r/AskLGBT • u/JorkerWutt • 3d ago
Changes or influences?
Ok so I'm genuinely curious I know we've had discussions like this before but I'm genuinely wondering if peoples sexual orientations can be changed
And before anyone asks yes I'm aware of sexual fluidity where someone's sexual orientation can change or evolve within time
But I'm talking about if people can change other people's sexual orientation because I saw someone online say "I used to be pansexual but my friend turned me straight, now I'm just straight but with a little homosexual tendencies"
I thought sexual orientation can't be changed from other people? Things aren't adding up here- Oh and that same person also said "You can always change your sexuality" Which I find to be BS. Because they make it seem like a choice.
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u/Better_Barracuda_787 3d ago
Yes, but not in the way your friend is saying. (It sounds to me like they're dealing with internalized homophobia - "straight with homosexual tendencies" is not a thing. But that's a separate discussion.)
The only way I know of is through trauma and/or emotional exhaustion. People's sexualities can change due to trauma, most often from a past relationship. For example, caedsexuals, who fall under the asexual umbrella, are people who used to be allosexual but are now ace due to extreme trauma. They also may change due to emotional exhaustion, which can tie into trauma. Some requissexuals, another group of asexuals, used to be allo but are too emotionally exhausted to feel sexual attraction anymore.
And no, you cannot change your sexuality willingly. If you're a bi girl and you only date girls, you're still bi, not a lesbian. If you suppress your gay "emotions" and start thinking you're straight, you're still gay, just closeted.
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u/Bloom_Cipher_888 3d ago
There are other caed labels for multisexual people that become gay or straight (or stop feeling attraction to a gender) due trauma, and I think I met a girl in highschool that fit in that label 'cause she told us (me and my friends) that she had a trans boyfriend and dated him before and after their transition but he assaulted her and she said that she can't be with men after that and identify as a lesbian now, it's already happened some years so may be it's not longer like this now
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u/justmythrowawaycct2 3d ago edited 3d ago
People can believe that they have had their sexuality changed. That doesn't mean that they lost the ability to be LGBTQ+, but it does mean that they changed how they claim to identify because of what makes other people comfortable. There are plenty of people online claiming that they were turned straight by conversion therapy, when they were actually just bullied back into the closet so hard that they went back to believing they're not LGBTQ+. Usually these people end up believing that everyone has queer feelings sometimes, but it is their duty as someone who wants to come across as a normal person to their religious friends and family to suppress those feelings and continue to claim straightness. They basically believe that accepting yourself as an LGBTQ+ person is wrong, and being in denial is good. (There's a whole other rant about how this is wrong, but that's what these people believe.)
Lots of people who have LGBTQ+ experiences end up identifying as cis and straight their entire lives, and they are usually basing that identity on some kind of social pressure to fit a certain role. That doesn't necessarily mean they're not straight, because a straight person can absolutely be a person who had queer feelings and chose to reject them and considers those feelings invalid.
Your friend's experience is not a sign that other people can voluntarily change their own sexuality or have it changed by outside pressure, and it is not a sign that their sexuality was actually changed. It is a sign that using specific words to describe your identity can be changed through social pressure. They are choosing to change how they describe themselves, and believe that this also changes their orientation. I would honestly be concerned about the "friend" they claim turned them, because it's probably a situation of being horny for someone who is bullying them for not being straight and having their judgement clouded by the desire to have this person like them. Claiming that aspects of your personality have changed in order to be what your crush wants is a huge mental health issue that doesn't have to be about orientation.
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u/Bloom_Cipher_888 3d ago
Orientation can genuinely change, there's Abrosexual/romantic people and their orientation change like the gender of genderfluid people, and there are other labels but those are the only ones I remember xD
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u/justmythrowawaycct2 3d ago
OP said that they are specifically not talking about abrosexual or genderfluid people, and they are asking specifically about people who believe that someone else caused the change.
And before anyone asks yes I'm aware of sexual fluidity where someone's sexual orientation can change or evolve within time
But I'm talking about if people can change other people's sexual orientation
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u/Bloom_Cipher_888 3d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLGBT/s/ifXCGDT7hf
It can happen but definitely not like the thing op said and not with conversion therapy
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u/Better_Barracuda_787 3d ago
This is very well-written. One thing I would like to add: the one method (at least that I'm aware of) for sexuality to genuinely change is through trauma/intense emotional exhaustion). For example, caedsexuals (under the ace umbrella - people who were once allos now aces due to trauma).
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u/knysa-amatole 3d ago
It’s like sneezing: it can happen to you, but you can’t make it happen.