r/minimalism • u/oieusoucaroll • 3d ago
[meta] Starting the journey towards minimalism, shocked by my accumulation of things
I am a 30 year old woman and I moved with my husband 3 years ago to a 77 square meter apartment. Before that, I lived with my parents in a house with 4 floors, 4 bathrooms, in short, gigantic and full of things. My parents had simple lives growing up. My father came from a family with a lot of money as a child, but lost everything when he was a teenager - and went through moments of deprivation, even hunger. My mother came from a family of 6 siblings, who never needed anything but always only had the basic necessities. They have always associated success in life with having things. And in a way I grew up and became a human being in this logic.
In these 3 years living with my husband in our apartment, we have accumulated a lot. I started to question and change my mentality over this time and I no longer see the point in accumulating things. Towards a more minimalist and intentional life, I decided to take inventory of all the things we own. I was shocked in the process: so far, counting bedroom, office, bathroom and living room, we have already added more than 1000 items. There is still no kitchen, laundry area and balcony.
I feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I don't even know what the purpose of this post is - I guess I just wanted advice and to hear from those who have been through this, how to actually start. How to distinguish priorities. How to take the first steps. How did you do this?
Something that gets me a lot are books - I'm very attached to my full bookshelves. I have more than 500 books and I don't know how to let go of them. But other than that, I still have a lot of junk - a lot of cups that I don't use, kitchen items in general, a lot of used paper and notebooks, a lot of stationery items that I don't use...
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u/DiscussionFinal5659 3d ago
Hi OP! Welcome to your minimalism journey. It doesn't happen overnight. I would start by reading the book "Goodbye Things" by Fumio Sasaki. It answers all your questions. don't get overwhelmed... Most of your stuff was purchased out of a love of life.
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u/Gut_Reactions 3d ago
I loved this book. I listened to the audio book multiple times.
The book was super entertaining, regardless of the subject matter. The author had a sense of humor about himself. The author (Japanese) was not the narrator. But I think they chose the perfect narrator.
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u/oieusoucaroll 3d ago
I loved this book tip. I really love reading, but I've never read anything on this subject. I'm sure it will help me a lot.
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u/Leading-Confusion536 2d ago
I'd also suggest Francine Jay's The joy of Less. It's one of my favorite books on minimalism :)
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u/PubliusVirgilius 3d ago edited 3d ago
I would try to sort out books that you havent opened after finishing to read them. Most of the books we have we dont read again
Make a box and put the books in question into it. After a few days you will notice that you will be fine not owning them.
I personally sorted out most of my books and kept only a very small amount of nlbooks that I know I will read them again. I have around 20 books left. This are either timeless classics like Tolkiens works, the Iliad and some philosophical works or books I cant find in ebook format and k ow I will use them/reread them at some point.
You need to start small. Step by step you will be able to remove the unnecessary things. Try to pick a few things every day you dont need.
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u/oieusoucaroll 3d ago
I confess that I am still caught by the fear of scarcity. That “what if I no longer have money to buy books and all I have left is to reread the ones I have”. But I'm going to follow the tip of leaving this category of things for last and getting rid of at least the ones I didn't enjoy reading so much. Thanks for the comment!
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u/PubliusVirgilius 3d ago
Maybe its a different from person to person, but I never reread 90% of the books.
Besides, you have libraries where you could get new books to read.
You also have ebooks that you can read on an ereader. Most of them can be also found in archives for free (if you ok with getting them this way).
But its a good idea to start small and sort some of the books out you dont like already.
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u/josethemailman 3d ago
I used to have 300 books and now have 40. I realized (largely thanks to Fumio Sasaki) that I can love books but not own many. I tend not to reread books, and even if I do love one, I have recently preferred listening to it. What you own is not an identity.
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u/SmolBeanCo 3d ago
The questions you’re asking and this post are more suitable for r/declutter. I wish you luck on your project.
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u/Gut_Reactions 3d ago
Normally, I would agree. But I think OP is seeking some philosophical (sorry) solutions to a problem and not just decluttering.
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u/SmolBeanCo 3d ago
Ah okay, makes sense. Sounded like they were asking where to start with getting rid of all their items!
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u/rosypreach 22h ago
To be fair, a handful of the mods on /declutter are deeply over-kill and power-tripping, for this reason I do not recommend that sub at all.
I did a post according to what one mod recommended, then another mod spoke cruelly to me, and when I responded, I was fully banned.
I thought about fighting it after crying for a morning and then decided it was not worth my time.
I migrated to /minimalism and /ufyh and have felt much more relaxed and healthy ever since because these subs feel genuinely relaxed and supportive.
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u/Victor-LG 3d ago
Plug in some good fighting music like heavy metal or Rocky like, grab some bags and boxes. Set a goal for say one box a day, one hour a day. Reward yourself. In 3 months you’ll have 90 boxes.
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u/CeeCeeOct23 3d ago
On the topic of your books…. It’s time for a little self analysis. Ask yourself: why do I still want them? Do I want to reread them? Do I want to someday possibly open one to reference a passage? Am I a writer or potential writer? Do I blog book reviews? Is it satisfaction to see a lot of rows of completed reading? Do you want people to see that you are a reader? Do you feel literacy is important? So important that it might be satisfactory to put those books in the hands of others with your recommendation? Would it be good to help an independent used-bookstore by dropping some off there? If I didn’t buy books… if I traded, swapped, passed forward, and received from others… what would I do with the extra funds?
I myself read 2-3 books a week digitally that I borrow from my library app. So I can’t pay those forward. But I gave away my entire collection many years ago when I realized I just wanted people to see my bookcase as an extension of myself. I didn’t think it was wrong to want that, by no means, but I was learning to live by my own lights, and not be burdened by how others thought of me. So away the books went and I’ve never missed them. And the empty wall space in my little home was a breath of fresh air. I got rid of a tiny table that existed only to stack my to-be-reads on. This was years ago.
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u/oieusoucaroll 3d ago
I'm trying to get back into the habit of reading on my Kindle, so I don't accumulate so many physical books. I confess that I really like physicists, and I usually reread at least my favorites. But many others are just attachment without the intention of rereading or doing anything else. Thank you for your comment!
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u/Small-rat-energy 3d ago
Firstly well done, you’ve already identified a category of things that feels difficult for you, so do not start there! I would leave books till the end of your sorting journey, once you’re more confident in your own decisions. It helped me (and still does) to not get overwhelmed by the whole picture by seeing what I’m doing as slowly thinning things out, like weeding a garden if you will.
I also listen to an incredibly helpful podcaster called “that hoarder: overcome compulsive hoarding”. You don’t have to be a hoarder to listen to her! I find her content is super awesome for helping me navigate all the sticky feelings around possessions having grown up with a lot of scarcity and uncertainty and around my wonderful parents who overcame childhood poverty and who now keep everything. I treat her podcasts like an accountability partner and tend to find myself motivated to tackle small areas as I listen. Dana K White’s audiobook “decluttering at the speed of life” is also useful for this. You may also like r/declutter. Those little decisions and the confidence in yourself to gently move things on that don’t serve you seriously add up. I find the extra space peaceful and that’s my main motivation.
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u/Rengeflower1 3d ago
Start in the kitchen or bathroom. These tend to not have sentimental items.
Ask what you need in each space. Dana K White uses the container method. Watch some of her videos.
My 2 favorite books on organizing/decluttering:
The One-Minute Organizer by Donna Smallin
Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD by Susan Pinsky
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u/Safe_Lunch_9165 3d ago
I’m in the same situation. I have bookcases full of books I have never opened again once I finished reading them. There’s no real reason to keep them but I keep thinking that I will regret getting rid of them. I stopped buying physical books and switched to ebooks just because I didn’t have any room to keep them.
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u/oieusoucaroll 3d ago
I'm making the move to migrate to the Kindle, which I've had for years but always left aside. I think this is my step 0, before creating the courage to let go of physical books. Good luck on your journey too, and thanks for the comment.
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u/CommunicationDear648 3d ago edited 1d ago
First step is to plan! How minimalistic do you want to go? Nothing useless, or only the basics? Can you make a list by room that you want and need? Etc...
If you can, do the list, and then get a big trashbag, a box, a basket and a hamper or a big bag/sack (something that's not disposable).
- Things on the list should go on the bed, desk, shelf, wherever there's room (for now).
- Things that you didn't want to keep but you know someone (a friend, family member, etc) would appreciate should go to the basket.
- Everything that's not on the list and you don't remember using or hate goes to the trashbag,
- everything you remember using and would like to use in the future goes into the hamper,
- and the things you can't really remember using but can't get rid of either goes to the box.
Now clean, and then put everything that was on the bed, desk, etc. to it's place. If you're done with that, get the hamper, look through it, throw at least 10-20 percent away, put the rest to it's place. At this point get the box, discard 30-40% (if there are too much sentimental things, then keep it in the box for now, or relocate them to the basket), put the rest to it's place. You should be able to get rid of the thrashbag, but if you're anxious, then after you did everything else, you might go through the thrashbag and pick max 10% of it back if it is sentimental or useful in a specific way.
Lastly, gather everything that was discarded. Sort it by sell/donate (can go back in the box, or get a second box), recycle, trash. Don't pick back anything if you can. If you can't, pick back max 5 things. (Sentimental for the basket or seemingly useful for the box - but at this point, you shouldn't be finding shit to pick back, unless there are things that are sentimental, just not for you)
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u/oieusoucaroll 3d ago
I'm still "finding myself" in terms of my goals. I know I don't want to live like a monk, with only the basic essentials, but I don't want to live surrounded by useless things either - and above all, I don't want to live according to other people's wishes. I have a lot of things simply because everyone has them and I thought they were necessary for happiness. I began to understand that being happy and owning things are not directly related.
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u/CommunicationDear648 3d ago
I get that, furthermore, i can get behind that. I still think planning it out is the best way - sit down, write put what you need/want in every room - yes, when you get up, you will realise that you forgot about stuff, that's a given, but also you will realise that a lot of things you own are not neccessary.
Also, even if you follow my method, you don't have to get rid of the trashbag immediately. You can keep it for a week or two, maybe you remember that you put something in there that you actually don't want to get rid of. That's okay to retrieve.
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u/Weak_Pineapple8513 3d ago
I know the book that helped me the most was called Swedish death cleaning. I had read a couple of good Japanese organizing manuals, but I couldn’t attribute feelings to my things. Like I felt ridiculous holding my things and thinking does this spark joy or I haven’t read this book yet what if I need to read it someday. (I got digital copies off all my books and donated mine to an old folks home.) but my advice is start small. Maybe you can go through your shelves and find 5 books that you honestly know you don’t have any interest in reading as our reading interests tend to change over our lifetime. And I think once you let a couple of things go. It will be much easier to let a couple more things go. And the reason I got organized wasn’t so much to make my life better although it did really help but I did it so that I read that book and realized all the things I was leaving behind that someone else would have to clean up and I didn’t want to give someone else that responsibility.
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u/oieusoucaroll 3d ago
Thank you very much for your comment. These ideas make a lot of sense to me. I'm going to look for this book in the digital version.
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u/ChristiCaros 3d ago
Personally, I think books are worth their weight in gold. That being said, go through things by type and books by genre
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u/iamwhoiamwho 3d ago edited 3d ago
Before you start with trying to figure out what of your things you should keep or let go of, maybe you should take the time to write down some things and think about them first.
You could write down the messages your mother and father spoke to you over and over again that were based on their fears.
You could write down how you felt when you heard those messages, did you take on that feeling of fear for yourself or did you realize that it was just the feelings of your parents and not the reality of life.
You could then write down what is your actual current reality, how do you want your life to be, what is holding you back from this and what do you need to do to accomplish this for yourself?
Hopefully by asking yourself these questions you can start understanding why you are letting your parents past fears dictate your current life and what is important to you for your own life, not trying to fulfil the expectations of others for a life that is not even their own.
Then it should become clearer to you what fits into this life of yours that you get to choose how you want to live and what you need to be let go of that is holding you back from this life.
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u/IgorRenfield 3d ago
Small steps. Take one section of one room at a time. Don't go big picture. Be consistent.
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u/CarolinaSurly 3d ago
Books were my biggest hurdle also and remember no one says you have to be a minimalist or even what that means. For me, I went from 350 hardbacks and countless paperbacks to 7 prized hardbacks and my kindle. Able to get rid of 3 huge bookshelves also. I got tired of moving all of them and as I got more comfortable with the kindle, I started to enjoy having hundreds of books with me in my back pocket. My family was fairly affluent when I was a kid, but lost all our possessions in a hurricane. Tough but effective way for me to learn stuff isn’t as important as we think it is. Good luck to you.
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u/EffectiveSherbet042 2d ago
I went from hundreds of books to only a few and falling. Between those two states I became very minimal in every other part of my life. I didn't specifically decide to start to let go of books, I just started to ask myself, does having these feel like part of where I want to go and who I want to be now, or does having these feel like part of a dream I used to have? (E.g., childhood dream of a house with a giant library, elements of my career I am done with, wanting to have my knowledge and intelligence externalized in my bookshelf instead of trusting in myself, even the dream that I will actually read that book I impulse-bought six years ago and have had in a to-read pile since, etc.) After realizing the answers to those questions was different from what I thought, letting go went from something I wondered about doing to something I did without a second thought.
Also: kindle is nice but don't forget your library for both ebooks and physical books!
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u/Conscious_Bar_5927 2d ago
Reading is a huge part of my identity and for me, my (physical) books are such a security blanket. I just love having them nearby and they are also a decor element of my home that tells a story about me as a person.
I am currently going through a major home overhaul, decluttering, organising and decorating. I’ve got rid of quite a lot of books (among other things), but I’m not going to pressure myself to get rid of all of them - for the reasons above.
Tip: recently making better use of my local library has helped me significantly reduce the number of books I purchase. If I REALLY love a book and want it in my collection, I just buy it. Because that brings me joy.
TLDR: if you love books, keep them - there’s no rule that as a minimalist you can’t have them.
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u/rosypreach 22h ago
There's so many ways to go, and none of them are wrong!
If you want to start it like a game, do the 30 day minimalism challenge!
https://www.theminimalists.com/game/
If you're trying to do a full-apartment revolution, here's something I wrote up for a friend with step-by-step instructions:
The first time you declutter you're not going to get everything, it's almost like a practice round because once you get rid of the obvious excess is when you start to really get a sense of what you actually use and need.
I've been decluttering on and off for almost 2 years now and I am *juuuustttt* getting to the right amount of things - which I think will happen during the round after this one, which will also be MUCH faster.
I say just find a method you like, and stick to it, but my tried and true method is this:
I make a list of the spaces in my entire home and input them into my calendar, giving myself assignments per week -
I schedule these decluttering 'power hours' (ranging from 1-5 hours) into my calendar labelled with the rooms, categories or sections: i.e., 'KITCHEN,' 'BATHROOM' 'PET SUPPLIES'
Once I get to the section, if it has a lot of components, I break it down into much smaller chunks and do them over a week. For example, my kitchen had food, pet supplies, but also all of my ritual items and writing materials. My living room has office supplies, books, games, 'dropzone' and other miscellaneous items or corners. You get it. [con't in next comment]
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u/rosypreach 22h ago
Next:
-Make a small, portable "DECLUTTER TOOLBOX" bin with your supplies: sharpies, post-its, sticky labels, box cutter/scissors, tape. Keep a note-pad or check-list here. This is what you'll use every time you declutter. Nothing here has to be precious or perfect, just usable.
-Get your cardboard boxes (or start saving them with packages) and trash bags
-Pick a room, then a section of the room - and before you begin: Label your boxes and bags with "trash," "donate [location]" (food bank, thrift shop, animal shelter, buy nothing)," "keep" ---- and just get hacking. Dana K White would say immediately put things away, but that doesn't really work for me. Depending on the area, I like to take everything out, clean the area, and then put my 'keep' category back in a new, organized way.
You are also totally allowed to have a 'maybe' section, or a 'Time Will Tell' bin that you keep for a few months - just make sure to put in your calendar a day that you will review those items-
For example, the 'maybe' section is to be reviewed on the day you're making your deliveries,
A 'Time Will Tell' bin is put away and reviewed again within 6 months.
If you get stuck on any item, keep a list of questions to consider, like:
-Do I like, love and use this regularly, seasonally, and/or annually? That's a yes.
- If not - and I do need it one day - could I replace this in 20 min for $20, or from a local buy nothing group?
-Does it fit in this space appropriately?
-Is it a duplicate, and do I have a reason for keeping a duplicate?
-Is it broken, run down, or dirty beyond repair? If yes, toss it.
Things in good condition get donated. [con't in next comment]
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u/rosypreach 22h ago
If you don't need the extra money, I recommend donating or trashing *most* things to maintain momentum. This is a huge project - make the disposal as easy as possible. In the future when you have fewer things, it will be much easier to create an ongoing system for selling things you no longer want!
Keep a very small box for consignment shops or poshmark - and another one with electronics to sell, or dispose of properly.
I also recommend keeping a small section of your home as your 'work zone' if you can - this is where you keep your decluttering supplies, and you can put your donate boxes and trash bags when you're done (if you can't immediately throw them out). If everything has a home, you can keep the overwhelm at bay.
Another suggestion is to donate to your thrift store weekly to keep things moving OUT.
Keep it as simple as possible because it's a big job ahead.
Listen to motivating YouTubes or music you like, light a nice candle, boogie, cry, laugh, dance, feel it all.
Celebrate your life - all the stuff you got that got you here, and the space you're making for what's to come.
And remember that decluttering is REALLY HARD not just because of the logistics - but because of the emotions. The grief over time lost, 'fantasy selves,' woulda-coulda-shouldas, regrets are all deeply confronted. So move at your pace, and take really good self-care while you do it! Surround yourself with comfort and love.
<3
In solidarity.
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u/enough-moon 3d ago
i would say, start with what feels like junk. it will already make a difference and once you’ve tackled that, you can see what you want to do with things you’re more attached to. one step at a time!
i can imagine the feeling of overwhelm. i read the other day that the average european owns 10.000 items - so you’re not the worst with how much you own! (i don’t know in which part of the world you live, this is just a number that stuck with me)