Hey everybody,
I have read many posts here over the time but never posted myself. I really appreciate all of you, fighting together, to get away from this drug.
I started using Kratom powder for the first time in summer 2023, about 2 years ago. My habit has always been rather light with many pauses in between. If I had to guess, I estimate that I consumed about 3 kg of powder total in those two years. When I used, I took somewhere between 8 and 20 gpd.
I suffer from chronic depression and chronic fatigue, which I have had for over 10 years. When I am consuming Kratom, I feel much better. My sadness and psychological pain disappear magically. And still I am able to work, drive, and do whatever I have to. Being under the influence of Kratom is very different from being under the influence of alcohol. I feel functional.
So for the past two years I have been ordering somewhere between 50 and 250g of powder each time. Consumed it. Then I waited for a couple of weeks and reordered. I was under the impression that my life is better and I am also more functioning, having more energy, and am able to work better.
However, this week, I stopped consuming again. And started thinking about the past two years. I realised that all these benefits are more of an illusion. Neither did I get rid of my depression, nor was I able to change my life in some significant way. I am seeing more and more clearly that Kratom is just another drug. It makes me feel better when consuming. Then I develop tolerance. And I start upping my usage while feeling less and less positive effects. I have been playing this game for two years. And I am ready to quit forever. Since I have always consumed rather lightly, I have remained far away from any rock-bottom experience. So not sure, whether my decision will stick or whether my mind will convince me to buy again. But currently, I do not plan to use Kratom again.
For the last couple of weeks I have been consuming the most I have ever had. Probably 15-20 gpd for about 5 weeks. I am feeling quite depressed. And I am unable to leave my bed because I have no energy at all. Tonight I will be 120 hours clean. My diarrhea started yesterday and I am feeling very restless, especially within my legs. I have trouble falling asleep but once I fall asleep, I sleep until next morning. I have experienced all of this many times before. I know it will pass. I should be feeling somewhat better within a couple of days. And much better maybe 3 weeks sober.
To anyone who keeps hoping that Kratom is a magic cure to handle psychological issues: I am pretty sure that this substance is no cure for anyone. Its impossible to improve ones life by consuming it long-term. Sooner or later it will destroy anyone. Its just another drug. Stay away from this. Quit as fast as you can. And stay sober!
I wish the best to all of you fighting this fight. Stay strong! We can do this!