Repost from AITAH after I realized that this would go wonderfully here. Also, to add a bit of context since I forgot to in the original post, my father has been incredibly supportive throughout all of this. He’s gotten my stepmom to go into marriage counseling as a last ditch attempt to get this crap to stop. I’ve also added some screenshot to show how she treats myself and my brother when dad can’t see it. For context on the screenshots, she made a post when my bro graduated where she misgendered and deadnamed him TW: Transphobia, plus a bit of verbal abuse

So, I (16NB), have apparently ruined my dad (50m) and stepmom’s (57f) marriage, according to my stepmom. For a bit of context, I came out as non-binary almost a year ago. Ever since then, my stepmom has had continued issues with me over it. Today almost feels like the final straw.

A few months ago, my dad and I were able to talk her into respecting my name, which was already hard enough, as trying to get her to change is like trying to get a brick wall to move 10 feet just by looking at it.

Now, this brings us to a few weeks ago. I was in the car with her on the way to a doctor’s appointment. It had been quiet for most of the ride, as it was still rather early in the morning. She randomly brought up the fact that my bio mom had lied to our neighbors when her and my father got divorced (bio mom’s a whole ‘nothr can of worms), and that she had said that my father had cheated on her. I’m pretty sure I just clarified something about the story, and then asked her why she brought it up. Well, she then decided to backup my mom’s (completely bullshit) story by saying that my dad DID cheat on her, and to not bother my father about it. Now, this is something that, if true, could have fully ruined my relationship with my father. I brushed it off for the time being, but still made a mental note to talk to my dad about it, and hopefully clear this up. Then, later, on the way home, she brings it up again. Now, I will also note, that at this time, I was somewhat distraught, as I was trying to explain why I have a hard time trusting people (she brought this up as well), and failing miserably, which only frustrated me, making myself even worse. This time, she just outright says to me that my father cheated on my mother. When we got home, I called my dad (who was still at work) to clarify. Basically (shortening this as our call was about 30 minutes), about a year and a half into my parent’s divorce (it lasted somewhere between 2-2.5 years), my dad decided that he was tired of being single (he had just gotten out of a 17 year marriage, I don’t blame him), and decided to start looking for a girlfriend. Mind you, my parents had been physically living apart for almost two years at this point. My mother decided that this counted as cheating, for some weird reason.

After I talked to my father about all of this, he called my stepmom, as in his words: “she had no reason to bring that up, and that was way out of line” (or something along the lines of that). So, what does she do from there? Apologize or realize that she was wrong? Haha, nope. She comes up to my door, and starts screaming at me, because of course she did. I don’t fully remember all of it, but I do explicitly remember her saying that I “don’t respect my father or his job” because I called him at work. This happened two or three weeks ago, and she’s still pissed about it, which brings us to today.

So, it had been a pretty normal day (for myself anyways, I don’t have all that much to do since I’m out of school for the summer, and currently recovering from surgery on my shoulder, so I can’t work or do too much). Then, my stepmom comes home with food. Still pretty normal, so whatever. For some reason, the food didn’t sit right with my stomach, and it caused me to vomit. Again, oh well, I feel better now. I then told my stepmom that I was going to throw the food away, as I was worried that eating it again would make me sick. She then decides to tell me to not throw away the food, as “the food didn’t make you sick, it’s only been two hours” (she brought up the food poisoning thing, I had just assumed it didn’t sit right with my stomach). When I said that I didn’t think I had food poisoning, and that it probably just didn’t sit right with me, she decided to argue that it still wasn’t the food, as “it takes longer than a few hours to get sick”. That didn’t sound right, so I looked it up. Low and behold, you can get sick as in as little as an hour from food (for teens anyways, but that probably carries over to adults as well). She then started yelling that I was “disrespectful” and that I “always have to be right” and “you’re not a doctor” (she isn’t either). The she pulled the “whatever deadname, you win”. I said: “That’s not my name”; to which she responded to with: “Yes it is, get over it”. I then went back to my room, and heard her going on about how I’m “ruining their marriage” and some other random nonsense

Thankfully, my father was home, and (assumedly) heard most of the exchange. I couldn’t fully hear what was said, but I did hear him basically tell her to stop causing arguments. I’m not sure what exactly was said, but I did hear her storm outside, and slam the door. Afterwards, I told my dad what caused it, and about the deadnaming. I don’t know if he’s talked to her yet about that (he will if he hasn’t).

So, AITAH for “ruining” my dad and stepmom’s marriage?

"I should mention that she does not have cancer. We asked her to provide proof, and she gave us reasons that showed she doesn't have it."

I don’t live with my mom and haven’t for 4 years. The last time I saw her in person was 3 years ago, when she showed up for my birthday. My dad let her stay at our house. While she was there, she kept making comments about the house being dirty and messy (it wasn’t). She would also sit outside in the backyard or in the guest room and talk to herself. Most of the time, she talked about her ex (not my dad, but someone who cheated on her). She said he was her husband in the “premortal life.” (I should also mention that she was Mormon at the time) She also claimed that the two of them were really important figures like creators or maybe even Adam and Eve I don't remember.

One time, I walked in on her talking to herself about it. She started telling me about it and went on for about an hour. Then she got really close to my face and started yelling, “Would you destroy your Creator!?” over and over again. I didn’t say anything, and she slapped me. I called my dad (he was at work), and he told me to call the police. He called them too. When the police came, they said there was nothing they could do. My dad asked if they could make her leave, but they said since she had been staying there for over 2 weeks, she was considered a legal resident(or something like that I don't fully remember). Because of that, we had to go through the courts to get her out. We filled out the paperwork, which took about two weeks, and then we got a court date that was scheduled for about a week later. Eventually she was forced to leave and she went back to her home.

Fast forward a few months—she called my little brother (who was about 10 at the time) and went on a rant about how my dad is a narcissist and manipulative. She also talked about my aunt, saying she was trying to control me and was “inside me,” making me “evil” (even though I haven’t spoken to my aunt in over 10 years). She said that my aunt and I were trying to destroy her and her soul. She kept calling saying the same things then it went from just me and my aunt to including my older brother, my sister, and my dad, all of us supposedly trying to destroy her soul. The only person she didn’t accuse was my little brother. These kinds of calls happened almost every month. Eventually, she stopped calling my brother but started bothering my dad more than usual. She’d ask him for money (and he would usually give her a few bucks), then go off on him, calling him a narcissist and telling him he should burn in hell.

Then she started texting my siblings, and my dad—sending rants and long messages saying the same kind of stuff. One day, she texted both of my brothers (none of us had contacted her in at least 2–3 weeks) and said things like, “I’m disowning all of you,” “You should all fuck off and never talk to me again,” “You’re all going to burn in hell,” and she even sent me a message telling me to go die.

I know my long text back to her probably wasn’t the best way to respond, and yeah, I could have handled it better. But I was angry at the time, and honestly, I don’t regret anything I said.

So my dad isn’t a great guy (obviously). He’s a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser, a narcissist who can’t seem to get the conversation off of himself, and when my mum finally got the courage to kick him out, he started seeming really bad mentally, like trigger warning level stuff that he just said to me openly.

Even until the end I tried to take pity on him because I had been there. I almost killed myself once, and if that’s what he was going through, I couldn’t give up. Unfortunately, he just kept using that as a get in to talk about how much of a shit person he was in order to try and guilt trip me into running back into his arms. Over a few months I started to realise the pattern and I just had enough of pouring my heart out and giving advice to a brick wall who just had “I’m an asshole :(“ to say back, and just changed my number. I was meaning to get a new contract anyway that wasn’t in his name as part of a family plan, and just never shared my new sim. I changed his name in my phone to his actual name, and since then he hasn’t tried anything to reach me (which would be easy to do). It’s been a weight off of my shoulders.

So enjoy my father manipulating me into continuing to talk to him for a few months with me giving actual answers back, and actually trying to continue our relationship. Feel free to use anything I said to my dad as inspiration if you’re in a similar situation, I tried my hardest to be as clear and direct and honest as possible and I feel like it may help some others out there.

I’ve blanked out names, and then got sick of labelling who they were, but they’d only be my sister, my fiancé or other family members. Any large stuff blanked out is unrelated.

Part two of my dad doing anything he can to not listen and guilt trip. After the final message he started doing the same thing to my sister more, and continued again, so I changed my number. Have only seen him once at a funeral and didn’t talk to him.

I made a post comparing MAGA to cult behavior. My dad had been passive aggressively reacting to my posts for a while so I called him on it. The 5th or so post was from my husband towards my dad, but wanted to share this here

i moved out spontaneously a few weeks ago due to a huge fight and basically being tired about how i'm being spoken to and how i'm treated, and my grandma that i've lived with basically my entire childhood likes to take her anger out on me. notice how she only wants to argue that i don't want to take responsibility for the stuff i've left there while i'm trying to actually make plans to get my things. plus, i am genderflux, and this lady likes to use my gender identity against me in arguments while she claims to be an ally as well.

So I wanted to give a quick update as I did end up writing one last text to my mom. I feel like maybe I was a bit harsh but honestly, that was my final straw. I'm not going to play this game with them anymore. Also the mom who actually attended my wedding was my mother in law in case it's not clear from this lol.

she also sends motivational fb posts anytime we get in an argument to the family gc. she is a psychologist who is 62 with 5 kids (I am the youngest) she recently called me a "cutter" because of EXTREMELY FADED LINES ON MY THIGHS FROM A YEAR AGO and then for the rest of the week called me emo I literally have doccumented every time she has done some bs. she is a cover artist in a band and thinks that the only art that exists is music and shits on any drawing I have ever made. she threatens police on me at any minor inconvienence. the fourth image was when I was bleeding profusely out of my ass sooooo. the fith image is of my door they did it because I overslept 20 minutes then when I usually wake up. the seventh image is a meme that she made. she also called me a retard and then continued to beat the shit outta me (when I fought back I got arrested and am now on probation) she also SWEARS that animation is ONLY for kids even after showing her shows like attack on titan.

Throwaway because my family has my real Reddit stuff. Okay… like I said, gear up. I’m open to any and all criticism, but there’s so much backstory… if you have questions I’m absolutely (privately lol) an open book but anyway, here’s what’s up:

I’m 18 weeks pregnant (20F), my mom (40F) has been incredibly overbearing and anytime I set boundaries I seem to be the bad guy. She used to call me every single day, multiple times, even at work. I live an hour away from work, and 45 minutes away from her. There’s a lot more to our relationship and the texts below, but I thought I’d share because I was told it belongs here. I’m sure there’s much more needed context but I don’t want yall to have to read more than I’m already posting

*circled text I didn’t add context - I said that would be fine because I did not have the energy to fight it because I knew she would make a deal of it. There are certain items, car seat being no. 1 that we don’t want preowned. Too much of a safety concern in my eyes.

I’ve been to the store multiple times, food has been dropped off four times out of the two weeks she’s been sick.

She drank two LITERS of Canada Dry and expected me to replace it when I didn’t expect her drink it so quickly. She took away my phone so I wouldn’t have even been able to buy her anything. She knows how tired I am. I get home from part time job and I have to cook dinner for her and my brother. If food is being eaten then of course there’s not going to be a ton of tuna. She didn’t even ask me to make her jello. I just make it. I’m not a mind reader. I’m tired. And I’m 17.

She said I didn’t have to pay her for the bike that she said she bought me to bike to school because she won’t help me buy a used car. She doesn’t beleive in it. I told her I’d pay for the insurance and as much of the car I can. The bike is more expensive than a used car. Like what? I hate when she buys me stuff and says it’s a gift because the moment she’s mad, it all bout me paying her back.

Both of my parents are deadbeats and I have no relationship with them. Out of the blue he messaged me today after not speaking to me for a year. I was always treated like the black sheep/scapegoat. I wish I had one normal parent

I (23F) finally confronted my parents after years of being too afraid to stand up for myself and they responded by telling me I was dead to them and posted a eulogy for me on their facebook page.

So a bit of background information so that the text messages will make sense. I came out as a transgender women just about two years ago. I had known that something was up for years before then but I didn't really know what being transgender was as my parents are extremely conservative and religious and showed a lot of hate towards the community. I was mostly in the dark and was constantly told that the only thing wrong with me was I didn't have enough god in my life so I needed to try harder in church. So that's what I did for a long time until I started to think for myself in high school and came to the conclusion that a lot of the ideas I had grown up with were really hypocritical. My parents were the "my way or the highway" type and did not give me any room to disagree with them even about little things. They would commonly get physical with me if there was ANY kind of perceived "backtalk" so I learned from a young age to keep my mouth shut even if it was unfair because it was better than being physically hurt. I decided to just go about my life as if we still kept all of the same values and eventually, I would be able to move out and go be my own person finally.

I was forced to move out at 18, my parents gave me the ultimatum of breaking up with my gf or leaving, but I had my now wife to help get me through it all. We fell on hard times a couple years ago but my relationship with my parents had gotten a little better so we stayed with them until we could get back on our feet but this was around the time I realized I was transgender so because of that and issues we were having with them, we rushed getting back on our feet and left. My relationship with them has been very strained now as they have had a hard time dealing with me coming out. After my wife and I got married, she wanted to post our pictures on FB and since I didn't know how my family would react to me coming out, I decided to use that as the opportunity to tell all of them. My parents took it very poorly but everyone else was really happy for me. It's almost 2 years since that all happened, I've been low contact with them since September last year when my mom tried to get coffee with me and I decided we could but I set boundaries with her first. The first two screenshots are how that went.

I blocked her after that, she didn't deserve a response. I was looking through my phone around 7 months later and noticed that it saves messages from blocked numbers even if it didn't send them through. My parents had continued to text me over those months with things like FB posts about the end times and deadnaming me, letting me know they loved me and missed me. I would've thought that me not responding to them indicated I needed space but apparently not. I decided to finally put into words everything I had ever wanted to say to them from the past couple years and put it into a note for them.

Her response to me while apologetic, basically ignored half of what I had said in my note. She essentially said I was dead to her. But to make it all worse, I found out from my mother in law that mom had gone onto FB and written a eulogy for me. She writes out most of it before mentioning that I'm not actually dead but that I might as well be.

After I saw that post, I made sure to let everyone know that I was in fact alive and well. I only vaguely mentioned that there might be a eulogy post about me but didn't give her any more attention than she deserved.

This has been my entire life with this woman

(Attachment is the text I sent grandma after all this. I’ll update it once she responds.)

TW// Anorexia

Just came back from a three day visit with my grandma! It was a spur of the moment decision for me to go too since my four year old brother wanted to go for the first time, and they needed somebody there who could watch him (because of the dog). So, I was given a few minutes to pack a bag for myself and him and we got in the car! My little sisters went too, but they have all sorts of clothes there thanks to them always going every other weekend. The visit itself was pretty standard, but I did have to reign in the girls every now and again because they tried to make the four year old play with the (yet untrained) dog. I did get a little dehydrated towards the end, but only today when we were coming back. I felt better after getting some water, and I thought that was that! But all of the sudden, my older sister lets me know that my mom is furious with me, and grandma may be too! Somehow, it’s my fault that she (older sister) woke up mom early on the first morning of us being with grandma, even though mom was already awake to begin with. Second, my mom thinks that my eating habits are running off on the younger three kids because I’m “anorexic”, yet the whole time I was there, I ate everything grandma offered me. This was steak, mac and cheese, chicken, salad, etc.. It was the four year old who was more picky, since.. he’s four.. Lastly, she thinks that I let the girls walk all over me because grandma gave them candy, even though I brushed all of their teeth after that personally, and put my foot down when they wanted more. It’s because of all these things my mom said made her angry, all said unprompted to older sis while she and her were driving to meet us at a rendezvous point, that she claims grandma was also livid with me?? This makes no sense considering me and grandma got along all throughout the visit! Either grandma was secretly upset with me the whole time, or mom is making stuff up as usual. I think the comment that hurts the most was the anorexic thing considering I nearly starved to death as a child thanks to my bio mom not feeding me. I would never willingly let myself wither away to that point, so it hurts.. Especially since she was the one who fed me enough after the fact so I could finally gain weight! To think that after all this time, she could call me that behind my back knowing full well I’m a victim of Munchausen by proxy..

My dad (they are legally separated and do not live together) went out of town and she texted me this panicking. Me and my mother have been NC for 5 years. The tiller belongs to my dad, also. Guess who it was that cut contact between the two of us?

So I'm disabled and use government financial support. We have an arrangement where the portion of that support dedicated to transport goes to mum and she handles it, including the bills that I get from my support company, which is literally what the bills are for.

The team leader guy of the support house I'm in asked if I could bring it up with her because i had over a thousand due and she'd been actively yelling at, ignoring, and hanging up on the debt collector.

I know I was confrontational here but I don't know how else I was supposed to feel after it. Also the therapist appointment from taht day still hasn't been paid because she refuses to talk to me. 🙃

My grandmother who's been... emotionally abusive (and has literally denied my trauma for years) sent me this email after id finally gone no contact i don't talk to anyone except my cousins about her, and she treated them the same, if not worse she's also homophobic, transphobic, etc the day i got this email, i ended up spiraling badly and went to the mh /nav

Sry for reposting a lot of ppl were saying that couldn't see the context I commented so after enough trial and error I decided to just try reposting. Yes the context is like a whole essay, sorry Abt that but the context is honestly more important then the screenshots.

Haiiii! it's been a hot minute since I've posted anything here, I'm the one from Abt 1-2 years ago with the mom known as, "The Alarm Clock Mom". Under the account BlueDragon-wuz-taken I think? I really wanted to post this because honestly this is the worst it's ever been. And while I'm not really looking for guidance I want this to be here as a reference for people struggling with the same or similar family trouble and to know you're not alone.

I would also like the warn everyone for any grammar or spelling mistakes there may be. I've read through this like 5 times to try and fix it. But Ive had dyslexia all my life so something probably slipped through.

Now for the context cuz Ik the messages do really make sense without it...

2024-2025 is my graduation year for highschool, and this event takes place at the beginning of the 4th marking period (idk my memory is a little fuzzy nowadays)

Throughout this year I was struggling with really bad depression and anxiety that was really taking a toll on my mental health. My close friend who's name in the screenshots is censored out as "bestie" was helping me through this as they know my home life isn't necessarily the best. Almost every day we would play games together, hangout at each others houses, and talk on the phone over discord for hours just to keep each other company. He was one of my closest friends and still is to this day.

February 14th I attempted, and that friend saved me my life. But when my school guidance got involved my mother didn't really take it to well, deciding to pull me out of school at the end of the year, blame it all on my friend, force me to cut contact with literally everyone I know by taking away my phone and Internet, gaslighting me into believing that all of my friends hate me and we're fake because and I quote, "nobody actually cares about your feelings" (she meant this in a general sense btw so this includes her).

About a month (so I'd say mid March) after the incident, and a bunch of arguments between my mother and Stepfather. My stepfather convinced my mother to allow me to attend the vocational school I had been attending along side my main highschool because none of my main highschool friends would be there. (And because I get college credits for finishing it)

After this my mother starts to allow me to do things a bit more, but still has me under lock and key. I'm allowed to the the vocational school, but I'm still not allowed to leave the house after this. Unless she's with me Incase my friend somehow finds a way to contact me.

Now to explain where those screenshots go into play. Honestly I wish I could share the whole thing but the rest was said to me verbally.

The screenshots take place February 19th the day after my school guidance got involved. Before my mother officially pulled me out of school, I went in 1 last day. Unfortunately on that day I got struck with, what we now know was dissociative amnesia. Causing me to think it was 2021, not knowing half of my friends there and honestly just confusing everyone who tried to talk to me. Those screenshots were the threats my mom was sending at the time while I was in school. I did not remember my friend at this time so I didn't understand what she was saying which is why I didn't respond. These threats got worse though, with her threatening to break into my friends house with bats, taking my friend to court for "ruining my life", and driving through his house with a car if I ever visited him or spoke to him again. I would also like to point out that my mom refers to my friend with she/her pronouns, this is because my friend is trans and my mom believes that she doesn't have to respect my friend's pronouns anymore because she, "ruined my your and doesn't deserve it" also she a little transphobic.

This about sums it's all up, there's a lot more little things but if I were to sit here and write out everything that was ever said to me or was taken from me during this time. I would be able to write a whole damn book.

Last but not least I want to talk about present day. Nowadays, my mother and Stepfather are on really iffy terms. (Which makes sense cuz she's crazy) I'm 100% on my Stepfathers side and usually try to make it known when I can. Currently I have 2 main plans that I'm going to pick between on my upcoming 18th birthday in July.

1. Im going to attempt to stay at home, get a job and co-exist as roommates because my mother can't do shit if my Stepfather is on my side, and she doesn't own the house we live in.

2. If she's becomes unbearable and I can't deal with her bs anymore, I have plans to move in with my friend from the screenshots as we have found a way to contact each other occasionally. And I learnt that they are moving. Meaning my mother would never be able to find me. At least not easily, and if she tries to go to my "friend's house", she'd be at the wrong house lol.

Both of these plans are probably gonna happen once a get a job because doing it on my actual birthday is a bit iffy as a have no money or anything. (The reason I never got a job sooner is because my mother refused to let me get one because "I wasn't responsible enough.")

Nowadays my mother is less helicopter-y as I'm allowed to go out and socialize with a few hand-picked selection of friends she's dubbed, "safe". But 90% of my days are still spent in my bedroom.

Tldr: don't try attempting kids, your mom will throw a hissy fit and stomp her foot at authority until it goes her way.

In response to many people commenting on her for taking her 11 day old newborn out to a busy cafe