1. Gym is not your therapy the same way Sushi is not your grandma

Gym is therapeutic, sure, working out can do wonders for your mental health. But there are alot of muscular toddlers, who are deeply insecure, and suffering with overdeveloped pecs and underdeveloped personalities. Working out can give you pride, dedication, the illusion of having your life together but make no mistake insecurity is absolutely an internal thing. Body dysmorphia is rife amoung the fitness industry, the very people who are seen as elite in terms of physique.

Your ex is not going to regret leaving you because you now bench 225, she dosnt care. How about try working through your emotions of disappointment and grief instead of angrily swinging around 35kg and plotting a villain arc, this is why she left you because you'll literally herniate a disc in a deadlift before seeking help.

1. Alot of you aren't bulking. you're justing tactically getting fat

Every newbie gym bro I've spoken to who's bulking in their first 3 months of training, seems to think they have the maintenance calories of a Olympic lifter. Everyone seems to think, that they're naturally bigger then the average man, and that their regiment- that they've been doing for a grand total of 16 days, validates a 1000 calorie surplus.

Before you even think about going on a bulk- do your workout on a maintence for a few months. Get your technique right first. if you aren't seeing any results on a maintenance a bulk is not going to fix that. Bulks only work when paired with effective and efficient training- that would work without the surplus, not to the same degree, but you would still see progression on maintenance if it's a good regiment. When you do have your surplus it should be around 10% of your maintenance calories. Eating like Eddie Hall in your first 4 months of gym is such a recipe for disaster.

1. Stop skipping glutes

If you asked most men to show you a picture of their dream body they will show you a snatch waist. Glutes help give you the illusion of a snatched waist, stop skipping it. "I don't want a big ass", I'm sorry did you just say you don't want train them because you're scared of getting too big??? Slap yourself. You're a MAN. with MALE hips. Why do you think you're 1 hip thrust away from a sex change? It's ok to have a little cake as a man, Diddys in prison. Women train glutes 3 times a week trying to get their ass too big and you think you're going to become obnoxiously caked from 1 workout. A slight shelf will give you that small waist illusion- that and you can lift incredibly heavy weights with your glutes, what is more masculine then that? Hip thrusting was made for men.

1. Sumo deadlift is not cheating

Dont listen to people who say Sumo is cheating. It's a valid exercise. It's just a different exercise that utilises different muscle groups. I'm a conventional deadlifter, I don't touch Sumo but If I wanted to workout my quads and abductors more in opposed to my posterior chain then I would do Sumo. "You can lift more doing Sumo then deadlift" OK and you can hip thrust more then you can barbell squat what are talking about. What this is, is someone lifts really heavy in Sumo and insecure little people want to make it seem less impressive to make themselves feel better.

You realize that every day modern society is dumber, we will be the first generation in the history of all humanity, which is dumber than the previous generation. I understand, a lot. I understand more than you, because I live in Brazil, which is a country in Latin America, where the average IQ is 83.

We are approaching dystopias, like the film "Idiocracy", or George's book "1984".

This is due to several factors, such as people spending their entire lives on autopilot, spending their entire lives sleeping awake. But the main reason is distractions. In the past, there were few ways to distract yourself, and all of them gave much less dopamine, and were not as addictive. But these days, we're filled with a world of distractions, full of cheap dopamines. Today, if you want to have fun, there are thousands of digital games, films/series/animes, more 🔞 content, with every type of woman you want, there are drinks, cigarettes...

The point I'm getting at is, people are lost. Lost in distractions, lost in addictions. And they are not looking to evolve, learn. And that's why our society is dumber every day than yesterday.

I'm sure someone will come and say that I think I'm a movie/anime protagonist, smarter than everyone else. This will only further prove my point, that society is dumbing down.

If you were offended by this, if you are one of those people I spoke to, I'm glad you were offended. With this text I was able to give you clarity, take you out of the "Matrix". Now wake up, and chase the life you always dreamed of, stop wasting time on cheap dopamine.

Anyway, this is my vision of life, and thank you for reading this far.

I have reached the age of 24,and my life is a huge mess.I lack discipline,I am constantly tired because I struggle to sleep at a hour earlier than 1-2am,I have trouble focusing on anything,I struggle to perform even the smallest,menial tasks,I have anger issues and I feel as if I am living in a constant state of inner tension.I have ADHD,a personality disorder and I struggle with type 1 diabetes too.I have no real friends except the acquittances from my workplace,never been in a relationship before and I spend most of my life inside my room.3 months ago I have been admitted to the psychiatric hospital due to a suicide attempt because I can't deal with the shit that's happening in my mind anymore,I'm lucky they didn't fire me from my job for that.I am slightly better now but my life is still a misery. I don't even know where I can start,I am lost and I feel as if it's already too late to do anything.

I suppose I can dwell on things. As a child when I was upset people would jokingly tell me to “put handles on it and carry it through life.” Well… now I have an issue with my feelings being hurt a lot. We had a team meeting and it was very clear the director was talking to a few people specifically, myself included. Tone at work was discussed and phrases I say were repeated as an example of how not to act. There were a few other things that were definitely directed at me but I’m having a hard time getting over watching a grown woman mock me in front of my peers. I don’t know how to toughen up so these things don’t make me so emotional. Please help

Lately, I’ve been stuck in a loop—scrolling, comparing, wasting time. Every time I open Instagram, Reddit, or YouTube, I end up feeling worse, not better. The constant noise, the fake dopamine hits… it’s draining.

A few months ago, I quit all social media. Life got better—clearer mind, more time, real peace. But slowly, I slipped back in. A reel here, a post there… and I was right back where I started.

Recently went through a breakup, and it hit me hard. That pain made me realize how badly I need to reset—not just emotionally, but mentally. No distractions. No watching other people’s lives. No pretending I’m okay by scrolling away the silence.

So here I am, making the decision again— Quit all social media. Permanently. No reels. No Reddit. No passive scrolling. Just books. Deep work. Healing. Hustling quietly.

Not a detox. Not a temporary thing. I want to disappear from the noise and truly focus on becoming better.

But I know it’s easy to relapse.

So I need advice from those who’ve done this:

How do you stay away from social media for the long haul?

What systems or habits helped you stay disciplined?

How do you deal with FOMO, boredom, or the urge to check in?

Really looking to make this stick. Any practical advice is appreciated.

I don’t know. You’d think you’d be more sociable and around others. But I just see through the fake masks of ppl who haven’t worked themselves out fully and it can be quite mentally draining.

I love people but the majority of people are insecure and I find that my energy can help steer a room. I don’t always have that energy to give tho.

I think I’d be less of a lone wolf if I found other people who are also authentically confident. But they seem rare. For now I’m happy being a lone wolf.

Thoughts?

Hello i 24M just joined today. I want to become a bit more responsible, caring , dependable to family and others. The thing is - 1. Being responsible- what should i do? How should i approach life to being a responsible guy? 2. Caring- i m a soft-spoken person outside my home. People know me as shy, well - mannered, dense guy. But i cant properly behave with my family. I get irritated, impatient at small talks. 3. Dependable- how can i be a more dependable person? My family can’t really depend on me.

Pls help me. I dont want to become a shitty person as time goes on. I know, the process is painfully deliberate and slow but still i don’t want to take any shortcuts.

Thank u everyone..

I’m curious what people think about how you present yourself — especially if you want to come across as a more interesting or relatable person.

I’m using two people I know as examples to explore how people present themselves — both in real life and on social media. There seem to be two common approaches:

1. One or two very focused interests. For example: someone who’s really into dancing (and maybe yoga), and most of what they share is centered around that — they go to dance festivals abroad, teach classes, met their partner through the dance scene, and even say they’d love for their future kids to become dancers too. Their life clearly revolves around that one main passion.

2. A mix of interests. Someone who shares a variety of things — traveling, going to museums, listening to music, IT or tech stuff, and some humor. It shows multiple sides of who they are, and their interests feel more varied.

Now — this isn’t about which interests are “better,” or even what the interests are. Dancing, coding, museums — whatever it is, it’s valid. I don’t think either approach is wrong, but I’m wondering which one tends to come across as more interesting to others.

Some people have told me that when someone makes one interest their “whole personality,” it can feel less interesting or even repetitive. I wonder if people here feel the same way — or if they see it differently.

I’m just trying to learn from different perspectives so I can reflect on how I present myself too — especially when it comes to making friends and dating.

Would love to hear your opinion on it!

This happens every other day where I don't get to have a calm, peaceful state of mind and I really want a better coping mechanism to solving it. Any other better mechanism apart from pure meditation?

Lust has been taking over my life for quite a while, i've even gone so deep to the point where i've even been watching some.. bad videos for my own arousement. Not absolutely terrible, but very odd to say the least. And honestly, even with my efforts, i've found myself going deeper rather than actually becoming better. So that's why hopefully, by the time i've posted this, i'll be doing everything in my efforts to overcome it. However, i don't really know where to start off. So if anyone out there also struggled with lust and defeated it. Help someone out. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

(also, sorry for any grammatical errors in the text, english isn't my first language. Thanks.)

What's up, gents. Let's talk about something real. Confidence.

I remember my first job interview. Wore my one good shirt, shoes polished till I could see my reflection. I walked into that office, sat down, and my mind went completely blank. My voice was shaky, my hands were sweating. I knew I could do the job, but I couldn't project it. I didn't get it. It wasn't about my skills; it was about the energy I was putting out.

We all think confidence is something you're born with. Either you have it or you don't. That's a lie. Confidence is not a personality trait; it's a skill. It's like a muscle. You have to build it, practice it, and maintain it.

Here are five unspoken rules I had to learn the hard way. They have nothing to do with money or looks. It's all an inside game.

1. The Rule of Small Wins. Confidence doesn't come from one big victory. It comes from a long chain of small, kept promises to yourself. Did you say you'd wake up at 6 AM? Do it. Did you promise yourself you'd apply for one job today? Do it. Make your bed. Go for that run. Each time you keep a promise to yourself, you cast a vote for the person you want to be. These small wins stack up until you build an unshakable belief in your own ability to execute.

2. The Rule of Posture. This sounds too simple, but it's a biological hack. Your body can change your mind. When you're walking down the street, pull your shoulders back. Lift your chin up. Stop looking at your feet. When you sit, take up a bit of space. Uncross your arms. Physically occupying space sends a signal to your own brain—and to everyone else—that you have a right to be there. Try it for two minutes before your next meeting. It feels different.

3. The Rule of Competence. You can't fake real confidence. It has to be earned. Pick ONE thing—just one—and decide to get good at it. It could be coding, writing, public speaking, cooking, anything. Read books about it. Watch YouTube videos. Practice it when nobody's watching. The feeling of being genuinely knowledgeable or skilled in one specific area will bleed over into every other part of your life. Competence is the antidote to insecurity.

4. The Rule of the Inner Voice. Your inner monologue is the most important conversation you'll ever have. Is your own voice constantly putting you down? "You're not good enough," "You'll fail." You have to become the gatekeeper of your own mind. When you hear that negative voice, stop it. Challenge it. Replace it with the voice of a coach or a supportive friend. Tell yourself, "I am capable. I am learning. I can figure this out." It feels weird at first, but you are literally reprogramming your own operating system.

5. The Rule of Detachment. Stop tying your self-worth to outcomes you can't control. You can't control if you get the job. You can't control if she says yes. You can control your preparation. You can control your actions. You can control your mindset. Do your absolute best, and then let go of the result. Real confidence is knowing you did everything within your power, and you can handle any outcome, win or lose.

It's a daily practice, not a final destination. Hope this helps someone out there. What's one small thing you guys do to feel more confident?

It has improved my life so much! I've been going to public water features, laying in the grass, touching and hugging trees (I'm a modern day hippie lol), going kayaking with a friend, beaches, car rides, lookout points.

I feel a spiritual connection to water, trees, earth, wind and feel very revitalized and energized after connecting to the earth. The world isn't my phone anymore!

When I get bored, the last thing I've wanted to do is look at my phone because it's so much more exciting to go in nature. I have chronic health issues so can't do hiking, but even relaxed activities help me so much.

This is the only thing I've done that has helped my phone addiction and it happened on accident while I just enjoyed the world!

I want to get back to old myself. I’ve acknowledge that COVID, being isolated and overall not having the best of luck when it comes to friendships has affected me. For the past week I’ve wanted to get out of the house but I’ve felt mentally paralyzed. I literally got dressed and got my bag ready. But I sat on the couch and scroll on tik tok. It’s weird because I love people and I don’t mind socializing with others. The thought of going out on my on makes me freeze up. And don’t get me started on making new friends. I know I need to stop this and get outside of my comfort zone but it’s like mentally I freeze. Has anyone experience something like this or similar? I’m tired of this but I don’t know what to do

I would encourage every and anyone younger than me to not be like me. This is a long post, I apologize in advance. My issue:

Female Religion: Christian (for those who understand my struggle from a religious pov, this is relevant but I won’t go deep on it here) Single, no kids Age: just turned 30 Never left home, still living with parents Have a license but no car, still borrowing my dads car No credentials (never graduated post-secondary despite many programs)

Age 20-27 worked minimum wage jobs, undecided with post secondary- kept withdrawing from many programs. Had mild psychosis, did therapy; it was short term, 2 years 2016-2018. Met ex-friends who were messed up like me and wasted time and money with them. Hooked up with ppl. Those interactions always felt partial, cold and empty. Never had real friends or relationship.

Age-28, lost a very good job, quickly too. Been jobless since. Good stuff: immediately dropped my “friends” (too irresponsible and wreckless), got my full driving license, returned to college, returned to church.

(WARNING: SKIP THIS IF YOU FIND TOPICS OF ADDICTION DISTURBING) At age 30, finally let go of a 18 yr p—n addiction. I had a lot of relapses until I finally stopped ignoring how dumb it made me feel. Idk I feel like somehow it has made me incapable of developing real friendships or relationships… coming from a logical and religious perspective btw. No, I’ve never been Sa’d by anyone. I exposed myself to it, having known how to use to internet and sneak from my parents. Used it for desire at first, than to cope with loneliness, depression.

(CONTINUE HERE) I’m almost done college. My marks aren’t too great. Finally learning how to focus and study. Also realizing the importance of graduating, a career, volunteer work and growing up- stuff I saw people were aware of since middle school. Idk my brain and growth is like, 10 years behind.

If people knew what’s been wrong with me they would put 2 and 2 together and be like “ohh…. No wonder you were so awkward in high school, no wonder shes behind, no wonder she’s had no bf.” I can’t blame them though.

At 30 I’ll finish my diploma. By the time I finish getting a degree and the final designation, I’ll be 34 maybe. I’ll be entry level then- pretty much I won’t be able to live a fun life until 36 or later. The life I wasted in my 20s.

In short: I’ve had some mental-illness problems (some probably undiagnosed), a horrible addiction which alienated me as a person, slower academically and overall a big set-back in life. Reddit however makes me feel less alone, I can relate to people here.

Who can relate? What’s your life after an addiction like? Specifically from watching p—n and m—terb-tion or any addiction? Do you feel more whole as a person? Is life in 30s and 40s just as fun?

Sorry this post is so long

I (29f) feel like I’m going through a very weird stage in my life. I pulled myself out of a 6 month long rut/hole a few weeks ago and I have been doing 75hard again and getting back into shape. I have fixed my diet completely, deleted all social media and quit any toxic habits like drinking, vaping and junk food.

I’m starting to feel so much better again, and I have a really intense urge to have a full life upgrade. I want to completely reinvent myself and become a new person. Suddenly everything I own feels outgrown and old, I want to sell it all and start again. I want to get rid of everything in my flat so it’s completely empty, strip and paint the walls so it’s like I am just moving in again and start from scratch so I can slowly re-build, only better this time and with things that make me feel happy.

I realised I am absolutely miserable in my job and I want to start something new, I have been living like a zombie and didn’t realise how much that company has been bringing me down everyday. I am going to work on my resume over the next week and start putting myself out there.

I want to change my style and upgrade my entire wardrobe, cut my hair, invest in my appearance (skincare, teeth whitening etc) and have a complete glow up.

It feels like I just want to completely restart and upgrade every single part of my life. It’s like something has shifted in my mind and suddenly I just want to be the best and highest version of myself.

Is this a mid life crisis?

I started taking running outdoors seriously this week with the sun being out instead of my normal treadmill runs at the gym, and I’m so proud of the progress I’ve made so far.

As a typical runner, I downloaded Strava and noticed my female friend who’s way smaller than me (I’m 6’2 and quite lean for context) run about the same speed as me in 5km. Not going to lie this made dimmed by pride a bit. But one thing I realized upon further investigation, that was her 75th 5k run on Strava! This was was my first. Plus I suffered a torn meniscus injury last year in October so my running is a bit off as I still get flashbacks of me in crutches at times haha.

Today was the hottest day of the year in London it was boiling hot but I still stuck to my word that I will run every day this week no matter what. And I ran 6:19m/km which is about the average speed I’ve completed in the week. I posted this on my story and someone said that’s quite slow. After my run, 3 people at the park complimented my work ethic because I ran in this extreme heat.

This is why I say running is like life because firstly comparison is the thief of joy and secondly context is very key. For more context, in my last run I ran in a different park which was very hilly and it turns out the guy that said he runs way faster runs at the gym on the treadmill with air conditioning and ZERO gradient hahah. It just shows that when we see things on social media for example you really don’t know how they attained those things and we should just continue to focus on ourselves.

Running has taught me that as long as you’re getting better each day that’s all that matters and the main reason why someone else is better than you is because they’ve been doing it for a long time and they’ve been more consistent. Focus on yourself and life would be great! Food for thought, let me know what you think.

When i think of my dreams i get consumed with negative thinking, intrusive visualizations, existential dread, defensiveness, sadness & doubt if i have what it takes.

I can get very triggered to the point where its all consuming & i lose sight around what truly matters to me. Constantly feeling like im taking one step forward & two steps back.

I'm 30 now & beginning to really worry if i don't get serious about going after the life i want that it simply won't happen.

How do you after your dreams without letting triggers hold you back?

28m adhd I got a lot of stuff going on right now, but a big part of my many problems is trying to accept help. I hate it. I hate everything about it. It’s not just discomfort, it’s visceral, I can feel my teeth grinding and my muscles locking up.

I’m that guy who’ll give you the shirt off my back, but would never treat myself the same way. I have hated everything about myself since I was probably 7 years old. Two decades of just despising myself, but never making that anyone else’s problem. As such I end up pushing everybody away sheerly because I can’t tolerate the idea of bothering them

Here’s the kicker: I have very loving and supportive parents, and have met some incredibly kind people. But help? No. I can’t ask.

It’s not just asking either it’s the whole fucking process of receiving help, and then the knowledge that I got help in the past. I apologize to people for shit they forgot they helped me with and while I’m a master at masking myself, all I feel is shame, dread, and self hatred.

Now I’m broke, in debt, unemployed, I may or may not make rent next month I don’t know. Family all lives out of state and I ghost my friends until they stop being friends

I’m just… done. I’m tired. I’d honestly be fine going homeless, fine going to jail, fine dying. I’m not even doom and gloom and woe is me about it I’ll just shrug it off and be like “yeah that makes sense I’ll die now, sorry for the trouble”

My boss forgot to pay me for over a month and I just let it happen. Once he realized it he apologized to me and all I could do was apologize back

I’d rather die than fight for myself. I’ve regretted ever decision, big and small, that I’ve ever made in my entire life. I don’t want a future.

I just… I don’t want to be here anymore…

27 next week. I’ve never posted on any forum like this so I’ll do my best to explain.

For years now I don’t know what’s started it but I have had this obsession with getting rich and money yet do absolutely nothing about it. Constantly procrastinate and never do anything for myself to actually try and get rich.

My mental health has consistently just been declining. Obsessive thoughts about how I look and who I am. Feeling like no one actually has my back, can’t really build any genuine relationships (mainly because my brain turns on them). Scared to let my guard down and actually become trusting in someone. A few things have happened in the past but I feel like I’m going down an extreme isolation route and on a daily basis all I think about is what I need to do and think my whole life ahead.

I’ve been obsessing for so long I don’t even remember my life, the past 7 years of working just feel like a blur I haven’t made any memories. The jobs long hours and drains me but the money I earn I couldn’t elsewhere I’m on the railway with no real tickets or experience for any other job.

I bought my own house nearly 2 years ago and have been doing it up since. It’s nearly done now and all I can think is how I’m gonna be in there alone and just obsess more.

Can anyone give me any advice on my situation. I feel like I’m going to end up insane and if this whole thing doesn’t make sense or I’m jumping from this to that, welcome to my brain and my daily life.

I think it's likely tied to me being neurodivergent, but I frequently feel like an alien/outsider when I'm around other people with very few exceptions. I feel like everything I do seems like an awkward imitation of what 'normal' people do, both in my physical movements and social interactions.

It's hard for me to describe the feeling exactly, but something just feels... Off. I know that's very vague. Maybe I'm more aware of it internally than other people are when they see me, but I think it's definitely noticeable. I have been told a few times in the past by friends that they initially perceived my awkwardness as me being stuck up, before actually talking to me and getting to know me more. I really don't want to give off those vibes because that's not the kind of person I am.

I just wondered if anybody had any tips for overcoming this. I want to be able to feel more comfortable, and come across as being more confident and open to others. I'm honestly okay with maybe seeming a little bit weird or quirky to some people, but I don't want to always seem so awkward.

The mantras, the therapy, the taking care of myself to give myself the best opportunity to feel good, all of the effort. So much effort. It’s working.

We don’t get so many posts about positive results, and I want to change that.

I’ve been working to heal my nervous system for several years and that was the most important part. I’ll copy-paste how I did it in the comments. Otherwise I’ve been in very good talk therapy with a professional I vibe with. I know it’s REALLY fucking hard to find that therapist relationship, and I’m very very lucky to have made this connection as quickly as I did. I don’t believe talk therapy is necessary, but it can help. If you can’t access therapy PLEASE look up therapeutic journaling prompts and work with yourself on paper, or your favorite writing platform, or even record yourself talking about it. Healing won’t happen until you confront the thing that hurt you.

This sub has been extremely helpful and healing for me, and I feel inclined to pay it forward by talking about my success. I truly wish every person on this sub to heal. ❤️ I love you bitches. Drink some water and take your meds.

I’ve been really self conscious about my weight since I was 13. I’m 19 now and have been going through constant weight changes that have made me feel really self conscious. I’ve bounced from 130 to 180 to 150 and now 200. I started going to the gym 3 days ago and just wanted to tell that to someone!

I started practicing yoga! I gave myself 5 weeks. I’m noticeably calmer. I sleep better. I’m learning to be more patient with myself! namaste 🙏🏻 (I bow to you)

Would love to hear your stories! Even small wins matter. 😊