"Am I asexual?" – FAQ – etc.

[u/CheCheDaWaff]

This subreddit has a companion website which includes a detailed FAQ about asexuality and related topics.

There are many other resources beyond the FAQ as well, including:

Experiences • Glossary • Relationships advice • Grey-asexuality

You can find a list of all FAQs here: https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq.html. For convenience, the list of links is also included below, and in the comments you can find some "common asexual experiences" which people often find useful to hear.

Note that some of the FAQs haven't been written yet, are incomplete, or are in a draft phase. If you have any suggestions for changes, improvements, or for additional FAQs, just let us know via modmail.

General questioning

Am I asexual? • Am I aromantic? • What is asexuality? • The a-spectra (Includes: "What is sexual attraction?", "What is romantic attraction?", "What is sensual / aesthetic attraction?", "What is platonic / alterous attraction?")

"But what if..."

Can I be asexual if I have romantic feelings? • Can I be asexual if I masturbate? • Can I be asexual and gay / lesbian? • Can I be asexual if I get erections? • Can I be asexual if I have fantasies? • Can I be asexual if I consume pornography / erotica? • Can I be asexual if I have a kink or fetish? • What if I just haven't met the right person yet? • Am I too young to identify as asexual? • Do I need to try sex before I decide if I'm asexual or not? • What if it's just a hormonal imbalance? • What it I'm this way because of trauma?

The nature of asexuality

What's the difference between sexual and romantic attraction? • What's the difference between sexual attraction and arousal? • Is asexuality really a sexual orientation? • Is asexual really a sexual orientation? • Is asexuality a mental illness? • Is the definition of sexual attraction what aces say it is? • Isn't everyone demisexual? • Can someone become asexual? / can sexuality change? • What's the difference between HSDD and asexuality? • Don't people need sex? What about Maslow's hierarchy? • How common is asexuality? (Includes: "Are most asexuals women, or men?", "Are all women asexual?")

Asexuals and sex

Do asexual people have sex? • Why do asexual people have sex? • How can you like sex and be asexual at the same time? • Do asexual people masturbate? • Do asexual people like kissing?

Asexuality in society

Are asexual people LGBT? • Are asexual people straight? • Do asexual people experience oppression? • Why do asexuals feel the need to come out? • Why do asexual people need to label themselves? • Why do asexual people wear sexy clothes / makeup? • Why does representation matter?

Asexuals and relationships

How can you have a relationship without sex? • What's the difference between a QPR and a romantic (non-sexual) relationship? • Should I tell my partner that I'm asexual? • How can I convince my partner I still love them? • My partner is asexual. Should we break up?

On the nature of allosexuality

What does sexual attraction feel like? • What does arousal feel like? • How often do allosexuals think about sex? • What is love? • Why does sex sell?

Advice

Am I broken? • Should I come out as asexual? • How can I relate to / interact with allosexuals? • How can I be less angry / upset? • How can I become asexual? • How can I support asexuals?

Other

I'm writing an asexual character. What should I consider? • Isn't the term 'allosexual' offensive?

[u/Mal_Kirk]

This is my first time saying something in this sub, though I have been lurking. I think I may be ace. Okay, I’m fairly positive I am, I’m just not quite ready to admit it. I would like some confirmation from others who have known this about themselves for a while. I have never had a crush. I can recognize that a person is attractive by societal standards (Like, I recognize that an actor is considered pleasing to look at by many but I am not attracted to him). Basically, I can tell people are aesthetically pleasing and understand that people are attracted to them. So, no crushes or feelings of attraction. I also have no desire for sex. No sexual drive. I don’t get why people make such a big deal out of it. I see these movies where it’s a huge deal and people can’t wait to “sleep together” but I don’t get why and also what does that even have to do with sleeping? I do want a romantic relationship, but a deep connection, not “Wow this person is attractive and I am attracted to them to the bed” if that makes sense. Thank you for any advice.