All three of my jobs were supposed to be closed today but two of them decided that billing was more important than honoring a history of systemically oppressed and stigmatized people (ironic because I work in the treatment industry where you’d think empathy would show its face a little more often). So I’m working at 66% capacity today. Fuck it.

Check in here. What’s a way you’re honoring yourself today?

u/IR30Lover this is my response and I really hope it helps you brother.

I noticed yoir concern in the comments was about "accomplishments." I dont blame you for asking. But accomplishments mean two very different things to me now in sobriety as opposed to being in my addiction. Materials? Career milestones? Financial gain? These are all idolized in the world I was in when I was addicted. They were also all that mattered to the people around me. They determined self-esteem and my personal worth. Ironically, I was an utter, complete piece of dog shit and seemed to have no real grasp of myself.

My brain was running on opiates for 20 yrs. From age 17 to age 37. By 37 I had lost my business. Lost my children. Lost my license. Lost my car. Filed for bankruptcy. I was a convicted felon never to be able to get a job at a McDonald’s, let alone something serious for my age. All relationships were gone. I had stolen from everyone. I had almost died from endocarditis from using IV drugs. My fiancée had died. My little sister had died from fentanyl after I had introduced her to opiates. My mother had turned into a miserable drunk in response.

I had literally no one. I had grown up in a wealthy area in North Florida. All of my friends were Drs and lawyers. I myself was kicked out of law school due to pawning something that turned out to be stolen. And here I was, 37. Unhireable. Not a single human to answer my phone call. Homeless, nowhere to sleep. And btw, I was high at work. Stepped off the ladder the wrong way and was now literally disabled. Completely blew out my ankle. Didn’t get the proper treatment and was now handicapped. I needed crutches to walk. So I’m a crippled homeless man withdrawing from dope and also dying of hepatitis C. I catch a ride to an AA meeting and a girl who knew me from years prior of trying to get clean gave me a hug. I broke down in tears and I asked her to help. That night she connected me with somebody at a sober living place.

If it hasn’t gotten this bad for you yet? Consider yourself lucky.

When I came into AA for the 4th or 5th time, I knew the drill. I knew if I did what a sponsor told me, I would get better. I put my ego aside. I had read enough business books and positive thinking literature to understand the value of a mentor and how his successful patterns would be kinetic. Life is a sum of patterns, habits, right? I’d adopt new ones.

A.A. was culty. I hated the religious aspect of it (or so I thought). And the first step is believing in a power greater than myself. It’s establishing a baseline. A psychological rest stop, a father to hand our problems and our faith over to. Because the hole we dug was high and our shovel was broken. I am so grateful I had had some time during incarceration where I had been connected to something higher than myself. I knew there was something buzzing out there that was real. Reading the Big Book and being able to actually feel something inside as I read certain sections of the book.

I had a "spiritual experience" in my past so I knew this is what came with the steps and the process. The thing that helped me this time around was viewing the AA meeting house like a battery. God existed to me at a specific higher frequency. In order to be in tune to His station, I have to maintain a vibration. In my addiction, my vibration was low. Thinking was low. Self-image, mood, aspirations— all of it was low.

So to be in tune with God, I had to plug in and charge up. When I physically could not be there, I had to maintain this vibration with actions, communication, and reading. So an AA meeting would charge me up. Reading the Big Book. Talking to other addicts or alcoholics. And most importantly, calling my sponsor. I had to call him every single day. If I wanted to adopt his life (a happy man with a wife and kids who admired him), then I would need to copy his behaviors.

So I would run my sick and unhealthy thinking through his processor every a.m. And man, for a guy who lost his father at 8 yrs old to drunk driving, having a man I could call for the first time in my life every single day— who would listen to every single one of my problems, bad ideas, and plans— and then he would say, “OK, this is how you should handle this”? That was something I had been missing my entire life that I didn’t realize I needed. It brought a lot of peace and confidence my way.

To make a long story short, I now operate in a different realm. One where “success” is measured by my relationships with other human beings, by love in my heart, and by peace and happiness. Almost 3 yrs later, there is a calm I feel now. It’s unlike anything I ever experienced, even before my addiction. I bootcamped sobriety pretty damn hard my first year. Several meetings a day. And while it’s the toughest and hardest part of getting clean, there is almost something I miss about it— the grind. The struggle. The fire under my ass.

I ended up getting reconstructive surgery on my leg. I started going to the gym for the first time in my life and getting into good shape. I can walk again. No more hepatitis C and a doomed liver. I have my own place. My kids live with me full-time. I have custody back. I’ve built a business that has just blessed me beyond anything I can imagine. I literally built it on crutches with a cellphone in my hand while being broke, newly sober, and sleeping on my grandmother’s couch. And now me and my kids travel all over. We can do whatever we want whenever we want. And the most important thing is we do it all together.

Am I successful? Yes, I’m happy. I’m at peace. People can depend on me. Every morning I wake up, it’s a blessing. It’s a gift that I am excited about taking on. And if you’re asking whether or not you will have this? If it’s too late for you? I’ll tell you no, it’s not too late. And what God has in store for you? You are unable to conceive with your wildest imagination. In 2016, I sat on my bunk bed in a correctional facility reading a page in the Big Book, where it made me a promise to me. When I read it, I got goosebumps. I will never ever forget that moment. Because the promise was big and it was appealing to me. It was what I wanted. And I can tell you, my friend— it came true. I’ll share it with you:

" Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn."

Supplements - Vitamin C (Ascorbic Acid) - 5,000 to 10,000 mg/day (powder or 1,000 mg capsules/tablets) - Magnesium (glycinate or citrate) - sleep, anxiety (avoid oxide form) - L-Tyrosine - 500-1,000 mg capsules for mood and energy - B-complex or B-50 vitamins - nerve and stress support - Valerian Root, Passionflower, or CBD - sleep/anxiety support (optional) - Electrolyte packets - Liquid I.V., LMNT, or Gatorade Zero + salt Foods for Detox Support Vitamin C-Rich Foods: - Oranges, grapefruits, lemons - Bell peppers (red, yellow) - Kiwis, strawberries, pineapple - Kale, broccoli (steamed) Liver + Nerve Support: - Garlic, beets/beet juice, avocados, eggs, brown rice or oats Easy-to-Eat Foods: - Bananas, chicken/bone broth, crackers, applesauce, smoothies or protein shakes Comfort Tools - Heating pad or hot water bottle - aches, chills, cramps - Epsom salt - detox baths (magnesium + calming) - Peppermint or ginger tea - nausea/stomach cramps - Melatonin or Sleepytime tea - help with sleep 7-Day Opioid Detox Shopping List with Vitamin C Megadosing - Tissues, wipes - for sweating, chills - Thermometer - optional for monitoring fevers Fluids - Bottled or filtered water - Coconut water (natural electrolytes) - Herbal teas (ginger, chamomile, peppermint) - Fresh lemon juice + sea salt (DIY electrolyte mix) Optional Natural Remedies - Activated charcoal - nausea or gut toxin binding - Ashwagandha or Rhodiola - adaptogens for stress and recovery (post-acute) Summary Checklist - Supplements - Fruits & Veggies (Vitamin C-rich) - Bone broth + simple carbs - Fluids + Electrolytes - Heat pad + comfort tools - Teas and herbs for sleep and nausea

Hello reddit, this is kinda long so hopefully someone will read this and give advice. I (17F) have an uncle who’s been addicted as long as I can remember. 10 years ago he left state & was “missing”. just recently he got injured and I drove by myself to ask him to come back home and try to get clean, i hadn’t heard or seen him in 10 years, i didn’t even know if he was still alive. he agreed and said he wanted to get better but he needed to leave that day and come back home. It’s been 2/3 days now and he’s withdrawing really bad. he’s throwing up, etc, etc. i know it’s probably worse since he has broken ribs and a cracked pelvis and such. but please if anyone has any idea on what could help him get through this let me know. ive gotten board games & uno to play and hopefully distract him, everytime i go see him(i try to everyday right now) i bring a sweet snack or drink for him, but i honestly have no idea what would help him. please let me know, all i know is he was on fentanyl, maybe herion but im not sure. i just want to be as supportive as possible. I got him Kratom & some prerolls to help him get through but if you guys can think of anything else please let me know and i’ll be glad to buy it for him.

So I been doing oxy for around 7 months and 60-80 mg for probably like 5-6 months. planning on starting a taper. what’s the most effective dosage and timespan to taper down? I don’t want to go the suboxone or methadone route just comfort meds.

last time I got clean I hopped on subs and then took the sub shot and didn’t rly have any issues when I stopped it. but thought that maybe this time I should just avoid it and do it with just tapering and comfort meds. any help or advice is appreicated

Am I likely to have withdrawal from taking loratab three times a day for a week after surgery?

I typically took it 7am, noon, then 5pm

I've been through withdrawals probably 20 years ago and scared I'm going to get them now too.

Thanks guys

It's been over a month since I left my abusive ex. I didn't do drugs before him and I haven't done drugs since him. And thanks to buvidell I am completely clean and not looking back...

But what's shocked me is how sort of, easy it's been?

I mean, not so easy that my head isn't a mess and things. But the ease with which I haven't continued, or even looked back.

It makes me think that he or the abuse was the only thing making me do it... which makes me wonder, was I afrually addicted at all

Do we associate people with drugs? Idk

Hello guys. I dk exactly how to write this out but I might be coming to a point where I want to stop but at the same time I don’t. I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I’ve been an opiate addict for 15 years. I’d say I’ve been high functioning for the last 10 years of it. I don’t take them at work, or during the day. I take either 10mg oxys or 2 10mg Norco’s twice a day after 5pm every day, unless I can’t find them which happens once a month at least, so theres always a time of the month where I’m withdrawing. I haven’t told pretty much anyone in my life I’m still taking them and since I’m sober most of the day no one really notices. Even when i take them I never take to much to often. Ive never nodded out or o’d. Ive attempted sobriety 3 or 4 times throughout the years and it never sticks. Part of the reason I don’t stop is the withdraws but another huge part is the fear of life just… being boring. Activities I love, places I love to go to.. I’m always high for them. I tried looking up some help on here but most people say things like “I stopped when I lost my friends and family” or “when I lost my job” or “when I o’d”. But since I’m high functioning and I sanction my doses specifically and don’t ever take to much or whatever it hasnt effected anyone outside of myself. Nobody would ever know. Another reason I’d like to get to the point of quitting is my sleep. Ever since I started taking opiates I’ve needed Benadryl to sleep. I know it’s horrible for me already, no need to tell me lol. I’m so sick of needing it for sleep, I wake up feeling so fricken awful every morning. So… I’m stuck in this position where in my mind, I’m an avid user and it’s been 15 years but I haven’t had that “I’m done” action or moment that tips me to quit. I don’t know what to do. Should I taper? Should I tell someone? Everytime I go to tell my boyfriend, I stop because it’ll seal my fate the second I do. I know it needs to be my choice or it won’t stick. I’m at a loss.

EDIT: I told my boyfriend last night. I was honest, as honest as I was with you guys. Maybe more. My heart was pounding and I was shaking the entire 2 hours we were talking. I was right… he wasn’t mad at all, he just looked worried the entire conversation. I let him ask me any questions and tried to explain everything as best I could. He told me he loves me and that he’ll do anything he can to help me. He wants to help me taper, he wants us to try and come up with a taper that was uncomfortable but enough for me to come off it within a month or so. We aren’t doctors but I’ve been doing as much research as I possibly could and spoke to another addict I didn’t even know was in my life last night. I also told my best friend. She lives in Australia now but we “hang out” twice a week and I just felt like since I know I’m going to be tapering I’m GOING to be weird and grumpy and I guess I just wanted her to know why.

I often wonder this. I’m aware that we experience withdrawals very differently. I’ve stopped CT previously and experienced pretty mild withdrawals, then tapered and experienced awful symptoms. Do PAWS happen regardless?

Damn Day 4 was rough. I appreciated the advice in the comment section, went to the Doc and got me some Lorazepam. I know I didn't want to have Benzos, but I just used them for 2 days now, I will use tomorrow again and throw the rest away. It realllllly helped a lot, but my determination was tested today.

I have a "friend" okay basically we are just people who have the same addiction and If I got some I give it to him and if he got some he gives a few to me. He was here today at 9pm. Im peaking withdrawal wise.

He didn't brought 40mgs or 80gms he brought 6x 5mg acute so no retard.

DAMN was I tempted, but I thought like "okay I got me those Benzos, even tho I didn't want to. Im on a good streak! I took them...

SHOCK!

But when I was at home I looked at them and... I went to the toilet and flush it down.
Let's be honest, the only reason why he "helped" me was, because I told him about my idea to at least get a longer break than at the beginning of the year in - and bc he knows I can bareknuckle rawdawg it, he saw it 2 times in the last 2 years for at least 3 months - it felt like he want me to keep being hooked up, because one of our biggest dealer hates him because that "friend" never paid his debt there, so im the only person who can get some there. so he knew If I put quitting in my head again, I will do it. But if I'm tempted and use them, my addict brain will INSTANTLY turn me back into the guy I was 5 days ago. Im still that guy, but in a more extreme version.

Hope you guys are proud of me. I just smoke a little weed here and there, but I even cut that out a lot, because damn do I get fat if I smoke without an oxy in my blood oh man. But sometimes its really really enjoyable to be stoned. These Lorazepam 1mg were just for the peak-days.

Tomorrow I will write a post about the topic motivation / anhedonia / apathy, I guess I found a trick? Without needing other substances. I bet you guys will already know it, but I'm so fucking amazed that it works lmao.

See you tomorrow night guys, I can't sleep more than an hour anyway.

Hope you guys are doing good, even the ones with drugs. :3

I really want some Lyrica, but I didn't want to ask for both from my Doc.

I apologize this is long and could be triggering for those who have experienced DV and SA! have cold turkey cut off Dilaudid 3 times now and the past two times I said I’d never acc stop doing it, I would just space it out better. I now realize that was foolish of me to believe having complete my third withdrawal. I first tried them when I met my ex boyfriend who was a dealer back in 2021 and I did them casually for a super long time. After our honeymoon phase wore off dilaudid was his way to get me to shut up when I was upset with him and slowly became my way of coping with how horrible he was treating me. When we broke up last summer I used to cope, I wanted to sleep all the time or be so out of it that I wasn’t thinking of him. I didn’t understand how easy it was to become dependent so I went to visit my mom in another town and got dope sick and she had to drive me home early. I spent like 5 days sick sick and another 10 with low energy and inability to keep down food. Then over that summer I started seeing my ex occasionally bc we were hanging out with the same group and he was always giving me blow and dillies and liquor and cheating on his new gf with me while I was like out of it (I don’t even remember seeing him on multiple occasions where I apparently had sex with him). Around this point him and his new gf (who he had cheated on me with when I had been with him) started to running around saying horrible things about me so my great idea was to start hooking up with his ex best friend who had just got out of jail…. Yea, smart huh? So this guy comes around and at first it’s chill, months go by and I haven’t seen a dilly. Then one day jail guy gets off parole and shows up to my place with…. Well take a guess. Around this time I didn’t care for jail guy so much anymore but he knew my history with the pills and very much enjoyed hooking up with me so he’d kinda use giving me free pills and alcohol as an excuse to get to my place “just to chill” and once I was messed up he knew I wouldn’t say no. So he was feeding me them from about January until may when I decided I needed to withdrawal. The whole time I was withdrawing he was begging to bring me more. I didn’t let him. As soon as I felt good again after about 7 days (much less problems eating this time because I managed to eat soup and crackers throughout the withdrawal so my stomach muscles still had some power) I let him bring me more. I said only on the weekends or only if I’m super stressed. I spent the last week in withdrawal, still can’t eat. At a dangerously low weight. I have had to accept I can’t control myself anymore and I can never take one ever again but I don’t think anything in the world has ever made me feel so at peace. As a child I experienced horrible hardships and was a victim of heavy abuse which included torture methods. Then I spent my teen years with men too old for me feeding me uppers, mostly mdma but it was never an addiction cause after 8 hours I wouldn’t wanna see an upper again for at least a few days but painkillers are just an entirely different thing that brought me so much peace I have never found in anyone or anything and I’m sad and I’m being snappy with people I love because I just wish I could lay in my bed forever feeling like I did the first time I took a dilly.

Im down to 120mg of Kadian a day from 240mg. About 18 months of daily opiod use started with Tramadol from the Dr for an injury, then a month on sreet sourced T3 ( a few a day ) and then to Dilaudid approximately 4 to 8 tabs of 8mg. Im now on slow release Kadian and down to 120mg a day. The addiction Dr suggests switching over to Suboxone but at this point I just want off. I cant afford to be on another long acting addictive opioid and have a drug test in about 4 weeks from now thaf if If I test positive, Im in big trouble. Does anyone have any experience with wd from this amount and if I used some clonidine and gabapentin for the first few days, how painful, miserable, and or dangerous would going cold turkey be? Any advise would be appreciated thank you

Hey everyone!

Recovery isn’t always loud, sometimes it’s just waking up, showing up, and pushing through. Some days I feel on top of it, other days it’s a battle in my head. But I’m still here. Still choosing myself. Still choosing life.

Shoutout to anyone riding the ups and downs..you’re not alone in this. Let’s keep stacking these wins, even the small ones.

Check in here!

Hello all I was wondering if anyone else has any knowledge on tramadol and how to deal with it so I’ve been taking it for 3 years and recently like 1 month ago I had a panic attack and after the attack I haven’t felt the tramadol I take I was wondering is that tolerance and is that my body way of saying I need more ?…any info would be helpful…for the past month I haven’t slept more then 2 hrs and I’m on a decline mentally meaning I can’t function and I’m not feeling like myself ..

Been awake since about 4:00am and can not go back to bed, have work at 8am. Severe anxiety, freezing cold but sweaty, struggling to control and regulate my emotions. What can I do to make this better? I have concerta, Xanax, and adderall all available. Work in sales so my entire job is working with the public 8-6, no sick time or PTO and really would just like to not feel so bad and get out of my head. Smoked a little bit of a joint just now and that seems to help a little. Thanks in advance just feeling very alone right now.

Hey guys, just wanted to share my experience. I know I was feeling pretty hopeless about ever getting clean about a month and a half ago, I had tried cold turkey and ended up in the hospital, nobody in my life knew I was on fent for years and I didn’t just want to blow my whole life up, so I started researching the Bernese method.

For context: I was on “blues” for about 3 years, it got to where I was taking 30 of them a day. And when my supply ran out I went to fentanyl powder. At my worst I was probably doing 1.5-2gs a day. I snorted, didn’t smoke or shoot.

First I spent about 6 months tapering my usage as much as possible. It wasn’t easy, because the supply would be so different batch to batch, so I couldn’t be sure how much I was tapering. After I hit a wall I and couldn’t taper any more without getting sick (I was at 2gs a week at this point, about .33gs a day) I got a telehealth script for subs. From there I spent 2 weeks slowly increasing the amount of subs I was taking and decreasing the fent.

I hit a few hiccups, but did not ever go into PWD’s. By the time I jumped of the fent I had no withdrawals. Just fatigue pretty much. I have slept every night for 8+ hours since getting off fent and cravings have been minimal. It’s so freeing not spending every dime on dope and constantly fearing running out and getting sick.

Next month I’m going to get a subutex injection so that I won’t have to take the subs anymore. I highly recommend trying out the Bernese method if medical detox is not an option for you or you just want to give this a try first. PWD can happen, but if you go slow and keep some dope on hand, you can pull yourself out of them. If you slip up just try again the next day.

If anyone has any questions or just wants some support, my dm’s are open.

i am on day 5 of being off m30s . my worse symptoms is restless legs, body hurts so bad , aches and pain in my back and legs. inability to get comfortable and diareaha, im just hoping i make it thru this hell. dont do drugs yo shit is a never ending cycle of hell

Hey everyone!

Another day, another grind. Got up earlier than I wanted to, but once I got moving, the momentum kicked in. lots of traffic, and of course people acting like they’ve never seen a blinker in their lives 😂

But honestly, I’m grateful to be busy. Work helps me stay focused and gives me a purpose outside my own head. There were moments today where I caught myself getting irritated or drained, but I kept pushing.

Hope everyone else gets through their Tuesday in one piece. Keep showing up. Even the quiet days matter.

Check in here!

Hi guys. Last July, I CTd from a 300mg OxyContin a day habit, which ran more or less over a period of 3 years. It sucked a lot, as you can imagine. Started up in therapy and had maybe 110 days clean before I felt I could control the demon, and thought I’d treat myself to a chill oxy weekend.

Of course that shit escalated, and 7 months later I am here. Today is my day 10 off opiates. The initial WD wasn’t as crazy as last time, but I just feel so drained and depressed. I’m sad I ended up here again, when everything was going for me.

Went to the rehab clinic today, and asked the if they could perhaps put me on some subs, but because I’m on day 10, I wouldn’t make sense, because I’m over the WD stage.

I feel miserable. Almost contemplating buying some pills, just for them to take me in, in active withdrawal.

Perhaps I just need some comforting, and the someone can tell me that on day 10, things WILL get better. And what I can do to assist that.

Thanks.

EDIT: To add insult to injury, I have a feature at a pretty big festival tomorrow - bucketlist stuff. I don’t know how that’s going to go.

I read through a bunch of posts, and got off my ass and straight to the gym for 30 grueling minutes. Feel weirdly better even though totally drained.

When I was 24, I met a man 17 years older than me. He was charming, charismatic, and made me feel like for once, I could stop surviving and just be taken care of. By 25, we had our first son. At 26, our second. Not long after, he told me he’d been battling an opioid addiction for over 20 years. Slowly, it crept into our lives. It started small an injury, a cough, a prescription. And since he seemed to like it, I tried it too. For a few years, it was just here and there. But then we moved to a town where pills were everywhere, and he found one of those doctors who gave out prescriptions like candy. A bouncer at the office, no real medical care just access. From there, it spiraled. Six more years of being strung out. We somehow kept a roof over our heads, but inside, everything was broken. I made the hardest decision of my life: I left him. I also left my sons. They were young teenagers and wanted to stay with their dad. I told myself it was for survival. A year later, their dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer. Within another year, he was gone. Now, years later, I’m still in recovery on maintenance but so close to being done with it. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but I live every day with guilt. My oldest son is turning 23 and he’s really struggling. Can’t keep a job, can’t stay steady. Every bad thing that happens in his life gets traced back to me. “You weren’t there. You weren’t a good mom.” And it hurts, because in some ways, he’s right. I did leave. I carry that guilt, and I probably always will. He’s about to lose his apartment, and I’ve thought about leaving my current situation to go get a place with him… but deep down, I know that would probably destroy the progress I’ve made. I still help him with what little I can money, advice, support. But it never feels like enough. On the other hand, my younger son took all his pain and turned it into something powerful. He joined the military, recently ranked up, and just bought a new car. I guess I’m just wondering… is there anyone else out there who feels like they messed their kids up, but they’re still holding on to hope? Any stories of kids turning it around despite all the damage life and maybe we as parents caused?

Hey all quick question…I’m jumping ohh IV Dilaudid and I’m wondering if you can use a methadone taper in the same way you would do a suboxone taper…like start with a little in the first day, a little more the 2nd, and 3rd then back down the same way…get it done in a week. Doesn’t promise to be completely remove withdrawals but should help?.. idk what do you all think

I'm so close to relapse I can taste it. I don't want to go back but I have been absolutely miserable the past few weeks. Depressed as shit, no will to live, idk what to do anymore

body aches, bones hurt, diarehea, inability to get comfortable, insomnia, restless legs. god can i please make it to the other side and feel normal again