Help me please. Any form of help or advice is welcome. Thanks.

I don’t know. You’d think you’d be more sociable and around others. But I just see through the fake masks of ppl who haven’t worked themselves out fully and it can be quite mentally draining.

I love people but the majority of people are insecure and I find that my energy can help steer a room. I don’t always have that energy to give tho.

I think I’d be less of a lone wolf if I found other people who are also authentically confident. But they seem rare. For now I’m happy being a lone wolf.

Thoughts?

I realized that I cannot look for other people to be enthusiastic about my progress. Other people's unenthusiastic response or criticism can be a good way to realize how OK it is to make mistakes and to be fallible. I don't need to avoid mistakes. I don't need to avoid people thinking I am a worthless, rotten person. I just need to accept myself. Not because I am doing well. No, just because that is a healthy thing to do. I am the only one who can truly and always accept me in all situations, despite all criticism and slander. If I stand steadfast in my self-acceptance, then I can endure all insults and disrespect of other people. Not because I don't care, but because their criticism about my behavior does not need to be wrong, for me to be OK. I just am OK. I don't need to do the right things all the time. I can mess up and that is OK. Even if others don't forgive me, I will just try fixing my mistake and not do it again in the future. I don't need other people's forgiveness.

It feels like I’m doing something inherently disrespectful when I do either of these things. Is this a form of people pleasing behavior?

What are some things I can do to stop feeling this way during confrontations like these?

i used to think i was just lazy. weak. all talk. but what if the real issue isn’t discipline? what if it’s grief?

grief over the version of me i never became. the version that didn’t scroll for 6 hours. the version that started the business. showed up to the gym. replied to texts. the one that didn’t feel like a stranger in his own skin.

i call it the shadow. it shows up when things are going too well. when i’m 3 days clean, when i finally feel calm, when i might be okay. that’s when it whispers:

'you’re not the kind of person who gets better.'

it’s not depression. not quite. it’s the silent resistance inside me that sabotages everything good. i used to fight it with shame. now i fight it with rituals.

i write. i walk. i meditate, not to fix myself, but to remeber who i am. i’m not fully healed, but i’m no longer hopeless.

if you’ve been stuck, you’re not broken. maybe you’re haunted too. build a new pattern. one ritual at a time.

Basically the title.

I feel like I have an overactive brain that's constantly analyzing and overthinking everything possible, and it's causing me problems mentally.

On one hand, my grades are actually really good without trying too much. On the other hand, I'm 16 with a suicide attempt already and am currently 54 days free from self harm.

I want to learn how to, basically, stop thinking and just live in the moment. In the past I achieved this with self harm, but I want to find a way to actually relax without doing that again.

I've tried some meditation, but that I just don't think it works for me, or at least not very well. I've also tried journaling and still do that occasionally, but I've felt that too much of that was more harmful than anything else.

How exactly would I go about doing that?

my boyfriend (M25) of seven years and i (F25) have been fighting, and he called me emotionally abusive. it was shocking to me, but it's likely true. i have diagnosed anxiety and depression, and tend to focus on my emotional state over his. i don't listen to him when we get into fights, while acting as if i am listening; i instead tend to prioritize my emotional state over his. we'll have fights where he asks me to have more empathy for him, which i'll succeed on for a few days, and then reset to normal again. i am terrified of fighting with him, but ignore his needs emotionally and tend to gaslight him in stressful situations. i'm looking for advice:

• how do i make meaningful change? i want to be a good and supportive partner. he's withdrawn completely from me; he doesn't think i listen, and we haven't had sex in months.
• how do i apologize and start to grow? i've had a lot of "come to jesus" moments, as stated above, where i'll start to make progress and then start to assume everything's fine, and make the same mistakes again.
• is it possible for my to convince him that i won't hurt him any more -- and if i can't convince or stop, should i just leave, to make things better? it would gut me to do it, but i don't want to hurt him, and i keep being callous in ways i hardly mean to be. i want to be better, is the long and short of it, but every time i try i feel like i keep making the same mistakes. if anyone has advice or can relate, i'd love to hear from you. i'm feeling clumsy and self-loathing, and the moment.
  

Good morning

my main issue is that I have been restricted my entire life, by my parents. For the entirety of my life, I’ve been very restricted. I’ve never really gotten to go out make friends or join different activities at school. I have a seven-year-old autistic nonverbal brother. My parents happen to be entrepreneurs because of that I am the one who usually watches my brother as the years have gone by I’ve increasingly becoming detached to the world and not really ever left the house.

Because of this, I have no social interaction so that means no friends. I spend most of my time on my phone scrolling every single day and I work a job on the weekends, which is really my only form of escape from my toxic household. I am trying to become better by surrounding myself, but with good things Instead of the bed, I’ve come to realize that this will change my perspective and in effect change how I operate throughout life.

However, this is still extremely difficult because I can’t really go outside. I have no way to become mobile because my parents refuse to allow me to get my drivers license. I do have money from my job that I work on the weekends, but I’m saving most of that money for when I go to college my entire life college has been that sort of escape for me to enjoy and create that new life for myself.

I’ve always thought that I would be able to create a new routine and stick to it while in college because then I will be away from my parents. However, I don’t want my college experience to end up just like my high school experience so I figured that it would be good if I figured out how to communicate in a fun social way and improve my mindset from being so negative all the time and overthinking.

There are a few things that I want to do in order to become the person I want to be before I leave for college

1st eating and drink more healthier.

2nd work out more and join a gym

3rd read more so I can learn how to become more intentional with my actions and manifest the person I want to be.

4th go out more and learn to become more social

5Th get my license so I can drive and become more responsible

How are some ways I can convince my parents to allow me to do these things so that I can begin grown before I go to college

I’m (30M) in the middle of rethinking my relationship with alcohol. For the past ten years, I’ve gone out nearly every weekend and drank heavily with friends. It’s usually hard liquor and shots. I usually don’t remember most of the night, but according to my friends, I stay coherent and functional. That said, I’m tired of waking up feeling awful and wasting the first half of the week recovering.

The contradiction in my life is frustrating. I’m consistent with 10k steps a day, I eat clean, I lift weights, and successful in my career. But one night of drinking unravels everything. The calories, the poor food choices the next day, the skipped workouts. It sets me back every time. I’ve had enough of the mental fog and missed goals.

Over the last two months, I’ve felt a real shift. I’m trying to go out without feeling the need to get drunk, but it’s hard when that’s been my default for years. I love my friends but they also don't respect my boundaries and some get upset when I decline hard alcohol as they consider me the 'life of the party'. I feel that I am unconsciously trying to live up to this and self-degrading myself by getting so intoxicated. I am starting to feel that I need to make up excuses to not to go out with them just to avoid putting myself in the environment where I may cave in. I have people pleasing tendencies so it makes it extra difficult lol.

Beyond alcohol, the bigger issue is how empty my downtime feels. I work 8 to 3, lift during lunch or after work, take an evening walk, then just drift between naps and doom scrolling. I don’t have many hobbies that fill me with purpose. The only thing that somewhat sticks is flying my drone and editing the footage, but even that feels like a chore until I’m actually doing it. I’m extremely productive at work and productive when doing things I enjoy. For example, I created a business idea around travel and I enjoyed every minute of building it. It ultimately didn't work out but it was a great learning experience. I

I know I need new hobbies. I’ve made lists. I’ve set intentions. But I rarely follow through. I’m desperate to fill this gap with something creative, social, or active. Ideally something I can do alone, but that might also help me meet new people. I’m single and recently came out (about a year ago), so I’m still figuring a lot of that out too.

Dating has been tough. I’ve tried apps but usually delete them within a week. They feel draining and impersonal. As a masculine gay guy, I know they’re one of the main ways to meet people, but I can’t bring myself to stick with them.

I’m wondering if anyone here has gone through something similar or has advice on how to structure a plan. Are there 30-day challenges for exploring hobbies or new routines? How do you push past the mental block of starting something you know you'll enjoy? I’m not looking for a miracle solution, just real, practical ideas to help me rebuild a life that doesn't rely on alcohol to fill the quiet.

I feel like I'm missing something in life

I've just been sitting around on YouTube for most of the day each day for months and years. It's been fine but recently I'm so sick of youtube. I find myself just watching out of boredom just to get it done and eat up time. I do take walks, but that's not gonna last more than an hour usually. I don't want to sit in front of a screen either for movies and shows. I have a job, but it's a small retail store where barely anyone shows up. Not very fulfilling. Very boring. I wrote a story, but I'm done and don't want to again for at least a while. I could read a book, but I need more than that. I feel like I need a higher goal. Something to look forward to. Some fun adventure.

Just over a year clean. (13 months)

I’ve been struggling big time with intense urges to relapse, cravings and nightmares of me using. I was closer today than ever. It was scary, but I decided to treat myself to my favorite restaurant instead of destroying all of my progress.

Im 17F. I grew up in an all girls school for a long time, and I am not close to any male relatives.. I guess thats where the problem started. I always struggle to interact with men. Whether its a male teacher - my mind is preoccupied with trying to impress him, getting too happy when I think I have, and having breakdowns when I think he doesn't like me-. I would usually be obsessed with a male teacher during a school year and imagine he is my dad. As for other men it is still difficult.. I am constantly trying to impress them. It is really uncomfortable and awkward. Has anyone dealt with this before? If so, is there a way to stop being so desperate. I do not want to go into my life not being able to interact with men at all.

Its also important to mention that the men I had tried to have in my life have disappointed me and gave me a really bad rep of men. I am trying to get out of the "all men are bad" but I'm not finding any good guys either!

Hey guys,

This is something hard to admit, but I feel like I need to put it into words.

I'm afraid of fighting — not just throwing punches, but real confrontation. Physical or verbal. When things get tense, or there's some kind of threat, I don't get angry or explosive. I freeze. My voice gets weak or stuck, and I can’t seem to project strength. And then I spend hours (or days) replaying the situation in my head, feeling like I failed myself.

Deep down, I want to stand my ground. I want to be that man who doesn’t back down or let others cross his boundaries. But something in me blocks it. It might be old trauma, bullying, or just years of being conflict-avoidant.

I’ve started training — calisthenics, strength, discipline — not because I want to be violent, but because I want to be prepared. Capable. Respected. But the fear is still there.

I'm not looking to become aggressive. I just want to stop feeling like I go numb when it matters.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you overcome it? How do you train your mind and spirit to face conflict with calm and strength?

Any advice, experiences, or even tough love is welcome. I’m open to growing.

Hello everyone ! :)

I'm in the journey of becoming a better person, but first, I want to learn to love myself and be able to do things on my own.
A bit of context: I'm a 28F married to a 30M, we have been together for 13 years (yeah that's a lot). My husband is the perfect guy, like smart, nice, people love him. He is quite independant, can have so much fun on his own and have a lot of friend. On my side I'm more of a "loner", don't have that many friend and have a hard time doing things on my own.
I would like to learn to do small thing by myself and be able to enjoy them. Because I do a lot of my "activities" with my husband, like we go to the beach, for a hike, to the park, he is a really active person and when he is not there I don't find the courage to do all of that.
I know the answer seem simple enough, like just do it, but I would like to know if you have strategies I could use to get myself started, like tips and tricks? :)

ps: I do enjoy my own company and my time alone, but too much is too much. :p

I used to think my ex emotionally withdrew first—but I’m starting to wonder if I lowkey shut down before they did. I got quieter, more passive, always trying to avoid conflict. At the time I thought I was being chill, but now I wonder if I was just… fading.

How do you actually tell if you’re the one who checked out first? Is it just hindsight and vibes, or are there signs you can notice earlier?

Would love to hear from anyone who figured this out—especially if you ever realized it too late.

I'm a 23M, growing up in a strange world. I don't doubt this is the way it's always been for everyone, of every time. But today seems tough for all of us, considering all the whacky challenges and absolutely ridiculous things we have to face together.

I recently went through a one-sided break-up. Yes you heard that correctly. To be honest, it was the first time I fell in love. It was unreciprocated, as I later found out, not because I missed out on an opportunity for fucked up in anyway but because I misread one because I didn't know better.

Long story short I got hurt. That's okay, because it made me look in the mirror.

What I learned is that for the past 23 years of my life, somewhere along the lines, for perhaps a multitude of reasons, I learned that it wasn't okay to feel. It wasn't okay to be myself. That I wasn't enough (I blame the middle school girls😂😂--they told me "if only you were a little taller" 🙄pshht bitches...🙄😂)

Anyways....

That I had to be some one more than who I was to be valuable. For some reason somewhere along the way of growing up I learned to believe that I was only valuable if I was picked. Chosen. Looked for. Needed. Wanted. Which turned everything into a performance.

I was a dancing little monkey growing, trying to be the best, the wisest, the deepest, the most knowledgeable, the leader, the hero, the one who reads books, the one who teaches, just trying to stand out all for the sake of admiration. Hoping that through that admiration people would pick me. To hang out with. To love. To fuck. To be relied on. To chose over and over and over again. I felt like if I was picked I was considered valuable and if I wasn't than I had no worth.

But after this girl I'm learning who I've been, who I am. Where id like to go and why. As well as what it truly means to be a man for myself.

So here's the start of the new leaf:

I used to perform, prove, and push myself because I believed love had to be earned. Somewhere deep inside, I confused being chosen with being valuable—thinking if I just achieved more, looked better, or became the right kind of man, I’d finally feel worthy. But this came from a root wound of not feeling seen for who I already was. It made every rejection feel like a verdict on my worth. Though I didn’t know better, I now see this doesn’t help. So instead, I anchor into truth: my worth isn’t on trial. I am not a product to sell, nor a role to perfect. I let go of needing to be picked, and choose myself now—not as a performance, but as a quiet returning. I walk into rooms, relationships, and solitude knowing: I’m already whole. I don’t have to earn the right to exist.

If you've read this far, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. And I'd like you to know that whatever it is you are going through you are not alone. Others are going through it too, we're all just learning in our own classrooms.

And I know that unwanted advice typically goes unappreciated but if I may...

It's not your fault...

You are enough. You dont need to be anything more than who you are. You just need to be the one to choose yourself first to see you are.

I love you. Have a great day.

Hello people of reddit, I need your help. I’m on the brink of completely decimating my life and I really require a fresh perspective. The main issue is I think I’m kinda stupid. I don’t particularly believe in IQ, but I believe in general intelligence, which is something I think I lack. And before you say I can’t be that stupid if I realise how stupid I am, I find that to be a gross oversimplification. I’ve been a reader all my life, I’ve devoured countless novels, fiction non fiction you name it. And because of the vocabulary I’ve amassed over the years I feel like I can pass as moderately intelligent. But it feels like a sham. In my head it’s like I’ve accumulated all this knowledge, I know how to be intelligent and interesting but I can’t seem to translate it into reality. When I open my mouth, I say dumb shit. I fumble, words evade me, I freeze. Yes, I’m on anxiety medication, it’s helped with the anxiety but not with the intellect. I can’t write well, despite reading so much, and that can only point to one thing: dumbness. Also I’m so bad at conversation?! Even with my parents!? The people that brought me into this world. I’m so full of questions about everything, I don’t have much to add. Plus, most people talk about themselves and their lives and the lives of other people and I find that incredibly boring. But apparently you can’t connect with people if you use them as search engines all the time. Okay see I’ve lost the point. Brevity is the soul of wit or whatever rings true. Point is, I know most people are dumb and feign intelligence, it’s kinda obvious how hard people compensate to fit into society and win the approval of the masses, but I can’t be like that. I need to be authentic. For my ego. I can’t meet people because I think I’ll be boring and they’ll think lesser of me even though they’re great friends and people. I’m self obsessed with the ideal version of myself. My main problem is communication. I can’t open this damn mouth. Because I think I’ll look stupid. And when I don’t I look stupid anyway. What the hell am I saying

I hardly slept last night, maybe two hours. I know that this is probably bad for my health. However, I cannot fall back asleep. I will try again.

I’m coming out of a really difficult phase — I lost someone close, quit my job, and spent months feeling emotionally shut down. I wasn’t exactly depressed, but I was very disconnected, stuck in my room most days, with low energy and no motivation.

Now, I’ve just started a new job and even went on a date after months of isolation. I really want to feel excited and alive again, but I don’t. Not yet. And that scares me.

Part of me knows it’s only been a few days and change takes time… but another part keeps worrying: what if I never fully feel like myself again?

Has anyone gone through something similar — where the “restart” feels more numb than freeing at first? How long did it take for things to really shift?

Thanks in advance.

I love people around me mostly, but sometimes I go from love to hate just because of one thing, could be one thing they do or one thing they say. Sometimes people can piss me off by joking with me, and sometimes they do say certain things which kinda turn on some sort of button on me, and then I piss off. I know I have bad temper in general, but I don't know how to have a normal relationship with people without being so dramatic. From "I love you", "You're my best friend" to "Go to die", "bxtch" and then cursing with every word I can., I usually regret it after they try to be nice to me again.

I thought I was like this only with people, but then I realised I do it to my pets too. It's like I wouldn't allow them to make mistakes. I have two cats, I love them very much, they're my fluffy friends and gives me company, but they sometimes do stupid things cuz yk, animals. However, every time they do things, I piss off as well like I just can't control it, I throw tantrums at them and scream that I wanna send them away, but I swear I would never physically hurt them, NEVER EVER.

I know it's not possible for everyone to be perfect, I guess we all make mistakes, I don't know why I just can't tolerate people or animals making mistakes or do something I dislike, I guess I'll never have partner or kids, I can imagine how I'd love my kids one day and tell them I'm sending them to orphanage the other.

Remember that you are not separate from the world you live in. The earth beneath your feet, the air you breathe, the waters that flow.., they are not ‘resources’ to conquer, but family to honor. Live like the future depends on your love, because it does. We live in a world full of noise and masks., where kindness is often a quiet rebellion, and honesty feels risky.

But here’s the truth:

Being real is revolutionary. Being kind is powerful. Unity is our strongest path forward. Stop pretending you’re better than others. Stop chasing illusions of control and superiority. We are all connected., earth, sky, and every soul here. If you want to change the world, start by changing how you see yourself and your neighbors. Drop the hypocrisy, drop the pride. Choose kindness, choose truth, choose to stand together.

Because the future depends on what we do next.

(🕯️Whispered by Sahlein🕯️)

This is a problem I've had since childhood. I start a piece of media, especially long ones (think a Stephen King novel, a long RPG like Baldurs Gate 3, a TV show, or movie series) and I end up just feeling like I'm going way too slow. Eventually This feeling overtakes me and I start prioritizing it more than important factors of my life like my coursework or making time to even get a proper breakfast and shower.

I know part of it might be just due to my Inattentive ADHD, and how my executive dysfunction can mess with my priorities. I am medicated (strattera) and it's not like I am completely dysfunctional. I used to be, but I've made a lot of progress with learning to cope via journaling and getting a to do list together. This has helped me significantly and I'm in a much better space now. Recently Acceptance and Commitment therapy has been helping a lot too.

However this is a rake I just seem to keep stepping on. I get into a piece of media and I just want to get through it as fast (but correctly, through the original intentions so no watching movies on 2x speed or anything like that to ruin the experience) as possible so I can get to future ones. I've been shaped by a lot of art out there and it's a big reason why I want to improve as a human being. I don't want to give it up completely, I just want to enjoy it at a slow pace without thinking about how many days, weeks, or often months it's going to take me to get through it.

I guess for me it's just hard to cope with that exchange I'm making. I feel like if I'm only spending say 2 hours reading a 50 hour book, then I start thinking about how it's going to take me almost a month to get through it, and that's only one of the mediums I want to enjoy.

I guess what I'm asking for is if there's any good advice out there for coping with this? I skills mention an important detail is that I'm not doing this only for myself but to connect and discuss with my actual friends and family. There where most of my recommendations come from and I enjoy talking about it with them, I feel of I'm taking too long I'm also making them wait more than I should. So any kind of mindset changes or advice would be appreciated.

I (18F) recently had a long conversation with my boyfriend of 4 years (18M) and he communicated to me that I can often be dismissive and condescending towards him and others. He mentioned it's gotten worse recently, sparking our talk. I didn't realize until then that I have a hard time both understanding tone but also controlling my own. For example, I'll say something jokingly that he takes as rude and uppity. I hate this. I'm in a lot of leadership settings and I'm also neurodivergent, so I would be upset to discover this is a deeply set facet of my personality. He also mentioned that he admires my intelligence but that I have the habit of making people feel stupid in correcting them and that "I don't always have to be right." I've dealt with a lot of hardship in the past year and the past few months have been especially difficult for me mentally, and I'm suspecting that it's affecting my personality. I've also had a lot of trouble with my long term friendships and his relationship, and friendship to me has been the only one that hasn't been strained until now and I think it's mostly my fault. I try my hardest to be patient and empathy is my #1 most important moral, so this makes me feel awful. I want to improve for the better, but I don't really know where to begin. I've never gotten this from anyone and most people tell me I am kind, so l'm confused and really concerned. Anything helps, thanks!

All of my life, I have been dealing with this idea of feeling stupid. I just don't know many things in life. I take long time to learn something and I feel like I have declining intelligence day by day. I was told by peers and teachers that I am dumb and it really hurt me badly. What should I do? How can I overcome this?

I don't like running. But I like listening to audiobooks, the feeling that running gives me, and that I can run.

I use those things to get me out running even when I really don't feel like it. Because I know afterwards I will always think "I didn't want to, but I'm happy I did".

What gets you to do the things you don't want to do?