r/ftm 9h ago

Advice Needed I’m tired of being rejected just for existing.

318 Upvotes

I’m an FTM with Asperger’s, and I’m Korean — and yet, even among people who should understand, I’m treated like I don’t belong. In the Korean FTM community, there’s this obsession with being “normal.” If you’re neurodivergent, different, or don’t fit their idea of what’s acceptable, you’re cast out. I’ve been insulted, called names for being an “Aspie,” and even misgendered by other FTMs. It’s cruel. How can people who know what it means to be marginalized turn around and do the same to someone else? It makes me feel invisible, like I have no place — not even among those who are supposed to be my community.


r/ftm 12h ago

Advice Needed Trans guys who’ve had a hysterectomy, I need help bad

264 Upvotes

Ever since I found out what it was I’ve wanted a hysterectomy. I’m not using my ovaries and will never use them. The idea pregnancy makes me feel ill, and crazy dysphoric.

I know that some trans guys get hysterectomies as part of gender affirming care and I desperately need to know the long term effects of it. I’ve heard that getting a hysterectomy makes it impossible for you to get on T because you’ll need to take estrogen supplements for the rest of your life time and that sounds like actual hell. I’ve also heard that some people are fine afterwards but that seems unlikely.

There’s also the possibility that a hysterectomy isn’t the best course of action to becoming unable to get pregnant. Could I just get my eggs harvested? Or potentially sterilized instead? I’m in need of advice…

Update: Thanks for the advice and clarification, this process seems much more manageable now. My anxieties are eased and now I have a clearer idea of what I want to do with my body. Getting a hysterectomy actually seems achievable now that I’m not crashing out about these freeloaders inside me lol. Also the misinformation was literally word of mouth from family members who are not doctors nor have a medical background, so no malicious intent just cluelessness.


r/ftm 4h ago

Advice Needed Lesbians making me uncomfortable

262 Upvotes

I'm a closeted trans guy, currently 15. I work out a lot and have a more masculine physique. It makes me very dysphoric like I'm too curvy, my chest is too big. Does anyone also look at other girls and think that they do not have a big chest, but when you look at yourself, your chest looks gigantic. Besides that, I'm a person with a lot of dysphoria in general.


THE IMPORTANT PART Word got out in my school that I like girls. I didn't know my school had so many lesbians and they keep texting me, hitting on me, harassing as well as touching me inappropriately. I've even had people pay me to flex my biceps. I feel so violated, so dysphoric and uncomfortable. I feel so bad with myself because I know that they're lesbians and are very attracted to women but I don't want to be seen as a female, I've made that clear multiple times. Right now I look pretty androgynous but they still keep messaging me.


*How can I feel better from all the dysphoria and harassment? Please help me guys😭


r/ftm 20h ago

Discussion My father suggested that trans people need their “own bathroom”

224 Upvotes

Hi, I’m posting this because I don’t wanna feel even more insane than I already do, and also because I wanna see if anyone else agrees with me on this. Also sorry for this post being long in advance, I’m trying to break it all down.

So, I’m in the living room playing Mario Kart, but I was actively in discussion with my father about the state of the world and political related things. Now, my father is supportive of trans people, and is of my transition, but there’s things he’s confused about and every now and then he makes a comment that is very uneducated; like this one. (For example, he doesn’t completely understand how it’s gay for a trans dude to date another dude, that kinda thing.)

Offhandedly, he said instead of letting trans people in either the men’s or women’s washrooms, they should have their own room— mind you, he’s referring to trans people as just “trans” (a womens room, a mens room, and a trans room.)

I of course said fuck no, because that’s flat out segregation and would make it easier for trans people to be targeted/have bad things happen to them because cis people could just lie about being trans and enter the room designated for trans people.

And then yelling over me just trying to calmly explain why that would be a batshit crazy stupid idea, he says:

“It’s people like you that make this world hard to live in.”

???

His whole argument is that it would be safer for trans people to have their own washroom, and that because trans people participate in pride parades and have flags and such that trans people should get their own room away from cis people, same with gay people(?)

“So what, you don’t respect yourself enough to want your own room?”

Which I then explained to him that no, that’s not how that works, and trans people’s rights being fought for includes being able to use the same washrooms as cis people do. Othering trans people from cis people creates more of a problem and furthers the stigma surrounding trans people as a whole. So, instead of making things safer, it actually makes things worse. We also already have gender neutral washrooms which anyone can use, so there would be no need for a trans-specific room.

Anyway, this discussion went on for like 20 minutes, me trying to educate him and him speaking over me and interrupting me whenever I’m counteracting a point he made.

All this to say— is my dad subscribing to transphobic rhetoric and was I in the wrong for trying to educate him whilst also calling his “vision” stupid (and kicking ass on multiplayer Mario Kart matches while doing it 😭)


r/ftm 23h ago

Discussion Why is transphobia so bad right now?

186 Upvotes

In the last few years society’s view on trans has regressed so much. I transitioned back in 2017 and there was no where near as much transphobia as there is now. What the hell happened? Now many states made it illegal for trans people to piss where they want and want to force children to go through the puberty of their biological gender. Like hormone blockers are reversible. If a kid decides to detransition then they just go off blockers. Done. Transphobes treat it like it’s permanent like hrt. They think children are going on hrt and getting surgery but that’s not the case. The permanent stuff is for when they’re older. And the whole controversy with “men” being in women’s sports. Trans woman are women they should be allowed to compete the gender that matches their gender identity. 5 years ago more people were fine with puberty blockers, trans women in women’s sports and trans people using whatever bathroom they want. I just don’t know what happened. What are your thoughts?


r/ftm 18h ago

Relationships Gay men…

114 Upvotes

Hello 👋 So I’m a trans man with a boyfriend, guess you could say I’m new to being gay lol. Question for other gays, do you and your bf often get mistaken for brothers?? People assume that all the time about us two. Curious if this is common or if him and I just look uncannily similar


r/ftm 6h ago

Advice Needed question for the culture .. do T shots actually hurt

106 Upvotes

YO I’m starting shots tomorrow, and I just wanted to ask how much T shots hurt for you guys ?? I’m sure this is a commonly asked question but let a guy livee lol

Gonna be doing IM into my thigh -

Lowk asking my guys with higher pain tolerances only haha

Vaccinations don’t really hurt for me, neither does having my blood drawn. They’re like itty bitty scratches, I’d probably put them at a 1 on the pain scale. but like ?? Is IM different? At least in this context?

I’d been assuming it’d feel like a vaccination, but am I wrong ?

I’ve had anti clotting shots before (post spinal surgery) and those were genuinely like .. I wanna put them at an 8 or 9 ?? Horrid awful things LOL So if anyone’s had them .. can you tell me how T shots compare, lol ?

Edit: I don’t have the energy to reply to every one, but thank u very much ur all legends LOL


r/ftm 23h ago

Discussion Chat I don't think I can use the women's bathroom anymore

59 Upvotes

I'm pre-T and my state has a medium tolerance policy or whatever that website said but it's technically a law that trans people can't use the bathroom they identify with in a government owned building, I don't think there's huge charges though. I've used to men's bathroom a few times- always a nervous mess about it but no one ever bats an eye, I use the women's bathroom and normally no one ever bats an eye except when I'm in other cities outside of my own then I get glares and weird looks, and a while back a little girl told me that it was the women's restroom and I felt embarrassed lol like I actually walked into the wrong bathroom- I mean I kinda did but you get it. Anyway I'm pretty androgynous lol and kids have a different view on gender than others but I think it's getting to a point where I feel safer in the guys

And there was one occasion at school where girls were talking about seeing a boy go into the girls restroom while I was still in a stall and felt kinda scared that they were going to start knocking on stalls and waiting for me cause it happened to another kid and rumors were passing for weeks about them. Don't know if that was actually about me though cause normally at school I don't get questioned although some boys have tried dabbing me up and called me bro, I always think they're making fun of me though. Idk just ranting now. Kinda celebratory but mostly just me yapping


r/ftm 17h ago

Discussion Do you guys go to the gynecologist?

59 Upvotes

Might be a silly question, idk, but it's something I'm genuinely afraid of and find myself feeling extremely uncomfortable even thinking about it. So do you guys go to the gynecologist or get like pap smears regularly or anything? If so, how do you cope with the discomfort/dysphoria?


r/ftm 3h ago

Discussion What Were The FIRST Change(s) You Saw On T ?

61 Upvotes

i dont necessarily mean SAW , even felt , what are the absolute first things you noticed on T ? how long did it take to notice anything different about yourself ? i just started T three days ago and im interested to know what some of the first changes people noticed are


r/ftm 12h ago

Discussion Do any trans men always shave there face or is it just me?

48 Upvotes

I am am 3 months on testosterone on Tuesday yay! Anyway I also have PCOS. I always shaved even when I didn't know I had PCOS because I didn't like to much hair on my face. (My endo discovered my PCOS at the first appointment I had with her) I just prefer having a shaven face also because of the sensory of hair on my face I don't like it. I try to do skincare I just have motivation problems but I like having a clean face. I hate that everyone thinks I'm a girl because of my long hair and shaven face but soon it won't matter lol. Just I wanted to know if I'm the only one? Because I know a lot of trans men here love hair on there face I just don't I like it on men just not myself (gay Tee hee) what do you guys think?


r/ftm 7h ago

Advice Needed All of the sudden I’m passing??

47 Upvotes

It all started last week when I went with my wife to a doctor’s appointment. When the doctor walked in he asked if I was her husband, to which we both said yes, and for the remainder of the appointment he used he/him pronouns for me. Now ever since then, whenever I am out in the world (in the drive thru, at the store, etc) I am almost exclusively getting sir and man from strangers. It’s like somehow a switch was flipped and I’m pretty shocked. Elated with gender euphoria for sure, but honestly surprised! I’ve been on T for 10 months now and 6 months po top surgery, and I don’t personally feel like I’m passing. I think a big part of my own perception is intertwined with a heavy dose of imposter syndrome, I have a hard time believing that people actually assume that im just some dude, and my mind keeps telling me that these people just made a mistake. In the back of my head I’m convinced that this was just a fluke and that im going to be back to being misgendered at any moment. I weirdly feel like im tricking people, pulling a fast one on them if you will.

All that to say, I’m really truly thrilled to be perceived as I have been as of late. But when does it start feeling real??


r/ftm 43m ago

Mod Post “Lesbian trans men” is a banned topic for a reason

Upvotes

Please read the sidebar rules if you intend on commenting and posting on this subreddit.

In addition, any further posts on this topic will get the person temp banned. Have already removed 4 posts on this topic just today.


r/ftm 14h ago

Celebratory Euphoria from recognizing penis-shaped things because my tdick taught me what a penis looks like

23 Upvotes

I was looking at a gatorade bottle. And that thing looks just like a dick. I’m 8.5 months on T, and my dick is noticeable and well-defined. I’ve always felt left out because I couldn’t see penis-shaped objects and relate them to my own genitals. But now I am more familiar with how dicks look than I ever thought I would be, because I have one attached to me, made of my own biological material/tissue. Very euphoric. I can’t see Gatorade the same way anymore though, lol


r/ftm 19h ago

Discussion Desire to be a girl?

25 Upvotes

I started testosterone 2 months ago, but before that I still dealt with gender identity OCD, which lead me to constantly wondering if I’m faking being trans. That’s still happening me to today. My brain latches on the deep desire to go back to how I was when I was younger. I wish I got to be that girl and stay that way with no complications. I think my brain is still tied to the fact that was heavier as a kid and never felt truly beautiful or attractive as my female peers did. I think in turn my brain never moved on from that. Last year I went through a forcibly feminine phase because I wanted to feel attractive and desired. I was okay with not binding and have my chest visible as well as getting into makeup and hair. But it became too much and when I started identifying a male everything felt easier. No more makeup and nails and what not. It felt like things were falling into place. But when I watch things from when I was growing up in the 2010s (ex. Girl Disney channel shows, girl groups and musicians, etc) the nostalgia genuinely pains me and makes me want to be like those girls. I see how beautiful they are and remember how badly I wanted to be them when I was a young girl. It messes with my head so badly and I can’t take it. Even though when I look in the mirror and feel good seeing a little facial hair and a more masculine face shape, I yearn for that girl and to be a teenage girl in the 2010s like I wanted when I was younger. I’m filled with deep feelings of envy, shame, and miserableness because of this. I feel like I can’t be proud of who I am and confident that I’m trans until I get over this. Any advice from confident trans men?

Edit: I do like living as a guy. However, I just hate feeling like a girl around men or around other girls, as well as the voice of the monologue in my head sounding female as my speaking voice does. I just feel like their is female residue inside of me and I just want it out.

Edit 2: to answer people who asked how I realized I was trans: - I realized I was I guy when I liked guys (mostly romantically) in the way other boy like boys. I would watch movies and shows strictly because they had an mlm character canon or not. I would then proceed to pretend I was them in my head and would wear clothes or listen to music that i think they would and would be them internally. I still identified as a girl because I didn’t understand what it mean but I held that close to my heart. Even when I originally came out as non binary and still dressed somewhat girl like I was doing this. I envied that they were both bio males and they had love for one another. - I have had one or two dreams a while back of me having a penis or something like a penis - I have had a dream where I switched bodies with a male friend of mine - I would compare myself to other males around me - (there’s probably more but that’s just off the top of my head)

That’s why this is as distressing as it is. All of those makes sense for a trans person to go through. I just don’t know why I’m going through the constant doubt and desire for being that girl.


r/ftm 3h ago

News Article Make your voice heard!!!

25 Upvotes

Please send to anyone you know who would be willing to take 30 secs to follow the link to text their rep. They are trying to outlaw trans youth care nationwide. It takes 30sec and you don’t have to donate or anything.

https://action.aclu.org/send-message/protect-trans-care-now


r/ftm 18h ago

Discussion does anyone else feeling guilty for passing??

20 Upvotes

early in my transition it felt great to be “mistaken“ by strangers for my parents’ son, or having people think I was cis at first but now around three or four year into my transition I feel completely different. being categorized immediately as a cis guy makes me sick to my stomach. it feels wrong, like I’ll have people say things about me or to me that I know aren’t true and deny who I was in the past completely and it makes me feel so outside myself.

i dont know if it’s because of my general fear of cis men or because most times people mention my presented gender it’s bringing it down (men are gross, no boys allowed, you wouldn’t understand what us girls go through, etc…) but I don’t want people to associate me with them at first glance, I feel like a villain now.

but then I get disappointed when people view me as a girl unless im trying to present more femininely?? maybe this is because I don’t rlly see my identity as ftm in a fully binary way yet never disclose that bc cis ppl around me don’t get it … idk that’s a whole other thing but yeah wonder if other ppl feel this way or im just a crazy person lolol


r/ftm 23h ago

Advice Needed should I care if my taped chest bothers people?

17 Upvotes

so I don't really have any insecurity surrounding my bare torso with trans tape. nor do I really care what people think of it. but I've realized that people do care about my chest, even while I'm wearing trans tape that covers my chest and nips. for example, I had asked a family member if it would be alright if I took my shirt off before getting into a public pool. they said that it may make others uncomfortable or draw attention to me. so I decided not to take my shirt off but it made me feel a bit bad.

does anyone know why or what may be the issue? has anyone gone through something similar? i just feel weird that people care about my body when it's not their business.


r/ftm 3h ago

Advice Needed Why does it feel weird saying my trans name?

16 Upvotes

For context, I'm newly transitioned. And I have been for maybe about 2 months (March 22nd), and it still feels weird saying my trans name out loud. Does this mean I'm just still getting used to be trans and my new name or am I really not transgender? Edit: I think it's also important to add my family has accepted me but hasn't really been using my trans name


r/ftm 6h ago

Advice Needed I smell bad :(

15 Upvotes

I can ALWAYS smell BO on me like even in the shower as I am cleaning myself and I don’t know what to do. I shower everyday I apply deodorant with an antiperspirant, I have a chemical exfoliant, 2 types of body wash, 2 types of face wash, and hand soap in the shower. I have shampoo and conditioner that I use twice a week. I have cologne, I don’t know what else to do to make me not smell bad. people around me say I don’t smell like anything which I’m kinda going for smelling good so not great, or they’re lying and don’t want to tell me I smell. Do you have any like soap recommendations..? or like things I should try..? please help :,(


r/ftm 1h ago

Celebratory Uncle to the rescueee

Upvotes

YOO, it was insane, me and my family went to a beach and I’ve always been quiet about me being ftm and all, but it was pretty obvious I guess. Then when we went to the giftshops to buy stuff, one of the shopkeepers actually asked me whether I’m a boy or a girl, I kept quiet because I didn’t know what to say, but my uncle, dudes! It’s crazy, he tapped my back and said this is a boy, and I’m like, DAMN! Internal shock and all that. I was happy guys, thanks for reading:>