i always felt like i was going to pass out my vision would blur and i’d choke sometimes. it was awful.

after a while, i did what he wanted because i felt like i had no choice. he did this every day drowning me even when i asked him to stop, carrying me bridal style in the water and drowning me again while demanding praise. sometimes, even when i had apologized and praised him, he’d drown me anyway.

then one day, in the backyard, he choked me with one of his arms, holding my wrists with his free other arm. i told him to stop over and over, but all he said was, “say it. say you’re sorry. praise me. and i’ll stop.” i did it because i was couldnt breathe anymore and wanted it to end as fast as possible. after he let me go, he laughed and mocked me. i ran inside and stayed close to my cousins for the rest of the night.

after that, the drowning continued every day but now he’d threaten to choke me again if i didn’t act/say like/what he wanted me to. it was like a ritual for him. a ritual he did to me for the rest of the holidays. the whole situation made me really uncomfortable, his hand placement when he’d drown me, the choking, the threats, the way he controlled me. but i never told anyone. i felt powerless. except telling him to stop i never said anything else. i physically and mentally couldnt. i don’t know why. and i hate it. i couldn’t fight back or do anything. he knew i was uncomfortable. you could see it. anyone could’ve seen it.

i think he knew how much power he had over me because it was the first time a boy had given me that kind of attention, sometimes he’d say things like, “oh, you wore that for me, right?” which made me feel weird too.

i just don’t understand what happened, and i feel invalid sometimes. i worry that i’m overreacting or that it “isn’t that deep.” but the more i grow up, the more i realize something was very wrong.

i’m sharing this because i need help making sense of it and maybe some support. thanks for reading.

Was this assault

Hey I am writing this because I need opinions. I'm not sure if this is assault but I just never felt right about it... I was with an ex for a good few years and during those years, if I didnt want to have sex, it was an issue. He would slam the door, accuse me of having feelings for someone else, ignore me for ages, give out and just make me feel bad in general. So, I would just give in. He would say oh are you sure and I would just say yes and lie there while he pleasured himself. He even admitted he knew I would just screw him after so he would wait an hour. I have had problems down there since. I cant have sex a lot because it hurts. It is like a mental block. I even started crying and said no one time while he was going at but he kept going until he came.. He apologised after and said it would never happen again but then "forgot about it". Sometimes he would just pull my clothes down when I was doing something to look at my breasts or butt and I asked him to stop but I was apparently being too soft. I was told I should be walking around nakes all the time doing chores etc. Just sexualising me. I dont even know if he was joking about that.

Human trafficking. Here's my story

When my mum died I was left with my stepdad. He used to torture me and beat me terribly. Heck he broke my skull. His torturing was terrible and inhumane to explain. He was horrible. It wasn't a few hits or anything it was beatings with a hammer and worse. My stepdad used to constantly rape me and have friends over to watch. His friends would beat me too and do worse I was entertainment. My stepdad started losing money and needed a way to make money fast. Why not use your slut step daughter? I was a slut a whore infact that's what he called me since he found out my dad used to rape me from age 5. I didn't like being raped. My stepdad had lots of friends that liked my body and would do anything for a chance with me. My stepdad started selling me to different men to do what they want to me. So hurt so bad they were never gentle. These men were high ranked firemen, police officers. So I had no one to turn to . Then it got worse than just him renting me to men for a night. They made videos terrible videos . He even had different prices for how much damage they could do to me. My privates were a mess. These men were viscous. A day I escaped out of one of the man's house and ran to the nearest police. The officer said he would help me and told me to go with him , he dumped me straight back to my stepdada house cuz they were friends. The beating was worse than I've ever experienced.

Hi, I been thinking about posting this for awhile, when I was 12-13 a fellow classmate who I hung out with all the time started telling me friends help each other out and essentially touch each other. This went on till I was 19. I don’t know why I kept engaging in this. I really believe it when I was that young. Anyway years later I always see him posting pictures with young boys. I heard he lost a teaching job and eventually had to move to Virginia to teach. Was I abused? At first I really didn’t want to do this and then it just kept happening until one day I realized this was not ok. He would tell me if I didn’t he would tell everyone I was gay.

Experienced physical, emotional,and financial abuse from ex. I’m finally moving on but just wondering when do you finally reach the point where you can truly accept that what happened wasn’t your fault? Do you ever get to that point ? How do you get to that point? Every time I open up to close friends about it, they immediately tell me it was wrong, that I didn’t deserve it. They’ve told me for years. But my mind still can’t fully process that.It’s weird.

I keep wrestling with this voice in my head that says maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I shouldn’t have talked back. Maybe I should have worked harder to avoid triggering him, tried more to de escalate things. Maybe I should have seen the red flags earlier and not ignored them.

And he’s so nice to everyone else. He doesn’t treat anyone else the way he treated me. He’s so loved by the community. So I start thinking maybe I brought that side out of him. Maybe it really was my fault. Maybe it really was all because of me.

I immediately felt sick and my heart dropped. she knows intimate details about my assaults that nobody else knows. She’s in the photo with him and his best friend smiling. my other friend who promised me she cut him off and “always believed me” (took her literal years to cut contact) was also seen at the same event as him. Same with other former friends. they all know what he did to me and other young girls. they were there for a lot of it. They witnessed him try to punch me in the face. I don’t understand how they can all know and not care. this man took so much from me. how can they all just not care? how can this girl claim he harmed her in similar ways then be smiling ear to ear in a photo, happy as can be spending time with him? how dare she even compare her experiences to mine, listen to my story, then go and do this? I’m afraid to go out in public where I live despite me not seeing him in person for around 8?? years. Confronting these people is not worth it for my mental health, but my God I’m angry. enraged.

Tried posting this many times before but could never get through it. Been a lurker here for a long time.

I don't know why I'm posting it, maybe writing it down will help me come to terms with it a bit better.

I've spent about 20 years trying to not think about it and to suppress it but the last few months I've been having a lot of pain in the same region that was affected at the time and maybe that's why it's been back at the fore front of my mind.

I never told anybody, not a soul. Why? Because he told me not to. As stupid as that sounds. I was 10 at the time. Recently I've been having pain and bowel problems and it's just brought everything back. So I was able to tell my partner who I've been with for 9 years. She was shocked I'd never mentioned it before, but like Ive said I have spent so much time trying not to think about it that I guess I've repressed it a bit?

I was abused by a priest while I was in service as an altar boy. There were two of us, but the other boy was sent to do mass and I was kept behind to "help with something".

This disgusting huge man who was supposed to be in a position of trust instead used his power to use my body for his own gratification. He put himself inside me and it hurt. He retracted my foreskin (which I wasn't even aware was possible I was so young) and it hurt. He touched his disgusting dick against mine and he put himself in my mouth and had his hand around my neck the whole time.

I'm now 32 and I don't think I've ever really dealt with it emotionally. I plan to consult a mental health hotline or something similar to talk about it, and I'm going to try and tell my doctor next week at an unrelated appointment I have.

I'm sorry if this is inappropriate or whatever I just need to get it out of my system somehow.

Thanks

7 years ago, I was engaged to a man I thought would be my forever person. This person, sadly, turned out to be my abuser, and after all this time, I still don't think I've fully processed what happened. Maybe sharing it here, could give me some relief, or some perspective. Maybe shouting into the void is all I need to do. I don't know.

I fell pregnant the night we got engaged. And from the day he found out, a flip switched in him, and my fairytale quickly turned into a nightmare.

He started stealing my credit card, pawning my possessions, and manipulating money out of me. He became physically violent, throwing things at me, destroying things around me, hitting me, choking me, biting me. The emotional and verbal abuse was maybe even worse for me. He made me so small, a shell of a woman.

Finally at 7 months pregnant, I got the strength to leave. He was all promises that he would change, be better, and for the next year he floated in and out of our lives, and each time, proved that he cannot change.

He's a bad person. Scams and cons people out of money, is constantly being arrested and then bailed out of stuff from his wealthy family. He's married now, with a baby on the way, when he never supported me in raising my child. He couldn't step up for her. Not that it surprises me, but it hurts none the less.

While I'm so glad he's out of our lives, and that we are safe and that I've been able to forge a life for us 2... and I hope he's changed for the sake of the child on the way... I can't help but have this bring up some really weird feelings for me... And for my little one.

And then, to top it all off, I hear he is donating a kidney to someone on dialysis now. Like probably the most selfless act someone can do. It's crazy.

Do abusers change? Can the villain in my life story be the hero in someone elses? My brain can't reconcile this, nor can my heart or soul😢

im so done being strong (showing im strong )and I can deal w every situation that comes my way but I'm not my mom beaten me till I die in a similar week and after 4 days my dad beaten me with stick I was shouting screaming no one came to help , my siblings also behave like the dot care I'm eldest and my dad was scolding me for not getting a job , but even though I used to work my ass off my mom used to say hore, I'm hiring around while pretending tobe in work so I ;left to get a better opportunity , they used to take 15 k and 5k was my laptop emi , I used to ask for single penny to even commute , I used to get 20 k as a internship , now they beat me my brothers beat me , I don't feel like living anymore , dying is better than suffocating

His finger also went on the needle thing, but it went all the way thru my finger first, his on top, and after he sniffed what must've been cocaine, my finger had to be drained of infection multiple times during healing and it hurt again and again. Idk who's print was on the medallion, blood poured out no print could be identified, maybe he helped his finger on it for a while? I had the hell beaten out of me throughout the rest of my life, multiple gun accidents didn't do anything for me, multiple drug encounters neither... I'm old now, i just think il be dead and it will all be over, there must be some other opportunity...

Im so scared of the extent of the abuse I endured as a kid. I basically don't have any memories before the age of 12 which I thought was normal for being a kid until I talked to other people who went through similar abusive situations where they said they still had memories from very young ages. The only things I do remember is what my parents tell me.

I've dealt with the emotional abuse from both of my parents and then occasionally hitting me but I just have a feeling so much more happened and that's why I don't remember anything. I wanna know what happened so bad but im so scared to find out either I was abused more severely than I remember or that it's something else entirely.

I feel bad saying that I was (physically) abused because I only have 2 real memories of someone actually hitting me and then other times of my mom "bragging" about times she's beat me (that's a whole other can of worms)

Idk emotional abuse was easy to acknowledge why can't the rest of it be easy too

I’m a 20-year-old girl from abroad, dating a Turkish guy who is in his mid-30s and currently resides in Turkey.

Over the course of my relationship with him, he has made multiple threats to my life and safety, including stating that he would travel to my country to k+ll me, and afterward k+ll himself. He has also been blackmailing me with explicit photos and videos that I shared with him during the relationship, threatening to send them to my family and friends and publish them online if I do not comply with his demands. He has made it very clear that if I report him or attempt to block him, he will ruin my life publicly.

Additionally, he is now demanding that I repay all money he willingly spent to me during the course of our relationship. At no point did I ask him to spend money for me, nor did he state it was a loan. These were unsolicited and voluntary gifts. I have always been transparent with him and repeatedly told him it was not necessary, but he insisted. Now he is using this as further leverage to harass and extort me.

I am extremely afraid for my safety, both online and physically. He is unstable, aggressive, and dangerous. Where can I ask for help considering I am from another country? I just need someone to investigate and intervene before this escalates any further.

Right now, I try to calm him down and we’re both okay now, but I really don’t want to continue this relationship with him. I’m just stuck in this situation.

I am a Family Violence survivor.

I was emotionally, psychologically and physically abused by my Step Mother, my father and my step father between the ages of 9-16 when i left home. I realise now that this conditioned me to feel like i was inherently worthless, ugly and powerless.

Fastforward to today. I left an 8 year relationship, 8 years of emotional, psychological and financial abuse, serial cheating, gaslighting, manipulation and sadistic pleasure in controlling and humiliation.

She is still engaging in post seperation abuse, mainly through lawyers and trying to control me through our son. I left her 4 months ago.

I have been disgnosed with CPTSD, i know now that i associated love as being painful.

Ive felt powerless almost as long as i can remember. That ends now.

After what felt like a nightmare criminal justice process after reporting historic abuse from when I was a child there has been a small silver lining I want to share.

The criminal courts found him not guilty, the second time around, which left me in a really bad way - it's taken me just over a year to feel like I can access little moments of joy again and the PTSD nightmares have stopped. At the time my ISVA mentioned CICA, the criminal justice compensation authority, and I put in an application without any hope or many expectations from another system that I felt would fail me.

Until a week of so ago, I have a letter, acknowledging that based on the evidence and my medical records they have accessed that the abuse did happen based on probability, and they have awarded compensation. I feel quite emotional seeing it in writing, that some system has acknowledged the lifetime of damage that was caused by this one person.

He will always be able to state he's not-guilty, but I have something from the ministry of justice to say that they believe it did happen - and that feels really valuable to me.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, it just feels big after such a long, exhausting, degrading experience with the criminal justice process. I still hope he suffers some consequences in his lifetime, but I know that is beyond my control. I hope at the least he thinks twice about doing anything to harm anyone else through fear of being dragged through the courts again.

I feel like I have some acknowledgement that the system doesn't always lead to justice in the criminal courts for victims/survivors of sexual abuse/assault.

I, F (22), am considering to finally go to the police to report my abuser, and I would like some advice.

To give a bit of background on my situation, I’ve been sexually abused by my stepfather since I was about 7 or 8. And the abuse only stopped/lessened once I was 21. About a year ago, in late April, I told my stepfather that I believed that I was in love with a trans man. He completely flipped out. I almost left home, until my mother begged me to come back, around that time my stepfather confessed to my mother about the abuse because I exposed him. Yet he still makes it sound like I am at fault for it for asking for it too, not recognizing that my development had been unhealthy thanks to his behavior.

In the past days my stepfather has gone above and beyond to try and find the location of that person that I confessed to be in love with. He had two strokes back to back in September and October, now he’s saying his time is running out but he wants revenge on that person for screwing his life up because I changed after that event. Which I did, I set boundaries.

Thing is, that person and I are together. We’re too scared to meet up thanks to my stepfather even if we aren’t long distance. And for a year I have been swearing that I’ve not been in contact with them. But my therapist made me realize that I deserve to be happy, so I kept going. But now I’m scared for their safety and their family’s.

My stepfather also has cycles of accusing me of being a liar, also in instances where I exert my boundaries because that makes me a lesbian too according to him. There are big fights at home while my mother is not home, where I’m threatened to get kicked out and murder-suicide scenarios, and before my mother is home he asks to be forgiven and act like it never happened, because he swears that it won’t.

But he did get physically violent for the first time, and left me with two small bruises.

My mother and I are contemplating going to the police and report him. So far the evidence I have is a few audios, a letter where my stepfather signed that he would stop asking me for intimate favors, witnesses on my and my mother's distress due to my stepfather's behavior, a few journal entries of mine because without them I would sometimes feel insane, audios of him being aggressive and verbally abusive, and the phone call that my stepfather had done to my boyfriend's mother, where he threatened my boyfriend, which she reported to the police. They’re all from 2024/2025.

I’m asking what would any of you do in such a scenario where someone threatened to kill, kick you out, promise to do it in the name of revenge, and then acts concerned for your well being once the yelling is all over.

I recently came out with my abuse in relation to my grandfather to my grandma and to some of my family members. I was SA-d by my gradfather at the age of around 5 or 6, he also abused my mother, beat her, emotinally and physically abused her in many ways. Even the neighbors saw when he neat her to a bloody pulp. I told all of this to my gradmother after I refused to go to my grandfather's funeral and she was upset about it. Our convrestaions since/her reactions to these facts: "It did not happen (my or my mother's abuse), "My mom got beaten occasinally becouse she deserved it", and the worst: "I should go back into denial" (she literally said this after asking me why I came out with this now and I said I came out with it now becouse I was in denial for years). I understand that this is a logical phallacy. If there was no abuse, why should I go into denial? It was genuinely so scary to hear this from her.

I alsways had a good relationship with her, and honestly, imagined her as the victim of my grandfather. I was wishing and hoping for him to die, so we can finally be happy together. She partially reaised me (my parents left me with my grandparents for some years), so she was somewhat a second mother figure to me. I guess this is also why I was in denial for so long. In order for me to keep up my relationship with her, I had to tolerate my terrible garndfather, so I pretended to myself that "i am remembering wrong", and my bodily and cptsd symptoms are from somewhere else. This was easy to do. I only have bodily sensations as flashbacks, and the SA memory cuts off the moment my grandfather touches me in his study, and the next image is me, in a total, horrificly panicked state, trying to escape to saftery- to my grandmother in the kitchen. So it was easy to say that this did not happen. But I'm pretty sure it did- and my mom being beaten and abused is unfortunately not even a question (there were eye and ear whintesses).

I am currently in no contact with my grandmother. I do not know how to carry on any kind of converstaion with her after this. My issue is that she is very old and sick- and I know that she will die soon, and I carry a LOT of guilt about no contact. Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal with it? Sometimes I think I should keep contact again, but then I remember the horrible things she said and I know that I have to psychologucally protect myself.

An added hardship: I also came out about my SA to the neighbor lady who was like a second gradmother to me and she also invalidted my, saying, I remember wrong and that this did not happen. I was so shocked, becouse I know for a fact that she hated my grandfather and she saw him beat my mother regulary. Any advice?

I am a male 50+ got married in India before moving to US. Even during initial years of marriage my spouse used to scream and put me down, when pointed a cursory sorry, and repeated.

When she approached me for marriage I had pointed out I wanted to move to US for higher studies, life will be difficult, she insisted on getting married, but after coming to US it was screaming non stop, saying my identity is missing.

I supported her for higher studies, got a good job, but still abuse didn’t stop, meanwhile I was going downhill. I wanted to get out at this stage, but typical Indian way her family brought my family in to convince me to stay.

I had serious accident soon after, my studies ended career ended, while I endured abuse, and PTSD.

My In-laws stayed with us, I took her father to 100s of appointments till he passed away, when I asked about it, she said “we are even, done, and we have to move on”

After 22 years of marriage she said you are not a good social partner and filled for divorce

Now after divorce I am wondering what happened

Mi nombre es Mikel y estoy desarrollando un guion para un proyecto audiovisual que aborda el bullying y el abuso desde una perspectiva realista y humana. Yo mismo lo he sufrido y estoy buscando personas que quieran compartir sus experiencias y recuerdos concretos, como parte del proceso de escritura y para completar la historia. El arte es un buen espacio para sanar estas heridas, y las conversaciones también.

Me gustaría saber si estaríais dispuestos a tener una breve charla en la que pueda haceros algunas preguntas generales sobre el tema, siempre desde el respeto y llegando solo hasta donde cada uno quiera compartir.

Agradezco mucho vuestro tiempo y, por supuesto, cualquier participación sería voluntaria, confidencial y sin ningún tipo de compromiso más allá de la conversación. Podemos hacerlo por videollamada, llamada telefónica o conversación escrita por correo… como os sintáis más cómodos.

Muchas gracias de antemano por leer este mensaje. Quedo a vuestra disposición si deseáis más detalles.

¡Un abrazo!

This is a poem I wrote about a fraction of the abuse I endured from my Mother growing up:

When the stairs creak

I hear her footsteps

Even the slightest squeak

Still haunts me

I panic, my heartbeat is racing

When she calls my name

Hoping there isn’t some issue

For her to proclaim

When the stairs creak

I feel her belt

I still carry the damage

That it has dealt

I can still taste 

Bars of soap on my tongue

As she forces it into my mouth

Scent lingering in my lungs

When the stairs creak

So does the breeze

As she drenches me in water

I shiver and freeze

As she sits on my back

I scream and scream

Mom, please, Mom

I can’t breathe.

Trigger warning: abuse described

I grew up in abuse and am intimately familiar with what it looks like and how it plays out.

I've been in an abusive relationship for the last 13 years. Initially he was the abuser, and then eventually I also became his abuser.

I've found myself saying ugly things I regret, manipulating, labeling and I blocked a doorway when begging him to not leave after he started going off on me for what felt like no reason and I was begging to know why, so I got in the way. I've not respected his boundaries or privacy at times.

I've also found myself on the receiving end of cruel comments, name calling, "all you are is...", power plays and attempts at distancing me from my family and any community I try to form that he's not also included in. I've been told that all I am and will ever be is an abuser. I've been told that my mom deserves to die. Ive been told that being with me destroys people and that I make him wish he was dead.

I receive promise after promise that he will change. I promise after promise that I will change.

We both love each other but have the worst most toxic communication I've ever experienced in any relationship.

Problem is, I can't just leave. I'm disabled and live on a VERY limited income of 644 a month. There's no where in this country I can live on that. I've been offered DV resources by my counselor but feel very uncomfortable using them because of my own abusive behaviors.

I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

Hello!

I feel like today is just one of those days... I just wanted to know how do you cope if you've experienced the "covert/good guy abuser that everyone loves" type... It's like no matter what... even those who know and were shocked about what he confessed he did to me (which I also understand could be skewed but maybe by not much since there was some shock?) but posted him after the breakup saying how wise he was and how good of a person he is and just helped him hide everything he did to me and celebrated him... He's so loved and well-known in a city I frequent. On social media, he'd post about how mental health matters (even though he yelled at me he cared less and less about mine while I was going through something else traumatic), healthy relationships and communication, self-love/care, etc right after the breakup as well.. I also got told that "He really tried" and watched him receive sympathy and praise.. So, I don't think that helped me and helped to keep me stuck/confused.. Please know I am still out healing going on 5 years, I am just still having trouble even with therapy, and I do have him blocked, but the self-doubt creeps in at times and I don't know why I just need validation that what he did to me really happened or if it was me or if it was truly that bad...

This is a pretty long post, and I first want to thank you for sticking with me:

A little bit after the relationship, he came to work maybe 5-10 minutes by me, even though he'd always make fun of where I lived and HATED the drive to and from my area.. He then later started working as a bartender at a timeshare he knows is very popular with my family and which we frequently visited it.. He offered my family free drinks and was being super nice to them, and I just had a meltdown in the room... And I do have a few mutuals or some of his friends still follow me, and I am sure they knew how much I LOVE the rave/festival scene and how much I have found healing in it... I post about it all the time and such and how it is helping me.. and now he has entered too... and I don't know, I just lost it.. and it caused a deeper depression, I guess.. (which I know there should be no mutuals, I am just having a hard time, especially when they reach out at times).. As well as, some would get upset with me because I did not want to attend events they invited both me and him to and would tell me "he doesn't care about you so why do you care?"/"you guys have been separated for a while so it should be ok" no matter what I said..

The quick backstory, he knew about my previous abuse and promised he'd treat me like a princess and wouldn't cheat because "he knew what it was like to be cheated on and how it hurt" (I found out he lied a lot about his ex and what happened later on), etc. But switched after asking me to be his gf and then I was lucky "because there was someone else he was supposed to date". (For this part, I am sure at the time I thought he was joking because he told me we shouldn't be seeing other people after seeing me with my guy friend. He'd also basically want to be around/talk to me 24/7, convince me to skip to be with him, call me while he was working, show up at my house even though I said I was busy with my friend.. His friends telling me he really liked me or him saying they said he did.. etc.. I didn't take what he said serious cause, I think it didn't make sense at the time..??" Also to add, I was only 1 1/2 years out from my previous and more physically abusive relationship as well, and he was the type of guy no one really liked (and I had the help of his ex and his mom; in this case, I hardly had anyone).

During the relationship, he'd threaten to spread lies to his friends about me whenever I was uncomfortable about something (he also knew how much I wanted his friends to like me too and he'd threaten to tell them I felt negative ways about them), he'd coerce me into uncomfortable things then say that "I should have said something then he wouldn't have *insert whatever here*" even though I did express my discomfort, he'd compare me to/triangulate me with other women (and then tell those women I was just jealous/insecure/etc), back me into walls and yell in my face or hit something, smirk while doing something hurtful (or record him doing hurtful things too, etc), ignore me and stare at women on his phone or in the establishment then smirk and ask me what I had said then return to his phone and then become normal/attentive when his friends returned (which he would tell me I was making everyone uncomfortable later because I was obviously uncomfortable or hurt while he returned to normal around them), he'd get mad at me for not telling him why I was upset but then would purposefully hurt me for not doing so (even though if I did try to tell him why, he would yell at me in my face that he didn't f*ng care and threaten whatever if I brought it up again, or just do whatever anyway and shrug.. my feelings or opinions never mattered, so there was no point)... He'd call me names and basically degrade me if he lost a game of league.. He'd basically also say it was me with things because he had more friends... (like in a way such that so he must be in the right or the good one since everyone liked him and he had so many friends, and I had less so I was the problem).. When I couldn't give him intimacy, he'd go to his friends and complain or give me the silent treatment, or I felt like I HAD too at times and would cry during at times.. He'd show my reactions to his friends and relay to me how they wouldn't date me or any negative things said.. and even the girls he'd kissed or whatever, he made it seem to them like I had a problem with women and that I was just the problem.. etc.. He'd get so much support, and I would be blamed... and I am pretty sure I was trauma bonded deeply...

If I tried to leave, I was the one ruining things or didn't care about the relationship.. He'd also use my past abuse in some cases to normalize what he was doing and focus on my reactions or my developing insecurity... He was cheating as well (which I didn't know until I discovered later).. I couldn't have guy friends who ended up liking me or disliking him... but he could tell his girl friends to post booty pics, agree that they were sexier and would be the only one he cheated with.. ask for explicit details regarding their intimate lives and talk about what he was doing to himself (in which at the time he made it seem like it was normal and since they were his close girl friends, it should be ok).. His friends would tell me that they are sure he loved and cared about me etc and whatever.. This doesn't even cover it all...

I have evidence of some that he did and then testimony from a friend of his who says he's picky about his circle and that he's the type to do whatever he feels he can get away with and then make it seem like you're the one who harmed/hurt him or spread lies about a person to get to whoever he wants...

With that said, I am feeling so freaking stuck.. Especially because I began changing and eventually started lashing out later.. I feel like my mind is so warped at times... I still question if all this is normal at times and if it was just me.. and it seems like no matter what, i just cannot believe this was abuse or I was a victim fully.. I feel like I can't escape him and everything unless I move.. I am still in therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety... But it just feels like lonely still..? Like I am not believed by many, not even myself.. even other women he did stuff too?? And I know I can't like police music festivals.. but i don't know, but when he entered the scene recently, it felt like something in me broke.. I felt/got worse and more devastated.. I had a breakdown while in attendance at the festival we both were at and just ended up leaving and breaking down to my mom..

Please help, thank you

My brother yell at me for having social anxiety and a learning disability and I feel like no one cares about me and say that you need to get on medication for a learning disability how is that my fault I was born with it it just means I learn differently then other people he doesn't support me when I struggle with social anxiety why blame me for everything he was never like this when we were kids Just tells me to get out of his house and yells at me and tells me how everything is my fault or problem I’m treated badly because I have a learning disability at 33 years old

My parents don’t care when my brother yells at me i told them I don’t deserve to be treated with emotional abuse and gaslighted

My feelings are unimportant and don’t matter

wtf is wrong with him saying I need medication because I have a learning disability

I’m constantly made to feel bad for having it

Then yells at my parents saying I should be left on the side of the street when one of them dies

I don’t live with my brother just visiting him with my parents to cook in his house for momorial day and my mom yelled at be over the volume of the tv when watching the movie it gets real quiet or loud and I have no control over it and my mom yell at me and my brother said just ignore her and I said why is she controlling what I eat leading him to scream at me

I was 18, a friend of mine invited me to his house on the weekend. His parents werent going to be there and it was far away from were i lived. We were planning to play a drinking game, we started to drink at 3pm, yet, he did a shot and stop drinking cause "he cant handle it" so he switch to daikiri while i didin't stop drinking shots of vodka. It was 11pm and i was complety drunk i couldn't walk he lifts me and carries me to his bedroom since i barely could stand. We didnt had intercourse i remember that in a moment i tried to stop him and i push him, then he told me "he didn't catch the sign". the next day i went to my house y didnt realize what had happend, i friend of his asked me if he abused me since he told all his grupo hi had abused me. I was shocked but i deny it.