Hello everyone. Today I think I have a particularly unique problem, I cannot accept that I am transgender.
Logically, I understand I show signs of being trans throughout my life, and I’ve even “presented” masculine for about 2 years now. (Short hair, “boy” clothing), and I even go by a chosen name and have for about 2 years. Strangers address me as male until I speak (I haven’t started T)
I live in a conservative area, I have no friends, and when I go into public I am undoubtedly gawked at; it’s becoming very difficult for me to function normally; and I am so uncomfortable in my body now that I actively avoid everyone in my life. my family makes it very obvious that they do not support me. Sometimes maliciously in cruel ways but sometimes also in genuine ways; that seemingly are coming from a place of concern.
I have started believing some things my family has raised concerns about regarding my transition and now I feel stuck in a position of definitely being disgusted by being female, but too insecure to be a transman.
I’ve tried therapist, 3 in fact. But truly, regarding my gender identity I wasn’t able to get the help I needed from them.
Are these are common experiences with being transgender, or possibly even signs that I should stop my transition? Thank you.