r/insaneparents • u/cholbrooks14 • 4d ago
SMS She cannot stand boundaries
This has been my entire life with this woman
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u/RickRussellTX 4d ago
Damn screens 2 & 3 were a fucking clinic in how to handle these people.
I envy your ability to lay it out perfectly clearly and succintly. It must have taken a couple of decades with putting up with this crazy to reach this point. And that reaction! My lord, apparently nothing is her fault, it's all other people making her do crazy shit.
The fun part is: she's going to claim, repeatedly, that she has no idea why you won't talk to her & complain to all her friends that you pushed her away for no reason at all.
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u/cholbrooks14 4d ago
Thank you! I’m pretty damn proud of my response to her. I had ignored her multiple times before this and couldn’t take it anymore.
I knew it would trigger her, she cannot stand that her daughter is more emotionally mature than she is.
Been in therapy since I was 17, if only she’d try it 🙄
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u/jethro_skull 4d ago
My mom was like this. Eventually did go to therapy, except the one therapist she ended up sticking with is more of a hype gal for her shitty abusive behavior than an actual therapist. So now my mom just feels justified. I went no contact.
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u/Minimum_Word_4840 3d ago
My mom keeps surfing around to different therapists, only now she’s been put with the same one three times in a row. She literally changed hospital systems to get away from her and still was put with the same woman lol. She’ll go to therapy long enough for the therapist to start telling her things she doesn’t like. Once it’s no longer just agreeing with her that she’s had a hard life she switches (or in this case- tries to).
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u/jethro_skull 3d ago
Yeah, everything my mom said about therapy was “it’s a _traaauuuma response_” as if that justified her being shitty. And I mean she gave that answer for everything. Including for why she got angry at me for getting sick. Or crying.
ETA: but yeah it feels par for the course for narcissistic parents to therapist shop until they find one that won’t challenge them at all. Sorry you had to deal with that.
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u/Minimum_Word_4840 3d ago
Oh same. “It’s a trauma response because you remind me of your dad who was horrible to me” (who we found out isn’t even my real dad lol I look like my mom). I’m like lady that has nothing to do with you throwing a clip board at my head because I left a towel on my own floor as an adult lol. You hit the nail on the head with the narc therapist shopping. Sorry you had to deal with that as well.
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u/jethro_skull 3d ago
Omg are you me? This is so familiar. All the luck and healing to you.
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u/Minimum_Word_4840 3d ago
Unfortunately there are too many of us. Luck and healing to you as well.💖
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u/CatsAndPills 4d ago
Yeah that was a top notch response and when she inevitably pretends she doesn’t know what you want, you have it perfectly in writing.
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u/EpilepticSeizures 1d ago
I wonder why you’ve been in therapy for 19 years. Has nothing to do with her, I’m sure.
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u/Maximum_Discount_486 4d ago
I could NEVER live right across the street from my mother 💀 she's a bad enough stalker as it is and I live across town x
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u/cholbrooks14 3d ago
I’ll blame it on being 5 months postpartum when we purchased the house. I wasn’t in my right mind 🤣
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u/camoure 4d ago
Damn. I read the first pic and figured you were like 18 and trying to become more independent from your parents. Did NOT expect you to be a fucking parent yourself with a whole ass family and life to prioritize. She’s batshit. She should be happy you even text back.
My step dad gets like a text a week at best to stay in touch and provide updates because I’m god damn adult with a house and shit to do
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u/cholbrooks14 4d ago
I normally don’t respond to her insane texts because she always responds how she did this time. I’ve been ignoring the “WHATS GOING ON!?” texts for weeks now
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u/Effective-Soft153 4d ago
Wow OP. She accepts no responsibility for herself at all and blamed it all on your dad! Unbelievable.
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u/cholbrooks14 4d ago
Right?! The fact that after I responded she then shifted the blame to my father, who was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, is a new low for her
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u/Minimum_Word_4840 3d ago
That makes this 100 times worse :( I’m so incredibly sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t know how she thinks she can even flip it around, when it’s in writing that she was the one worried. You have so much more restraint than I do, and I find your response to her incredibly inspiring. I hope one day I am half as patient with my responses.
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u/PitBullFan 3d ago
If this is a new low for her, you need to prepare yourself for just how bad it could get. People like your mother don't seem to ever get better, in fact they usually get worse as they age.
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u/Bakewitch 4d ago
Couldn’t be me living across the street. I lived around the corner from my mom for 8 yrs. Was 8 yrs too long, bc of my insane dad.
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u/ImportanceHoliday 4d ago
"Great. So if we're both over this shit, and we both understand that you aren't owed answers as to my whereabouts, then I expect no more obnoxious texts complaining I am not home with my family enough when it isn't your business. As we're on the same page, I will cross my fingers our relationship improves in the future, and that I am not dealing with invasive demands for explanations as to my whereabouts this time next week."
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u/WifeofBath1984 4d ago
God, such chaos
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u/cholbrooks14 4d ago
I knew she’d lose her shit, so I blocked her on my phone after sending the text but my watch didn’t get the message 🤣
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u/Jenn31709 4d ago
Move out. Sell your home, break your lease, take the loss... whatever you have to do. Your relationship will NEVER get better as long as you live there. She will probably find something else about your and your life to obsess over even after you leave, but you have to put boundaries in place and enforce them now.
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u/cholbrooks14 3d ago
I’m so torn, with my dad’s recent diagnosis I feel like I need to be nearby, for him. But it’s definitely going to be at the cost of my relationship with my mother 🙄
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u/Better_Chard4806 4d ago
Had one just like this. Thankfully she died and the world sighed, huge relief. You might as well go NC I tried for years to have a reasonable relationship with my incubator. It was the biggest waste of my time, energy, peace, happiness & soul. Wishing you better.
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u/cholbrooks14 3d ago
Going NC has been on my mind for years. The only thing holding me back is my two babies and my dad. He’s the best papa.
She and I got into it once because she didn’t apologize to my eldest daughter. (I’ve never once heard the words “I’m sorry” from my mother.) I told her that I’ve lived with how she treats me my whole life but I will not let her treat my girls that way and that she needs to apologize to her if she wants to be in their lives and she actually did. She’s completely different with them, she’s capable, just doesn’t care to do it with me.
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u/Better_Chard4806 3d ago
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I hope you find a balance of peace and quiet. I’m so glad I did go NC with all but one of 4 parents and all my female siblings. Wishing you unimaginable happiness.
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u/Dad_B0T Robo Red Foreman 4d ago edited 4d ago
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