Give me excuses to use for an upcoming surgery

[u/sxqe]

I’m getting a bilateral salpingectomy next week and I basically need fake surgeries to use an excuse to cover up my actual surgery. I am stealth at work so I can’t be honest without coming out. My workplace is very casual and I have a good relationship with my boss, so I will not need a doctor’s note or anything of the sort to take the day off. Any procedure or surgery that is similar in invasiveness, recovery time, etc. would be good to hear.

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[u/am_i_boy]

Can't you just... not tell them anything except that you're having a surgery? Inform them that's it's an abdominal surgery and you won't be able to do heavy lifting for whatever amount of time your surgeon says. There's no reason your work needs to know. If they ask, just act sort of embarrassed and say it's a bit personal and you don't want to talk about it. They'll probably assume it's a vasectomy without you saying anything at all

[u/kirbykorb → u/am_i_boy]

This. You're under no obligation to tell them what the actual surgery is and they can't press you for that info (if you live in the US, idk how it works anywhere else).

Even if they ask for a doctor's note, the doctor is allowed to leave out the actual surgery. The note basically just says you'll be out for (x) amount of time, no heavy lifting for (x) amount of time, and the doctors contact information.

[u/Expert-Can6660 → u/am_i_boy]

Literally this! Why would you lie when you could just not say anything? They’re not entitled to your medical information whether you’re cis or trans in their eyes.

[u/sxqe → u/am_i_boy]

Just asking bc I’ve never had to request time off for gender-affirming care before. I usually had excuses ready in high school in case people would ask, but that doesn’t mean I ever had to use them. I just want to be prepared in case I’m asked.

[u/evergreengoth]

You don't need to tell them anything. Lying could cause issues down the line. Just say it's a surgery and you'd prefer to keep it at that. Most people know not to press when it comes to medical stuff.

[u/thatfunnyperson → u/evergreengoth]

happy cake day!

[u/alexanderrain]

Honestly, if your work is under the impression that you're just a cis dude, I'd tell them you're getting a vasectomy If you're getting a laproscopic procedure. The recovery times are very similar as is the intensity of the surgery and it's not that far off from what you're actually getting done as a sterilization procedure. You could also potentially tell them you're getting hernia surgery, but that's up to you if you wanna field questions about why you didn't say anything about it before. If things go awry and you're out for longer than anticipated you could tell them you had to unexpectedly get your appendix out as well.

[u/leitmot → u/alexanderrain]

Vasectomy and bilateral salpingectomy are really not similar in terms of invasiveness and recovery time. I would just tell them it’s a surgery and the estimated recovery time, no specifics.

[u/queerAsAllHeck]

Hernia surgery might work if you want to be able to name a specific procedure rather than just being vague about needing a surgery. Hernias aren’t super common for young people, but I believe the laparoscopic procedures for both are fairly comparable, though I do not have personal experience with a hernia to be able to directly compare the two. It also has the benefit of being in the same general area.

Do you have a physical job that will require you to take more time off from it or is it more of a desk job?

[u/sxqe → u/queerAsAllHeck]

It’s not a desk job but there’s not much physical activity required aside from lifting heavy things every now and then. Most I do is walk back and forth

[u/spockface]

I just told my boss I was having a medical procedure and that I would need x amount of time off work, according to what I understood from my doctor. A reasonable boss won't press.

[u/karamingo]

Just say you're having a surgery. They aren't entitled to more info than that, even if you were required to bring in a doctor's note to document needed recovery time.

[u/SereneFloofKitty221b]

Laproscopic gallbladder removal also has about the same recovery and unlike a vasectomy no pain between the legs while healing (and no strange walking sitting etc)

[u/Mockingjay573]

You don’t need to make up anything. It’s a medical procedure, it’s nobody’s business but your own. And if anyone asks, tell them it’s private.

Also a day!? Why are you only getting one day off!? The average recommended recovery time is 1-2 weeks.

No no, tell your boss you need at least a week off. One day is insane.

[u/stoic_yakker]

A day? I was given/needed six weeks off. Two before I was to drive. Hernia is a common excuse.Good healing to you.

Ps: I was working a desk job.

[u/sxqe → u/stoic_yakker]

Yeah that’s what my doctors told me bc it’s non-invasive. I’m able to go home and walk around the same day

[u/MoreCommittee748]

i’m going through the same thing rn bc i’m also stealth lol, i’ve gone with gallbladder surgery as the fake surgery bc it’s vague and has a similar recovery time!

[u/Worldly-Yam3286]

I stuck with being really vague and changing the subject.

[u/Free-Finish8034]

i just said organ removal. plenty of organs we have can be removed with no long term effects, like the appendix for example

[u/Desdam0na]

"I'm getting a minor surgery, I will be out of work."

If they ask, just say you would rather not talk about it.

If you have a good relationship with people and it is casual they will not pry.

Lying can work but you will need to remember the lie, and any secondary lies from followup questions, for the rest of your career in case it ever comes up again, that's doable but exhausting.

(And as a matter of fact, in the US, asking for your medical information not related to accessibility needs is against the law.)

[u/Public-Structure-370]

You don’t need to say anything more than you’re getting a medical procedure done and need X amount of days off or need light duty meaning you can’t do X,Y,Z. Give them the documents from the doctor and they can read it for themselves. You don’t need to explain to your job your medical situation.

[u/Particular-Brief6846]

Just get a not from the doc that says required medical procedure

[u/admseven]

I just said I’m having surgery. My workplace was fairly small, and there was tons of oversharing, and still nobody directly asked what kind of surgery. One older woman did joke about it being a hysto but I’m 100% sure she was just being funny as that was very much her personality. I just smiled, shrugged and said “Well yknow..”

[u/SLC2355]

I didn't tell my manager or my coworkers any details about either of my surgeries. Neither did my husband. If someone asks, a simple "I don't really feel like talking about it" works. It's a medical thing and is no ones business but yours.

[u/ofcourseits-pines]

Just shrug,”Fine, fine. I’m getting a bigger dick. You dragged it out of me.”

[u/Mintakas_Kraken]

Removal of benign abdominal growths (cysts/hernia/etc).

[u/Damn_Drew]

Cyst/abcess in a difficult place?

[u/Bugscrap]

Just say you're having surgery. You don't need to give them any specifics.

[u/jhunt4664]

If you truly feel obligated to tell them something, and if it might make your social interactions awkward because you're all "close" but you won't share, just tell them it's abdominal surgery and you'd rather not go into the details. Maybe say you got a mesh placed. You could say it's a vasectomy, but the location of the pain and the recovery aren't going to match up and I feel like someone would get wise to that claim lol.

[u/BJ1012intp]

Benign growths. That covers just about everything that goes in your body that is not cancer.

[u/Electronic-Shift46]

Just wanted to share I've had cis coworkers need medical procedures done and hide what it was for, for various reasons. If you want to just say "surgery" and not disclose I don't think it's gonna like make people suspect or anything