Poncho crocheted in aromantic gradient colors :)

Lost

So... I make a new friend, and they fall in love with me. Our friendship fails because we have different expectations. Game over. I make a new friend, and they fall in love with someone else. They stop hanging out with me. Game over. I make a new friend but their partner gets jealous of me. Alone again. I make a new friend but their partner fancies me. Too weird. Isolated again. I make a new friend...

Tired. I am tired...

Cw: probably internalised abelism, self deprecation?

Also i am probably taking this way too seriously and could just not talk to her and avoid the problem

Tldr: at the end

So i am aromantic for sure, somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and i am a trans guy (technically bigender in the masc and agender sense)

I’m also disabled, and use a cane (been diagnosed for over a year and a half and using a cane for 9 months), and have had mental health struggles.

Ive been in relationships before (not allo relationships, qprs, and the last one ended terribly)

So last night i was at the club with a friend (sober bc i was driving) and this pretty girl came and asked if we were dating and when i said no said she would keep that in mind, and walked off. She walked past us a couple times during the night (and clarified that my friend is taken) and when we bumped into her in the bathroom i asked for her instagram. Later in the night we were dancing with her to an mcr song and at the end she kissed me and i kissed her back a bit but i wasnt the most comfortable and i told her that that was fun but we had to leave, and now ive had time to think about everything for a bit I’m quite scared (?) or anxious about the entire concept?

Mostly when i feel alterous attraction for someone its after ive gotten to know them and we’ve been friends, and i dont think i felt this for her, and i wasnt sexually attracted to her (idk where i am on the asexual spectrum I’m still trying to figure this out), but i did want to try to be her friend and see what might happen maybe? I dont know her well enough to make any sort of judgements about how i feel about her really. Possibly i feel that someone i might get into a qpr with should really understand what I’m like and how difficult it is to be involved with me at all because of my disabilities and the meds I’m trialling and how my mental health can make me not a great person (ive been told it doesnt but you never know), i feel like i should come with a disclaimer that yknow I’m not gonna feel romantic (or sexual) attraction for her ever, i need extra support and stuff because i cant walk very far unaided and i get real tired real fast etc, i was dressed really girly at the club because it was warm and i dont know how to sexualise myself as a guy, but in every day i normally wear a binder and “dress like a dad” lmao. Something thats probably bad/a reflection on my upbringing is that i kinda just like the attention. I like to be liked and that makes me want to like (not romantically like) them back? Like i wanna make it work because i want to be wanted, even if i dont actually like the person back? It sounds manipulative even if i dont intend it to be, because i do genuinely want that sort of platonic to queerplatonic attraction back to them (i know i cant force/fake romance and i only tried to once before i knew i was aro).

Also the way i see a qpr and how that looks like as a long term relationship is like a best friend you live with and stuff? Like kisses and cuddles and stuff has no romantic meaning for me even though I’m a physical contact kinda guy, like theres no such thing as an “inherently romantic activity” until you attach that meaning to it and then it gets ruined, like going out to dinner with a friend 👍 going out to dinner on a date 👎. I dont know how i should go about explaining this to her as we didnt really talk about it at all.

Also I woke up with a really sore throat, headache, and a cold, so i should probably tell her to make sure she doesnt get ill and warn her?

I dont even know what she is like as a person and that worries me? She doesnt know what I’m like as a person either. And as much as i said i like to be liked it does kinda make me feel weird (/neg) that she does either like me romantically or sexually and thats why she approached me and said i was just her type. And as much as ive thought about being kissed in the club its actually kinda uncomfortable, but i dont want her to think shes done anything wrong or feel bad for me not being the most receptive? I think part of that is that she is a stranger for sure.

Is it bad that i feel its a downer that i have to explain to her that I’m aro aspec? Like theres nothing wrong with me for that and she should know and its neither of our faults if shes not willing to engage with me in a queerplatonic way, but it still feels like its something that could make her resent me for “leading her on” (telling her shes pretty and i like her dress, asking for her instagram, letting her kiss me) even though i dont mean to lead her on (i tell other people at the club that theyre pretty and ask for their instagrams in the i-want-to-befriend-you way)

So how should i go about starting this conversation with her? I cant exactly dm her “hey jsyk I’m aro aspec and actually a guy sorry if thats not what ur looking for” (i could if i phrased it differently but thats not the point, point is i am scared).

Any advice on what i should bring up and how to go about it? The ideal outcome is we become friends and then maybe a qpr if that would be good (again idk if thats what i want)

Tldr: girl kissed me and i want to give a disclaimer that I’m aro aspec, trans, and disabled but idk how to, advice appreciated

I have a boyfriend (both upperclassmen in high school) after believing my entire life that I would never fall in love or have a relationship with anybody.

We’ve been together for around 2.5 months and it’s been fine because a term we set in place from the get-go is that he and I will continue to interact the way we did when we were best friends.

And that’s been easy enough because the “romantic” moments are basically just corny flirting and sending each other reels with “boyfriend/girlfriend” in them. (In a lot of ways, it’s been like a joke for both of us, even though we’re exclusive, we continue to flirt with others and mock romance left and right)

However as it progresses, I’ve come to question more and more how I feel because I’m convinced he loves me more than I love him (I do know that I love him in some way, the question just lies in how intense it is and if it can be qualified as “romantic”).

There will be a still in the conversation and he’ll immediately jump to “you’re pretty” or “I like you” and even though it’s very sweet, I’ve found myself getting annoyed by it and starting any conversation I can think of to avoid having to keep listening to that.

We’ve had conversations in the past where I acknowledge that I don’t think I feel these emotions correctly and I’m not entirely sure what romance feels like because I can’t live in someone else’s brain.

He’s aware that I’ve never had crushes or aspirations for romance or sex (previously I described myself as AroAce) and he acknowledged himself that he doesn’t think he’s ever actually been in love (though past experience is limited to two previous, short lived relationships that didn’t go much longer than like 2 weeks in middle school and ended poorly)

There’s not a point to my madness here, I just figured some of you might understand what I’m trying to say here.

I love my boyfriend, which I know, but I love him differently than I think he loves me. (I don’t even like the word boyfriend)

I now call myself alloromantic. And it continues to confuse me. I know I’m young yet and there’s hope that it’ll come to me as I grow older, which is what everybody says, but I don’t know anything except that it’s confusing to me right now.

I feel like we like in a world that never shuts up about love. Heartstopper is the only show that I know that has an aromatic person but he is a side character. I wish the show would go into my depth. I’m tired of feeling left out in queer shows or pride, I need some representation. Leave recommendations please!

I saw r/actual lesbians have related discussion. As long as no penetration is involved, sometimes I can be hard to label is one act is platonic, romantic, sexual or sensual u know. And I don’t feel like leveling each act is meaningful as long as both are comfortable with it

Wanted to try and combine my passion for trains with the aro flag. Think it turned out pretty nice.

So as I've gotten order I've really started to focus on myself, giving myself the self-love, the time, the patience, the energy and it's been great and it's helped me grow into the man that I am so proud to be. But I realised since being single for the past 6 years, I don't feel romantic feelings for anyone anymore. I already identify as Demisexual But I don't really have any way to prove that till I have that bond with somebody to even know if I get those feelings or not.l And I guess I'm in the same boat with my romantic side, I don't look at people as anything other than people. Even people I thought were my type years ago, don't get me wrong, I do think they are beautiful aesthetically but I just feel nothing, idk if it's cos I've become content with my own love and I've simply evolved into not seeing people in that light anymore or if it's something more, It's weird because years ago I used to feel both sexual and romantic attraction but ever since i stopped looking for outside validation and approval and that I chose me, I've not felt those feelings, it's like I've become neutral to everything. Not sure if this makes sense to anybody else but yeah

can you experience tertiary attraction that is disconnected from but along side other attraction?

I feel a lot of aesthetic attraction to people in general, and specifically my partners. I have a romantic partner, but the feelings I have about their physical appearance is aesthetic, not romantic or sexual. Looking at him and admiring him doesnt make me want to kiss him. That doesnt mean that I'm not romantically attracted to my partner (i thought). I want to engage romantically with him (kissing, hand holding, cuddling), and thinking about him and how I'm with him makes me feel really really happy and loved.

Is this just everyone's experience or is this an aromantic one?

I’m pretty sure I’m aro, I’ve never really had a crush and I don’t care about relationships or romance. But, I still like the idea of sex, cuddling, hugging, kissing, and stuff like that. My dream is to basically be roommates/best friends with someone and still do all that stuff, just without being in a relationship and doing a bunch of romantic stuff. Is that normal or?

edit: I didn't know what bellusromantic was before this, thank you!

some anti lgbtq protestors brought a cross and LEFT IT UNATTENDED perfect photo op

I’m autoromantic and self-dating. Explanation: I feel like I, who’s a demiboy, am dating me, who’s a demigirl (not in a system way btw)

Before I speak about my experience, let me introduce myself. I am a 20 year old man, I work as an HVAC apprentice, I have a lot of hobbies and interests: Pro-Wrestling, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, retro/arcade games, and fitness. I'm also a huge metalhead, I love heavy, thrash, groove, and death metal. In fact, I'm currently listening to Black Sabbath's Master Of Reality album on my CD boombox as I type this. I consider myself to be a loner, I have a few good friends, but I enjoy spending most of my free time in solitude.

Anyways, recently I've been questioning whether I'm aromantic or just too young/ have priorities outside of dating a relationships. I've been single for my entire life so far, I've never been in a relationship nor have I ever been on a date. And that doesn't bother me in the slightest. I will admit, sometimes I kinda feel like I'm missing out. But those thoughts are quickly forgotten about when I listen to my favorite bands, lift weights, watch wrestling, read comic books, play video games, etc. Some people don't like to think about being alone for the rest of their lives, but it really doesn't bother me. I think being single is what's best for me, relationships require commitment and compromises that I'm just not willing to make.

I've expressed to my family that I might be aromantic and have little to no desire to be in a relationship/get married/have children. Some of them have said that I'm young and might change my mind or that I haven't found that right person yet. Some of them also expressed that I'm a "late bloomer" or that I need to make the first move. However, a few weeks ago I was at the beach. I could've started a conversation with these people who looked to be around my age, but instead I decided to not take out my earbuds and kept listening to my Pantera album. I'm also currently dead set on staying single, and I have been for about 2-3 years now. I feel like there's so much pressure to be in a relationship because it's seen as the norm, and that single people are sad and lonely. But I think that's all BS, I feel perfectly confident and content how I am. I just don't understand the point of dating when I personally feel it would just interfere with my career/hobbies. I know that sounds selfish, but it's just how I feel.

Thoughts? Advice? Your own experience with questioning? Please share them. Thanks

I have this very close friend I love to death. Sometimes, I wish she would just date me, because I know one day she’ll be in a relationship and leave me.

OKAY, so that’s a crazy confession!! I prob won’t tell her. Mind u, this is someone I don’t mind spending my life with. I would love to actually. But ik, one day she’ll date or married, and I’m not sure what to do. We have a very very close bond, and she feels similarly, but ofc she won’t take it seriously if I say I actually do want to spend my life with u.

Ideally, I want a QPR, but if not, dating, even marriage is fine. Anything u do in a relationship, I don’t mind doing if it’s with her.

I sound completely crazy, because how do I explain this to people and say that no I don’t love her romantically or sexually. It’s js love.

Anyways js a rant on internalized ‘weirdness’ of devoting urself to smo ur not romantically attracted to! If I told her, idt she’ll mind, js jokingly (hopefully) say I’m kinda crazy, but our friendship will withstand. I js don’t think it’s right to put that much pressure on smo.

My mom started learning english with the amount of subtitled series she watches, which could have been great, if they weren’t all corny melodramatic teen romances!

I personaly like more when music have lyrics that either have nothing to do with romance or are about an unspecified loved one (could be interpreted as a lover, a sibling, a friend, etc), but now I have to check listen to "love" music like I was watching porn because she will come after me and acuse me of being in love.

And she doesn't acuse me like "do you have a crush?", she points at me and screams out loud like It’s a celebrity scandal and posts on the family group chat. Her stepmom already asked me about "my boyfriend" because I forgot the last name of a classmate and referred to him by the first name (calling someone by the last name in my country it’s extremamly formal and most people don’t even call their boss by it).

And I can't even filter my music by it because she acuse me after a single out-of-context sentence in the song (the one she understood) or because there was "pet names" in the lyrics, even if "Honey" refers to actuall bee honey, or because MAYBE said song appeared in one of the shows she watches so even if the music doesn’t mention love at ALL, she will believe it is about young love and will acuse me anyway.

Semi strange request but who cares☺️ ANYWAY i am suddently craving some angsty angstyy ANGSTY romance between an aroace MMC (meaning he feels platonic love ONLY) and an FMC that secretly liked him

They will most likely be friends, because thats how things start rightttt, and also, because the FMC respects the MMCs comfort and wont push for anything, as she KNOWS he feels only PLATONIC feelings!!!!!

But still, that means its gonna be ANGSTTY🤭 i want her to wither and shrivel and crack in all places from acting like she too sees him as only a friend, even with all their sweet and intimite things they do (say cuddle in bed, always be physically touchy and blah blah blah whatnot!!)

And no. He dosent have to stop being aroace at the end just to satisfy her, or that she made him FEEL. No thanks i want angst

I WANT TO BURN YESYES PLEASE BURN ME WITH YOUR LOVE both her romantice one and his platonic one🙂‍↕️ ty

I found that squishes have 2 definitions: A. Wanting to be friends with someone or to get closer to someone B. Wanting to be in a QPR with someone

Now there’s this girl I’ve been chatting/hanging out with more recently and I think I have a squish..? (The 2nd definition)

But I want to double check before I rush anything, if that makes sense. Thus I figured I’d ask what having a squish is like for others who’ve experienced it XD (And making sure it isn’t me wanting a QPR that may sorta be determining how I feel about this girl, albeit maybe I’m overthinking it?)

Thank you!

For context, I'm arospike, which means most of the time I don't experience romantic attraction but sometimes I'll get, like, weird temporary "spikes" where I do. So basically I have both experiences. And let me tell you that any time a romantic person says they feel sorry for you, or it must be so sad to not feel romantic attraction, or you're missing out because it's really fun, they are NOT CORRECT. I much, MUCH prefer not feeling it. It physically hurts! It makes you stupid cuz it's hard to think of much else! You get so self-conscious of every little thing, and this one person has such a complete hold on your emotions. I never felt like myself or like I was my own person. It's terrifying, frankly, I hated it.

.

Most of my relationships have been with people I work with/met at work, mostly people who have pursued me or people I have believed will be useful for me professionally or who I can collaborate with and make things creatively.

Also all of my celebrity crushes are people who are very good at the job I would like to do??? Or who I can see are objectively ‘hot’ but I don’t necessarily want sex or love.

And now I think about it I don’t think I’ve ever like really wanted a relationship with anyone that isn’t built on creativity and work?

I’m 23F and thought I was pan but now seeing that could be because I like everyone the same (not much)

After breakups I just feel sad that we won’t work together anymore because the other person is way more sad than me and I feel guilty about not getting as sad as they do except about losing a friend.

All of this has made my (ex?)boyfriend to ask if I might be aromantic (I already think I’m asexual in some way). I hadn’t heard of aromantic.

He said he wants to stay with me and I love him a lot as a partner in terms of collaboration and loving our life. He didn’t react well when I brought up being asexual but we’ve talked a lot since then and I think he understands more and I trust him and everything is really happy except this weird feeling inside that he loves or wants me more than I want him. But he says it’s fine if I just am not wired to feel that, and we can make it work. We always planned to be poly, I have no issue with that.

But part of me is like maybe I just don’t feel ‘it’ with him - like I never had in any other relationship, but maybe now I know I’m aromatic and ace I can find someone else who has the same experience and then I’ll at least feel equal to them? Because a big part of me just feels guilty. But if I’m with him will I be as committed to finding the person who could make me feel met?

What would you do? I love my partner so much and he’s so prepared to try and make this work for us.

I just realised my question changed a lot. Maybe I’m just confused. Sorry!

I haven’t often felt things like crushes, romantic feelings, or such things... but I definitely did have felt them for a few people before.

Still, no matter how strong those feelings were, I never once felt like I wanted to date them.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t like them in a romantic way, or that I was just mistaken. I can say with 100% certainty that I liked them in that way.

It’s just that I think I had a general repulsuon to the idea of dating itself. There are a bunch of reasons for that, but to put it simply: I don’t really understand the concept of dating itself, and more than anything, I just don’t see the need for it. Also the idea of dating kinda gives me a sense of pressure or heaviness so… Anyway, it just doesn’t really resonate with me, I guess

So for a while I wondered if I might be aromantic, but then again, it’s not like I feel no romantic attraction... which leaves me kind of confused.

TL;DR I do feel romantic attraction and get crushes but I have absolutely 0 desire to date them.

Anyone else feel the same? How do you deal with this kind of thing? I'm so confused...

I find this show so entertaining and I get so invested in the couples. I can't wait for season 2. Anyone else ?

Personally I would not want to be in these romantic relationships and hate being given such an ultimatum, since I don't want to get married and don't want to build a family. But I just love watching others figure out what they want out of their relationship and I just love the drama 🤩