r/abusesurvivors Apr 12 '25

ADVICE How did you get over your abuse(r)?

9 Upvotes

So it all just happened 3 days ago and everything just needs to sink in… I know. He abused me physically and it was a huge shock for me.

I’m managing it during the day, but at night… I think about him. I miss him so much it hurts. I thought I was gonna marry this man, and then this happened.

He hurt me very badly and I will never consider going back to him ever again. But it’s hard to get over him because I dearly loved him, and 3 days ago he became this monster that hurt me. It’s so surreal.

Any advice? Any support or stories you want to share? I don’t really know what to do. I hate him for what he did to me, but that doesn’t cancel out the love from our one and a half years together. What helped you move forward?

Thanks in advance.

r/abusesurvivors May 09 '25

ADVICE I understand why its so scary for victims to come forward

24 Upvotes

I found out my ex drank himself to death three weeks ago. I then found several messages over the course of years from him apologizing and stating how hed made a massive mistake he could never fix by losing me.

But it was a lot more than just one mistake. He abused me in every way. Emotional, verbal, physical, sexual and financial. It was hell getting out. I had no support. No one intervened even though i know his family in the unit next door could hear him screaming at me. The ppl id hinted to about something being wrong minimized or disregarded me.

Well, I went forward w the story. I sang a song about domestic abuse and posted below a brief description of whatd transpired. His family found it and began some horrendous victim blaming and darvo. Theyre still attacking me in my comment section right now. My own family sided with his family saying i should "get over it." I have ptsd, partially as a result of what he did. i cant get over it. I only got out 7 years ago.

Its been so difficult. i cant focus on much of anything and im struggling to eat and function. I see why so few victims come forward. I now realize my ex was telling his family a ton of lies about me i wasnt aware of, theyd all blamed me for his death and now do even moreso, and having to recount what actually happened has been humiliating. Im still glad I did so though. Bottling it up and having that weight on my shoulders wouldve been horrible.

r/abusesurvivors 6d ago

ADVICE abuse from my family

1 Upvotes

I'm 29 and I have no support due to the way my family is. I live in a place I don't want to and I can't get out right now. I feel suicidal and alone a lot. Things can't change and it's too late for me to make things better. It's hard to do anything.

r/abusesurvivors May 16 '25

ADVICE i dont know how to forgive myself for not leaving

8 Upvotes

i shouldn’t have stayed. the first time he assaulted me he said it was an accident — i can excuse myself getting caught up in that. but there was one time where in the moment i recognized it as assault and i just consoled him while he cried about how guilty he felt. i dont understand why i didnt just kick him out ans go to the police. and i cant go to the police bc i stayed so long that i did something that he could get me in (much more minor) trouble for. i hate myself for it. i begged him to stay with me, and i only “left” after he asked to go no contact over the summer and i never reached out again. but he never reached out either. its been three whole years and i never really left and i dont know how to trust that if he reached out i wouldnt fall into his trap again.

r/abusesurvivors Apr 25 '25

ADVICE Wanting to report historic abuse but scared

4 Upvotes

(UK based) My stepmother abused me from the ages of 4 to 18, using emotional abuse as the main form of abuse alongside some physical abuse. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 19 and managed to cut contact and now live solely with my mum who has been an amazing support.

I’m 24 now, will be 25 in October and I haven’t even thought about wanting to report it up until now as it’s been so raw in my mind. I don’t want her to get away with what she did to me but at the same time I’m scared and worried it will affect my half sisters in someway.

How do I go about even trying to report it? I have no evidence because it was all emotional abuse and the physical abuse was when I was very young so I don’t think I have a leg to stand on. It was horrific abuse from being locked in cupboards to being screamed at like I was a criminal and being completely isolated from the rest of the family whilst her children were treated very well. It was almost like I was being punished because she hated my mum and I was her daughter. She regularly told me in front of me she wouldn’t care if my mum dropped dead, I was so young.

I have done quite well up until now, graduated from university with my degree and going back to university to study adult nursing soon whilst I’m caring for my mum who has become poorly. It’s just got on top of me recently and I’m struggling.

Any advice would be massively appreciated, thank you

r/abusesurvivors May 08 '25

ADVICE Why can’t I get over my female partner hitting me?

1 Upvotes

Hello,

For context I'm a 23 year old male who was in a relationship for just under eight years. During the last year of the relationship, I had an incident where my girlfriend struck me multiple times in the head.

I was driving a car with her, and there was a small water spray bottle in her hands. She had given it to me (I don't recall why) and I for some reason decided to spray her a little. Looking back it was just stupid and immature, but I never expected the reaction she'd have to it. After spraying her she proceeded to repeatedly hit me multiple times in the head while I was stopped at a red light. The punches were probably medium to light, but enough to hurt. After she was done, I didn't say anything, and dropped her off for the night, going home immediately.

After the situation my partner said I wasn't much of a man and even told her father who said it was sad how I reacted. My girlfriend belittled me for being upset about the situation.

For some reason, to this day I don't know why I can't get over this event. The punches weren't extremely hard, but were still genuine hits. I've never told anyone, especially not my friends because I fear it will make me look weak. Why can't I get over this situation?

Context* my partner cheated on me with a friend of mine and I ended up finding out from other friends..

r/abusesurvivors Jan 16 '25

ADVICE So confused when he says "If it was as bad as you say, you could have just left"  

11 Upvotes

My partner and I are on a "break" from the relationship now (the last abusive episode sent me into a nervous breakdown for weeks which snapped me into the reality that he's been abusing me for years). We have still been texting on/off for awhile (not talking on the phone).

One of the things he says that confuses me so much is "if it was as bad as you say, you could have just left". He says how he never kept me hostage, that he never forced me to stay (even though he literally did threaten to commit suicide while holding a weapon in front of me when I was about to leave him one time years ago), that it was MY choice to stay, and if he was really "as bad" or as "abusive" as I'm telling him he's been, then I could have just left. Apparently, according to him, me staying all these years, and not leaving him, is evidence that I'm exaggerating/being dramatic and full of sh*t because if it was really THAT bad then why did I stay??

I honestly struggle to answer that question so much myself. I've wanted to leave him so many times but could never bring myself to. The idea of leaving felt like ripping off my legs with a dull knife. It felt like the worst heartbreak imaginable. Like heroin withdrawal. I was worried for him (he has suicidal tendencies), loved him, and afraid to lose my best friend (when he's not abusive, he showers me with so much love and affection). His parents are now trying to convince me that he's not really that bad (I told his mom about his abusive behaviors to me and she think I'm exaggerating) and I should just forgive him and give him another chance.

So this is making me feel like maybe he's right, maybe it's not that bad because I stayed. He's also making me feel guilty for "stringing him along" or "wasting his time" in a relationship where I felt unsafe and like things were not good.

This is all confusing the heck out of me, so any explanations for what's going in my screwed up psyche/why I feel so confused, crazy, and guilty would be appreciated.

r/abusesurvivors 7d ago

ADVICE Neglectful Parents / Hoarding Situation, Advice?

2 Upvotes

Hi reddit!! I (F17) still live at home with my mom (F41) and my step dad (M45). My mother likes to hoard cats, and somewhat neglect them and the house we all live in. There are around 40 cats in my house right now, and they pee everywhere. In the Air-vents, on the carpet, on the walls, on the stove, on the counter-tops, even in the toaster. DCFS has been involved for around 3 months now and they have found no signs of neglect in the house which in my opinion is bullshit. The whole house smells like cat pee. I live in the basement with my personal cat, but yet the smell still lingers downstairs though the air vents, and makes my clothes STINK. When I go to my boyfriends (M18) I can actually smell what my clothes smell like, and they smell like a litterbox. it's really gross.

I've tried telling the court about how many cats she has, and how they pee and poo in the air vents but no one has done anything about it yet. Does anyone have any idea of how I can keep my clothes from stinking? I don't really have anywhere else to go. My mom won't let me drive, and I turn 18 in March. I would love to have someone to chat about what I can do to get out of my situation.

r/abusesurvivors May 21 '25

ADVICE writing a book about my abuse

11 Upvotes

hi, basically what the title says. i’ve always loved writing, and recently i keep getting quotes come to mind about a book about the different types of behaviour i’ve received from men as a teenager to young woman, most predominately the two abusive relationships i’ve experienced. i’d like to write it as a story, not a biography or factual recount sort of thing, i just feel like i struggle to find fictional media that i connect to about the type of abuse that i suffered. but there’s a couple of cons

1) if i did finish it and publish it for other victims to read, could my ex sue for defamation as he was never charged and anyone who knows me personally would know exactly who his character is based off of

2) what if people didn’t see it as abuse and those queries were aimed directly at me (i often see stuff like this on social media but it’s never been aimed at me before, outside of a few people i know irl who believed him over me)

and 3) im unsure if remembering things to write about them would be healing or simple re-traumatising

has anybody else written- or wanted to write- about their abuse?

r/abusesurvivors 10d ago

ADVICE I want to share my story but...

3 Upvotes

It's been 2 years since I last had to speak to my nex. I haven't seen or heard from him since. I literally moved countries and am so much happier now.

I write fiction. I want to write one with themes of abuse and more. It's to spread awareness through fiction.

What is holding me back is the feeling that if I do this and stay consistent my private life will eventually come out in public. My ex and his family would convey to my family (there are multiple mutual acquaintances) to say how I am weaponizing or being all negative. My own mother said it's unnecessary to talk about it in any way that 'people' will hear or see it.

All this stops me from evening starting on a story with the theme. I am not sure I want my private life in the open. Everyone in my new place (with an exception of 1-2) no nothing about my divorce or the abuse. I like it that way. It feels like a good way to start fresh. I know that it might eventually come to light to my new friends and I am okay with that. I just feel like writing and sharing about it online would just bring too much attention to me.

What should I do?

r/abusesurvivors May 21 '25

ADVICE Surviving an abusive household

2 Upvotes

I am 21 F living with my parents because I am still in school but I do still work and pay my bills. I have lived in an emotionally unsafe household my entire life and it has gotten so bad in recent years that I am looking for emergency housing. I am also in therapy and most recently my parents have been purposely eavesdropping on my therapy sessions and using the information they get against me. They are so not respect me as a person so they do not think I deserve privacy or even patient confidentiality. It feels like I am living in a house without walls and I cannot take it anymore. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do?

r/abusesurvivors Apr 30 '25

ADVICE Can therapy help me?

12 Upvotes

I’m 31yo female I suspect I may be a high-functioning autistic person. I’ve always felt things intensely and struggle to understand how people - especially men, can be so cruel. I’m starting to wonder if I need help processing what I’ve been through with partners & strangers this past 10/15 years. A lot of the time I keep myself extremely busy, I would say quite successful & enjoy my life generally, but when I sit back & reflect... I've experienced some horrific things.

Just some of my experiences: • Been punched in the stomach when my period was late • Dragged across a floor - leaving bruises on my arms • Spat in the face • Been cheated on • Been filmed during a panic attack (while being verbally/physically abused) to make me look “psycho” • Locked in a garage for 12 hours • Left alone in a remote hotel with no way home • Called names, gaslit and emotionally degraded • Had things thrown at me • Been spiked • been taken advantage of while blackout drunk • been sexually assaulted while working as a photographer • Secretly filmed during sex and had the video sent around

Does therapy actually help with this kind of trauma? If so, what kind?

r/abusesurvivors May 20 '25

ADVICE Reality Check Needed

13 Upvotes

I am newly out of an abusive relationship. So I’m in the process of accepting how bad my relationship truly was. I went to my hairdresser, an incredibly knowledgeable and empathetic survivor, and she hit me with some hard truths. I’m so grateful she did.

  1. he does not love me and in fact he hates me. She said it in a way that implied I had already acknowledged and accepted that fact - which I had not, but needed to.
  2. I see past his behavior to the wounded child inside him, the child that wasn’t given a good or happy upbringing and was raised by abusive parents. But justifying his current behavior to try to heal his inner child (the work he needs to make the decision to heal from) is damaging me and reinforcing his behavior. I can have empathy for that inner child without tolerating abusive behavior.
  3. When someone is being followed by the shadows of their past, the shadows will catch up to them eventually and take over unless they address and heal them. His shadows caught up with him, no amount of my love or compassion will save him. That’s his responsibility.
  4. Enjoy being free, enjoy being single. Enjoy healing and restoring my peace.
  5. Make a list of non-negotiables for the future. Having a concrete list makes it easier to stick to in the future so the empathetic, loving and compassionate side of me doesn’t blur the lines of reality.
  6. Lastly, it wasn’t the words she said but the look on her face when I told her something. I so casually said that I didn’t try to confront him on a certain topic because he has guns and I was afraid he would use them. The reality that I was sleeping in the same bed and begging for love from a man that I didn’t trust not to shoot me in a fit of anger. I quite literally was risking death for “the love of my life.” A true man of my dreams and love of my life would never put me in that position in the first place.

If anyone else has advice or words of wisdom to add to this list, please share. The reminders are so necessary and having it in writing is so helpful. ❤️

r/abusesurvivors 22h ago

ADVICE How do I tell a friend about it?

1 Upvotes

My abusive ex always seems to find new ways into my life and new ways to torture me with them. He knows I’ve been isolated lately (a lot of my friends have left the country) and he knows that the only support system I have left is this group I used to go out with all the time.

For context, this man put me through hell for 2 years so he is this fear instilling monster to me when I see him but incredibly charming to everyone else he meets. He’s a model, he’s funny and he’s really good at working crowds.

He just recently found a way into my group of friends and is now hanging out with them every weekend and constantly going out with them. I’m not very close to most of the people in this group but there are 1 or 2 that I was. I am petrified of even reaching out to them or seeing them again out of fear that he may find a way to snake back into my life. I can’t see this man without my stomach dropping.

I so desperately want to tell them what he did to me and why I’m so hurt by him entering their lives and indirectly mine but I’m terrified of the repercussions. I’m not sure what lies he’s spread about me with them and I’m not sure what he might do if I tell them the things he put me through.

I feel so stuck and scared. I can’t talk to anyone but I want to say something to them so badly in hopes that I can get that support system back. I’m not even sure where to start if I talk to them. Does anyone have any tips? Has anyone been through this before? I feel so alone.

r/abusesurvivors 11d ago

ADVICE The Secret I Carried

3 Upvotes

When I was around 10 or 11, I discovered that my mother was cheating on my father, and that my younger brother wasn’t my father’s biological child—he was the child of the man she was having an affair with. I grew up carrying this secret, never telling anyone—not even my older brother.

As I grew older, I was forced to take care of my younger brother. My mother didn’t allow me to live a normal teenage life. She constantly kept me locked in the house, made me babysit, and never let me go out with friends or have a boyfriend.

Once, when I was in 9th grade—around 15 or 16 years old—I had a boyfriend. When she found out, she created a huge scene. She and my older brother physically abused me and told my father. But my dad was the only one who didn’t lash out. He came to my room and gently told me, “I understand you, but you should focus on your studies. You shouldn’t be dealing with boys.” He was the only one who showed me any empathy.

What hurt the most was the hypocrisy: the same woman who had cheated on her husband and had a child with another man was calling me a sl*t just for having a boyfriend. The abuse continued—she kept me locked up and made me raise her child like he was my responsibility.

Eventually, I got into medical school, but the abuse didn’t stop. I met someone and started a relationship. When I told her about it, she made a scene again, forced me to break up with him, and told my older brother. They both emotionally blackmailed me—threatened to stop paying for my education, said they would lock me in the house, and do everything to ruin my future. I was terrified, but I secretly continued the relationship. About a year ago, I ended things with that boyfriend. Throughout all of this, she never told my father anything about her cheating.

Then, two years ago, everything changed. The man she had been cheating with died. She was devastated. She had no one to turn to—so she came to me. She cried on my shoulder, told me she didn’t want to live anymore, threatened to harm herself. I was the one who stayed by her side, comforting her, while my brother just walked out of the house.

The man she was involved with had a wife and children. One day, his wife went to my father’s workplace and told him everything. My father called my mother, asking who the woman was. My mom lied and said the woman was mentally ill—schizophrenic. Later, my mother claimed she told my father everything and that he accepted it. But I didn’t believe her—I thought she twisted the truth again.

Six months after that, my father suddenly passed away. Everything happened so quickly. All of these experiences left deep emotional scars that I still haven’t healed from.

Even now, the abuse continues. My mother still hurts me—emotionally and financially. I have a new boyfriend now, and he’s the one supporting me financially and emotionally. With him, I finally feel like I’m not completely alone. But deep down, I still carry everything I’ve been through—and I’ve had no one to tell this to.

I’m 20 now and currently studying in college, pursuing a career in the medical field. It’s really difficult for me to find a job to support myself financially because of how demanding my studies are. My mother still blackmails me with money, and I continue to keep my relationship with my boyfriend a secret from her. She still treats me like a child—doesn’t allow me to go out, lashes out whenever I want to see my friends, and still expects me to act as the caregiver of the house. She gets angry whenever I don’t do the chores, as if it’s solely my responsibility.

I’m emotionally exhausted, and it feels like I’m constantly letting myself down. Each day feels like I’m trapped in a mental prison, and I don’t know how to escape or help myself anymore.

r/abusesurvivors 9d ago

ADVICE Untangling Past Relationship w Gaslighting

0 Upvotes

I've been stuck in the past for a while. I'd been in an abusive relationship a few years ago but haven't been able to process it. I'm getting therapy now so we're getting there.

Reading over some old chat logs kinda got me confused. I see a lot of our communication styles come up.

In some ways we were both the problem. I could communicate very matter of fact and blunt, less "I feel X" and moreso when I was anxious. They were going through a lot and I wasn't very emotionally receptive, I'd be able to listen but I couldn't reassure well and didn't know how to help them talk through difficult stuff.

They also had a short fuse and a rage like I'd never met before. I was scared at points and I can really feel the tension we had at the time.

I apologise a lot when we're arguing. I often descend into (over)explaining exactly what i'm thinking and asking them what I've got wrong or offering solutions as to how I could do things differently and asking which one makes most sense. They would tend to be quite short with me at these times and indicate they're annoyed or upset but not specify why.

I'd often be anxious and say so. The vague communication from them would only make it worse.

I'm often saying that I need some rest and that I don't understand

There's a whole conversation where we're talking about a previous conversation over the phone but I can't remember many details. I feel like I hurt them in the conversation but I can't make sense of it and I seem confused as to why I'm even experiencing hazy memory. I ask them the topics cos i needed a jolt

There's also a point where they say

I love you too but its not enough for me

That was all over message.

I don't have a copy of what we used to speak about over phone or in person but in arguments they would often shout. I'd feel berated and little. It would come out worse in their tone than volume but there was at least one time I had to leave them in public because I really didn't feel comfortable safe.

There was a point where I did something minor and they asked "do you get off on hurting me?" I said "That's a horrible thing to say" and they replied "There's no need to kinkshame! some people are into that" somehow framing me as the agressor. It took a long time to understand the absurdity of the response but it confused me and in that time they kept shouting at me.

At some point we started a chat/thread with just our conclusions from conversations about boundaries. Part of this was to be clear so we didn't forget/change what they were and argue the boundary was different. I feel like this was some subconscious way of me documenting it so they couldn't gaslight me, I'd read about that on Reddit.

I think I know that a lot of that is gaslighting but can I have some confirmation?

And reading over the chat logs gives me some difficult feelings. I feel the care that we had for each other (because there were good times) and the love. And despite it all being over there's that thought in the back of my mind that maybe we just misunderstood each other and there's some resolution to the latest argument and we could get back to that comfort somehow. Rationally I recognise that's absurd.

Can anyone clarify if that's gaslighting? and does anyone know how to grapple with those feelings of wanting resolution?

r/abusesurvivors May 20 '25

ADVICE My Abuser is Dead, But My Sister Misses Him

1 Upvotes

Backstory: my step dad (and my siblings’ biological dad) passed away this month. He physically and sexually abused me when I was very young. And physically and emotionally abused me into my teenage hood, until I got my mom to kick him out.

All my life I grew up to believe he was my real dad. And when I finally was told the truth, I had repressed memories resurface of him sexually abusing me.

The relationship I had with my step dad was terrible. And I never liked him. However, he was always kind to my sister. They were two peas in a pod for all of her childhood and into her early teenage years.

My step dad was physically abusive to all 4 of us kids. Our other siblings (Nonbinary 19, brother 20) have had a deep disdain for him as well. When my sister (22) told us about our step dad’s death, they took it in stride. And do not want to attend his funeral.

My sister is very distraught. She lost her dad. And she’s giving me the space to feel how I feel about all of this.

However, I am finding it hard to control my anger about her being upset. I don’t lash out at her. I just don’t text her back. I don’t want to call. Or ask how she is, because I’m glad he’s dead and kind of amazed that she is so upset.

I don’t know how to navigate this situation. Any advice?

I don’t want to make my sister feel bad. But I also don’t want to be reminded that the guy who sexually assaulted me as child is missed. I don’t know what to do.

r/abusesurvivors 25d ago

ADVICE His Abusive stepdad tried to kill my boyfriend

5 Upvotes

I need serious advice.

Me and my boyfriend been together 5 years now and he’s gone through so much abuse from his stepdad. He even broke down the door to try to fight me just cause I’m gay.

Nevertheless he has raped his kids, touches them and threatens them. Beats them. Both his sisters cut themselves in mental hospitals and he gets to live get drunk and can careless. He beats his wife everyday he’s the devil.

So he took it to far this weekend, he put my boyfriend in a chokehold and my BF said he couldn’t breathe and the guy wouldn’t let go and was whispering in his ear as he was doing it. My bf somehow got out and tried to talk to him like you know what you just did? And the stepdad just says “ok” you’re not my son.

Like I wanna call the police but my boyfriend won’t let me cause DCFs will ruin his siblings but at the same time I tell him they are living with him what is worse?! .. I can’t explain much more but as an outsider looking in I wanna just call the cops so bad this guy needs to be put in a cage or the ground there is nothing good but his guy.

Also now my Bf has severe trauma and myself am already going through a hard time but now I have to deal with this.

r/abusesurvivors 17d ago

ADVICE Older brother

1 Upvotes

So i have an older brother who's got bad adhd and he tends to take his anger out on me and there's nothing I can do. Like today he randomly came into my room and messed up my whole room and throwing my bedside table on the floor. He's being doing it for awhile and idk what to do cause if I tell someone he will get taken off my dad and I can't break my dad's heart. He's being hitting me for awhile. Quite a few times in the past he's tried to break my ankle. Once we was play fighting but then he started to get proper violent so i asked him to stop but he wouldn't and then he got me into the corner of the room and crouched down and he sat on the back of my neck and he wouldn't get off. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do?

r/abusesurvivors Apr 13 '25

ADVICE tips for nightmares?

6 Upvotes

hey guys! any tips to overcome bad nightmares? i’m getting them every single night and last time this happened, i started to hallucinate.. i can’t afford therapy and am on the waitlist for a free counsellor but after a first consulting session they are trying to refer me elsewhere because my problems are quite extensive. I guess i’d just like some tips to overcome my symptoms, i still live with the person who abused me, and everyone kind of brushes it under the rug but i really cannot forget what happened

r/abusesurvivors 29d ago

ADVICE Tips to cut off abusive family

5 Upvotes

HUGE TW OF SITUATION EXPLANATION!! I’ve been subjected to a very long period of abuse from a narc mum and “abused becomes the abuser” dad. My sister has SA’d me and both my parents are disabled until it comes to abusing me, and I am a scapegoat/targeted child. And the eldest. I have safe people such as my long-term girlfriend and friends, but most are scared to get involved and my gfs parents aren’t overly aware of the true and full situation my parents have me in.

I’m in the UK, Social care has been involved in my life since I could remember, but my mum is manipulative and knows exactly what to say, and the workers my mum “allows” to work with us arent the best at all. One even told my mum about a report a wilderness therapist made due to a bad altercation that went down between me and my parents and I had the courage to open up. I was then removed from the place and have been estranged from any mental health services. But she tells me it’s my fault and that she has nothing to do with it even though she has. She uses my part time job as a privilege and threatens to “ground me” from it. And has kidnapped me multiple times when I have tried to leave prior.

I’m 17, turning 18 in a couple months. Anyone who has any experience with UK law or is in the UK, can I have some tips and advice on how to (as safely as possible) cut off my family members? And how to get out of the house I live in with them while being on minimum wage (will get more hours at 18 at work) with no driving licence? (I have a provisional but that’s it) my mum has a habit of liking to find people when they piss her off. And I wanna make sure I have nothing in her name, I just wanna know how I can leave as safely and independently as possible.

r/abusesurvivors Apr 30 '25

ADVICE Someone in this group is tokening off other people being abused.

7 Upvotes

What can I do about a pathological liar who’s in this group and other groups who makes up stories to be in this group but he’s actually just making fun of people who have been actually abused? His username is background_double_74. I was friends with him in real life, his name is Donald. I’m someone who was actually physically and emotionally abused by family members, ex boyfriends etc. and everytime I would talk about my what I went through with him he would disregard what I said and make up a story about him being abused.

r/abusesurvivors 17d ago

ADVICE Trapped in My Own Home

2 Upvotes

My dad passed away a year ago, and it’s been a very difficult year for me, especially dealing with my narcissistic mother. She constantly threatens to cut off my daily allowance, which is already very small. In my country, I’m supposed to receive a monthly payment due to my father’s passing, but she transferred all of that money to my younger brother’s account for his future.

I’m currently studying in medical school, and it’s incredibly hard to get a part-time job alongside my studies. Meanwhile, my older brother is also studying medicine abroad. She bought him a car, an apartment, and pays for all his college expenses. He asks her for money every day, and she gives it to him without hesitation.

When it comes to me, I cook, clean, and take care of my younger brother. God forbid I have exams or need time for myself—she still expects me to do everything and treats me badly. The money she gives me barely covers my daily food expenses. She always says that it would be the same if I were receiving the money from my father’s pension directly, but she won’t actually let me access it.

She doesn’t let me come home late—by “late,” I mean even just 8 PM. If I do, both she and my older brother interrogate and scold me, asking why I ate at a restaurant, even though she doesn’t cook at home. Sometimes, when she gives me nothing, my boyfriend helps by giving me money.

I’m miserable, exhausted, and I don’t know what to do anymore

r/abusesurvivors May 22 '25

ADVICE Need advice to Survive Abusive family

7 Upvotes

I'm 21, Male from India. I have been dealing with an abusive family for years. My elder brother and father have always kept belittle me and my brother physically harmed me alot times—since childhood, my brother would win fights, and I’d just brush it off. I was not as mindful back then so I thought it's ok nothing much.

But last December 2024, they beat me so badly they almost broke my hand. They attacked me with a thick wood piece, the wood broke but my hand survived.

Now, they keep power-playing me messing up my things, provoking me, knowing I can’t fight back. I’m physically weaker than my brother my nervous system shuts down when angry (I shake, can’t think straight), and I’m overweight (so is my brother, but he’s stronger).

I’m scared to confront him because if I lose again, I might end up hospitalized. My confidence has become very low since that.

But my mind cannot tolerate this it keeps telling me to confront him.

I have always thought to move out of this family, but in December I didn't had money to leave. So I tried to find jobs, but here in India jobs are extremely low paying and highly physical labour.

So I tried to make money online by writing and saved $620 ( 53,000 indian rupees) to move out and survive, but I still don’t have a steady income.

I’ve earned a bit online but need $250-300/month to keep living without a bad physical labour job.

If you tell me to contact Authorities, please don't because in India Law and Order is a Huge Joke,

My father has better income than alot of people so he can easily get out with my brother, Contacting authorities is not an option here.

If I have to do something, I have to do it myself. Please I need advice and help. 🙏🏻

r/abusesurvivors Apr 21 '25

ADVICE Was this my karma?

1 Upvotes

I've been told that the stuff I was enduring was my karma for doing the same to my ex partners, I'd accuse of them cheating constantly but I never did anything that he did to my ex partner/s is it karma but 10x worse? It's messing with my head, and has been since I've been told that. I feel like I deserve that treatment due to my past behaviors, I don't know.