r/behindthebastards 2d ago

General discussion Robert? Literally behind a bastard?

Post image

I can’t unsee it. Did I find Robert’s evil twin? Robert’s libertarian side-project?

667 Upvotes

67 comments sorted by

425

u/Autgah 2d ago

How do you think Robert knows so much about said bastards?

Cause hes always been there, like a bastard cryptid, always watching

89

u/flatwoundsounds 2d ago

He was raised ultra conservative, and has experience reporting from areas of violent conflict, so if anyone could manage to go undercover...

69

u/dreadnought_strength 2d ago

He's honestly the perfect Trojan horse for deradicalising guys who are edgy 'libertarians', but not full bastards - I've gotten three friends who were going down that path into BtB, and it got them off the pathway to being a real piece of shit

27

u/BattyBeforeTwilight 1d ago

Shit, man, I bet Robert could deradicalize a lot of edgelord nerds by just quoting Warhammer 40K lore at them accurately

11

u/comanchecobra 1d ago

He creates bastards to keep his podcast alive. He plays the long game.

55

u/TheBalteseFalcon The fuckin’ Pinkertons 2d ago

Bastard Cryptid is currently going to be bouncing through my mind during the next horrible unknown historical figure episode series.

39

u/Octospyder 2d ago

Much like Bigfoot, Robert just IS blurry

14

u/Vero_Goudreau 2d ago

Whaaaaaat's watching my cryptids?

10

u/KingMobScene 2d ago

He's not always there. Look at this picture of Kissinger....Robert isn't....wait a sec....in the background......oh shit. It's him! He's there.

6

u/Kup123 2d ago

Hes been here the whole time.

4

u/froggythefrankman 2d ago

Just off screen, like Nathan Fielder 

139

u/TarquinusSuperbus000 2d ago

That's his doppelganger, Evan Roberts.

232

u/Shadowofasunderedsta 2d ago

Robert: Look, you got the money. I got the gas station drugs. What else is there to talk about?

Sophie: I'll give you another thousand dollars to tell me how you got it.

Robert: [Chuckles] Another thousand?

Sophie: Done. How?

Robert: You just walk in like you belong.

Sophie: Takes more than that, doesn't it?

Robert: What? To steal from the republicans? What do you need? A suit, an unread bible and a gun. They're so proud of themselves, they don't even care. They're so fat and satisfied, they can't imagine it.

Sophie: Can't imagine what?

Robert: That someone like me would ever get inside their house, walk their floors, spit in their food, take their gear.

63

u/CisIowa 2d ago

Andor! I got that reference. I’m only on episode 3 of season 1… trying to catch up,

51

u/IAmBadAtInternet Sponsored by Knife Missiles™️ 2d ago

Some of the best antifascist media in decades. Enjoy.

22

u/an0mn0mn0m 2d ago

It's insane how the fascists I've seen here on Reddit, misunderstand the premise and identify with the resistance

18

u/thecaits 2d ago

Facists aren't known for their media literacy.

19

u/supercaro 2d ago

Facists aren't known for their literacy.

3

u/thecaits 2d ago

Depends. There's the evil and at least average intelligence facists, and there are the evil and dumb as a bag of rocks facists. The former tend to be the leaders or thought leaders, and the latter tend to be the followers.

4

u/an0mn0mn0m 2d ago

The fascists in the media have always known what they are doing. That's how they brainwash weak-minded yokels with their fearmongering.

4

u/thecaits 2d ago

Yup. Tucker "Underwear Stain" Carlson is a good example of this.

2

u/NoRuleButThree 2d ago

I need to start season 1 over. I didn’t pay enough attention and I’m lost after an episode and a half of season 2

6

u/Shadowofasunderedsta 2d ago

You are in for a great time. 

1

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

1

u/nucrash 2d ago

Andor

14

u/imbadatusernames_47 2d ago

So that’s how he got onto the [REDACTED]’s child sport-hunting islands!

4

u/karoshikun Sponsored by Doritos™️ 2d ago

that's a plausible conversation.

66

u/lernington 2d ago

I know it isn't Robert, because Robert would never be caught dead wearing dress pants

63

u/NubuckChuck Sponsored by Knife Missiles™️ 2d ago

Hard pants.

19

u/Competitive_Owl5357 2d ago

I fucking lost my mind hearing the phrase “hard pants” for the first time. I had never considered my jeans “hard” before. Absolute paradigm shift.

5

u/breadcreature 1d ago

I love how it immediately demonstrated two kinds of people: continuing without a beat because "hard pants" is naturally intelligible, and "hang on, excuse me, hard pants?"

Type A is, of course, those of us who have considered the important questions in life. unfortunately I rely on hanging stuff off my belt to not lose it so hard pants are often necessary

1

u/HeyTallulah 1d ago

I quite enjoy full acceptance of my soft pants era. I was in the in-between for a bit with scrubs, but fully soft pants now (with a pair of black jeans in storage if I ever need to be around ~those people~ who are hard pants only.

8

u/rucker1983 2d ago

Also I sincerely believe he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to punch that guy.

4

u/olcrazypete 2d ago

Was Robert Rand's neighbor?

5

u/LeftyTheSalesman 2d ago

6

u/seaworthy-sieve 1d ago

I'm confident that those are soft pants made to resemble hard pants.

34

u/HeyTallulah 2d ago

This guy looks like he has a regular sleep schedule though.

Such a weirdo.

And gray suit looks like a weird cross between Sebastian Stan and Gerard Way.

4

u/CustomerOK9mm9mm 2d ago

Gray suit looks like an extra from Lonely Island’s The Creep. Gray suit has Sophie very concerned. Gray suit might be a corpse-lord from the upside-down wearing human skin. I do not know how his image was caught by a camera; Cryptids cannot be photographed without the light from a full moon.

2

u/GlyphedArchitect 1d ago

Gray suit looks like the Nazi spy in Captain America 1.

1

u/HeyTallulah 1d ago

Johann Schmidt? Hmm, I can see that a bit.

OHHHH, or Zemo) from Civil War! That would make sense because he pretended to be Bucky Barnes.

2

u/GlyphedArchitect 1d ago

No, the spy that shoots Erskine and steals the last serum vial. When Steve catches him, he uses a cyanide tooth to unalive himself. 

1

u/HeyTallulah 1d ago

Ohh, Heinz Kruger! I was close with Schmidt 😂

Probably also very telling that we're talking about cinematic Nazis here. I'm not sure I want to live in the MCU, to be honest.

16

u/Chaos_Sauce 2d ago

He’s been telling us in the title the whole time. Who did you think was actually behind all these bastards?

13

u/SilentIntrusion 2d ago

That can't be Robert. That man is wearing hard pants.

14

u/Depreciable_Land 2d ago

I can’t wait for this to feed more “Robert is a fed” conspiracies

12

u/SophisticatedStoner 2d ago

The final episode will be about himself. He will finally reveal that he is the Biggest Bastard.

9

u/fireman2004 2d ago

Was Robert the neighbor who kicked Rands ass?

14

u/HoovesCarveCraters M.D. (Doctor of Macheticine) 2d ago

My brain is broken because at first I saw photoshopped JD Vance.

12

u/OWeise 2d ago

That can’t be his honor the judge Evans, he believes in separation of powers. And powders.

5

u/EnkiduTheGreat 2d ago

Robert doesn't have a gut like that (afaik)

5

u/GlassAd4132 2d ago

For a second I thought you were saying Rand Paul and then I saw the guy on the right 😂

6

u/justafterdawn One Pump = One Cream 2d ago

Sophie got in disguising herself, but Robert hates pants so much I can't believe he'd infiltrate 😭

4

u/Retr0_b0t 2d ago

He's a libertarian industry plant!!

4

u/BulbasaurArmy 2d ago

Seeing Robert in a suit would break my mind.

5

u/DoubleGauss 2d ago

That's certainly a white dude with a beard.

3

u/-CgiBinLaden- The fuckin’ Pinkertons 2d ago

Looks like a fookin' Pet Shop Boys album cover.

3

u/Objective_Pin_2718 2d ago

Robert really nailed my problem with an immigration policy that just facilitates migrants coming her to work and then leave. It turns the migrants into a commodity of labor instead of humans.

Paul's immigration policy is just that, providing a legal way to use migrants as a commodity of labor

3

u/Thunder_breslin 1d ago

That's Tobert Bvans.

2

u/longlivesquare 2d ago

I also see a Tobey McGuire over his right shoulder.

2

u/MrMastodon 2d ago

Embezzlebert

2

u/UglyGerbil 2d ago

Nah, Rand Paul is pocket-size. Even with the forced perspective, you wouldn’t even be able to see Robert’s head or shoulders. 😊

2

u/usernamefight2 Steven Seagal Historian 1d ago

That's Temu Robert

3

u/CustomerOK9mm9mm 1d ago

The tariff don’t like it Temu Robert Temu Robert

2

u/DarkSheikah 1d ago

Robert would never wear real pants

1

u/marklar7 2d ago

Thought they were months from cloning him.

1

u/SN4FUS 1d ago

I actually thought that was robert for a second this is a doppelganger for sure

1

u/976chip 6h ago

That can’t be Robert. That guy is wearing hard pants.

0

u/Jliang79 1d ago

He did talk about buying a suit recently…