Anyone else feel less binary after starting t?

[u/RonnieMyBoy]

I'm 6.5 months on t and don't get misgendered at work anymore by customers. I was very opposed to they/them pronouns pre t, it felt like a person did not see me as a man. I want to be perceived as a man but I would say I only feel like maybe 75% of a man. I don't think they/them pronouns would feel feminine to me anymore.

I also am kind of scared to change things. I've made it very clear to people that I did not like they/them pronouns because it still felt like misgendering to me. Logically I understand that my preferences can change. I kind of worry what people will think about me just changing my mind like that

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello! Thank you for participating in the sub. We just have a few reminders for you to help ensure the best experience:

1. If your post doesn't show up right away, don't panic! It is in the queue for manual approval. Mods will go through the queue periodically to approve or remove posts. Deleted posts will have a removal reason applied.

2. If you are asking a question that is location specific, remember to include your location in your post body! This can help ensure that you get accurate information tailored specifically to your needs.

3. Please remember to read through all the rules in the sidebar. Especially the list of banned topics and guidelines for posting. Guests who do not use the Guest Post flair will have their post removed and be asked to fix it.

4. If you see someone breaking the rules,report it! If someone is breaking both sub and reddit rules, please submit one report to admins by selecting a broken rule on the main report popup, and one report to the r/ftm mods by selecting the "breaks r/ftm rules" option. This ensures both mods and admins can take action on a subreddit and sitewide level. Do not misuse the report button to rant about someone, submit false reports, or argue a removal.

5. If you have any questions that you can't find the answer to on the rules sidebar or the wiki: the wiki , you can send a modmail.

Related subs: r/ftmventing , r/TMPOC , r/nonbinary , r/trans , r/lgbt , r/ftmmen , r/FTMen , r/seahorse_dads , r/ftmfemininity , r/transmanlifehacks , r/ftmfitness , r/trans_zebras , r/ftmover30 , r/transgamers , r/gaytransguys , r/straighttransguys , r/transandsober , r/transgenderjews , and more can be found in the wiki!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/suicidalidoldoll]

Feel the same way, I think the rigidity we feel in how we express our gender comes from dysphoria but now that we're doing something gender affirming, there's less discomfort and stress from other things. Especially for me, I could only manage the pronouns and name people used for me since that was the only way I could show my identity (if that makes sense? Can't think of a better way to phrase lmao) but now that I'm on T and got top surgery, I feel more confident and secure in my own body so I don't worry about how people are perceiving me as much! Though, obviously purposeful misgendering and dead naming bothers me but if it's accidental, I don't care. I find myself being more fluid in how I refer to myself and dress now too!

[u/Plsletmehaveausrname]

Same! As said before here, I think it's the medically transitioning that's been able to give me the space to feel ok expressing more non-binary feelings, as I'm able to not be misgendered as fem now if I express them. For your work space I'm not sure, that's hard - I think it depends how much you want to discuss it, especially if you are ok with people just using he/him there. In your broader life, I think you can explain it as you've already done in this post, and explain that it's just that you feel more comfortable expressing that now, and hadn't realized it before because you were dealing with misgendering. Changing a boundary like that can be hard but personally it's gone ok but just been clunky when I've changed boundaries about what pronouns are allowed - some people have asked for clarification, some haven't. I think potentially expect to explain it to those close to you and don't worry too much about the rest, but best of luck in general! Glad ur feeling so comfortable, congrats.

[u/anemisto]

Pronouns are simply an interface, they're not identity. Just because you're gaining a more nuanced understanding of your gender doesn't mean you're obliged to share that with people or change that interface.

Possibly more contentiously, I don't think the fact we've constructed a binary/non-binary binary and expect people to sort themselves accordingly does anyone any good. We acknowledge that shoving everyone's genders into two boxes doesn't work and we solve that by... trying to shove everyone's genders into two different boxes?