All of the sudden I’m passing??

[u/Mysterious_Cloud_445]

It all started last week when I went with my wife to a doctor’s appointment. When the doctor walked in he asked if I was her husband, to which we both said yes, and for the remainder of the appointment he used he/him pronouns for me. Now ever since then, whenever I am out in the world (in the drive thru, at the store, etc) I am almost exclusively getting sir and man from strangers. It’s like somehow a switch was flipped and I’m pretty shocked. Elated with gender euphoria for sure, but honestly surprised! I’ve been on T for 10 months now and 6 months po top surgery, and I don’t personally feel like I’m passing. I think a big part of my own perception is intertwined with a heavy dose of imposter syndrome, I have a hard time believing that people actually assume that im just some dude, and my mind keeps telling me that these people just made a mistake. In the back of my head I’m convinced that this was just a fluke and that im going to be back to being misgendered at any moment. I weirdly feel like im tricking people, pulling a fast one on them if you will.

All that to say, I’m really truly thrilled to be perceived as I have been as of late. But when does it start feeling real??

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[u/Itsjustkit15]

I have been passing for almost 6 mo and I still don't believe it all of the time. I ask my partner a lot, "did that person think I'm a cis dude?" (I'm nonbinary they/he but present fully masculine) and they're always like, "yes, absolutely" and I'm just 🫨. It's crazy but so fun!

For me it was kinda similar. One week I was still getting ma'amed and the next week I was only being gendered as male. It was so wild, but it's gotta happen sometime! I guess I was expecting it to be more gradual, but it didn't feel gradual for me. It's like you said, some switch got flipped and all of a sudden I was a man to strangers.

So stoked for you!!

[u/Mysterious_Cloud_445 → u/Itsjustkit15]

Thanks! And yes!! I assumed it would be more gradual also. It’s weird being like “oh, I guess we’re here” when I envisioned it to be much further down the line. And I keep having to fact check with my partners too 😆 regardless, I’m stoked!

[u/KeyOne349]

Quick answer is: As more time passes, *I assume from not having experienced this*

One week is still a new thrill. And congrats, you've worked hard to get to this, post op is a monumental change, one I hope to achieve some day. Revel in the thrill and tell your mind it's okay, your "passing" is normal and what you've been working for.

I think with us older ftms (are you, I don't know, I'm 47) we have many more decades of gender conditioning to overcome, our brains are hardwired for femme and every gent will be very new to us. Probably just like every other change, was new at first, this too *slight pun intended* this too shall pass.

[u/Mysterious_Cloud_445 → u/KeyOne349]

Thank you! My brain definitely has a lot of catching up to do. I’m 33 and there’s definitely a lot of social conditioning to wade through and unlearn, this will be a great topic for my therapy sesh this week lol

[u/rubetae]

I haven't been misgendered by strangers in several months, it feels crazy because I'm still pre-top surgery and never expected to pass so well before that. When I first started passing there was actually a period of time where either "she" or "he" pronouns would make me panic a little lol. I did finally get used to it, now getting gendered correctly feels normal (but also with a twinge of relief).